Very conflicted

sharkey 25

Hi All

I suppose I will start with a little bit of background information. Myself and my ex gf had been going out for just over 3 years and we had always thought that we had found the right person in each other. We had the usual ups and downs.
Recently our relationship had become poor in that communication with each other was not great and the signs were there that things were getting worse but neither of us really let each other know although we both knew it. Really it was mainly myself maybe taking her for granted and not correcting my behavior. Mainly I was drinking to much. I have never acted aggressively or lashed out when drunk. It was mainly the fact that when I met her i was often drinking.
Just before Christmas it all came out and she had spelt out how much of an effect it had on her. I felt awful that I had not seen this previously. Obviously after that I wanted to do anything in my power to correct this and we both agreed that we would take things slow and work to get our relationship back on track. I had been taking necessary steps but we met a couple of times and things were a bit tense but I understood her caginess.
Further to this I sensed she would come out and end it. Which did happen. We both admitted we still loved each other but she felt she could not do it any longer. We agreed not to contact each other and meet up in 4 weeks.
I had suspicions that there was someone else involved and wen I pressed her she admitted she had kissed someone at Halloween. I have suspicions that it was more than one occasion. She said that this was a result of the way our relationship was and that he is a friend. I am almost 100% sure that she is in constant contact with him now and obviously we are not seeing. My concern now is that when we meet that this relationship will have developed and even though we have committed to not seeing each other in that period, that this won't happen on her side.
One side of me thinks I should be angry with for not spelling it out to me that she felt like this or even shouting at me to make it obvious to me. The other side of me hates that I couldn't see the effect this was having on her.
I just feel like we could have a great relationship like we had at one stage and we both admit we were the best thing to happen to each other.
I suppose I'm also looking at what way to approach it when we meet up? Has anyone had a similar experience? Any advice would be appreciated.

CaraMay

She can't blame anyone else for her cheating. That's the main issue here. No doubt she was unhappy in the relationship, otherwise it wouldn't have happened but she should have talked to you before cheating.

She's deflecting blame by blaming your drinking.

Do you want to take a cheat back?

sharkey 25

CaraMay wrote: »

She can't blame anyone else for her cheating. That's the main issue here. No doubt she was unhappy in the relationship, otherwise it wouldn't have happened but she should have talked to you before cheating.

She's deflecting blame by blaming your drinking.

Do you want to take a cheat back?

I understand where you are coming from and the fact is when when you look at the facts this what she did.
Right now though I can see the reasons for this and I'm sure she feels awful.
At the moment things are a bit raw and my thoughts scattered. Also I'm pretty sure my hearts been broken, which is not something that I've experienced before and am struggling to deal with well.

CaraMay

Try to stay away from the drink especially now. The heart break will go in time. Get to the gym and get out and about and it will help.

sharkey 25

Thanks cara may.
Has anyone else had a similar situation in that they split with someone both saying they still loved each other but at the time relationship couldn't go on? Can time apart help?
I'm not getting my hopes up that wen we meet up we will want to start building things again. I suppose when we do meet we will know whether or not it's possible

sharkey 25

sharkey 25 wrote: »

Thanks cara may.
Has anyone else had a similar situation in that they split with someone both saying they still loved each other but at the time relationship couldn't go on? Can time apart help?
I'm not getting my hopes up that wen we meet up we will want to start building things again. I suppose when we do meet we will know whether or not it's possible

Anyone with experience of similar situations?

sharkey 25

sharkey 25 wrote: »

Anyone with experience of similar situations?

OP, I had a relationship end even though we both loved each other.

There is a particular line of thinking that believes love is enough. If two people are in love then they can get through whatever adversities may rise to meet them in the relationship. Personally I don't buy that for a second. You need so much more than love.

SarahMollie

It sounds to me like maybe she thinks you're now on a break?
This is dangerous ground as its clear that you both have different expectations for your time apart.
If your relationship cannot survive 4 weeks space, it wouldnt have survived much longer anyway.

I think its take to take some space for yourself and move on.

SarahMollie

It sounds to me like maybe she thinks you're now on a break?
This is dangerous ground as its clear that you both have different expectations for your time apart.
If your relationship cannot survive 4 weeks space, it wouldnt have survived much longer anyway.

I think its take to take some space for yourself and move on.