House share - home owner

LegacyUser · 14-02-2016 9:46pm #1

I own my own house and rent out a room to a guy through daft, so no previous friendship. He's been there a couple of months now and we get on grand..chat a bit and all is okay. He now has a girlfriend, delighted for him, she seems really lovely. Told him from the outset, grand with her staying max one night weekday and one at weekend & that I'd honour same agreement if in a relationship (I'm currently single). However this weekend she stayed both Fri and Sat night and has just left, late Sun eve. Am totally ticked, wouldn't have minded if he'd said ah it's Valentine's Day do you mind...but nothing..should I let it go with the weekend that's in it..or bring it up? My gut says to discuss as prefer to be upfront and open but don't want to seem over the top? Thoughts....

Wompa1 · 15-02-2016 6:59am

Just a question wrote: »

I own my own house and rent out a room to a guy through daft, so no previous friendship. He's been there a couple of months now and we get on grand..chat a bit and all is okay. He now has a girlfriend, delighted for him, she seems really lovely. Told him from the outset, grand with her staying max one night weekday and one at weekend & that I'd honour same agreement if in a relationship (I'm currently single). However this weekend she stayed both Fri and Sat night and has just left, late Sun eve. Am totally ticked, wouldn't have minded if he'd said ah it's Valentine's Day do you mind...but nothing..should I let it go with the weekend that's in it..or bring it up? My gut says to discuss as prefer to be upfront and open but don't want to seem over the top? Thoughts....

Let it go if this is the first time. You know yourself that it's Valentines Day and all. If it happens again then you can bring it up. I let it go last time because it was Valentines Day but this can't keep continuing.

athtrasna · 15-02-2016 7:55am

Wompa1 wrote: »

Let it go if this is the first time. You know yourself that it's Valentines Day and all. If it happens again then you can bring it up. I let it go last time because it was Valentines Day but this can't keep continuing.

I don't agree. These things have to be nipped in the bud. Put down a marker. OP I know it's not easy to have these kinds of conversations but the sooner you have it the better. I've been in your precise situation and know how uncomfortable it can feel, especially when you made it clear at the start. Have the chat tonight.

magicmushroom · 15-02-2016 9:03am

I agree with athtrasna, it has to be nipped in the bud straight away.
I speak from experience - I recently had a housemate (he's moved out now) and I let him away with a couple of things for a while.

When I eventually confronted him, it made things very awkward and he moved out.
I don't think it would have happened that way if I'd said it upfront, so it's a lesson learned for me.

zoobizoo · 15-02-2016 9:12am

I'd normally advise to nip it in the bud but it was Valentines' weekend.

He may bring it up with you this evening.

zoobizoo · 15-02-2016 9:12am

I'd normally advise to nip it in the bud but it was Valentines' weekend.

He may bring it up with you this evening.

Leogirl · 15-02-2016 9:56am

I used to rent out a room in my place+ made the mistake of not nipping this kind of thing in the bud. The partner ended up coming for a 2 week holiday, never offered a penny towards anything. They took over the place when here, it was horrible for me. I learned from it- future lodgers were told from the start that only 2 nights per week was ok+ I'd prefer notice.

LegacyUser · 15-02-2016 10:21am

Just be direct and say look I know it was V day weekend but you still should have checked with me before hand. It may be a mis-understanding in that he took friday night to be the weekday and Saturday the weekend. Best to just clear it up now rather then waiting for a repeat that may or may not happen.

zoobizoo · 15-02-2016 10:56am

can't log in wrote: »

It may be a mis-understanding in that he took friday night to be the weekday and Saturday the weekend. .

Yes, maybe he thought he'd use Friday (week day) and then Saturday (weekend night) together...

Did she stay another night during the week?

Lux23 · 15-02-2016 3:16pm

Wompa1 wrote: »

Let it go if this is the first time. You know yourself that it's Valentines Day and all. If it happens again then you can bring it up. I let it go last time because it was Valentines Day but this can't keep continuing.

I don't think I would let it go, you're probably better off saying straight away that you're not impressed with this and it can't happen again.

Rekop dog · 15-02-2016 4:24pm

Let it go this once imo. What I find weird is you saying you'd honour the same rule if you were in a relationship. Think it's perfectly acceptable as an owner to set your lodger rules that you don't have to adhere to yourself.

MissFlitworth · 15-02-2016 4:34pm

In my head Friday is a weekday night, maybe your lodger thinks the same? Best to explain that one weekday (Monday - Friday) & one weekend (Saturday & Sunday) night and not 2 nights in a row, just in case it's a misunderstanding rather than a taking the mick thing!

Eimee90 · 15-02-2016 5:48pm

Find this really weird. I'm all for couples not taking over rooms and so forth, but can he not even have her sleep over as long as it's in his room only. My boyfriend stays over a lot but we never if rarely use the living room or kitchen out of respect. Find the staying over thing weird however.

rainbowtrout · 15-02-2016 7:34pm

elsa21 wrote: »

Find this really weird. I'm all for couples not taking over rooms and so forth, but can he not even have her sleep over as long as it's in his room only. My boyfriend stays over a lot but we never if rarely use the living room or kitchen out of respect. Find the staying over thing weird however.

It's not just a house share though. The OP owns the house, they are entitled to set whatever rules they want to feel comfortable in their own home. It's not free either. Inevitably the boyfriend/girlfriend that stays over wants a shower/meal and water and electricity are not free.

cactusgal · 15-02-2016 7:45pm

rainbowtrout wrote: »

It's not just a house share though. The OP owns the house, they are entitled to set whatever rules they want to feel comfortable in their own home. It's not free either. Inevitably the boyfriend/girlfriend that stays over wants a shower/meal and water and electricity are not free.

Not to mention sex noises, which are part and parcel of an overnight visit. I agree with the "nip it in the bud" posts. When I lived with my last housemate, we both had boyfriends, and gave each other notice if a boyfriend was staying over, or if one of us planned to stay at the BF's house (so if she knew I'd be away, she'd have her fella over and vice versa). We shared a thin wall, so sex noises were inevitable. Luckily, we were both considerate towards each other (she was also the home owner), so it was fine.

Your house, your rules. It's not relaxing for you to have an extra houseguest all weekend long.

Augme · 15-02-2016 9:04pm

He stuck to the agreement which was one weeknight and one weekend night.

Emme · 15-02-2016 9:22pm

Augme wrote: »

He stuck to the agreement which was one weeknight and one weekend night.

Exactly. It was Valentines so I think the OP should let it go. If the girlfriend ends up staying 3 nights a week and they take over the place it's different.

athtrasna · 15-02-2016 9:29pm

Emme wrote: »

Exactly. It was Valentines so I think the OP should let it go. If the girlfriend ends up staying 3 nights a week and they take over the place it's different.

I would imagine that the OP did not mean a Friday and Saturday night when they said one weekend night and one night midweek. This needs to be clarified to the lodger asap

JillyQ · 15-02-2016 9:59pm

OP been in the same situation as you. You need to have a chat with him and nip it in the bud now.

16-02-2016 12:02pm

Bring it up straight away op, as others have said you need to make your position clear. Also I'd consider Friday a weekend night and I'm sure I wouldn't be alone in that.

As for you having to adhere to the same rules as your lodger I wouldn't be making promises like that either, its your house you can do as you please while still enforcing rules for your lodger.

questionmark? · 16-02-2016 6:25pm

If this is the first time it's happended then let it go as it's Valentines weekend. If it happens again nip it in the bud saying that I only let the last one go due to the weekend that was in it.

Meauldsegosha · 16-02-2016 7:47pm

I don't know why posters think Valentines Day (weekend) makes a difference. If Valentines was a week night would you think he should be allowed two week nights? If the OP doesn't mention it now what happens on St Patrick's Day or Easter or someone's birthday. There will always be a special day.

Also I agreed with Leanna Long Sunfish Friday night is the weekend.

questionmark? · 17-02-2016 11:36pm

Meauldsegosha wrote: »

I don't know why posters think Valentines Day (weekend) makes a difference. If Valentines was a week night would you think he should be allowed two week nights? If the OP doesn't mention it now what happens on St Patrick's Day or Easter or someone's birthday. There will always be a special day.

Also I agreed with Leanna Long Sunfish Friday night is the weekend.

None of the days you listed are the same. Valentines day is about one thing and thats spending it with your loved one if you can. It was on a weekend so bonus in more time together unlike if it was during the week that's why some of us are saying it but as with everything people have different opinions.

OP what have you decided to do?

andekwarhola · 17-02-2016 11:39pm

Rekop dog wrote: »

Let it go this once imo. What I find weird is you saying you'd honour the same rule if you were in a relationship. Think it's perfectly acceptable as an owner to set your lodger rules that you don't have to adhere to yourself.

If I was sharing my house with a renter, I certainly would not order them to observe rules that I didn't adhere to myself.

Jimmy Bottlehead · 18-02-2016 9:25am

OP, I've been in the 'awkward lodger' situation, but it was a friend of mine. His girlfriend was primarily the reason I had to ask him to leave after she absolutely took the piss on a number of occasions.

I recommend talking to him now, but obviously in a friendly manner and just re-establish the rules.

andekwarhola wrote: »

If I was sharing my house with a renter, I certainly would not order them to observe rules that I didn't adhere to myself.

I disagree. It's the OP's house to do with as they wish. This person is renting the house and is subject to rules that suit the OP.

18-02-2016 10:06am

andekwarhola wrote: »

If I was sharing my house with a renter, I certainly would not order them to observe rules that I didn't adhere to myself.

I don't see why you would impose any rules on yourself, It's your house and you are renting a room to get in some money not to do a favour for the person living in your home.

For instance I'd have no issue having a gf around most nights myself while enforcing a one night per week rule on the person renting the room, its tough luck basically on them. Its a very different scenario and dynamic to housesharing with people where everyone is renting and everyone has equal say in the house, for instance its not uncommon for a person renting a room in their home to specify that the renter cannot stay at weekends as they want the place to themselves. You will always find someone happy with the rules set out.

Talk about it being valentines day etc makes no difference the op didnt mention that he had any exceptions to his rules so the lodger should be reminded immediately about the rules. If he does it again then his argument will be you didnt say anything the last time so its always better not to let these things fester.

PinkLemonade · 18-02-2016 10:26am

If you rent out a room to someone and your girlfriend half lives there I hope you factor that in when splitting bills....

18-02-2016 10:48am

PinkLemonade wrote: »

If you rent out a room to someone and your girlfriend half lives there I hope you factor that in when splitting bills....

Being the owner of the house gives you the luxury of deciding how bills are split. If you don't want your gf to pay anything then you can share the bills 50:50 as the person renting the room has no rights to complain or request anything different. If they aren't happy the can leave.

I don't own a house or rent a room by the way I was just giving an example of a possible scenario.

PinkLemonade · 18-02-2016 11:32am

Xavier Great Bill wrote: »

Being the owner of the house gives you the luxury of deciding how bills are split. If you don't want your gf to pay anything then you can share the bills 50:50 as the person renting the room has no rights to complain or request anything different. If they aren't happy the can leave.

I don't own a house or rent a room by the way I was just giving an example of a possible scenario.

It does give you the right , but it's a sh*tty thing to do. Just because you can do it doesn't mean you should.

Its got nothing to do with the OPs issue though, so best to leave it at that

18-02-2016 1:13pm

Just a question wrote: »

Told him from the outset, grand with her staying max one night weekday and one at weekend ... this weekend she stayed both Fri and Sat night and has just left, late Sun eve.

I think the issue is that it appears she was there for the ENTIRE weekend which seems to be what the OP was avoiding my separating the week night from the weekend night and would leave me ticked off too.

jeremymurphy · 18-02-2016 1:20pm

I see why you are annoyed. You have good reason to be. Can I ask were they out over the weekend? Out Fri? Out Sat? Sun afternoon. I think he broke the agreement no matter what but just trying to see what encroachment on you there was.

lyinghere · 18-02-2016 1:58pm

I think everyone is being overly dramatic. If you have an overall good reasonable relationship with this lodger don't go scare him off by chastising him over his girlfriend staying one extra night. It's your house but be does pay rent. I think he should be allowed one slip up now and again, and in this case it's such a minor incident. Everyone is demonizing him for something so minor. If it happens again straight away just let remind him of the rule as it will obviously annoy you and cannot become a habit. I really think your problems could be a lot worse to be honest and he sounds like an overall decent tenant and you could appreciate that more.

TG1 · 26-02-2016 6:41am

I would interpret the week to be Monday to Friday and the weekend to be Saturday and Sunday so if I was the housemate I would be confused as to how I had broken the agreement.

If you are going to have the conversation do it very very gently. All this talk (not from the op I know) of its your house so your rules is fine but if you have chosen to rent a room then you have to let that person live there. You can't expect them to tip toe round the house all the time.

If you want to specify the two nights can't be together I would frame the conversation as clarifying the rules rather than him breaking them as I'm not sure he did the way you stated them in your op.

Rubberchikken · 26-02-2016 9:39am

i wouldn't have any interest into going into the details of what constitutes a weekend or valentines weekend in this case.
you've been upfront with this person and very fair, as far as i can see.
if you're comfortable letting this go this time then so be it. but be careful. sometimes things are done by stealth and it's a while before what's occurring is actually noticed.

take care

Aye Bosun · 26-02-2016 9:53am

This is why I am an advocate of a licensee agreement. People always claim this gives a licensee more rights but it does not. It just very clearly defines what is and what is not acceptable while living in the house and avoids situations like this.
My rule on guests staying over is 1-2 nights a week on an irregular basis. Never had an issue with anyone taking the piss as it was agreed before they moved in. And if is does become an issue we have the agreement to fall back.

House share - home owner

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