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Shamed for being Frugal

124

Comments



  • Stheno wrote: »
    My OH doesn't drink, so if we go out and split a bill equally we always get the short end of the stick.

    I generally don't mind, the chance to be out socially and enjoy peoples company makes up for the few extra euro that's involved tbh.

    I get stung by this all the time as a non drinker who's single. I don't mind it so much when I have money but there have been occasions when I haven't had enough money to go in case the bill ended up being too high for what I had left in my purse so people need to take that into consideration. Whilst I might have a meal that cost 20 euro and water I might end up paying 40 euro. Fine if I have it, not fine if I don't.




  • Being financially sensible is important allowing you some comfort from the stresses of debt but it's also important to enjoy yourself too.

    A lot of neighbours and other people seem to think my wife and I are either loaded or crippled with debt from what I hear on the grapevine. The real answer is neither, we just save a lot and then when we want to buy something we get good deals.




  • pilly wrote: »
    So you're throwing judgement right back at her, how does that help?

    There didn't to be any judgement in the posters tone.
    They provided factual assertion. The sister is in debt. She is complaining about the money habits of someone who is not.




  • pilly wrote: »
    I get stung by this all the time as a non drinker who's single. I don't mind it so much when I have money but there have been occasions when I haven't had enough money to go in case the bill ended up being too high for what I had left in my purse so people need to take that into consideration. Whilst I might have a meal that cost 20 euro and water I might end up paying 40 euro. Fine if I have it, not fine if I don't.

    I dunno.

    Theres nights out for dinner where I drive and dont drink, where I dont drive and do drink, where I am really hungry and get every course including dessert, where I am not hungry and just get a salad etc...

    But at a group meal everyone has the same night out regardless of how much you specifically consume.

    I go along with people who want to check the menu prices but I inwardly groan. Even if Id only a starter Id never ever bring it up so I could pay less.

    Its swings and roundabouts. Sometimes I end up paying more than i have consumed, sometimes less. But the night out is not just what i consume - its the venue, the company etc...




  • I dunno.

    Theres nights out for dinner where I drive and dont drink, where I dont drive and do drink, where I am really hungry and get every course including dessert, where I am not hungry and just get a salad etc...

    But at a group meal everyone has the same night out regardless of how much you specifically consume.

    I go along with people who want to check the menu prices but I inwardly groan. Even if Id only a starter Id never ever bring it up so I could pay less.

    Its swings and roundabouts. Sometimes I end up paying more than i have consumed, sometimes less. But the night out is not just what i consume - its the venue, the company etc...

    Yeah, I agree in most cases. But what I'm talking about is when you're really short of money but would like to go. I'll give you an example, I was unemployed for 6 months last year and invited out with a group of friends for a meal. Now if I knew it would only cost 20-25 quid I could go, but I didn't because I would be too embarrassed to bring it up beforehand so didn't go. Do you get me?


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  • pilly wrote: »
    Yeah, I agree in most cases. But what I'm talking about is when you're really short of money but would like to go. I'll give you an example, I was unemployed for 6 months last year and invited out with a group of friends for a meal. Now if I knew it would only cost 20-25 quid I could go, but I didn't because I would be too embarrassed to bring it up beforehand so didn't go. Do you get me?

    I do get you.

    I wouldn't go to a group meal if I was tight on money.




  • pilly wrote: »
    So you're throwing judgement right back at her, how does that help?
    It helps as she might realise how unreasonable she is being and in future think twice before shouting her mouth off. It is not like that poster was shouting her mouth off in advance, it was a response, a sensible and logical counter argument. The type of response I guessed you might have actually approved of...
    pilly wrote: »
    No need to say anything unless you are effected either way by someone's spending or lack thereof.
    So what do you suggest is said? as the poster obviously is very much effected by her sisters seemingly reckless spending.
    pilly wrote: »
    Whilst I might have a meal that cost 20 euro and water I might end up paying 40 euro.
    If you started ordering 10euro bottles of water from icebergs or some nonsense then those seemingly oblivious people might suddenly pay attention. Not that I suggest squandering money like that, but they are possibly aware that you are paying more than you should.




  • rubadub wrote: »
    It helps as she might realise how unreasonable she is being and in future think twice before shouting her mouth off. It is not like that poster was shouting her mouth off in advance, it was a response, a sensible and logical counter argument. The type of response I guessed you might have actually approved of...

    No, not really. Responses like this just beget more of the same. Personally I would keep quiet.


    So what do you suggest is said? as the poster obviously is very much effected by her sisters seemingly reckless spending.

    How is she effected by the reckless spending. Someone who's reckless asks you for a loan, you say no. Doesn't have any effect!

    If you started ordering 10euro bottles of water from icebergs or some nonsense then those seemingly oblivious people might suddenly pay attention. Not that I suggest squandering money like that, but they are possibly aware that you are paying more than you should.

    Yeah they probably are aware but just don't think it's a problem I suppose.




  • I do get you.

    I wouldn't go to a group meal if I was tight on money.

    Leads to a lonely life sometimes. :D




  • pilly wrote: »
    Leads to a lonely life sometimes. :D

    Oh yeah, I was redundant for a period of time and I had to seriously curtail my social life as a result.

    I remember turning down a wedding invite because it would have cost me about 1k to attend between location, hotel for 2 nights, travel, gift, outfit, spending money. She was shocked - but I didnt have 1k to spend on a party!


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  • I wonder if anyone else has experienced this? My friend today shamed me by stating I was so stingy in front of another friend because of my money saving, frugal habits. I was so annoyed that I shot back that at least I'm not in credit card debt and so on. It got me thinking that now in future I have to 'hide' my fugal way off living because if I speak about it people will call me cheap or stingy. Its a horrible feeling not being able to live the lifestyle you want without being judged. Has anyone else had a similar experience and how they combated it?

    Frugality is a good thing as long as it doesn't tend towards meanness in group situations..

    But not buying into mindless consumerism is not something to be ashamed of.




  • I dunno.

    Theres nights out for dinner where I drive and dont drink, where I dont drive and do drink, where I am really hungry and get every course including dessert, where I am not hungry and just get a salad etc...

    But at a group meal everyone has the same night out regardless of how much you specifically consume.

    I go along with people who want to check the menu prices but I inwardly groan. Even if Id only a starter Id never ever bring it up so I could pay less.

    Its swings and roundabouts. Sometimes I end up paying more than i have consumed, sometimes less. But the night out is not just what i consume - its the venue, the company etc...

    I would in the main be like yourself but I remember one particular occasion where there was a meal for someone leaving my wife's work.. Partners were invited.

    It was a grand night in general. Nice company... About 14 or so people but there was one lad at the table who fancied himself as a billy big shot - kept ordering very expensive bottles of wine off the menu (like 3 - 4 times the cost of the house wines)... He ended up taking it upon himself to order about 6 in total. Most of it consumed down at his end. Not even a courtesy query towards the rest of the table whether they were on board with his selections..

    He got himself mightily pissed and headed off before desert.. Threw down enough to cover his food with an extra tenner or so for 'his share' of the drinks bill.

    Rest of us got stung big time for his 'refined' palette.

    I was not impressed. But there was little I could say or do other than pony up.

    It only takes one ignoramus to ruin it for everyone.




  • lawred2 wrote: »
    It only takes one ignoramus to ruin it for everyone.

    This is true.

    I heard a story once (urban myth?) about a group of people who met each year to have a dinner, one person always took it upon themselves to receive and split the bill, calculate a tip etc...

    One year the person next to her realised that she split it based on the numbers minus herself - everyone had been paying for her dinner without realising for years!




  • This is true.

    I heard a story once (urban myth?) about a group of people who met each year to have a dinner, one person always took it upon themselves to receive and split the bill, calculate a tip etc...

    One year the person next to her realised that she split it based on the numbers minus herself - everyone had been paying for her dinner without realising for years!

    Might be a myth. But at the same time very believable.




  • This is true.

    I heard a story once (urban myth?) about a group of people who met each year to have a dinner, one person always took it upon themselves to receive and split the bill, calculate a tip etc...

    One year the person next to her realised that she split it based on the numbers minus herself - everyone had been paying for her dinner without realising for years!
    It took someone years to figure it out? Urban myth I'd say. Where pooling money is involved people suddenly become great at maths.




  • Life is too short to be a tight arse..not meeting up with friends because of a 30 euro meal is depressing but hey whatever makes you happy. The most valuable thing you will have in old age will be your memories and if creating tem costs a little bit then so be.




  • Sam Kade wrote: »
    It took someone years to figure it out? Urban myth I'd say. Where pooling money is involved people suddenly become great at maths.

    You think?

    Ive been arranging and doing the bill split for an xmas meal of a particular group for 20+ years. Not once has anyone else asked to even look at the bill. I could easily pull the trick of having mine paid for - not that I would.

    Its not the same person sitting next to me each year, or indeed the same people in attendance - some people cant make it sometimes, different partners have come and gone etc...




  • Sam Kade wrote: »
    It took someone years to figure it out? Urban myth I'd say. Where pooling money is involved people suddenly become great at maths.

    I wouldn't agree. I find people are generally quite trusting in such situations.

    Most people just ask what their bit is and leave it at that.




  • One example is donuts at work a few years back. There was one guy who always bought the really cheap nasty ones whilst everyone else on the team went to a nice bakery. He was mean.


    What you do there is get him a crappy one on your round and everyone else a nice one.

    I did a couple of variations of this. I don't drink but years ago my drink was a pint of some sort of fizzy drink. One guy always got me just a single drink but his was a pint of Guinness.

    He wouldn't change so I had enough, they had those little half pint , pint shaped glasses. When it was my round everyone got their drink and he got his "little pint" we still laugh about it. Stopped it through

    I used to share a place with three other lads abroad. Every day it was someone's turn to pop down to the lovely bakery and get a French stick it was split 4 ways. On one guys turn he'd refuse to go said he didn't really like bread anyway. We asked why he ate it every day when someone else bought it.
    Eventually he did go but he went to lidl and bought a miserable sliced pan that was never fresh but stayed that way for three weeks.

    So we cut him out of the French stick around and left him with the lidl bread. He lasted two days!

    I think there is a line with these things. People who use coupons are wise but when people elect to pay for something and they use a coupon but ask you for the cash value back, not good. Like the two for one coupon, you pay and I'll go for free etc that's a 50/50 deal.

    Driving the car you can afford is not frugal it's sensible.
    I've noticed that the people who seem to enjoy getting onto others about this are usually the ones in the red with credit cards. I think they are trying to justify their own situation.
    I'm very wasteful myself but i respect those guys who keep last night's pizza for lunch. I just eat everything that's in front of me.!




  • This is true.

    I heard a story once (urban myth?) about a group of people who met each year to have a dinner, one person always took it upon themselves to receive and split the bill, calculate a tip etc...

    One year the person next to her realised that she split it based on the numbers minus herself - everyone had been paying for her dinner without realising for years!

    Genius. It's like that story about the owners of a small petting zoo situated in a park somewhere in UK contacting the local authority to find out when they were going to replace the parking attendant who had recently retired. This guy had turned up in the petting zoo car park every day for about 15 years with a peaked hat and a ticket machine and charged every car leaving the car park. He did a fantastic job very helpful with directions and the parking situation wonderful with kids.
    Turns out that the zoo thought that he was employed by the LA and the LA thought he was employed by the zoo and he'd pocketed every penny tax free for all that time. By the time it was discovered he'd sold up and buggered off to the Sth of France.


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  • MayoSalmon wrote: »
    Life is too short to be a tight arse..not meeting up with friends because of a 30 euro meal is depressing but hey whatever makes you happy. The most valuable thing you will have in old age will be your memories and if creating tem costs a little bit then so be.

    No I agree, but it's different when you don't actually have 30 is my point so people who are working need to be considerate of someone who's not at the moment.




  • infogiver wrote: »
    Genius. It's like that story about the owners of a small petting zoo...

    Unfortunately it's a myth, pity as it's a brilliant story but I guess all good myths are.

    http://www.snopes.com/crime/clever/carpark.asp




  • MayoSalmon wrote: »
    Life is too short to be a tight arse..not meeting up with friends because of a 30 euro meal is depressing but hey whatever makes you happy. The most valuable thing you will have in old age will be your memories and if creating tem costs a little bit then so be.

    I don't think you understand. If your living on benefits then you wouldn't actually have €30. People not in this situation just don't get it.




  • Unfortunately it's a myth, pity as it's a brilliant story but I guess all good myths are.

    http://www.snopes.com/crime/clever/carpark.asp

    Still love it though




  • MayoSalmon wrote: »
    Life is too short to be a tight arse..not meeting up with friends because of a 30 euro meal is depressing but hey whatever makes you happy. The most valuable thing you will have in old age will be your memories and if creating tem costs a little bit then so be.

    Its not about making yourself happy though - if you dont have it you dont have it.




  • I can be a terrible spendthrift (especially when I'm a bit down) but I try to fight against it and at least if I'm spending, I try to get things at a reduced price or shop around to get the best deal I can.

    I really admire people who are better at saving than I am.

    I think friends should be aware enough of each other's financial situation to recognise if someone really can't afford a meal out due to their current situation and maybe try to do something that is within that friends means.

    I often don't drink when we go out and my group of friends is quite good in that if there's a couple of people not drinking the wine purchased for the table, we deduct the cost of the wine off the bill, split the food evenly & then split the wine between those who had it. It's never even been brought up by someone but just the way we've always gone about it.

    To be honest, as someone who could do with being more frugal, sometimes if someone is almost bragging about how great they are at doing it, it gets to me because I know I should be doing more and sometimes does get a reaction from me. But that is my own issue, not theirs.




  • I don't think moaning the cost of a Doctor's Letter is an example of frugality




  • mansize wrote: »
    I don't think moaning the cost of a Doctor's Letter is an example of frugality

    Neither do I.
    It is an example of the current rights/entitlement culture that pervades the land at the moment though.




  • To be honest i can get really annoying , one of the lads moans constantly about the price of everything , meals out, Takeaways , drink , rent petrol etc... i get it that him and hos OH aren't earning the same as the rest of us but seriously it gets old after a while like once or twice I've told him to change the record on a night out when he's gone on about the price of something or rip off Ireland 1 too many times , just puts a downer or some stuff like.

    I hate ordering takeway's with them or going out for food because they will never just split a bill like and it takes an age.

    Saving is a good thing , we do it religiously with direct debits from both our paychecks , we're saving for a wedding and mortgage , there a big difference between being smart with your'e money and being tight as a ducks hole and letting all and sundry know how much of a rip off you find everything.


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  • infogiver wrote: »
    I don't think you understand. If your living on benefits then you wouldn't actually have €30. People not in this situation just don't get it.

    He's Ross. You're Phoebe.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I53n7ldcSGo&feature=youtu.be&t=1m


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