Met a girl, no response

LegacyUser

Hi all. So I met a girl on Friday night while out at a bar. At closing time she and her friend came back with a bunch of us to a friends house. We sat up talking and making out till 6am or so and she seemed quite keen to see me again. Told me she thought I was good looking and put her number in my phone etc. She kinda made all the moves on me too looking back. She had been single a while she said. Also her cousin who was with us too told me I should get her number and ask her out. So the signs were good.
Anyway I texted her the next day saying how are you doing etc, she replied pretty quickly, but when I texted her later on asking her if she'd like to go out sometime after work (we work in the same area in the city), I got nothing back. It's now 2 days later.
I'm just wondering if this is normal or if she's not interested? Obviously each case is different but I thought we had a connection and now nothing. Maybe she's waiting a while like magazines etc tell you to do but I thought she seemed a bit more up front than that. We're both mid 30s. This has happened like 4 times now in the last year so I'm particularly disappointed with this one as she seemed quite into it.
I'm fretting I know but I really liked her. Cheers guys.

JeffKenna

Move on I think

CaraMay

She's a messer so let her off. No point chasing her.

redcup342

Fuzzy Dunlop III wrote: »

Hi all. So I met a girl on Friday night while out at a bar. At closing time she and her friend came back with a bunch of us to a friends house. We sat up talking and making out till 6am or so and she seemed quite keen to see me again. Told me she thought I was good looking and put her number in my phone etc. She kinda made all the moves on me too looking back. She had been single a while she said. Also her cousin who was with us too told me I should get her number and ask her out. So the signs were good.
Anyway I texted her the next day saying how are you doing etc, she replied pretty quickly, but when I texted her later on asking her if she'd like to go out sometime after work (we work in the same area in the city), I got nothing back. It's now 2 days later.
I'm just wondering if this is normal or if she's not interested? Obviously each case is different but I thought we had a connection and now nothing. Maybe she's waiting a while like magazines etc tell you to do but I thought she seemed a bit more up front than that. We're both mid 30s. This has happened like 4 times now in the last year so I'm particularly disappointed with this one as she seemed quite into it.
I'm fretting I know but I really liked her. Cheers guys.

Could mean anything, I'd say you've done all you can. Leave it now and maybe she contacts you.

If she doesn't then forget about it and move on

Exclamation Marc

Maybe send a text later today asking if she wants to go out sometime and if you get no reply from that, then cut your losses.

Maybe she forgot to reply, maybe she thought she did but didn't, maybe she's not interested.

No harm in one more text (it has been 3 days) and in that case you'll have a definitive answer. You're hardly harassing her by sending a second text.

Keane2baMused

If she was interested she would have replied. Most women don't play hard to get if they like a guy.

Delete her number and say next!

Into The Blue

Just put an edited version of your op into a txt.. Say you thought ye got on great, so one last text, then you're parking it.

LegacyUser

Now that I think of it it was Sunday night I asked her out. Still though, I've never blanked anyone like this even if I regretted the incident! I was thinking maybe another short message but as some others have been saying she would message if she wanted to. If I hear nada by tomorrow I'll delete her deets I guess, for fear of texting her again and looking like and arse!

Chemical Byrne

Surprised to hear ye are in yer mid 30s!!

It all sounded very juvenile, I was assuming ye were like 16 or something.

LegacyUser

Chemical Byrne wrote: »

Surprised to hear ye are in yer mid 30s!!

It all sounded very juvenile, I was assuming ye were like 16 or something.

thanks for the insight, really helpful mate.

dudara

@Chemical Byrne - please refer to my recent post in the other thread about being helpful. This is a final warning to you.

dudara

Chemical Byrne

Fuzzy Dunlop III wrote: »

If I hear nada by tomorrow I'll delete her deets I guess, for fear of texting her again and looking like and arse!

Don't worry man, she's the one who's ended up looking like an arse by leaving you hanging. It was bad form on her part to not at least let you know if she wasn't open to a date.

I'd delete her number and move on from her.

ellie1

Don't text her again. No follow up or short text is required. You asked her out, give her a couple of days to reply if she doesn't, next!!!;)

LegacyUser

right, contact deleted. I live alone in my big old empty house and am hurtling towards middle age so I may as well bite the bullet and get a cat! Miaow.

SarahMollie

Fuzzy Dunlop III wrote: »

right, contact deleted. I live alone in my big old empty house and am hurtling towards middle age so I may as well bite the bullet and get a cat! Miaow.

While I would never argue that someone should get a cat, don't give up all hope OP!

Well, do give up hope on this girl, she sounds like a melter, but don't resign yourself to being a crazy cat man.

Have you given online dating a whirl? You might find a nice girl to watch The Wire with you ?!

silverharp

Op no reason to give up. If you are mid 30's that means you can still date a reasonably wide age range . allegedly there is supposed to be a shortage of " good men" . if you are anyway an outdoorsie type can you get involved in any activities, hill walking, sailing etc. Especially now with the summer coming up there are lots of fun residential type holidays in Ireland depending on what you are into.

beks101

Onwards and upwards OP. She's half bothered, which is just not enough for you.

Lots of those out there, I recall the disappearing act being quite common when I was single. And I'm a bloody catch

When someone is interested you will KNOW, 100%, no question, hold out for that person.

LegacyUser

SarahMollie wrote: »

While I would never argue that someone should get a cat, don't give up all hope OP!

Well, do give up hope on this girl, she sounds like a melter, but don't resign yourself to being a crazy cat man.

Have you given online dating a whirl? You might find a nice girl to watch The Wire with you ?!

Hi. I tried online dating yeah. Must have gone on about 15 dates in the last year but a couple of months ago I deleted my account because I was sick of the disappointment. It's really not for me I think, all it did was make me feel bad about myself somehow, with the lack of responses and dates that were let downs. Since then I've met one or two girls when out, but they turned out to be one night things.
That's why I'm particularly disappointed with this one as I never got that comfortable with anyone from online dating whereas the other night it felt pretty good and natural. Guess I wont trust my instincts again dammit.
Wire reruns alone for me I'm afraid!

SarahMollie

Fuzzy Dunlop III wrote: »

Hi. I tried online dating yeah. Must have gone on about 15 dates in the last year but a couple of months ago I deleted my account because I was sick of the disappointment. It's really not for me I think, all it did was make me feel bad about myself somehow, with the lack of responses and dates that were let downs. Since then I've met one or two girls when out, but they turned out to be one night things.
That's why I'm particularly disappointed with this one as I never got that comfortable with anyone from online dating whereas the other night it felt pretty good and natural. Guess I wont trust my instincts again dammit.
Wire reruns alone for me I'm afraid!

Ah don't say that! You should always trust your instincts, they're right more often than not, but obviously not infallible

Meeting someone is such a funny thing, most of us get it wrong loads of times before getting it right. But, you only have to get it right once!

You seem like a very decent bloke, God knows there are precious few enough of those out there so don't be too down!

Oh and also, if your online dating was only Tinder, I'd give something else a try. Tinder can be a bit hard and fast for most people, but there are other options out there.

LegacyUser

SarahMollie wrote: »

Oh and also, if your online dating was only Tinder, I'd give something else a try. Tinder can be a bit hard and fast for most people, but there are other options out there.

No, never went near that, the idea of solely being judged on images doesn't appeal to me. Used the fishy one. Either way, not for me!

zoobizoo

Dude.... join a club.

Sports are where it's at. Loads of women in their 20s, 30s and 40s looking to meet guys.

Give up on the thoughts of meeting someone when out (does happen but rarely unless you're proactive).

SarahMollie

Where abouts in the country are you living OP? Are the many options social options around you?

silverharp

zoobizoo wrote: »

Dude.... join a club.

Sports are where it's at. Loads of women in their 20s, 30s and 40s looking to meet guys.

Give up on the thoughts of meeting someone when out (does happen but rarely unless you're proactive).

Fully behind this post, i' d imagine there are whole groups of women that hate pubs clubs and internet dating. At the moment instead of meeting different types OP you are just meeting different version of the same type which obviously isn't working. You might find that in a less shallow setting you can be more yourself plus you have a better chance of bumping into more down to earth and less cynical types.

LegacyUser

SarahMollie wrote: »

Where abouts in the country are you living OP? Are the many options social options around you?

Dublin. Well tbh I wasn't that bothered about meeting someone, my last LTR really took a lot out of me, I just thought it would happen naturally by chance sooner or later as it has done in the past. So yeah I'm a little upset over this one but once it passes I'll get back to living the life I was enjoying!

beks101

zoobizoo wrote: »

Dude.... join a club.

Sports are where it's at. Loads of women in their 20s, 30s and 40s looking to meet guys.

Give up on the thoughts of meeting someone when out (does happen but rarely unless you're proactive).

I'd vouch for this too actually. I'm a member of a fitness group in London that's about 75% female, similar style of exercise to Crossfit so pretty hard training as well as lots of new friends for me.

Most of the women are late 20s/early 30s, lots of singles, gorgeous the lot of em! And not the clubbing/pubbing types.

I'd say focus on whatever it is you're into fitness-wise and join a club/take some classes based on that, there's likely to be lots of female members. Do it for your fitness first, but in those kinds of settings I find it's easier to interact with people in a general sense as you've got common goals and no-one has their guard up. At the very least you'll get fit and make a bunch of mates!

LegacyUser

beks101 wrote: »

I'd vouch for this too actually. I'm a member of a fitness group in London that's about 75% female, similar style of exercise to Crossfit so pretty hard training as well as lots of new friends for me.

Most of the women are late 20s/early 30s, lots of singles, gorgeous the lot of em! And not the clubbing/pubbing types.

I'd say focus on whatever it is you're into fitness-wise and join a club/take some classes based on that, there's likely to be lots of female members. Do it for your fitness first, but in those kinds of settings I find it's easier to interact with people in a general sense as you've got common goals and no-one has their guard up. At the very least you'll get fit and make a bunch of mates!

Thank you all for your Agony Aunting thus far. Well I go to a gym that I love and I really enjoy the quiet time and therapeutic benefits of it all so I don't really have time for another fitness group. Plus I wouldn't hit on a girl in a gym I always felt like it's overstepping the privacy/personal space mark. I guess I like to party a bit too so I try and balance health and hedonism. Clubs... God I really don't know. I don't really have much of a problem making friends or anything and there's not much I'm into that would involve group meet ups.
So yeah I was happy enough with the single life for the last while, I guess this incident just reminded me of how nice and exciting it can be to meet someone you fancy, it's been a long time, but I'll just have to get on with things

zoobizoo

Weekends away.... nights out... sharing houses......

Making friends and then who knows.

Worked for me

beks101

Fuzzy Dunlop III wrote: »

Thank you all for your Agony Aunting thus far. Well I go to a gym that I love and I really enjoy the quiet time and therapeutic benefits of it all so I don't really have time for another fitness group. Plus I wouldn't hit on a girl in a gym I always felt like it's overstepping the privacy/personal space mark. I guess I like to party a bit too so I try and balance health and hedonism. Clubs... God I really don't know. I don't really have much of a problem making friends or anything and there's not much I'm into that would involve group meet ups.
So yeah I was happy enough with the single life for the last while, I guess this incident just reminded me of how nice and exciting it can be to meet someone you fancy, it's been a long time, but I'll just have to get on with things

I'd never advocate hitting on someone in a commercial gym, like yourself most people are there solely to work out and for the quiet time and personal space.

What I meant was more a dedicated group or class designed for people with the same interest - things like Crossfit, F45, spinning, hot yoga, rock climbing, circuit training etc. A bunch of randomers in a room sweating it out together for an hour. IME it fosters friendship, you team up and can't help but have a chat about the workout after. And you get an epic training session, two birds and all that.

Aside from that, I think just being more socially active in a general sense helps. It works for some people obviously, but I've never had anything beyond a ONS/short fling with someone I met in a pub or club, it just tends to lead to more casual things IME. Expanding your social circle, hanging out after hours with colleagues, getting involved with the work tag rugby team, going to acquaintances' house parties or pub quizzes etc - that's where you're more likely to meet someone you have a lot of things in common with and without the pressure-cooker environment of a pub/club where everyone is a bit more tense and self-conscious and more often than not, completely pissed! Honestly, I've woken up after a night of heavy drinking with a random lad's number in my phone and a vague recollection of hooking up and whispering sweet nothings the night before. Booze leads to all kinds of false intimacy that just doesn't stand up in the light of day and it's no-one's fault really, but it can leave you deflated and fed up with it all as you've experienced.

zoobizoo

Fuzzy Dunlop III wrote: »

Well I go to a gym that I love and I really enjoy the quiet time and therapeutic benefits of it all so I don't really have time for another fitness group. Plus I wouldn't hit on a girl in a gym,,,,,.............. I guess I like to party a bit too so I try and balance health and hedonism. Clubs... God I really don't know. I don't really have much of a problem making friends or anything and there's not much I'm into that would involve group meet ups.

I go to the gym (solo activity) as well but I still have time at weekends to participate in group activities.

Never hit on anyone in the gym.

Thirdly, go try some new things... or, you are into movie get into a cinema club.... or movie meet up group.


I got in to my hobby in my mid thirties... changed my life socially, relationship wise and more.

LegacyUser

She's only gone and sent me a text this morning. More to follow...

SarahMollie

Proceed with caution OP! Give her the benefit of the doubt this once, but if you suspect anymore game playing, I'd exit stage left fairly sharpish.

At your ages, leaving people dangling is a bit ridiculous.

LegacyUser

SarahMollie wrote: »

Proceed with caution OP! Give her the benefit of the doubt this once, but if you suspect anymore game playing, I'd exit stage left fairly sharpish.

At your ages, leaving people dangling is a bit ridiculous.

I can't really argue with her excuse for lack of contact, I wont reveal it here but it's certainly valid. Anyway looks like we're meeting up this weekend. Now I'm just nervous!

LegacyUser

She flaked on me! Couple of hours before we were supposed to meet. I just said "ok" and she responded with another massive text blabbing on about herself. Deleted her details then. Seems like she just wanted an ego boost or something. I actually find it quite disrespectful blowing someone off like that (not in the good way). Oh well, thanks for all y'all's input.

Katgurl

Ugh. That's a mare. Anyway as I'm sure you know you are better off being rid of her before you invested. I'm glad to hear you're deleting her details and imo you were right to give it a shot.

There are lots of nice girls out there.