i feel so hopeless

mandyoh16

I feel like im going insane ,my ex and I broke up last year, actually 13 months ago and I cant get over him, no matter how hard I try ive turned into a total mess, I find weekends the worst and I drink to excess to cover up my unhappiness, which makes me feel worse, he wont get back with me no matter how many times I pour my heart out we have slept together a few times since, the latest being last week, and we exchanged flirty texts yesterday but apart from that nothing, he currently has me blocked which makes me feel horrible , we were together 7 years I don't know how me can be so cruel
what am I going to do??I feel so broken

SarahMollie

mandyoh16 wrote: »

I feel like im going insane ,my ex and I broke up last year, actually 13 months ago and I cant get over him, no matter how hard I try ive turned into a total mess, I find weekends the worst and I drink to excess to cover up my unhappiness, which makes me feel worse, he wont get back with me no matter how many times I pour my heart out we have slept together a few times since, the latest being last week, and we exchanged flirty texts yesterday but apart from that nothing, he currently has me blocked which makes me feel horrible , we were together 7 years I don't know how me can be so cruel
what am I going to do??I feel so broken

1. Your ex is being a d**k for continuing to sleep with you. Its obvious from this post that you're not handling the break up well, so to use you for when you're feeling low is the worst. You need to think more highly of yourself and don't afford him that privilege - he doesn't deserve it. Value yourself more than allowing yourself to be used for sex. If he doesnt wan't to be in the relationship, then he doesnt get to keep the physical side.

2. Begging is not going to win him back. Nothing probably will at this point. Once one person has lost all of their power in a relationship, you can never get the respect levels back. The sooner you accept this, the sooner you will start to heal.

3. Do you have friends you can lean on? If yes, then use them to support you, distract you, give you a good pep-talk, whatever it takes. Talking it out really will make you feel better, and hearing it out loud might give you a better perspective.

4.Give yourself space and time to heal. Its a blessing in disguise if he's blocked you on social media. Delete his number. A wound can't heal if you're constantly picking at the scab.

5. Get a distraction. Take on a new challenge in work or somewhere else in life. Maybe start volunteering, but basically spend your time on something that is going to give you validation as a person, rather than wallowing over your ex.

Eventually time heals all wounds - you'll get there in the end.

Confucius say

As stated above, you're making it difficult for yourself by keeping in touch with your ex. Your healing wont actually begin until you decide that you're not going to see him or speak with him again. You need to make the decision to never see him again and move on or you're never going to heal. There are no two ways about it.

mandyoh16

hey, thanks so much for the replies the way I feel right now is so bad, it feels like im never going to be happy again.
my friends are fed up of telling me to forget him, it must be hard for them as they cant see why im not forgetting about him

KikiDee

Hey OP,

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. It's never easy and as someone said to me recently, you're never taught how to deal with relationship break downs.

I think the first thing you need to do is not contact him. Easier said than done right? But I promise, it does help. Even if he contacts you again, ignore him. If you're at a point where you want to contact him, have a friend be a stand in. Call or text your friend instead.


Now is the time where you need to be selfish and look after you. Sleeping with him is not looking after yourself. It's giving you hope and then he's taking that away from you. Essentially, he's not allowing you to move on.

When things overwhelm you a little, coz lets face it, break ups can be difficult and can overwhelm even the strongest of people, take a breather, get yourself through the next 10 minutes.

SarahMollie

OP maybe you need some tough love (I feel like I can do this as I've been in your position before, albiet the relationship wasnt quite 7 years )

You need to have a stern word with yourself. Yes, friends can help but only if you're also really trying. Of course its easier to wallow (otherwise no one would do it) but past some point you have to pick yourself up off the floor and get on with life. You have to make a conscious decision to do so, and not just go back to wallowing when it feels hard.

There is no such thing as "the one". He was a guy you loved, sure, but theres not reason to think that you won't find someone who you love even more.

I was in a pretty similar situation when my first relationship ended. I'm sure I annoyed my friends no end. But one day I got up, decided I'd had enough and that I needed to stop being ridiculous and get my life back in order by putting myself first. It took sheer determination and nothing else.

Yes, it took a few years to meet someone else who "measured up", but I did ultimately, and he's probably a better fit for me than my ex ever was.

No one (especially not your ex) can fix this for you. You have to do it for yourself OP.

mandyoh16

that's it!! im really going to do it I cant let this take me over anymore

marykitty47

Hi OP

I was in your exact position a few years ago and there is no simple fix. You need to delete him from your life block him from all social media and even block him form your phone even if you have to contact your telephone provider do it.

By sleeping with him you might not realise it but you are holding out in hope that he still wants you....I don't mean to be harsh but he doesn't. He gets what he wants and walks away leaving you in the mess your in now. This will take time, you will cry, you will be angry you will cry some more but you are worth 100 times more the him!!!! Walk away you might not think it right now but you will meet the man of your dreams and it will be worth it

SarahMollie

Thats the spirit OP - just re-read this thread whenever you're feeling down.

Stay strong.

SM.

Sound Bite

I hope this helps.

Your ex is a prick. Nobody decent continues to sleep with someone they don't give it a **** about when they know that person is still in love with them. Decent people would have more respect for an ex than to continue to shag them just cos it's easy.

He's using you for sex because you are letting him.

Tell him to **** off - you deserve better, stop sleeping with someone who doesn't care about you or deserve you. You are prolonging the agony of breaking up