25 and still don't know where my life is going. Is this normal?

LegacyUser

You would think by this age I would have it all figured out. I know some people who are married and following a certain career trajectory. I know people who have great social skills and have no problem interacting with others and doing job interviews. I know people who pursue their interests without getting anxious. Unfortunately, I'm not one of those people. I'm wondering is this normal?

I have a university degree but it was the wrong choice for me. I have some post-grad work experience in a related area to my degree, but I did not like office work and staring at spreadsheets all day. the only element I enjoyed was the nights out and the decent paycheck. I was quite clever at school, but I have made some piss poor decisions in life - I picked my undergrad degree on the sole basis of getting a well-paying job at the end of it.

I am now unemployed, and have been for three months. I am 25 years old without much of a clue as to what job I ultimately want to pursue. I have tried getting into writing a bit while I am stuck at home with no work. I enjoy it, but it is difficult to make a career out of. I also need a lot of practice with writing, although I have received some positive feedback, which gave me encouragement. I signed off the dole as soon as I started to make money from it, but the money is even less than what I would get on the dole.

There is also no social aspect at all to writing. This is what I miss most about working in an office. Even though I am ridiculously shy in big group settings, I enjoyed the after work drinks and frequent parties. Without official employment I am stuck at home interacting with my family and my one friend, which obviously isn't helping my social skills that much.

The reason I am attempting to build an online income is because I love to travel. If I could travel and earn money at the same time, that would be about as close to an ideal lifestyle for me. My family find it hard to understand this desire though. In their day it was married by 25, and a career already set in stone. I kind of feel like I will spend the next five or ten years trying to find something that really suits me.

As I mentioned a few times already, I am not great socially. I grew up with the label of 'quiet, intelligent guy', and I guess I started to believe it myself and act like it. I used to go really red at work when someone of authority (my boss) or someone more outgoing than me started chatting to me. This is one of the reasons I used to dread work and look forward to the social events related to work - at least there I could get a few drinks into me and not care so much about the social awkwardness and blushing. the annoying thing is that I have a good personality - I just hide it from the majority of people I encounter because my body is in default anxiety mode and I can't cope with the shame of going red or my voice going shaky.

The shyness also affects my life outside of work. I have interests such as football, cooking and meditation. But I have not attended anything related to my interests since I was 15 years old. Seeing people on the internet out enjoying all these activities makes me feel terrible about myself.

Sorry for the rant, there was a lot I needed to get off my chest. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only person my age who hasn't got their **** sorted, and I guess I was looking for some consoling or motivational words. Thanks.

Wesser

You are definitely not the only 25 year old who hasn't got everything sorted. Lots of people in their 20s 30s 40 s haven't got it sorted. Just look at boards posts. What does sorted mean anyway ? It just means you've decided to be content with your lot in life. Why don't you consider taking an interesting job abroad? Ther way you get to Develop your career and travel at the same time and expand your horizons and also understand how small minded you can get if you stay in Ireland and how travel broadens the mind.

Can I ask.... What does a good paycheck equal these days anyway? Just out of interest.

TG1

Don't panic! Most 25 year olds don't have a clue where their life is going. I'm more than 25 and on career no. 2 and still not totally convinced this is where I want to be.

The bit of advice I can give is don't judge yourself against other people's Facebook posts and other social media. Remember you only publicise the good stuff as do others. If you actually sit and have a conversation with your peers you'll be surprised how many are in the same boat.

Relax, and if you're really not happy with how life is now, look at why that is and come up with actions to change those things.

Ryan Mac Sweeney

Hi there
I have read your post. My name is Ryan and I am also 25 I will be 26 in April. I am sorry to hear about your problems. I know that your confidence ia playing up with you and you really want to sort your life and career. My advice would be to maybe apply for a work visa abroad in maybe australia or canada. Then save up and go there for maybe a couple of years. Also if you want to go travelling you could also maybe go backpacking around Asia for example. Maybe take a year off work to go travelling and then when you come back then you can start looking for another job. Also maybe doing another college course next year would be an idea as the CAO is now open for applications for 2016/17 and you would be classed as a mature student and I heard that you are interested in cooking and football so maybe a career in cheffing would suit as a lot of colleges run a cullinary arts course so maybe how about look up some and maybe apply for this coming acedemic year. It would also be an opportunity to make new friends and get out of the house for a few hours.

Minera

I agree with wesser what does being sorted mean anyway? I'm 29 coming up on 30 and the only sorted I am is I got married last year everything else is in the process! But I'm happy in my one bed I've got a job in my chosen profession but given the length of time I'm doing it I should be further up the ladder, but I will get there just need to get my plan in place.
That's what it's all about making plans and sticking at it till you get what you want! OP do your research and see how others lived your dream then do your plan and stick to it!

beks101

Google 'quarter life crisis' OP.

I had one at 25, fled to Canada, gained a bunch of work experience and did a fair bit of travelling to scratch the itch and it was the change I needed.

Now I'm 30 with an equal amount of doubt but a fair whack of self confidence and personal experience under my belt for it to not be something that keeps me awake at night.

You're a smart guy with a great education and an array of opportunities within your grasp. You're just in a rut. A problem of being 20s nowadays seems to run contrary to what our parents experienced - there's just too many goddamn options. Go travelling, do another degree, move country, stay and save for a house, date anyone and everyone but don't for one second stick with any one of them, because there'll always be someone to outdo you on social media and make you feel entirely inadequate.

Take out a pen and paper and go through the options, the pros versus the cons of each. EG. Moving abroad, staying in Ireland, pursuing your writing career, travelling, etc etc. See if the one that comes out on top matches your gut instinct and gets you excited. And take the plunge based on that.

And start exercising, if you don't already. I solve all of the world's problems at about mile 8 of a 10 mile run, or at least I de-stress enough to realize that it's not worth worrying about anyway. Everything works out how it works out.

Your problem sounds like something that could be fixed with a simple change of scenery.

Lux23

Yes. Its better to be 25 and not knowing where your life is going, then being 25 and it going in a direction you don't want it to.

fuzzydunlop85

Perhaps look into teaching English overseas, as long as you have degree and get some sort of tefl cert which can be done cheaply you should get a job. If you go somewhere like Korea you could save a lot In a year, get some travel experience and inspiration for your writing.

castaway_lady

Yep youre in the midst of the 1/4 life crisis! How is comparing yourself with others helping you? Probably not at all- what makes you think they all have it figured out and keep it figured out longterm? They made decisions that they thought were right for the at that time, they could very well be writing a post akin to yours in the years coming?

So what to do? Well at the moment you are in a state of inertia. So the only cure for inertia is to do something.
You have a degree, that opens some doors. There's no law that says you have to do your degree job forever- loads dont. You now have valuable information- you know what you definitely dont want to do. And you have a vision of what you think you do want to do.
So what travel jobs can you have a go at? Teaching english abroad? Tour guiding? Get some outdoor pursuits qualifications and travel with them? Become a travel agent?

So start googling....doing something is far better than doing nothing!

Rhea Rose

Think about what you want to do next - and do that. That's the advice I'd give my 25 year old self. Hell, that's the advice I give my present day self! Don't do what you think you should do, or what other people think you should do, just do what YOU want to do. You won't go far wrong with that.