How do I approach this situation

Struggling

Last summer I was away travelling and made friends with a girl. We both had long term boyfriends and were away travelling without them, it was never an issue. We decided to travel together again this summer for a few weeks. Since then she has dumped her then boyfriend and gotten a new one. However now that she has a new boyfriend she bailed on our travel plans and has just announced she's going again but not with me but with her new bf.
I know people are free to go where they want with whoever they want, but I feel so wound up and annoyed with her. I'm 100% a woman of my word so it probably bothers me more than it should. Do I just forget about it or say something?

Rubberchikken

it must have hurt to be left like that when you had obviously assumed you'd both travel again this summer.
is it really worth mentioning it to her? i'd say leave it for the time being and let things cool. when the heat is off you could just mention how you felt let down.
in the meantime why not plan some new travels and friends of your own?
take care

woodchuck

I can completely understand why you'd be hurt, but I'm not sure what there is to gain by saying something to her. It could just be an isolated incident, but if it's a repeated pattern of behaviour (prioritising boyfriends above friends) I'd be rethinking the value of the friendship. Only time will tell though!

Ursus Horribilis

In what way did she break the news to you? Was she nice about it? Did she apologise?

I can see both sides of this. I can understand why you'd feel peeved but have you tried looking at it from her point of view? She has a new boyfriend and is still in the honeymoon stage with him. If she's like most of us, she'll only have a certain amount of money and annual leave available to her in a year. I could be wrong but I think a lot of women in her shoes would find it hard to turn down the option of going on holidays with her boyfriend in favour of a friend she only knows a year.

Struggling

Odus fell down wrote: »

In what way did she break the news to you? Was she nice about it? Did she apologise?

I can see both sides of this. I can understand why you'd feel peeved but have you tried looking at it from her point of view? She has a new boyfriend and is still in the honeymoon stage with him. If she's like most of us, she'll only have a certain amount of money and annual leave available to her in a year. I could be wrong but I think a lot of women in her shoes would find it hard to turn down the option of going on holidays with her boyfriend in favour of a friend she only knows a year.

She put it up on Facebook. Didnt break it to me directly. Stopped answering me when I asked about it then put up she had it booked with the new boyfriend

Ursus Horribilis

Struggling wrote: »

She put it up on Facebook. Didn't break it to me directly. Stopped answering me when I asked about it then put up she had it booked with the new boyfriend

Wow. Talk about going about things the wrong way! I'd not be wasting my breath trying to talk to her about this. She knows she went about this the wrong way. Really, an honest conversation about this at the start would've been all that was needed. The bigger question you might find yourself asking now is if you can remain friends with someone who tossed you aside in this fashion. You know her far better than we do. That's your decision to make .

Ryan Mac Sweeney

Hi
I have read your post. I am so sorry that this has happened to you. My advice to you would be to just forget about her and make alternative travel plans by yourself and forget about her. You could also just stay in Ireland this year and maybe book a few weeks travelling along the west coast and visit places such as Galway Mayo Sligo Clare Kerry Cork etc. If the weather is good this summer you would be better off just to stay in Ireland. It is also a lot cheaper just stay in different B&Bs in each place and you can also make frienda with the locals an you never know you might even get a boyfriend yourself and put your travel plans on hold for next year.

Ursus Horribilis

OP already has a boyfriend.

LegacyUser

If you'd booked something and paid for it with agreement she would pay you then I'd say something but if not forget about it - it's not worth it.

I know why you're annoyed. I travel a lot and usually without my husband as he has his own hobby he'd rather spend his money on. I've several friends I travel with - some married/in relationships/single - it's a mixed bag and I've had a few friends who drop you the second they are in a relationship. It's not worth getting worked up about...leave them to it and move on with your travel plans

Augme

I wouldn't bother mentioning it to her but I'd cut her off as a friend.

Rubberchikken

hi op
not the most decent thing to do, ending plans on facebook.
rise above it. maybe it just wasn't the best of friendships.

cloudatlas

Unless you had made concrete plans i.e. set dates, put down money, discussed it in depth then I wouldn't hold it against her. Why don't you arrange to go away with your bf?

zoobizoo

Could be that she saw it as a very loose arrangement and that you saw it as a concrete plan?

Are you in touch much (face to face) or is she a travel pal who you haven't really seen since then?

I only ask as I would think a bit about people I've met while travelling and still consider them pals. I might send them a FB message or think about them every so often. I doubt that they would. It's just differing perspectives I think.

Struggling

So I didn't want to start a new thread as a follow up to this. After my friend decided she was going travelling with her boyfriend I asked another friend if she wanted to go away and she did so we booked a trip for the summer.
I told my first friend I was still going even though she wasn't coming with me. She said sorry for letting me down etc.
Roll on a month later.
She text me last night asking was I still heading away travelling on my own.. I replied said I was never going alone that another friend was coming and now shes angry with me for going without her!!! WTF

Ursus Horribilis

She doesn't sound like much of a friend to be honest. It'd probably be better for all concerned if you allowed this friendship to fizzle out. Why is her nose suddenly out of joint? It wouldn't be because the new boyfriend has gone by the wayside?

kjl

Struggling wrote: »

So I didn't want to start a new thread as a follow up to this. After my friend decided she was going travelling with her boyfriend I asked another friend if she wanted to go away and she did so we booked a trip for the summer.
I told my first friend I was still going even though she wasn't coming with me. She said sorry for letting me down etc.
Roll on a month later.
She text me last night asking was I still heading away travelling on my own.. I replied said I was never going alone that another friend was coming and now shes angry with me for going without her!!! WTF

So she is happy for you to travel on your own, but not with someone else. I think you know the advice you are going to get in this post.

Katgurl

I am very confused as to what your friend could be annoyed about.

Can you provide some more detail around the last few conversations?

Is it possible you made some (in her mind) loose arrangements and then she didn't see any need to change them directly but felt you put her on a guilt trip while you had another companion lined up all along?

Sorry but I'm struggling to see how she could be annoyed with you for still going?is her annoyance around the fact you led her to believe you were going alone?

I think regardless of what her motives are that I'd be calling a halt to this friendship. A year isn't a very long time when it comes to knowing somebody well and the fact that you feel very hurt is a good enough reason to reduce contact.

She doesn't sound very nice whatever way you look at things. You have your own boyfriend, your own life and someone else to travel around with. Most of all you are a more considerate kinder person and you are independent too. I don't think she deserves a friend like you at all.

Clampdown

Wow. My thoughts were that she already seemed very selfish for going with her bf and not telling you but putting it on fb but that is just beyond comprehension.

I think you should be very glad you are going with someone else. Enjoy the heck out of your holiday and post lots of pictures from it on fb!

Struggling

Katgurl wrote: »

I am very confused as to what your friend could be annoyed about.

Can you provide some more detail around the last few conversations?

Is it possible you made some (in her mind) loose arrangements and then she didn't see any need to change them directly but felt you put her on a guilt trip while you had another companion lined up all along?
at all.

I wouldn't think so when she pulled out I didn't make a big deal at all even though I was mad. Asked a different friend and got on with it but her changing her mind now she wants back in. Honestly I think she's just so spoilt that shes not used to not getting her own way

Neyite

Struggling wrote: »

I wouldn't think so when she pulled out I didn't make a big deal at all even though I was mad. Asked a different friend and got on with it but her changing her mind now she wants back in. Honestly I think she's just so spoilt that shes not used to not getting her own way

Do you want to let her back in? Forget what you think you should do. Think about what you want - would you be happy travelling with someone who drops you without a backward glance. I cant say I would tbh. How valuable is her friendship to you?