An unplanned pregnancy right now — what would you do?

Neyite

I didn't want to drag the abortion thread off track, hence the new thread.

You and the last person you shagged are now pregnant.

Maybe you used contraception properly or chanced your arm. Maybe it was your partner, or a randomer in Coppers. Whatever. But you made a pregnancy. Congratulations!!

For the purposes of this thread, lets say the test this morning was on the day her/your period was due, so you are officially 4 weeks along. Due date is 12th November 2016.

Would it be a crisis pregnancy for you? Or a happy accident?

Me? The last person I shagged was my husband-to-be. Stable relationship, already have a child so a sibling would be nice. We'd be happy at the news, but that's because we've been trying for another child. We'd still have to move house, change childcare and I'd have to hold off on the job change until next year though. So no crisis or scrambling for cheap flights for us.

You? Would it clash with your final degree year? Leaving Cert? Would your job be secure enough? Is the relationship with the other parent stable enough right now to cope with it? Have you travel plans you'd need to cancel? Would you have the money right now to deal with it (either to terminate or to keep the pregnancy) Have you health issues that a pregnancy would exacerbate?

What would you do?

PirateShampoo

I think I've just stumbled upon away to replace my lost socks.

Thanks OP.

suicide_circus

It would be a happy crisis

http://weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/not-sure-if-gusta-face.png

razorblunt

I'm 30, married a year with our own gaff.
I'd be delighted.

January

It'd be a crisis pregnancy for us. My husband and I already have 4 kids and we have decided that we do not want anymore, in fact I have an appointment next week to discuss having tubal ligation. I am on contraception at the minute but we all know that contraception is not 100% reliable.

In saying that, if I did find myself pregnant, while I would consider booking that cheap flight, I'm not sure if I would go through with it. It would have to be discussed between us both and maybe with the consultation of a crisis pregnancy counselor. I'm planning on starting university in September (if I get offered a place) so it would scupper that plan if we decided not to terminate.

The Backwards Man

I'd ring RealDoll and demand a refund.

looksee

If I got pregnant right now it could be taken as a sign of the apocalypse, and I would not be posting in A&A anymore.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

It would be a crisis but I wouldn't get rid of it.

Turtle_

Early on in relationship, not exactly the best time for him career wise and really bad for me, nowhere suitable to live... But I think we'd just make it work. Wouldn't be ideal, but also wouldn't be a bad thing..

Lisacatlover

One abortion please.

Ciderswigger

It would be a major crisis, financially and emotionally. And I would get rid of it.

*waits for the outrage*

Sam Kade

Neyite wrote: »

I didn't want to drag the abortion thread off track, hence the new thread.

You and the last person you shagged are now pregnant.

Maybe you used contraception properly or chanced your arm. Maybe it was your partner, or a randomer in Coppers. Whatever. But you made a pregnancy. Congratulations!!

For the purposes of this thread, lets say the test this morning was on the day her/your period was due, so you are officially 4 weeks along. Due date is 12th November 2016.

Would it be a crisis pregnancy for you? Or a happy accident?

Me? The last person I shagged was my husband-to-be. Stable relationship, already have a child so a sibling would be nice. We'd be happy at the news, but that's because we've been trying for another child. We'd still have to move house, change childcare and I'd have to hold off on the job change until next year though. So no crisis or scrambling for cheap flights for us.

You? Would it clash with your final degree year? Leaving Cert? Would your job be secure enough? Is the relationship with the other parent stable enough right now to cope with it? Have you travel plans you'd need to cancel? Would you have the money right now to deal with it (either to terminate or to keep the pregnancy) Have you health issues that a pregnancy would exacerbate?

What would you do?

A man getting pregnant, how did that happen :rolleyes:

Gunslinger92

It'd be an absolute disaster and I would probably be on the next flight or boat.

Neyite

LexieOnRale wrote: »

It would be a crisis but I wouldn't get rid of it.

What would have to change in your life though?

We are really lucky in that neither of our employers clock-watch. The OH can work from home a few hours usually, and my employer is pretty flexible if I need to not come in due to a sick child. But if it had been the previous place I worked, I'd have been fired by now as they were pretty strict on absenteeism.

Mr. CooL ICE

I'd tell her I want to go to England, but if she wanted to keep it, I'd respect her wishes.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

I wouldn't be able to continue with my current job
We would have to move
It would put extra stress on us right now
It's just something I'm personally not ready for, I'm on epilepsy meds and unplanned pregnancy isn't recommended.

It would be one of the worst things which could happen to me right now. My feelings on the subject are all over the place. I swing from wanting kids to not being sure to not wanting kids. But as things stand now and how my life is today then I would consider a termination.

Penny Tration

Long enough relationship, steady, stable, happy and with his income, we could probably manage fine.

It'd still be a crisis pregnancy. neither of us want children, and I'm never going to risk one because there's always a chance my (currently happily unmedicated) mental illness will get worse. no thank you.


If I got pregnant, I'd use the money I have saved for a holiday next month, cancel the holiday, go to the UK for an abortion and then hope my mother never finds out because she'd disown me and I love her.

RayM

Right now? I'd wonder how they acquired my semen.

Seriously though, I'd be terribly panicky and terrified. Financially, I'm in a good situation at the moment, but it would be my final degree year, so that wouldn't be ideal. A big part of me would be sort of secretly thrilled though - an actual person co-created by me (is that narcissistic? It is, isn't it?). I'd also be very sad that it happened too late for my mum to ever meet her grandchild.

Neyite

Nicolas Cage wrote: »

I'd tell her I want to go to England, but if she wanted to keep it, I'd respect her wishes.

If she wanted to keep the baby, would it alter yours and her current life plans/goals?

Lady is a tramp

Could've easily ended up in this position recently as a result of a sexual assault.

All looks clear thankfully. I wasn't too panicked, as I'm aware of ways and means of getting the abortion pill used in clinics in the UK delivered to me within a couple of days for €75 ... I know the people I'd need to speak to, and I know they'd help.

Chances are I'd have proceeded with the pregnancy anyways if it happened ... maybe, I don't know. At least I wouldn't have had to worry about a trip to England and the expense involved, I knew that other option was there.

I'm in hospital now anyways for the foreseeable future, my "plan" was - if it did happen - to inform the staff I'd taken it, afterwards. Just thinking now though, I could probably end up in jail for that, couldn't I. Plus I'd hate to end up getting those people kind enough to help Irish women in that situation into trouble. So yeah, I'd have probably just tried to disguise it as a miscarriage and that would be that.

meeeeh

I don't fancy another child but I would probably not terminate unless there were some abnormalities detected (not just fatal). I did thick abortion when I was in the middle of first miscarriage when given the option of what to do if pregnancy is still viable. (Not in Ireland).

I think that guilt around abortion is forced on women. It's like they are sone kind of monsters if they don't feel guilty for ever. Screw that.

ShaShaBear

My partner and I already have two young girls and our wedding is in September. Id not consider abortion as we definitely want more kids but Id have to decide to either be a pregnant bride or postpone the wedding!

discus

Eh I wouldn't be over the moon, but everything I'm doing right now with my life is just filling time until I start a family anyway. My goal in life is to provide my family with everything they need and create a happy home, I reckon I could do that whatever the circumstances.

Mr. CooL ICE

Neyite wrote: »

If she wanted to keep the baby, would it alter yours and her current life plans/goals?

Yes it certainly would, but not drastically. I've recently changed jobs and my current hours are somewhat flexible, bu I'd have to cut out a lot of my lifestyle habits. I have no future plans for study. She already has a child from a previous relationship and has stated that she only wants another child if she is married. She is a manager where she works and can arrange the roster to suit her current needs, but it would be a nightmare for her with two children.

Sir Osis of Liver.

Have three already.
Running out of rooms in the house,so no thanks.

Time to put a knot in it.

hairyslug

It would be a crisis, yes, we already have 3, 2 of which will need lifelong care.

Would it be a trio over to England, honestly I don't know.

All our three were happy accidents, the first being more of a crisis as me and my wife hardly knew each other and we both did not have stable jobs

CaraMay

It would be horrendous stress as (a) I'm older and (b) I have a child with special needs so I would be very worried about it happening again with a new baby. I wouldn't have an abortion but it would be incredibly stressful.

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy

I use the ultimate form of protection, a false name, so I'd be happy, safe & secure in the knowledge that there'd be no pressure or responsibility coming my way.

Lau2976

I don't think it would be a crisis pregnancy for me. I'm in a stable relationship, although were both self employed. I don't want children and neither does he but I wouldn't have an abortion either. I guess we'd just have to get used to the idea of two more feet rubbing around.

riffmongous

Genuinely interested how adoption wasn't mentioned yet, is there any reason for that?

amdublin

It would be a crisis/unwanted pregnancy for me.

There would be serious considerations. And I think the result would be I would travel and have an abortion over in England.

But who knows, if it actually happened, would I terminate or have the baby. But the above is what I think just thinking about it right now.

hairyslug

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy wrote: »

I use the ultimate form of protection, a false name, so I'd be happy, safe & secure in the knowledge that there'd be no pressure or responsibility coming my way.

A long time ago, my friend had a one night stand, I don't think they even got to ask each other their names.
I always remember that Monday evening he got the call, it was a Monday and Fr Ted was about to start.
Anyway, she had found him cause a friend of hers recognised a friend of his, her friend got in contact with another friend who knew his sister and that's how she traced him down

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

I would hate to carry a baby, form a bond and then hand that child over to someone else never to have any contact with the child again.
I am still heartbroken almost 3 years after giving my puppies away, I could never cope with a baby.

amdublin

riffmongous wrote: »

Genuinely interested how adoption wasn't mentioned yet, is there any reason for that?

Because I'm #notavessel

Sorry to be so succinct. But that's it.

Speedwell

I'm 49, married, have an IUD. If I tested pregnant, they would look first at whether I had cancer and a false-positive test, not a baby. But if it happened to be a baby, I would be at serious risk due to other health problems that are very manageable when not pregnant, but truly life-threatening (to me, the pregnancy, or both) during pregnancy. Neither my husband or I want children; we decided very early that the younger siblings in both our families were doing a fine job of that already. I would not even feel bad about having an abortion.

And before you jump to conclusions, I am a birthmother who gave up a baby for adoption 20 years ago because my young ex-husband (we were married at that time and for a few years afterward) and I were in college and felt unable to care for one. At that time, I was very religious indeed and very much against abortion, and in the US where abortion was available as an option in my town, and with a friend who offered to pay for one for me if I needed it. I've been on both sides of the question personally. I'd rather have a clean, decent abortion, and to be blunt, I really should have had one then.

hairyslug

LexieOnRale wrote: »

I would hate to carry a baby, form a bond and then hand that child over to someone else never to have any contact with the child again.
I am still heartbroken almost 3 years after giving my puppies away, I could never cope with a baby.

I could never do it, I cried like a 5 year old after watching Juno and not cause it's a shocking film

c montgomery

.

pew

It would be a crisis pregnancy. I'd head for the UK if I'm entirely honest.

Penny Tration

riffmongous wrote: »

Genuinely interested how adoption wasn't mentioned yet, is there any reason for that?

Two reasons why I and a lot of women wouldn't consider adoption -

If we don't want pregnancy, why would we want to spend 9 months wrecking our bodies, going through the pain of childbirth, handing the baby away and then dealing with the emotional and physical ramifications? If I don't want a child, I also wouldn't want my body to act as a an incubator!

Secondly, most adoptions in Ireland of babies happen in families. No way would I want a family member of mine having a baby I gave birth to. a constant reminder anytime I see them? An 18 year old with access to their birth records being able to simply call me and be like "Wtf so you're not my cousin, you're my mum?" Not a chance.

thattequilagirl

It would be unplanned and very much not ideal, but I think I would go through with it. I would definitely consider abortion, but I'm at a good age to have kids, financially stable and I know my family would be supportive.

Speedwell

thattequilagirl wrote: »

It would be unplanned and very much not ideal, but I think I would go through with it. I would definitely consider abortion, but I'm at a good age to have kids, financially stable and I know my family would be supportive.

That's excellent, and I would back you up no matter what you chose.

Lia_lia

I have no kids but in a long term relationship. Wouldn't be the end of the world if I got pregnant. Although would prefer to wait a few years. We have discussed what we'd do of I got pregnant accidentally and we both agreed it would be fine. Maybe not 3 or 4 years ago, but fine now! We both have fairly well paid jobs and are in out mid-late 20's. Although a good chunk of our wages would be gone with childcare.

Saying that I'm still extremely strict when it comes to taking my pill (an app and 2 alarms just incase!) so it would be very unlikely.

Shenshen

I'm in my forties now, so it would certainly be a surprise. It wouldn't be a crisis, though. We had been trying before but without success. When I reached 40, I weighed up the risks of pregnancy so late in life and we decided not to risk it. But if it happened by accident now, I'd take the risk and see what happens.

thattequilagirl

Speedwell wrote: »

That's excellent, and I would back you up no matter what you chose.

Likewise. Women and their doctors should make these decisions, not the state.

January

I've seen the trouble adoption can cause once the adopted person becomes an adult so it would not be an option for me.

mansize

One of the benefits of being a gay man- no crisis pregnancies

I sure as hell wouldn't tell a woman what she can and can't do with her body either

Elessar

I'd kill myself.

riffmongous

January wrote: »

I've seen the trouble adoption can cause once the adopted person becomes an adult so it would not be an option for me.

Better to have never lived instead though? I can imagine it can be awful alright and I don't want to judge anyone

Speedwell

Elessar wrote: »

I'd kill myself.

If anyone reading this thread is serious about saying something like that, please don't despair. I would reach into my own pocket personally to help you get the care you need. I know many of us others feel the same. Please make contact with some agency or trusted friend and work it out.

Penny Tration

riffmongous wrote: »

Better to have never lived instead though? I can imagine it can be awful alright and I don't want to judge anyone

That's the woman's choice really. It hasn't lived while in the uterus anyway, not how a baby or adult has..