Sexomnia

yellow57

Ok this post might seem a bit bizarre but Iv been with my boyfriend a year and we have an amazing sex life. However, sometimes (particularly if we haven't seen each other in a long time) either of us can suffer from sexomnia. I'm not sure how many of you have heard of it cause I hadn't before this relationship but what it involves is a sleeping person initiating kissing, touching and can even go as far as intercourse which the person may or may not wake up during and may or may not remember the next morning! Thankfully whenever it has happened with my boyfriend we do both end up waking up and remembering it the next day.

But that's not really my problem..The last couple of times this has happened with us I have thought my boyfriend was another man, nobody in particular, i just didn't recognise it as my boyfriends touch, whether it was because of my dream like state I'm not sure but it has freaked me out because I never fantasise about being with other men and I have no desire to.

So I guess what I'm looking for is to see has anyone else gone through this or something similar? And how to maybe stop this sexomnia from happening in the first place...iv read some horrible stories where some people classify it as rape if one person doesn't wake up or doesn't remember the next day..

osarusan

Tell your boyfriend that you're not comfortable (any more) with him doing that while you're asleep and you want him to not do it any more.

He should be willing to accept that.

Nabber

osarusan wrote: »

Tell your boyfriend that you're not comfortable (any more) with him doing that while you're asleep and you want him to not do it any more.

He should be willing to accept that.

Both of them suffer from it, not just the boyfriend!!!

Op its a sleeping dis order, in your relationship it would appear to be hormonal induced. Asking some one to stop is like asking someone not to snore.

Seek medical advice (not Google medical advice )

In the mean time wear PJs and a chastity belt.

ted1

osarusan wrote: »

Tell your boyfriend that you're not comfortable (any more) with him doing that while you're asleep and you want him to not do it any more.

He should be willing to accept that.

She said try both suffer from it. But go ahead and blame the guy. That's what genreally happens.

The J Stands for Jay

osarusan wrote: »

Tell your boyfriend that you're not comfortable (any more) with him doing that while you're asleep and you want him to not do it any more.

He should be willing to accept that.

This is exactly the same as asking someone to stop sleepwalking or sleep eating.

blue note

I tend to be quite an active sleeper and have done this a couple of times. I woke my ex-girlfriend up a couple of times dry humping her (very sexy) and once fondling and talking dirty to her. But it's only funny to a point and that point is somewhere before pregnancy!

It sounds like something that would be worth talking to a gp about. For me drink makes active sleeps more likely, but cutting out drink entirely still wouldn't completely stop me doing stuff in my sleep.

LegacyUser

I (male) have the same thing whereas my girlfriend does not. She doesn't mind however, as if we have intercourse I will always wake up (as will she) and we decide then weather to continue or go back to sleep. There have been instances where I have been dry humping her or kissing her, she will wake up but I will then fall back to sleep and we won't take it any further and I won't have recollection of it. To be honest, I'd rather not have it. I want to be in charge and fully aware of my sexual advances towards my girlfriend and have been considering seeing my GP about it but the fact she is fine with this has made me put it on the long finger I suppose.

LegacyUser

I have had it happen in the past. Usually I'd wake up before anything went too far, but once I was angrily told the next morning that I'd attempted full sex when it wasn't wanted. I'd no recollection of any of it, not even being made to stop.

It only ever seemed to happen if I was pretty tired going to sleep and if we'd been apart for a while or I was just in the mood before going to sleep.

Moving in together seems to have put a stop to it somehow.

osarusan

ted1 wrote: »

She said try both suffer from it. But go ahead and blame the guy. That's what genreally happens.

You're right, she did. I mis-read it, making what i said pointless.

intheclouds

Sleep in separate beds?

Chemical Byrne

I'm not convinced of this sexomnia craic. Having intercourse requires one to have good co-ordination and some level of consciousness in order to be able to erm, align the spigot and shoot. To my mind is seems like some parasomnia that was concocted to get men who rape their sleeping wives/girlfriends off the hook.

Anyway, that aside the, how does he manage to put on a condom properly if he is asleep as this disorder would suggest? If not then ye are dicing with danger!
Do ye both manage to get out of your pjs successfully while asleep?

If he is indeed asleep when he does this, maybe you could shake him to wake him. You could pop him in the balls and it might stop him.Tbh, this is not an acceptable thing for him to be doing to you. If you have not consented then its basically rape regardless of whether he's asleep or not. Perhaps you could suggest that he visits a sex therapist or a counsellor?

Taboola

Chemical Byrne wrote: »

Anyway, that aside the, how does he manage to put on a condom properly if he is asleep as this disorder would suggest? If not then ye are dicing with danger!
Do ye both manage to get out of your pjs successfully while asleep?

If he is indeed asleep when he does this, maybe you could shake him to wake him. You could pop him in the balls and it might stop him.Tbh, this is not an acceptable thing for him to be doing to you. If you have not consented then its basically rape regardless of whether he's asleep or not. Perhaps you could suggest that he visits a sex therapist or a counsellor?

Oh wow.

So first of all, who are you to say them having sex without a condom is dangerous? Are you saying dangerous because there's a risk of STDs? Or dangerous because she could get pregnant? She could be on contraception.

Second, you know you don't have to wear PJs to bed

Third - you're actually suggesting she inflicts violence on him because of this? Did you read the part where she suffers from this as well? Hitting someone is never the answer and this is not rape.

njs030

Chemical Byrne wrote: »

I'm not convinced of this sexomnia craic. Having intercourse requires one to have good co-ordination and some level of consciousness in order to be able to erm, align the spigot and shoot. To my mind is seems like some parasomnia that was concocted to get men who rape their sleeping wives/girlfriends off the hook.

Anyway, that aside the, how does he manage to put on a condom properly if he is asleep as this disorder would suggest? If not then ye are dicing with danger!
Do ye both manage to get out of your pjs successfully while asleep?

If he is indeed asleep when he does this, maybe you could shake him to wake him. You could pop him in the balls and it might stop him.Tbh, this is not an acceptable thing for him to be doing to you. If you have not consented then its basically rape regardless of whether he's asleep or not. Perhaps you could suggest that he visits a sex therapist or a counsellor?

Every time you post here someone has to ask you to read the op properly!!

Firstly op said it was a 2 way thing, secondly there is other forms of contraception other then condoms. Thirdly no one mentioned pjs.

Also suggesting violence is disgusting, especially "pop him in the balls".
Your weird attitude to sex yet again shows that you think like a 1960's school contraception video, sex isn't something that is "done to" women, we actually enjoy it and op is as much to blame as him.

Op as previously suggested maybe sleep in seperate rooms until you get some help for it from a counsellor or even a doctor.

Chemical Byrne

Ok well its a two way thing mostly so. Personally I would still put it in the category of rape since, as she is asleep, she is not capable of giving him consent to perform sex acts.

About the whole condom thing, well that's only relevant if she's not on the pill. Even so, it's still dodgy to be relying on just the pill.

I'm not suggesting violence. Gently tapping someone in the testicles is not violence as such. Nurses regularly have to do it in hospitals. I'd only suggest it as a last resort if he comes at her when she is awake and she can't fend him off.

Well I don't know about the pjs. Most people do, that's why I asked. Perhaps pjs might be an option to solve it? Like, they could get pjs with a drawstring and do it up with a tight knot every night so they wouldn't be able to simply wriggle out of them while half asleep.

It all sounds a strange situation to be in.

Penny Tration

Chemical Byrne wrote: »

I'd only suggest it as a last resort if he comes at her when she is awake and she can't fend him off.

Jesus Christ. He is NOT a rapist.

Taboola

Chemical Byrne wrote: »

Ok well its a two way thing mostly so. Personally I would still put it in the category of rape since, as she is asleep, she is not capable of giving him consent to perform sex acts.

About the whole condom thing, well that's only relevant if she's not on the pill. Even so, it's still dodgy to be relying on just the pill.

I'm not suggesting violence. Gently tapping someone in the testicles is not violence as such. Nurses regularly have to do it in hospitals. I'd only suggest it as a last resort if he comes at her when she is awake and she can't fend him off.

Well I don't know about the pjs. Most people do, that's why I asked. Perhaps pjs might be an option to solve it? Like, they could get pjs with a drawstring and do it up with a tight knot every night so they wouldn't be able to simply wriggle out of them while half asleep.

It all sounds a strange situation to be in.

I suppose you'd think a chastity belt would be reasonable. :rolleyes:

Chemical Byrne

Who said anything about a chastity belt?
The drawstring on the pj's is merely a simple and practical thing that might be helpful in preventing sleeping sex until he (and she) can get proper help.

njs030

Chemical Byrne wrote: »

Ok well its a two way thing mostly so. Personally I would still put it in the category of rape since, as she is asleep, she is not capable of giving him consent to perform sex acts.

About the whole condom thing, well that's only relevant if she's not on the pill. Even so, it's still dodgy to be relying on just the pill.

I'm not suggesting violence. Gently tapping someone in the testicles is not violence as such. Nurses regularly have to do it in hospitals. I'd only suggest it as a last resort if he comes at her when she is awake and she can't fend him off.

Well I don't know about the pjs. Most people do, that's why I asked. Perhaps pjs might be an option to solve it? Like, they could get pjs with a drawstring and do it up with a tight knot every night so they wouldn't be able to simply wriggle out of them while half asleep.

It all sounds a strange situation to be in.

Jesus nurses are professionals dealing with strangers, this is a woman and her loved boyfriend. He's not "coming at her when she's awake and cant fend him off" she SAID they were BOTH asleep!!!! Can you not read things properly??

Honestly I think you need serious therapy and maybe to avoid giving advice on relationships, there's vulnerable people looking for advice and might take your ramblings to heart, some of which are downright dangerous - like suggesting he's a rapist or hitting a man on one of the most sensitive parts of their body or even worse claiming that it's dodgy to rely on the pill.

blue note

Chemical Byrne wrote: »

Gently tapping someone in the testicles is not violence as such. Nurses regularly have to do it in hospitals.

Which hospitals? What symptoms would you have to describe?

Saipanne

I used to do this a lot in my 20s, it wore off as I got older.

Neyite

Mod:

Ok everyone. Tapping/ hitting/ swatting ANYONE ANYWHERE is not a valid solution. It is assault and its against the charter to suggest it.

Secondly, this thread is about advice for the OP. Give your advice, stay on topic and stop derailing by challenging other posters.

OP, if its sexomnia, then start by going to a GP to get a referral for diagnosis for both of you, and treatment for it too as its a medical condition best dealt with by professionals and therefore we are unable to offer solutions.