Married, 38 and still no career!!!

LegacyUser

Hi All,
As the title suggests, Im 38 years (old) and still have no full time Job. My wife and I moved home from Dublin to Kerry about five years ago as she wanted to be close to family and friends for when the little fella (now 3) arrived.
I have a job as a freelancer which only has me working two days a week at the most, and I have to travel all over Ireland.
I feel like ****. I feel like a failure. I hate staying at home procrastinate all day. The problem is where we live there is no employment. Unless I work in a shop or something but then Id feel worse for not making a go of my life.
Im on antidepressants but there not working tbh. Im even at the stage where Im considering leaving my wife and move away to where there might be some work.
CAN SOMEONE PLEASE HELP!!!

LegacyUser

What do you freelance doing?

Nothing wrong with working in a shop - it's better to be busy though than sitting at home and doing nothing.

You say the meds are not helping - speak with your doctor. I used to take anti depressants but they had me tired all the time.

With all the time you have on your hands, can you study something? I've a friend in Kerry who surfs and it does wonders for mental health.

Are you thinking of actually breaking up with your wife or just heading somewhere else to work? What does she think of it all?

stove

Hi OP,

If the antidepressants are not working for you it would be helpful to go back to the GP and let them know this.

They might also be able to refer you to a counsellor in the area who could help you think through what you are considering doing and explore all other options that might be open to you.

Saipanne

Could you get work in Cork or Limerick?

Or part time, career focused work in Dublin to augment your freelance work?

LegacyUser

Saipanne wrote: »

Could you get work in Cork or Limerick?

Or part time, career focused work in Dublin to augment your freelance work?

Yes, thats is something I would like to do, put trying to get my foot in the door with out a degree and my age seems impossible.
I know it sound so stupid bu I wish I could turn back the clock and make better decisions...

Saipanne

hkjhk wrote: »

Yes, thats is something I would like to do, put trying to get my foot in the door with out a degree and my age seems impossible.
I know it sound so stupid bu I wish I could turn back the clock and make better decisions...

Right, but it doesn't sound like you are fully sure what you want. To get a job right now requires 100% relentless commitment. I'd say try to work out just what it is that you want first. That's the hard part.

Once you know exactly what you want, you can then pursue it freely. However, this probably means having an honest discussion with your wife about the way you've been feeling. A counsellor is also an option, to help organize your thoughts. Or a friend that you know you can trust. But talk to someone!

LegacyUser

hkjhk wrote: »

Yes, thats is something I would like to do, put trying to get my foot in the door with out a degree and my age seems impossible.
I know it sound so stupid bu I wish I could turn back the clock and make better decisions...

My dad changed careers in his late 40's so it's never too late - the first thing you need to do is stop beating yourself up for stuff you can't change and look forward. You've got the time to study for a qualification - talk to your doctor about changing your treatment and look into what your options are.

Are you struggling for money? You don't mention that only that you feel like failure for not having a career/not working full time. Not everyone needs a 'career' but if your not happy that needs to be addressed.

nikkibikki

hkjhk wrote:

Yes, thats is something I would like to do, put trying to get my foot in the door with out a degree and my age seems impossible. I know it sound so stupid bu I wish I could turn back the clock and make better decisions...

Could you return to education perhaps? Nothing wrong with working in a shop. After a period of unemployment, my husband took a job collecting rubbish on a bin truck and within 6months, he had been moved to another dept where his skills were put to better use. He has recently gone back to college to get a degree and he isn't much younger than you. There will be part time courses starting this week or next. Look up your local IT (Tralee, Limerick or Cork I am guessing) and your local VEC. Look up courses on the FÃS website too. (Think FÃS is called SOLAS now.)

thegreatgonzo

hkjhk wrote: »

Hi All,
As the title suggests, Im 38 years (old) and still have no full time Job. My wife and I moved home from Dublin to Kerry about five years ago as she wanted to be close to family and friends for when the little fella (now 3) arrived.
I have a job as a freelancer which only has me working two days a week at the most, and I have to travel all over Ireland.
I feel like ****. I feel like a failure. I hate staying at home procrastinate all day. The problem is where we live there is no employment. Unless I work in a shop or something but then Id feel worse for not making a go of my life.
Im on antidepressants but there not working tbh. Im even at the stage where Im considering leaving my wife and move away to where there might be some work.
CAN SOMEONE PLEASE HELP!!!

You've no reason to feel like a failure. Look at the positives here, you have some freelance work and you made a decision to live in a particular place to increase your family's happiness.
So what would be wrong with supplementing your income with something like a part time job in a shop? I read an interesting book a few years ago about portfolio careers which is about the idea that not everyone has 1 full time job but might have several part time jobs or enterprises which may be very different from each other. It's something that appeals to me as I have a couple of part time jobs myself and like variety.

LegacyUser

Thanks everyone. Part of my problem also is (and I know its outrageous) but I cant shake it, is I compare myself to some of my very successful friends. I can believe time has gone by so fast and some of them are earning 70 - 90K if not more per year. And they're partners are high earners. They have degrees, are accountants, doctors etc etc.
I should have listened to my mother when I was in school. Too much of a messer

Neyite

hkjhk wrote: »

Thanks everyone. Part of my problem also is (and I know its outrageous) but I cant shake it, is I compare myself to some of my very successful friends. I can believe time has gone by so fast and some of them are earning 70 - 90K if not more per year. And they're partners are high earners. They have degrees, are accountants, doctors etc etc.
I should have listened to my mother when I was in school. Too much of a messer

My aunt began her degree at 40. I'm studying professional exams and I'll be 41 this year (and have a small family and had a pay freeze plus 2 salary cuts for the last 8 years) I know several others who did a complete career change in their 40's, starting from studies & graduate salary to do it.

Like you, I didn't apply myself at school - I could have, but didn't. But the way I see it is, I can continue to moan, sit back and watch all my family and friends go from strength to strength in their careers and enjoy the nice things in life with their earnings, or I can get off my arse and do something about it myself. And that is what I'm doing.

I can barely afford to pay for the course, in fact, I had to postpone part of it until I had the funds, and I've scrimped to pay now. I have sod all time in the evenings because of housework/ child work. But I will do it. So can you, if you want. Plenty of people in our age group in the last 5-8 years found themselves only qualified for an industry that had zero job prospects and were forced to retrain or upskill, so you are not alone by any means.

And unfortunately, its long been a fact of life that there are few career prospects in rural areas. I'm from a rural county myself and had to move to the nearest city to find job options that gave me proper choice. So, if you have to move for work, you'll have to. It's all very well to want to stay rural because you love the area, but that wont pay the bills.

gline

As said above, it's never too late. I'm in university now in my 30's, and I never did third level before this and I know of a others in the same boat. Plenty of mature students in college these days.

Also you do need to go where the work is, if there is none within commuting distance, if that is part of the issue?

Comparing yourself to others and dwelling on the past is no use to you, the focus should be on what you can do now.

Edward Hopper

Judge your success in life as having a healthy, happy child and hopefully stable relationship. Pointless to judge yourself against others, you have no idea what their lives are like, other than their supposed wage packet, they could be as unfulfilled as you feel you are.

Focus on what you have first op, because it's a lot more than lots of people on here have, as many other threads will show you.

As for your comments about working in a shop op, maybe you didn't phrase it how you wanted because it doesn't read particularly well.

ted1

When you moved to Kerry, what did you plan to do? Surely you would have known that the job prospects are much worse down there? the simple solution would be to move to a city.

a 70k wage is Ireland might be the equivalent of a 43.6k job in Kerry.

rent in Dublin for a 3 bed is around 1800, where as in kerry its 700

so out of the 70k, 43.2k* goes to rent, which leaves 26,800

so out of the 43.6k, 16.8k* goes to rent which leaves 26,800


*assuming a standard rate of 50% PAYE, USS, PRSI, etc