what to do....

marykitty47

Hi all just advice really. So met a guy...seems nice. Met just before Christmas, met last week and I don't no what came over me I don't usually make the move but I asked him if he would like to go for drink or cinema on Monday which he agreed to. Now do I wait for him to make contact or will I text/ring just finalise the plans over the weekend.

SATSUMA

Wait for him to make contact. .

GAAman

If that guy was me I'd be waiting/expecting to hear from you to make arrangements, what film or what bar etc

Text him and ask him if there's anything in the cinema he wants to see and if not hit a bar

MEGA BRO WOLF 5000

Yeah. It's up to you to mention the cinema on Monday now...ask him what he would like to see? Then the ball is in his court.

silverbolt

SATSUMA wrote: »

Wait for him to make contact. .

and what if he is waiting for the same thing?

GAAman wrote: »

If that guy was me I'd be waiting/expecting to hear from you to make arrangements, what film or what bar etc

Text him and ask him if there's anything in the cinema he wants to see and if not hit a bar

Pretty sound advice there. Nothing heavy just confirm/suggest times and dates with him.

kylith

Just a text saying 'You still on for the cinema Monday? I was thinking of X film at Y time' will do the job.

lelo100

Ya maybe text him Sunday evening and c what he wants to see!!

dellas1979

marykitty47 wrote: »

Now do I wait for him to make contact or will I text/ring just finalise the plans over the weekend.

Ah jeepers-don't be goin down that path lady. "Who texts who when" is a slippery slope of over analysing. As in "I asked him, so now to show his interest hes supposed to contact me first about it".

Maybe its from previous experience you've had, but generally if someone likes you, it should be straight forward. In this case, you asked him, so you make the arrangements.

loalae

kylith wrote: »

Just a text saying 'You still on for the cinema Monday? I was thinking of X film at Y time' will do the job.

Exactly this! Thanked the post but think it needs to be reiterated. You'll come across as more confident if you have a suggestion about what to do instead of leaving it more open and having a 'I don't know, what do you want to do' 'I don't mind, you can decide if you like' conversation.

Ursus Horribilis

This isn't the first time you've posted here about dating and men. There always seems to be a touch of drama attached to it all. Maybe you shouldn't be dating at all if you're tying yourself up in knots over something that is so simple. Even the "I don't know what came over me" comment regarding you asking him out makes me wonder what's going on in your head. Did you read one of those The Rules type books or something? What happened to you that has made you so insecure about dating in general?

To me this is a very straightforward situation. You met a guy who seems nice. You've been on a couple of dates. You asked him would he like to go for a drink or to the cinema on Monday. He said yes. So why all the drama over finalising the arrangement? Why do you think he is the one who should call, seeing as you asked him out? It makes no sense. I should think that for most of us, the person who asks are you free on x date to do x is the one who gets back to you with the exact details. That's what has always happened in my world anyway. This applies across the board, be it my friends, someone from the family, my boss for something work related or someone who has asked me out.

magneticimpulse

Odus fell down wrote: »

This isn't the first time you've posted here about dating and men. There always seems to be a touch of drama attached to it all. Maybe you shouldn't be dating at all if you're tying yourself up in knots over something that is so simple. Even the "I don't know what came over me" comment regarding you asking him out makes me wonder what's going on in your head. Did you read one of those The Rules type books or something? What happened to you that has made you so insecure about dating in general?

To me this is a very straightforward situation. You met a guy who seems nice. You've been on a couple of dates. You asked him would he like to go for a drink or to the cinema on Monday. He said yes. So why all the drama over finalising the arrangement? Why do you think he is the one who should call, seeing as you asked him out? It makes no sense. I should think that for most of us, the person who asks are you free on x date to do x is the one who gets back to you with the exact details. That's what has always happened in my world anyway. This applies across the board, be it my friends, someone from the family, my boss for something work related or someone who has asked me out.

I think this is quite harsh. Not everyone finds dating easy. In fact it's quite insulting when people say "it's really easy, it's not rocket science" or that the op should not be dating. You say what happened to the op to feel this way? Maybe it's lack of experience or rejection in the past. It's not straightforward to everyone and in fact it's condescending to suggest it is or that singletons are following cult of dating rules books. The op is asking for advice....yes the guy said yes which is great. The op just wants the best outcome possible ...it's very understandable .

magneticimpulse

magneticimpulse wrote: »

I think this is quite harsh. Not everyone finds dating easy. In fact it's quite insulting when people say "it's really easy, it's not rocket science" or that the op should not be dating. You say what happened to the op to feel this way? Maybe it's lack of experience or rejection in the past. It's not straightforward to everyone and in fact it's condescending to suggest it is or that singletons are following cult of dating rules books. The op is asking for advice....yes the guy said yes which is great. The op just wants the best outcome possible ...it's very understandable .

I agree with you magnetic.

Some people find dating very difficult. It could be shyness, fear of rejection, bad past experiences, anything really. We are not experts on the subject of human relationships. Everyone is just doing their best.

OP, I would text your date suggesting a time and day to meet up. Well done on asking him out because that can be hard to do.
Best of luck.

Banaba

You have nothing to loose.. everything to gain. I think you should be assertive and just text him and make arrangements. Never rely on a guy to text.. he could have 101 things floating through his mind and may not have registered his agreement to meet you so go for it and best of luck

marykitty47

Thanks for all your replies! Was talking to him today.

In relation to Odus fell down reply tes dating is difficult and not easy for everyone. I have asked for advice before for fear of rejection, making a fool of myself so maybe in future maybe you should be a little less judgemental.

Merkin

If anyone has an issue with a post please just use the report function in future.

OP, you have been warned in the past about opening multiple threads about dating. You haven't done this too recently so I will leave this open for now. I'd ask you not to fall into old habits again however or we will have to review your activity.

Sinall

I actually misread this and thought the OP was asking someone out for the first date hence the apprehension. Then realised you had been on a few dates already. OP, I know dating can cause all kinds of anxiety but try not to overthink things. If you are falling into that trap think about what you'd say to a friend in the same situation and apply that. We are often most harsh on ourselves.

In general if someone - not necessarily a boyfriend - suggests an outing, I would usually expect that they would clarify details etc. It's no different here. Hope you enjoy the cinema!

Augme

If people find dating very difficult then maybe they should re-consider dating and spend their time working on why they find it difficult and their own self-esteem. If you find something difficult then chances are you won't be very good at it, if you're not very good at it then it just increases the chances of failure. A vicious circle really.

magneticimpulse

Augme wrote: »

If people find dating very difficult then maybe they should re-consider dating and spend their time working on why they find it difficult and their own self-esteem. If you find something difficult then chances are you won't be very good at it, if you're not very good at it then it just increases the chances of failure. A vicious circle really.

Its difficult because there is no school of dating! From experience i have it all on paper - very attractive, can hold a conversation, great job etc. Traveled the world, week is full with hobbies, clubs or the gym.....yet i get rejected week after week over things like no spark!!! The guys all say they are extremely attracted to me, that they cant fault me on anything apart from no spark.

If the likes of the OP is finding it difficult it might not be that she is missing anything or low self esteem or following dating rules. If someone has always been rejected or failing at it - it doesnt mean they themselves are a person with low esteem or anything wrong per say. It could just mean they are missing those initial skills that other people dont even think about or take for granted and thats what is difficult about it!!!

kylith

Don't give up on dating because you're 'not good' at it. The only way to get good at something is to do it.