Cash gift amounts - standard sum or does it depend?

SarahMollie

Hi Boardsies,

I've a number of weddings that I'm due to attend this summer (5 between 28th of May - 6 of August!)

My question is around gift amounts. The weddings are all very different. 2 are abroad in Spain and Portugal. The 3 in Ireland are all quite different, one will be a really country wedding at quite a rural hotel, nothing overly fancy. The next is much smaller with a Dublin city wedding and then reception for aprox 80 in a boutique hotel in Meath. The final one is a big fancy castle affair, but also with big numbers.

Now all the couples live together already so we're going down the cash route for gifts, but I have 2 questions

1. For weddings abroad where guests have already incurred significant expenses just to attend - where do people stand on giving gifts? Do people still give but just a bit less or does it remain unchanged?

2. Do people ever think of the type of wedding when deciding what to give? I know one of the weddings will be nothing fancy and the venue isnt overly expensive, less than €50 per head (chosen for sentimental reasons as the brides parents got married there). In contrast I know the others are very expensive per head, one is actually well over the €100 mark.
Would this influence gift giving at all?
On one hand its clearly the couples choice to spend big and guests shouldn't have to pay for their own dinner just because the couple have expensive taste, but in contrast the other couple actually stand to make a profit, although I don't believe this would be their intention (although I do know someone who purposefully chose a cheap venue for this exact reason and it really left a bad taste in the mouth - both figuratively and literally.)

I realise I'm possibly over thinking this and will probably give the same amount across the board but would just be interested in hearing other peoples thoughts!

whiskeyman

I'd mix it up to be honest:
Where significant cost is involved for travelling abroad, especially if the guests are both from Ireland, I'd be giving a much smaller gift.
In many instances, such couples actually state 'no presents' but are more than happy that their guests have spent a lot of time and money to travel for their wedding.
It may depend if they are very good friends however, in which case I'd like to give as generous a gift as possible - if it's just for a 'fairweather friend', it'll be kept small!

With regards other weddings, I'd usually make sure at least our 'gift' covers the meal. Everything else is up to them.
This is where you'd expect 150 to 200 per couple I guess.
If someone is just doing a simple 'drinks and finger food', I'd adjust my amount accordingly, and max it to 100 from both of us... or maybe less.

witchgirl26

For weddings I've had to travel abroad to (well further than the UK), I did adjust the size of the present slightly because of the expense of flights etc.

For weddings at home, I don't base what I give on how big the wedding is but more on how close I am to the couple. I've given the same amount to 2 couples who are friends - 1 had a big wedding that was a night in a hotel & the other a very small 1 which didn't have an overnight stay. At the end of the day they were both friends of equal measure so gave the same. It's up to them what they did with it after & I don't think most people would consider it "profit" if the gifts outweigh the cost of the wedding (although aware some do).

SarahMollie

witchgirl26 wrote: »

For weddings I've had to travel abroad to (well further than the UK), I did adjust the size of the present slightly because of the expense of flights etc.

For weddings at home, I don't base what I give on how big the wedding is but more on how close I am to the couple. I've given the same amount to 2 couples who are friends - 1 had a big wedding that was a night in a hotel & the other a very small 1 which didn't have an overnight stay. At the end of the day they were both friends of equal measure so gave the same. It's up to them what they did with it after & I don't think most people would consider it "profit" if the gifts outweigh the cost of the wedding (although aware some do).

Thanks, this is probably a good way to think about it. I just think hearing that one girl cackling about being up money after her wedding by purposefully choosing a cheap venue and inviting loads of people made me a bit cynical.

The 2 foreign weddings are both friends of my BF so I'll let him make the call there, but for the ones which are my friends, I might give €250 to the girl having the big wedding purely because she's a very good friend, and maybe €200 to the other one as he's a colleague and we wouldn't be as close.

baby and crumble

SarahMollie wrote: »

I just think hearing that one girl cackling about being up money after her wedding by purposefully choosing a cheap venue and inviting loads of people made me a bit cynical.

God I can imagine. Personally very few of my friends are married and I've been to relatively few weddings (really just my brothers and 3 friends since we left school about 15 years ago!) and for some I was totally broke so gave money towards a group present, and for everyone else I bought actual gifts- personally I hate giving money, and luckily these were weddings of very close family and friends so I knew them really well and got gifts I know they love.

We're planning ours at the moment and the thoughts of getting money as gifts is actually stressing me out. I don't want anyone to feel they "have" to give something- we're only going to have the wedding we can afford ourselves, I really really hope people don't feel pressured- it's an expensive day regardless of present for a lot of people.

SarahMollie

baby and crumble wrote: »

God I can imagine. Personally very few of my friends are married and I've been to relatively few weddings (really just my brothers and 3 friends since we left school about 15 years ago!) and for some I was totally broke so gave money towards a group present, and for everyone else I bought actual gifts- personally I hate giving money, and luckily these were weddings of very close family and friends so I knew them really well and got gifts I know they love.

We're planning ours at the moment and the thoughts of getting money as gifts is actually stressing me out. I don't want anyone to feel they "have" to give something- we're only going to have the wedding we can afford ourselves, I really really hope people don't feel pressured- it's an expensive day regardless of present for a lot of people.

Me too - this seems to be the year that weddings are really taking off for me - I shall be an expert by the end of summer!

I totally agree that no one should ever feel pressured, and I know if it was me I wouldnt be monitoring who gave what, especially if not everyone has the same financial circumstances.

I'm not too bothered about the whole cash element as long as no one makes a big deal out of it. I know its not me just yet, but myself and my partner live together and have everything that we need for our home, so its not like previous generations where household gifts were greatly appreciate when people were only setting up home together after marriage.

I have heard other good ideas such as a case of nice wine or restaurant/hotel vouchers, which I know I'd certainly very much appreciate if it were me, and it avoids the issue of cash for those arent comfortable.

Sunny Dayz

If I was giving a cash gift, I won't base it on the extravagance of the wedding party but rather on our relationship with the marrying couple.
For most weddings we give cash. But for family members and very close friends, we actually get a personalised gift for them rather than just cash.

MaryMD

If I was giving a cash gift I wouldnt normally go on the basis of how much I think they are spending per head. That said I know someone who is having a wedding this year @ €34 a head with a guest list of 250! = $$$$$$$$$ All the same I normally give €150 and if I'm really good friends with them €200. That's just me I know everyone is different.