I broke my knob

maudgonner

I broke my knob. It's been getting a lot of use lately (if you know what I mean) and I think I must have twisted it too hard. Now it doesn't work at all.

What should I do?


(Pics to follow)

Avatar MIA

pray receiving is as good as giving.

Buona Fortuna

splint?

4zn76tysfajdxp

That's the end of you

Unpossible

Is it one on an internal door or an external door?

Fleawuss

Hang a notice around it:

OUT OF ORDER

stateofflux

too much entry and exit.

woodies have a few of the more durable knobs

Corpus Twisty

Halfords sell universal replacements. They just screw on..and on..

The Backwards Man

You're panicking when you should be getting a handle on it.

Armchair Andy

Quite the chef OP! Scrub them plates!

Fr_Dougal

Shit, thought this one was a bingo thread too.

Shannon757

Still waiting for pics...

The_Valeyard

Hehehehhehehehe ........ Knob.

maudgonner

You'll get pics when I get some helpful advice, Shannon757.

Ficheall

"And then it turned out that the OP actually meant a doorknob off a cupboard*!! Oh, how we laughed..."
#lolbanter

*Or similar.

Wibbs

Move to your subservient hand Sir. If you're a righty, move to the left and vice versa. Onanism injuries are all too common and all too ignored and disregarded as a public safety issue. If by some stretch of the collective imagination a lady and her parts are involved(or a gentleman's parts #Rainbow Wibbs) I would suggest if she's a big lass(lad), best you clamber on top for safety's sake.

The_Valeyard

maudgonner wrote: »

You'll get pics when I get some helpful advice, Shannon757.

Use some deepheat on it*






















Do not try this.

maudgonner

Ficheall wrote: »

"And then it turned out that the OP actually meant a doorknob off a cupboard*!! Oh, how we laughed..."
#lolbanter

*Or similar.

Ah here, only a knob would spoil the knob joke fun...

Shannon757

maudgonner wrote: »

You'll get pics when I get some helpful advice, Shannon757.

They will help us give better advice, but I'd recommend replacing it with one of these:

Bit of bling is never a bad thing

FluffyMcCardy

Happens apparently particularly when she's on top. It's not indestructible despite what men think. Even if it doesn't break it can get really sore. She doesn't really understand that and suddenly you realise what being 'a man' really means.

On the other hand if you are talking doors that fix is easy I recommend Yale or Union. They always have the right fittings and the key always fit perfectly. Plus the female side always 'unlocks'.

Means Of Escape

Critical that you spell out your surname in the A&E dept.Knob with a K
You don't want them working on your hose by mistake .

Kenjataimu

Ficheall wrote: »

"And then it turned out that the OP actually meant a doorknob off a cupboard*!! Oh, how we laughed..."
#lolbanter

*Or similar.

Now he has to post a pic of his broken bits just to prove you wrong!

maudgonner

The_Valeyard wrote: »

Use some deepheat on it

Did not help.

At all.

:mad:

thomasj

maudgonner wrote:

(Pics to follow)

Please no!

maudgonner

As requested by thomasj, here's the pic:



<Snip - not for here thanks. Ain't nobody needs to see that!>





Last edited by Mod; 23-01-2016 at 23:33. Reason: NSFAnywhere Image

Shannon757

maudgonner wrote: »

As requested by thomasj, here's the pic:



<Snip - not for here thanks. Ain't nobody needs to see that!>





Last edited by Mod; 23-01-2016 at 23:33. Reason: NSFAnywhere Image

That wasn't snipped by a mod, mods write in BOLD!

maudgonner

Shannon757 wrote: »

That wasn't snipped by a mod, mods write in BOLD!

The poor mod was just traumatised I'd say.

I'll try again with a censored version, just for you Shannon:

https://i.imgur.com/giXqJNU.jpg

My poor mangled knob. (Note the cracks down both sides, ouch!)

Shannon757

maudgonner wrote: »

The poor mod was just traumatised I'd say.

I'll try again with a censored version, just for you Shannon:

https://i.imgur.com/giXqJNU.jpg

My poor mangled knob. (Note the cracks down both sides, ouch!)

Oh you poor thing:(

maudgonner

Shannon757 wrote: »

Oh you poor thing:(

Technically it's my sister's knob. Does that make it worse or better?

Fr_Dougal

maudgonner wrote: »

The poor mod was just traumatised I'd say.

I'll try again with a censored version, just for you Shannon:

https://i.imgur.com/giXqJNU.jpg

My poor mangled knob. (Note the cracks down both sides, ouch!)

Post reported.

sligojoek

Wrap a bit of plumber's tape around the shaft

maudgonner

sligojoek wrote: »

Wrap a bit of plumber's tape around the shaft

Thanks, I'll give it a go Joe, but it sounds quite fiddly. It's really quite a small knob, you see.

Ronin247

maudgonner wrote: »

Thanks, I'll give it a go Joe, but it sounds quite fiddly. It's really quite a small knob, you see.

If it is a very small knob then I would advise getting the opinion of a MOD as they are the undeniable experts on smalll knobs.:D

maudgonner

Ronin247 wrote: »

If it is a very small knob then I would advise getting the opinion of a MOD as they are the undeniable experts on smalll knobs.:D

Given that I'm already scared of being banned for impersonating a mod earlier in the thread (I would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for that pesky Shannon757!), I hereby disassociate myself from this remark entirely.

I know nothing about the size or functionality of any mod's knob, but I'm sure they all have lovely bottoms knobs.

Even the women.

Dolbert

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PIW9fPkanX8

Ruu

DIY forum for this.

maudgonner

Ruu wrote: »

DIY forum for this.

DIY'ing is what caused the problem in the first place, Ruu.

Ruu

That's what you get for hammering away.

MaryAntoinette

How you get erections gawking at your sisters sun holiday pics is beyond belief.

Canis Lupus

Get your mother to kiss it better.

wil

Ficheall wrote: »

"And then it turned out that the OP actually meant a doorknob off a cupboard*!! Oh, how we laughed..."
#lolbanter

*Or similar.

What!? He broke his knob off a cupboard door?
Argh, I've already called 999, I'm just skimming through the thread, your address must be here somewhere. Just hold on tight, help is coming, but whatever you do, don't panic. Leave it all to us. God, the perils of a open door, and at exactly the right height, the damage, oooooohhh
/faints

Call Me Jimmy

maudgonner wrote: »

I broke my knob. It's been getting a lot of use lately (if you know what I mean)

(Pics to follow)

Are you talking about sexual intercourse? Is this the case? I think I know what you mean

maudgonner

wil wrote: »

What!? He broke his knob off a cupboard door?
Argh, I've already called 999, I'm just skimming through the thread, your address must be here somewhere. Just hold on tight, help is coming, but whatever you do, don't panic. Leave it all to us. God, the perils of a open door, and at exactly the right height, the damage, oooooohhh
/faints

Eh, she actually!


Dude, did you even look at my username?

wil

maudgonner wrote: »

Eh, she actually!


Dude, did you even look at my username?

Oh gawd, I know I was out for a while, is it too late, it's worse than I could have ever imagined, the full transition.
/faints again

sligojoek

OP , is it off a gas cooker? Maybe you can get a very small cable tie and put it around the broken bit to keep it together.

DEFTLEFTHAND

The OP needs to find the Lord. Keep your knob for your lady wife, live to a code of honour, not to the standard of a degenerate.

suicide_circus

The trick to protecting the knob is to become the world's laziest lover. Nowadays I just put it in and remain perfectly motionless while herself has to clench and release at high speed over and over.

maudgonner

Thanks for your advice suicide_circus, but I'm glad to report that I've found a workaround. I used a needle-nosed pliers to twist the stump. Took a few goes but I've finally got it turned on and I plan on keeping it that way for the foreseeable future.

The job is oxo.

Capt'n Midnight

Buona Fortuna wrote: »

splint?

Here ya go http://imgur.com/a/df3AW

Ronin247

DEFTLEFTHAND wrote: »

The OP needs to find the Lord. Keep your knob for your lady wife, live to a code of honour, not to the standard of a degenerate.

Apt username