21st birthday party dilemma

LegacyUser

Hoping somebody here can help me..
Basically I turn 21 soon and in the past month my family have been asking me about a party for my 21st. Up until a few days ago I was insistent that I wasn't having a party as I'd much rather go out with my friends and do my own thing. When ever I said this to a relative/my mother, they looked surprised/disappointed and said: "maybe you'll change your mind yet sure haha!" Though I know they're being half serious! I know my family aren't deliberately trying to stress me, but I already feel quite stressed. So yesterday I told my mam that I would have a 21st and she looked delighted and said "we'll all have a great night".

It's not that I'm unsociable. I just get very anxious and stressed about tiny things and the fact that I already feel stressed about the party makes me wonder if I should even have it. My Dad has a very similar personality to myself and when I said I would have one he asked me was I just doing it because of everyone asking me and not to bow to peer pressure. Another thing is my older sister had a 21st years ago and because of that, I think my mother and other relatives think that means that I will have one too, even though we are totally personalities. I wouldn't describe myself as shy but I am definitely not incredibly outgoing. However, my mam did ask me yesterday was I 100% sure so I think she's half expecting me to change my mind.

Since actually announcing to my parents (no relatives have been told as of yet) I am warming to the idea, but I still feel anxious and I know it's because of the party and I don't know why? I know also at a 21st, there's expectations that loads of people will turn up and I'm not one of those people to invite everyone and anyone on Facbook. Excluding relatives, there'd probably be less than 10 people, including college and school friends(I wasn't that popular in school). So I'd then be anxious about everyone turning up. I just don't know what to do?? I wish I wasn't such an anxious person over things like this and I know in the grand scheme of things, it's a pretty minor personal issue but all the same I'd still love some insight or advice. Thanks!

LegacyUser

I didn't think people even had 21st parties any more, it's really not the significant event it might once have been considered to be and it certainly shouldn't be taken as a given that you have one unless you opt out in spite of pressure.

If turning 21 is the arrival in adulthood that it was once supposed to be, then it seems a pretty good time to assert yourself, particularly when it's your event and nobody else's. If you don't want one, don't have one, no matter who feels you should. You're going to have to apply that thinking to lots of optional events in your future, may as well start now. If you do decide to have one, feel free to decide who attends and manage the numbers however you like. If it's you and your parents and that makes you happy, great. If you invite the whole family 'cos you want them there, that's great too. There's no law here, it's your party, just decide what you really want and then do that.

Eimee90

I could write your post word for word when I turned 21, I just wanted a small night out. Why don't you go along with the party but tell people it's a small affair with a few close friends, family ect..this takes the pressure off completely

LegacyUser

Years ago my brother had a 21st with about 60-70 people at it, it was a great night and everyone had fun.

When it came time for my 21st, there was no party just a night out with a few friends. Exact same thing happened for our respective 30th's

My brother likes a party and thrives as the centre of attention, I'm the opposite. The idea of a party in my honour stresses me out so I've never had one. Do what you want not what people want to you do, it's your birthday.

Minera

Why don't you consider a family meal with all your extended family and invite the 10 or so friends. That takes away any stress you might have a nice restaurant with a bar usually works and the you and your mates could head out to a nightclub after. No worries no stress about being a social butterfly.

Shrap

Minera wrote: »

Why don't you consider a family meal with all your extended family and invite the 10 or so friends. That takes away any stress you might have a nice restaurant with a bar usually works and the you and your mates could head out to a nightclub after. No worries no stress about being a social butterfly.

Yes, that's a fab idea. I went to my friend's son's 21st meal recently in a nice restaurant. Really relaxed and lovely atmosphere, and he headed out later with a few mates to the pubs/clubs.

OP, when your Dad asked were you just going along with the party plan to keep everyone happy, sounds like he would step up to support you with whatever you actually would like to do? It is totally your call, you know - it's your 21st, not your mother's! Maybe tell your Dad first if you do change your mind about the party.

21st were a big thing for us when my friends were turning 21 8 or 9 years ago. They were great nights in fairness so I wouldn't be against having a proper party. I booked out a function room in a hotel, sent invites and had a big crowd or friends (and their parents and siblings), family, work colleagues etc etc. Have to say I really enjoyed the night.

The 30th's are happening now and are a little lower key but still everyone is having an organised party with an area reserved or an event in their house and onto the pub after.

I wouldn't worry about it op, people will come along and have a great night (with a card and 21 euro too ) so don't stress over it if you do decide to have a big party.

Rubberchikken

Talk to your parents about how you'd like to celebrate your 21st.
I think your mum is happy you're willing to do some party so maybe you could reach a compromise on what exactly that'll be.

Whatever way you celebrate, have a wonderful time

LegacyUser

Thanks guys. I talked to my parents and they were extremely understanding and back me 100% I explained that deep down all I wanted was to go out with my friends in college to a pub and club to celebrate my 21st. I explained that I dislike being the centre of attention and a 21st would just be stressful for me. Anyways, there's only about 10 people I actually LIKE enough to invite to a party, I wouldn't be the type that would invite Facebook friends just for the sake of it. The plan is to have just a nice meal in a hotel with my family and then a week later go to a club with my classmates. I know a lot have 21sts (although birthday parties aren't even that popular around my village/nearest town) but it just wouldn't suit my personality type at all Thanks for the replies

fineso.mom

OP My nephew was 21 recently and he had a party at home with all the family one night a nd the next weekend went out and celebrated with his friends. He's very sociable and great fun but doesn't really like being the centre of attention so this suited him. The family party was like any other we've had for big birthdays , confirmations etc and the night out with his friends was just him and the friends going for a Chinese then a pub and a club. No pressure or worrying about filling a venue and being centre of attention.
Maybe you could suggest that to your mother, that way she gets the party and you get a stress free night with your friends.