Putting manners on history

maudgonner

If you could give one figure from history a good Irish-Mammy-style telling off, who would it be and what would you say? Would you threaten to tell their father when he got home? Would you go for the nuclear option and brandish the wooden spoon?

I'd tell Charles Stewart Parnell to stop making googly eyes at that O'Shea wan, the little hussy. It was all going so well, he was the uncrowned Prince of Ireland and we were well on the road to Home Rule until he went and made a holy show of us.

If he had just kept the mickey zipped (thanks Twink!) we might have had independence all the sooner => no need for the Rising => no need for Joe Duffy's buke about de chislers.

kfallon

I'd like to send Oliver Cromwell to stay with the Christian Brothers for a few years! :mad:

athtrasna

I'd send Dev back to America, or over to London to negotiate the treaty or just anywhere that kept him out of the country so he couldn't organise the hit on Michael Collins!

maudgonner

athtrasna wrote: »

I'd send Dev back to America, or over to London to negotiate the treaty or just anywhere that kept him out of the country so he couldn't organise the hit on Michael Collins!

He definitely could have done with being sent to visit his auntie alright. You know, the creepy spinster auntie who's well in her 70s (she's really a great-aunt). Who makes you sit in the good room and not move in case you break something. And there's no tv or anything.

That would have softened his cough for him.

RayM

I'd tell Heloise to stay away from Peter Abelard. He ain't worth it, love.

tomwaterford

I'd tell mick McCarthy and Roy Keane to cop the **** on and get on together

kfallon

Hitler could have done with a few hours on the naughty step I suppose while grounding Stalin would have learned him alright!!

fleet_admiral

Id go back and find Linda Martin's parents and tell them hes terrible on Telly Bingo

Sir Osis of Liver.

No Playstation for a week for that little bollix Genghis Khan.

maudgonner

kfallon wrote: »

Hitler could have done with a few hours on the naughty step I suppose while grounding Stalin would have learned him alright!!

Definitely a case for a smacked botty or two there, I don't care if you're not allowed to do that these days.

fleet_admiral

maudgonner wrote: »

Definitely a case for a smacked botty or two there, I don't care if you're not allowed to do that these days.

The furher would probably enjoy that, the kinky kraut

maudgonner

Sir Osis of Liver. wrote: »

No Playstation for a week for that little bollix Genghis Khan.

He only ever wants to play Age of Empires, the little shíte.

Noodles81

I'd tell my wee Julius Caesar not to invite that lil bollix Brutus round for a playtime again. Altogether too fond of the knives, that fella. Found one of poor Jules' teddies stabbed in the back. It was his favourite too...one of those senator teddies that were all the rage last Bacchanalian.

kfallon

I'd tell Maggie thatcher to play with the toaster in the bath, the cúnt!

KingBrian2

Get Archduke Ferdinand to find a taxi driver that knows the route around Sarajevo.

Hammer89

KingBrian2 wrote: »

Get Archduke Ferdinand to find a taxi driver that knows the route around Sarajevo.

He might find Anton out there in the process.

StewartGriffin

kfallon wrote: »

Hitler could have done with a few hours on the naughty step I suppose while grounding Stalin would have learned him alright!!

kfallon wrote: »

I'd tell Maggie thatcher to play with the toaster in the bath, the cúnt!

Good sense of historical priorities there K.

I'd pull Mohammad sideways by the beard and make him take those nasty bits out of the Koran because it would cause no end of bother in the 21st century. There again, he didn't write the Koran so that would be unfair on his beard.

Maybe I'd tell the Mesopotamians not fool around with that writing bull****.

Maybe I'd tell Devore not to set up a Quake forum because it would turn into the soul destroying mess that is Boards.ie

coolhull

I'd tell Miley Byrne to have no truck with that Fidelma one. A bad egg, that slut.....

KingBrian2

This thread is making me burst out in laughter.

fatknacker

kfallon wrote: »

I'd like to send Oliver Cromwell to stay with the Christian Brothers for a few years! :mad:

That would certainly assist in relaxing his views towards Catholics.

maudgonner

KingBrian2 wrote: »

This thread is making me burst out in laughter.

Well now KingBrianBoru, I'd have a word with you too. There's a time and a place for praying, and it's not in some field in Clontarf. That's a pagan kind of carry on. Save it for mass of a Sunday morning.

And keep an eye on that divil Brodir - he'd stick a knife in your back as soon as look at you.

KingBrian2

Not for the great Brian Boru all you guys would be speaking like Vikings. Raping and looting.

Now that I come to think of it some of us are still doing that even to the present day.

coolhull

I'm always tellin' ye, young Nelson, not to be arsing around with them fellas, with their gun-shootin' and playin' around with boats.
It'll be all right till someone loses an eye........

Noodles81

I'd tell Chamberlain not to be so trusting of that Rudolph Hitler or whatever his name is and to do no appeasing his chicanery in the Sudetenland or there'll be no peace in our time when his father comes home.

buried

I'd go back to 1888 and kick the Queen Victoria right up into her balls, and as shes rolling around the palace floor in agony, whisper into her ear "that's for the famine, you f**king vulture Nazi witch" and then go get flayed alive, burnt, shot or whatever. Be worth it

maudgonner

Noodles81 wrote: »

I'd tell Chamberlain not to be so trusting of that Rudolph Hitler or whatever his name is and to do no appeasing his chicanery in the Sudetenland or there'll be no peace in our time when his father comes home.

And what are you doing waving that piece of paper around?! That's important* and it's quare windy out. If you lose it there will be war, and don't come crying to me!

Give it here, I'll put it in the biscuit tin in the press for safekeeping. With your birth certificate and your junior cert results.


(*not so much, as it turned out)

osarusan

"Ghengis, faraway hills aren't always greener you know. Just stay home."

donegaLroad

"Judas... dont even think about handing Jesus over to the leaders of Israel for 30 pieces of silver, or we'll never hear the end of it."

The_Valeyard

Id have the Irish mammie give the 1798 rebels in Wexford a good warning to leave the drink alone and concentrate on fighting the enemy!!

Ruu

Joe Stalin on the naughty step.

Noodles81

"Menelaus, keep an eye on that Helen one talking to the young Trojan fella in the corner..."

You'd want eyes in the back of your head with that one...a right hussy he married. Nothing but trouble...and as sour as cat's piss into the bargain.

And d'ya know what else? She's not all that gorgeous up close...woeful set of gnashers on her when she smiles.

maudgonner

Ruu wrote: »

Joe Stalin on the naughty step.

Ah Joe. He was such a lovely, handsome boy, always writing poems.

I wanted him to be a priest but he got interested in becoming a psychopath and a tyrant, and now he hardly ever even comes home, except when he needs his washing done. Or to murder someone. He's a divil for the murdering!

mansize

Tell Joseph that Mary did the dirt on him and kill the little bastard

mansize

Hey Mona, giz a proper smile

coolhull

Mrs Kenny, I realise you'd love to have another child and name him Enda, but don't you think two babbies is enough?

biko

I'd give out to Mao for killing millions of his own people.

ToddyDoody

WB Yeats.

"Get a real job"

maudgonner

biko wrote: »

I'd give out to Mao for killing millions of his own people.

Would Mao's mammy be called Maoam?

'Cause the sweets she makes are nasty, maybe that's what made him so bold.

coolhull

Listen, Mrs Capone, I know it's none of my business, but I think yeh should have a word with young Al. He's starting to hang around with a bad crowd. Before yeh know it, he'll be buying pen-knives an catapults, and getting into all sorts of mischief. And then where'll yeh be?

athtrasna

athtrasna wrote: »

I'd send Dev back to America, or over to London to negotiate the treaty or just anywhere that kept him out of the country so he couldn't organise the hit on Michael Collins!

I'd tell Collins to stay off the booze...