Navigating awkward invitation issues in the workplace

Broken Strings

Hey All,

**Warning!: Long winded question post below.**

So myself and Mr. Broken Strings are getting married in April.

We ordered the invitations and 'Save the Dates' from Vistaprint last night and we did some specific RSVP cards that I need some advice on.

We work together in the same place, and our company has about 25-30 people. For the most part staff turnover has been low so it's been the same people for a long time, although we've had 6 new starters in the past few months as the business is growing. My other half has worked there a lot longer than me, so he knows a lot of these people years. Still, I've been here nearly 4 years so I know people fairly well too.

We decided to give some people who'd be friends outside work a +1, so there's 8 coming with +1's and then we are inviting 8 alone but we'll be stressing that they'll be coming as a group so no one will be left on their own at a wedding!

Couple of things I have questions about:

1. We have 2 types of RSVP's, one for people who are getting a plus 1 and one for people who are coming alone. The difference between the two is that for the single RSVP you can't fill in the number of guests that will be attending whereas on the other one you can. And rather than 'Guest Name(s)' we just have 'Guest Name'. I thought this might be a good way to eliminate the worry of people who are invited alone thinking or assuming that we are offering them a plus one and it might avoid misunderstandings on the day.

We are not having an official afters, but the price per portion of extra food for late night is so reasonable that we were willing to suggest that people can have their partners join them after 9pm as I'm aware that some couples might feel funny about attending a full wedding without their other half. I was going to put it on the single RSVP's at the bottom, but I was worried that something in print might be taken out of context and they would pick it up as rude, even though that's totally not my intention!

Is it unreasonable to give this option to people, or do you think they'll find it rude? We genuinely have the best intentions and we just dont want anyone to miss their partner on the day, but we just can't stretch to another table of people for the full meal.

2. This leaves about 9 people that aren't getting an invite. Some of these are the new starters, others are people who we genuinely just don't interact with and wouldn't know at all. Do you think it's likely they'll feel put out by not being invited? It's an awkward one for us as we work together and the company isn't that large. The last guy to get married here which was just before I started, extended the full invite with +1's to everyone in the company regardless of how long they worked there which is why I'm stressing! My own other half had only been here 3 weeks and he got a full invite +1.

3. The ceremony is on a Friday at 2pm. The meal will be about 5.30 and regular working time is until 4pm. Our workplace is only 10 minutes drive from the venue so we were going to suggest that anyone invited who can't make the ceremony is still welcome to attend the full thing as such (full thing being the end of the drinks reception, meal and dancing/late food) We don't want our bosses thinking we expect the whole company to close on our behalf. I also worry that people would think I expect them to take a whole holiday day off for this, which I don't! Would it be ok to say this to people when handing out our invitations?

I've spent the last few days so worried about stepping on other peoples toes when it comes to this that it's freaking me out

Final questions:
Roughly when do you send out the 'Save the dates' and the invitations? We were going to send out the save the dates at the start of Feb and then send out the Invites at the start of March (So it'll work out about 6 weeks before the wedding). Is that too close together? We've given a 1 month before the wedding RSVP deadline (and if people RSVP a little later it won't be a big deal)

Have you ever been in a situation where you've given a 'Save the Date' to one person who you planned on inviting alone and when they got the invitation without a +1 they got a little upset? I'm not sure whether or not we should specify numbers when handing out 'Save The Dates'

I know a lot of people don't do 'Save The Dates' but a lot of our friends and family can be quite scatty and genuinely need the reminder. After numerous conversations in the past few months, I had 2 bridesmaids, the photographer and my best friend who's walking me down the aisle all get the date wrong this week! Along with one couple who's coming from abroad and nearly booked their flights on the wrong day!

Any advice or calm vibes at this stage would be much appreciated :P

whiskeyman

Firstly, congrats to you both!!
I hope you're both looking forward to the big day

Broken Strings wrote: »

...and then we are inviting 8 alone but we'll be stressing that they'll be coming as a group so no one will be left on their own at a wedding!


1. We have 2 types of RSVP's, one for people who are getting a plus 1 and one for people who are coming alone. The difference between the two is that for the single RSVP you can't fill in the number of guests that will be attending whereas on the other one you can. And rather than 'Guest Name(s)' we just have 'Guest Name'. I thought this might be a good way to eliminate the worry of people who are invited alone thinking or assuming that we are offering them a plus one and it might avoid misunderstandings on the day.

I think the key here is that the 8 people you are inviting as a group and without a plus one fully understand that beforehand.
If they expect to bring their partner, they may well feel a bit put out.

Broken Strings wrote: »

Final questions:
Roughly when do you send out the 'Save the dates' and the invitations? We were going to send out the save the dates at the start of Feb and then send out the Invites at the start of March (So it'll work out about 6 weeks before the wedding). Is that too close together? We've given a 1 month before the wedding RSVP deadline (and if people RSVP a little later it won't be a big deal)
P

It can depend on where the wedding is taking place / how far some people may have to travel / make arrangements / book transport etc...
I'd say the save the dates should go out anytime from 1yr to 6mths before if needed.
Invites around 2 months prior.
I think you have them too close in my opinion.

Porridge77

Hmmm what I suggest, is sending no save the dates to any of your work colleagues. You both work in the same company, so everyone who kinda could be expecting an invite will know the date, plus it will leave it open to sending invites to additional colleagues later, if you get (hopefully not) a high rate of declines. What you could also do is pin an evening invite later which is addressed "to all" employees in the staff kitchen/canteen so everyone is included/invited including the newbies so no one can say anything.

bee06

Wow, you've made things very complicated for yourselves I would say.

Invites should go out two months before to give people enough time to book time off work etc. Save the dates should be months before the wedding. I'd agree with 6 to 12 months as the previous poster said.

I would say either you invite everyone with a plus one or no-one. Telling people that they won't be getting a plus one when others will is very awkward.

Regarding letting people know you don't expect them to take the day off just tell them when you hand out the invites.

stickybookmark

You'll nearly have to take each one of the 8 people that are being invited without a plus one aside individually and explain to them what's going on. Explain that 8 of them are being invited on their own due to budget but are welcome to bring their partner to the afters. Or send them a group email stating this? Don't rely on save the dates or invites to communicate this. It will lead to total confusion if other colleagues are getting different Save the Dates and invites to them. Let them know in advance so there's no confusion.

Broken Strings

bee06 wrote: »

I would say either you invite everyone with a plus one or no-one. Telling people that they won't be getting a plus one when others will is very awkward.

Some people would be friends outside of work though, and we'd know their partners and spouses quite well.

The people who aren't getting a plus one would be people we have a lot of good interaction with in work, and would talk to a lot, but we wouldn't see them outside of working hours.

After much panic and freaking out we sat down and had a long talk about it last night.

People with plus ones will be told, people without plus ones will be told and even though we were going to do all or nothing in terms of the invites, we will create afters invites so that everyone is included.

There'll just be a lot of explaining when handing around the invites :P