Don't have real friends

LLAMAMILK

Hi everyone. Thanks for taking the time to read this, as it will be quite long. I'm not going to post anything personal about me, other than the fact I'm in Transition year, so you can probably work out my age already. I apologize if I sound very smart it's just I'm trying to not have that many grammar mistakes. As the title says, I don't really have many people who I would consider my real friends. There is only 2 people who are my real best friends (one of them is my own family member) and apart from that nobody even comes close. I'm really enjoying TY. It's a brilliant experience and a break from stressful exams. I have to say that it has made me that extra bit outgoing from doing work experience but in terms of building new friendships and relationships with others then sadly it hasn't done anything for that. I basically suffer from social anxiety and anxiety in general and I know a lot of people who use this forum go through what I go through with anxiety as well. I don't have extreme social anxiety thank God. I'm fine talking to people one-to-one or in a small group of 3 but obviously I would have to know them very well. The thing is, I just can't meet new friends or people prefer to not hang out with me because I'm shy until I get to know somebody very well. As I said, I have a best friend in school she's been my best friend since second year and it's mad how were friends because she's the complete opposite to me, outgoing and really into guys. The thing that annoys us both the most though is feeling left out, ignored and not fitting in. The thing is I'm not really into the interests people of my age enjoy. I don't like the same music as most people ('m very vintage), I don't like sports, I'm not brilliant at music even though I got lessons however, I'm going to learn ukulele in the summer because guitar for me was too challenging. The thing that really makes me different from others is I don't go to discos because you need to been in a group of the gals going to them. Most people in my year go to discos and shift guys. I just hate really loud music and somebody touching my ass. As well as that, most people I know are in relationships and I keep thinking what If I never find anybody. I have a table that I sit with at lunch. They are a mixed bunch and tend to ignore me and my friend. I'm going on a big trip to the west of Ireland in less than a month for nearly a week and I'm really looking forward to it as everyone says it's honestly the highlight of TY but I'm not so sure because I'm praying me and my best friend won't be left out by the people we talk to because they tend to hang with us one day and the next day they they ignore us or act b**chy to us. Also we have to be in a room of at least 4. I will probably if not straight away but half way through 5th year lose my current best friend. It's hard to believe it but we haven't got much in common and she's taking different leaving cert subjects to me so we definitely won't be in the same class for anything except maybe French and we don't hang out when were not in school because we live far away from each other and her parents are quite strict on when she's home and her whereabouts. I recently thought I made a new friend who was a few years younger than me. I have no problem being friends with people younger/older than me it's just this girl was way too outgoing and she was asking for my old phone as a birthday present which is just selfish. She also kept highlighting the fact I'm so shy and wondering when I would come out of my shell. It's partly not her fault. She has her own problems as well. I have talked to my family about all of this but there isn't much they can do because there isn't much anyone can do. People say give it time and the right people will come into your life. You can't define the length of time though sadly. I don't mind having one friend for all my years left in secondary school as I will be focusing a lot on my leaving cert. My worst fear is not having anybody to turn to in college. The friends I have definitely won't be in the same college as me. I have read posts from others on this who seem like nice people but have anxiety like me and have been through secondary school and college and have absolutely nobody in their lives and feel so alone. I just hope I don't end up in such a sad situation like them. I want to have those amazing college memories, have a lovely job, travel Europe with friends, be in a relationship with a guy, have children etc. I just don't see how any of those things are possible because I'm so shy and I struggle/hate group situations. You have to be in a group for any of the scenarios to happen in fairness. I hope I've not offended anybody with this post, I just wanted to get it all off my chest and find out is there anyone else who has experienced any of the above that I have stated. A quote I go by a lot " There is light at the end of the tunnel".

whiskeyman

Your post was tough to read without paragraphs, but I'll do my best to reply (you might want to edit it to get more replies).

I could have posted something similar when I was your age, although I wasn't too concerned about not having that many friends at that point as I was very much an introvert then.

However, once I went into college, I embraced the newness and freedom it gave.
None of my 'friends' went to the college I did, but I joined as many clubs / socs as I could, and even helped run them.
It changed me so much and made me a better person.
I wouldn't fret too much about now. Keep working towards your studies and ensure you're happy getting the place you want in college.
I can assure you your like will change for the absolute better once you go into college! There'll be lots of people in the same boat as yourself and everyone will be up for meeting new friends.
There's more than just light at the end of the tunnel... it's a huge ball of energy and fun just waiting for you!
Keep positive and be up for joining things and getting involved.
It will pass you by if you want... or you can reach out and take as much as you like.
Best of luck!