He just wasn't that into me right?

LegacyUser

TL;DR: If a guy suggests a 2nd date, but cancels without apology at 1am on what was supposed to be the night of the 2nd date- cut him loose?

Hi guys,
Wanted to get some opinions on something.
I met a guy at a coworker's birthday night out in April of last year. He was my coworker's best friend. I liked him a lot, we had great chemistry, and even split from the group (just the two of us) during the night to get food, but nothing happened. He added me on Facebook but we didn't talk much. My coworker asked a few times after if anything had happened and didn't seem to believe when I said no. I got the impression that he was very unhappy at the idea, as he is the type who would never date a coworker and probably would find it awkward if his best friend was dating his coworker- these things can get awkward.

A few months later (October) we were on another night out and this guy joined us. He didn't make any special effort to talk to me, or me him, just group chat etc. As the night wore on we chatted more and more. Everyone else went home, we wanted to stay out but it was too late to go anywhere so I suggested getting wine and going to mine (I live alone in town, he lives in the sticks with his parents). Once we got there he made a move and kissed me. We ended up sleeping in my bed but just had a bit of a cuddle and a cheeky squeeze here and there. If I went too far south he'd stop me (which I found very strange).
The next day he didn't leave til about 4 and was texting then when he got home. A few days later he came over again (a 2 hour trip) and we just watched TV and he stayed over again, but I didn't try anything too physical this time.

Still plenty of chatting the next few days, and he asked if I wanted to go to the pub on Friday, I said yes. Friday came and nothing. Eventually at 1am he texted saying he'd hurt his hand (nothing serious) and was I free Saturday instead. No apology, no nothing. I was so annoyed at how rude it was that I decided to leave him to it and figured "he's just not that into you". Fair enough, I hadn't texted him either, but it was him that suggested it and I thought he'd follow up. After a few weeks I deleted him on FB as didn't want to see his posts etc.

Anyway he now quite frequently likes my photos on Twitter. I no longer work with his best friend so that isn't an issue anymore. I have ignored him til now but decided to like one of his photos to see if he said anything and within 10 minutes he liked an old pic of mine, so he obviously went looking on my page. I still really like him and now keep thinking, well I didn't follow up on the pub date either, maybe I was too harsh, maybe he felt he was making all the effort. I just don't know what to do now. Was I too harsh or was I right to think he just wasn't that into me?

silverbolt

Aside from the stereotype of man will take sex whenever he can Id say he was into you. There was obviously a connection but to my mind he seemed to be doing all the running.

He added you on FB, he messaged you, he made the move, he text you the next day, he arranged the next date. And then when he explained he couldnt make it YOU decided not to talk to him because you didnt feel he groveled enough so YOU turned him down and then YOU deleted him. Even after that he is still liking your Twitter posts.

If your unsure and you do like him, give it another chance. If it works it works, if it doesnt then you lose nothing and you will know for sure.

Mr. Incognito

Ring him and ask him on a date.

Idle Passerby

Leaving you hanging til 1am was the height of rudeness. If it was a genuine excuse he'd be falling over himself to show how sorry he is.

All the messing with facebook likes is childish nonsense. He may have been interested at some point but if you have to use passive facebook actions as a guage for whether a guy is interested in you, the answer is no.

PinkLemonade

Did you ever contact him about Friday after it was suggested? How concrete was the plan? Was there an actual location and time discussed? Because if not it's really half your responsibility to contact him to clarify if/what the plan is.

beks101

Sounds like a bit of a messer to me, what with the no-show no-apology and now all this child's play on Twitter.

Wouldn't exactly be my cup of tea on those actions alone. But I suppose if you like him there's no harm in sending a quick Twitter message: "fancy that pint?"

He'll either jump at the offer or mess you around again. Just don't get invested either way at this stage.

Augme

There's no way I'd get involved with him after how he treated you. To stand someone up, without texting them and then not to apologise is the actions of someone who has to be extremely rude and inconsiderate. I find it hard to fathom how someone can do that and not realise how bad it makes them look. I'd just assume it was an ingrained personality trait of his that would end up consistently re-appearing. I think you'd want to be fairly desperate to see him again after that.

batmanrobin

beks101 wrote: »

Sounds like a bit of a messer to me, what with the no-show no-apology and now all this child's play on Twitter.

Wouldn't exactly be my cup of tea on those actions alone. But I suppose if you like him there's no harm in sending a quick Twitter message: "fancy that pint?"

He'll either jump at the offer or mess you around again. Just don't get invested either way at this stage.

I'd second this. OP, there was a guy I was chatting to via texts. He seemed really into me....except for actually meeting up in person! This went on for months and he always had an excuse.

The point I'm trying to make is that social media and texts etc are all very easy. They don't really mean anything. Actions count. He blew you off and didn't have the decency to apologise. You turning around and going on a date with him now tells him that you don't mind being treated that way.

I'd write him off.

Potatoeman

It doesn't sound like you made concrete plans. Not that it wasn't bad ettiquite but not replying to him wasn't either. Why didn't you text him earlier and ask where and when he wanted to meet. Even text him back and ask why he didn't tell you earlier.

Don't believe the 'if he was interested he'll chase you' because the opposite advise is sometimes given to guys 'if she's interested you shouldn't have to chase her'.

Dellnum

No he is not that into you OP. He left it 6 months before there was any further contact and then he wasn't interested in anything physical on the nights he stayed over. He should not have left it until 1.a.m. to let you know he was cancelling the Friday night and if he could meet you on the Sat then he could have met you on the Fri if the wrist wasn't anything serious. Then you didn't reply and he just let it go and made no further effort, which he would have done had he been into you. That's my take on it.

LeeLooLee

Idle Passerby wrote: »

Leaving you hanging til 1am was the height of rudeness. If it was a genuine excuse he'd be falling over himself to show how sorry he is.

All the messing with facebook likes is childish nonsense. He may have been interested at some point but if you have to use passive facebook actions as a guage for whether a guy is interested in you, the answer is no.

How did he leave her hanging or stand her up? There was a vague mention of going to the pub on Friday. If he was the one who mentioned it, I think the onus was on her to text early on Friday and ask what the plan was. Otherwise, there was no arrangement. It's not as if he told her a place and a time and then stood her up - there was no arrangement to be broken, in my eyes.

Dellnum

He mentioned Friday and she agreed so in my book it was up to him to then confirm what time and as far as I can tell he said nothing more.

.. We don't exactly know what happened to his hand. "Nothing serious" could be man-talk for, "I'm in the hospital and my hand has fallen off". We don't know the extent of it and, depending what happened, texting a girl I've only met once or twice over a period of months probably wouldn't be my priority. Especially if it's the hand I usually use to type.

Also it feels like the onus should have been on both of them to make sure the plans are arranged, especially because, to me, it seems that they got no more concrete than "Friday. Pub". She should have asked, oh what pub? What time on Friday?

Regarding this whole Twitter thing. I mean, Christ. Is this what social interaction has become? I'm awful at it but at least I'm better at it than communicating through likes.

miss_shadow

The fact that the op had to ask others about this situation swings to that she is right in thinking he's not into her. Trust your gut, when a guy likes you you will know and there wouldn't be any doubt that he's not.

I'd say he just liked the convenience of a bit of fun on a night out.

discus

So the man makes all the initial contact, chased her, asked her out, then asked her out for a second time... but she didn't bother to chase him up text him and see if it's still going ahead? Can't believe so many posters are telling her "he's not into you" as if this is acceptable adult behaviour... but then again I'd be put off too if I was that guy. OP is at least in her 20's and is playing silly games and expecting the man to do everything.

Deleting him off facebook, cutting contact, ignoring him, really?

Dellnum

Well if I asked a friend to meet me on a particular day and the friend agreed, my next step would be to firm up the time and the arrangement. I don't think that it was up to the OP to do that, afterall he suggested that he wanted to meet her on the Fri and she agreed so what stopped him from going ahead and suggesting a time and then just because it wasn't firmed up he decided to let it go altogether. What sort of an arrangement is that ? Then if he thought he wasn't breaking any arrangement as there was nothing firmed up why did he contact the OP at 1.00 a.m. and make excuses for not meeting her on the Fri. He obviously felt he needed to explain. It most definitely wasn't up to the OP to contact him and she knows that.

miss_shadow

He just needs to know someone out there thinks about him and that's probably all he's doing! Sad really. Some fickle people out there

Dellnum

He knew the OP liked him, she agreed to meet him. Nothing fickle about facing the reality of the situation.