do words hurt you?

Robsweezie

How do you handle name calling, harsh criticism, verbal abuse, hurtful, personal comments etc in your life .? Have you a thick skin to cope with all of it?

I've worked in retail and found it to be a form of exposure therapy that can toughen you up a bit. It depends on who it's coming from and what they're saying. If it's a random customer or some twat I don't like or care about anyway, it's easier to brush off. When it comes from those closer and respected to you and it's more personal, then it can make you think "are they right?" and sting a bit.

Barry Badrinath

In one ear and out the other.

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1

It depends on who is saying what to be honest.

The_Valeyard

Sticks n stones

BorneTobyWilde

If they were carved in rocks and big enough to throw.

kfallon

Words always hurt when they are said in a nasty, vindictive tone! Even people who say they don't affect them are not telling the whole truth tbh!

libelula

If it comes from someone I care about? I go to pieces. I take things much too personally.

Sam Kade

A swift crack of the fist under the jaw

The Backwards Man

Once.

Walked into a 'Mind Your Head' sign

hairyslug

When I worked in retail, I would have laughed of anything, could have taken any abuse.
I softened up once I got a 9-5 and I took everything badly, now its a bit of both,suppose it comes down to who says it.

Hugo Stiglitz

I find that words hurt a lot.

Canadel

Holly Carpenter's do.

Medusa22

I have a hard shell on the outside but I'm soft as putty underneath and words definitely hurt.

RobbingBandit

Canadel wrote: »

Holly Carpenter's do.

Fail English? That's unpossible...

AppleBottle

Personally, words hurt me when said in a mean nasty manner. I don't have the thick skin to be able to take nasty comments.

mailforkev

The way I look at it, offence is taken not given.

I seem to have just learned to not let others upset me. Sticks and stones etc.

Off the top of my head I can't think of anything that actually properly offends me.

riffmongous

I got a lot of verbal bullying in school and it left it's mark on me, now I take everything very personally and even worse find it hard to just let it go especially if I think the person is an smartarse, I won't let them away with it.

Canadel

riffmongous wrote: »

I got a lot of verbal bullying in school and it left it's mark on me, now I take everything very personally and even worse find it hard to just let it go especially if I think the person is an smartarse, I won't let them away with it.

So did I but now I take nothing personal as it simply means the words in school had power. They didn't. I assigned them that power because I was young, inexperienced and naive.

TG1

I'm a marshmallow, the littlest thing gets to me... If it's not too harsh I'll take it away and quietly worry about it for months. If it's really harsh I will burst into tears there and then on the spot...

It's not usually a problem as people are usually nice to me but when a manager phrases a critisism particularly harshly it can get embarrassing!

tomwaterford

More than they should :-/

I don't get why people think it ok to be mean/put down people without provocation tbh....I don't say these type things to people....so it annoys me so much



Though I'm lucky enough in that any work critism I ever got wasn't too bad as I always try my best and what can they say then??
I get critized on being too particular in my job.....and I just get angry then

If it's something I'm insecure about, then yeh, that would get to me. Otherwise no!

Azalea

As said, depends on what's actually said and who says it.

kfallon wrote: »

Words always hurt when they are said in a nasty, vindictive tone! Even people who say they don't affect them are not telling the whole truth tbh!

I'd say people who go on and on about "special snowflakes" and "muh feelz" are the ones who'd freak out the most.

mailforkev wrote: »

The way I look at it, offence is taken not given.

Offence is given too IMO. I know it's a good idea not to get upset/pissed off by words when possible, as sometimes that's all the person is looking for, so giving them what they want is crazy (e.g. Katie Hopkins - the way she is empowered by people taking her bait; she'd shut up if they'd just ignore) but sometimes, in the case of very personal stuff, the responsibility is entirely with the person who says the words, and with all this "You're letting yourself be insulted" stuff, I'd be afraid of too much of a "Harden up" culture, which seems to be getting fashionable with all the "You're not a special snowflake whose feelings have to be protected" stuff. Stephen Fry himself showed himself up with his well known quote about people being offended, by... getting offended about stuff.
On a recent thread about awful things that were said to people, there were a couple of cases of people being jeered at in relation to a family member committing suicide - seriously, anyone who says it's "taking offence" to get upset by that, would really need to re-evaluate things. Deflecting responsibility entirely to the person on the receiving end of the insult is not always appropriate. The person who says the words in the first place always has some responsibility - sometimes all of it.

It's very context dependent but mostly it depends on intent. If the words are meant jokingly and that's obvious, then that's fine and it's not hurtful.

Sometimes people hide their desire to wound under the banner of 'slagging' but it's generally obvious whats going on under the surface. Words can and do hurt, I don't understand why anyone would argue otherwise.

Terry

Very much so.
I need a safe space to prevent me from hearing words that hurt my feelings, and you're a racist/bigot/CISgenderphobe if you say anything I disagree with.

CIS Gender is for normal straight people, right?
I just want to make sure that I'm offended by the right thing.

Terry

Terry wrote: »

Very much so.
I need a safe space to prevent me from hearing words that hurt my feelings, and you're a racist/bigot/CISgenderphobe if you say anything I disagree with.

CIS Gender is for normal straight people, right?
I just want to make sure that I'm offended by the right thing.

Disagreeing with someone is very different from deliberately trying to hurt someone though, which of course you know.

Pretending people have a persecution complex because they can be hurt by malice or name calling is a bit dim, even if you really do feel that way. It doesn't make anyone else an offence junkie if they're not exactly like you.

You're so badass though, congrats on that.

mickstupp

Words can certainly hurt me, depending on the person who says them. But so can the lack of words.

kfallon

mickstupp wrote: »

Words can certainly hurt me, depending on the person who says them. But so can the lack of words.

Very good point, that can be way worse sometimes!

whatismyname

I personally think that 'stick and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me' is very inaccurate, damaging and misleading nonsense.

Words can absolutely hurt people, and can do a lot more damage sometimes than something physical, particularly long-term. It's ok to acknowledge this. People shouldn't feel the need to not be vulnerable, to put the wall up, to be untouchable.

Because we're human and we're not untouchable and it's ok to acknowledge and talk about our vulnerabilities, and if people generally felt a bit more able to, the world, in my opinion, would be a little better of a place.

Wibbs

libelula wrote: »

If it comes from someone I care about? I go to pieces. I take things much too personally.

While I'd not go to pieces, yes, words from people I care about would hit their mark. Others? Nope. DGAF in general. I try to treat those I don't know with respect and kindness if such is given in kind, but if they go troppo and lash out? Meh. To be fair that is my age talking. If I was 20 again I'd not be nearly so blasé.

In other news… Terry! Yay! Haven't seen you in yonks. Now that may be my (not so)early onset dementia talking… but good to see you.

Terry wrote: »

Very much so.
I need a safe space to prevent me from hearing words that hurt my feelings, and you're a racist/bigot/CISgenderphobe if you say anything I disagree with.

CIS Gender is for normal straight people, right?
I just want to make sure that I'm offended by the right thing.

Hammer89

Words hurt everyone. I don't care how thick your skin is, words will always penetrate if the right ones are used. I know this because I'm an utter bastard - but only when provoked in a certain way. You can verbally attack me until the cows come home, but I turn really horrible when somebody else is being humiliated. I can't stand it. I can't see anyone get picked on or bullied, be it in real life or Facebook, without letting the bully in question know that I'm better than they are at it. If you're funnier than he is - or she, because women can be bitches too - then it's game over. Wit goes a long, long way and if you can make them feel stupid and or embarrassed, that's it.

I don't want to sound like some sort of f*cking Superman here, but I'm the son of a woman who was beaten for large spells in her life, and I'm an older brother to my little sister. I'm hugely protective of girls for those reasons and it's actually a beautiful thing being able to defend your loved ones or anyone else by making the bully feel as small as they naturally are as human beings.

The downside is even when you win, you lose. I do anyway, because I've got a very big heart and when the smoke clears, and they stop being the bully, the whole thing leaves you devastated because, in a way, you're just like them. But if the person thinks twice about being mean to someone again then I can handle the guilt.

Liam McPoyle

I once dropped a dictionary on my foot so yes.

Whitewinged

Sometimes they do and sometimes they don't. Words I suppose will emotionally have an effect on someone no matter who those words come from. For example if you get a compliment, it probably will lighten your day a bit but if someone insults you, it might make you feel a bit upset. It just depends on how much weight you put on the other persons opinion, whether or not it will have a greater, lesser or mild effect.

There are so many different scenarios. Have you hurt that person by saying or doing something first?, are you close to the person or is it a stranger?, did it seem like they really meant to say it? Why did they say, what did they say etc.

Also there are going to be different kinds of hurt, like someone may be hurt at being told something that is true about themself so not hurt by the actual words but more the realisation of whatever home truths have been highlighted or someone saying something that makes you realise the problem is not you but you are hurt that they are not the person you thought they were, dissapointed with the person and that they thought it was ok to speak to you like that etc.

Each case would always be different circumstances and that depends what my reaction would be to harsh words.

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy

Generally no, they don't. People can say things in the heat of a moment, and when a situation calms down they retract them. Being ostracized or ignored is far worse, knowing that someone isn't being driven by passion or emotions and is making a conscious decision to avoid you, that really stings.

hullaballoo

It's not the words though. It's the sentiment that hurts.

My father died before I was born and in school, I got, "clap handies, clap handies 'til daddy comes home" and the like. Those words don't hurt until you realise the intent behind them. It was so deliberately intended to hurt me.

brokensoul84

mickstupp wrote: »

Words can certainly hurt me, depending on the person who says them. But so can the lack of words.

You hit the nail on the head mick.
Silence can be more tortureous.

A few innocent words could drive someone over the edge.

MRnotlob606

I would like to sit on a porch right now, with Natalie Portman cXasTXOX.jpg . I will eat a chip butty with her and we can listen to Rod Stewart together. I will insinuate that we can have some fun time later on in the night, and will make snide innuendos about films she has appeared in.

V is not for Vendetta , V is a crucial part of the female reproductive system, wink wink Natalie, I will be stretched out waiting for her in my Thomas the tank-engine onesie. I have a feeling she likes infantilizing men with a passion for miniature locomotives.

coolbeans

MRnotlob606 wrote: »

I would like to sit on a porch right now, with natalie portman. I will eat a chip butty with her and we can listen to Rod Stewart together. I will insinuate that we can have some fun time later on in the night, and will make snide innuendos about films she has appeared in.

V is not for Vendetta , V is a crucial part of the female reproductive system, wink wink Natalie, I will be stretched out waiting for her in my Thomas the tank-engine onesie. I have a feeling she likes infantilizing men with a passion for miniature locomotives.

That worked a lot better in your noggin than on the page my man

wakka12

I think about negative comments for days, they might even crop up in my mind from time to time months or years later if they were particularly hurtful

sixfingered

It only affects me if it's someone that I have respect for and believe they're a reasonable person who doesn't throw out insults for no reason.

I feel really bad for people who get upset about criticism from random people/difficult people. It's generally not the "victim's" fault but they feel the brunt of it and the perpetrator usually doesn't apologise and the cycle repeats.

When I was younger I was so stupidly loose-lipped, thinking everyone had similar thought processes to me. Wish I could go back and undo a lot of things I said and attitudes I had.

DivingDuck

hullaballoo wrote: »

Those words don't hurt until you realise the intent behind them. It was so deliberately intended to hurt me.

I agree with this completely.

I'm not easily hurt by words/insults, but sometimes I find it really depressing to think about how much people enjoy hurting one another for absolutely no good reason whatsoever.

I actually can't think about it for too long because it wrecks my head and makes me begin to doubt whether there's any point to anything at all.

sixfingered

DivingDuck wrote: »

I agree with this completely.

I'm not easily hurt by words/insults, but sometimes I find it really depressing to think about how much people enjoy hurting one another for absolutely no good reason whatsoever.

I actually can't think about it for too long because it wrecks my head and makes me begin to doubt whether there's any point to anything at all.

Generally, the reason is down to one of two things - they are just inherently terrible people (in which case, who cares what they say) or else they're deeply insecure so need to abuse the power of circumstance to make themselves feel better.

So either way, as much as it stings, they're the ones in the worse position.

This perspective won't hit anyone as a child, when perhaps it makes the biggest impact unfortunately, but hopefully as people grow they'll have the opportunity to gain a perspective that will allow them to realise they themselves are actually the good guys.

DivingDuck

sixfingered wrote: »

Generally, the reason is down to one of two things - they are just inherently terrible people (in which case, who cares what they say) or else they're deeply insecure so need to abuse the power of circumstance to make themselves feel better.

So either way, as much as it stings, they're the ones in the worse position.

This perspective won't hit anyone as a child, when perhaps it makes the biggest impact unfortunately, but hopefully as people grow they'll have the opportunity to gain a perspective that will allow them to realise they themselves are actually the good guys.

It doesn't make things much better as an adult, either. Being the good guy does not mean you are unaffected by the misery that others put out into the world. Even in the event that you could protect yourself from it (which most people can't, as evidenced by the fact that there are so many people in this thread saying the words of others hurt them), you have virtually no power to protect the people you love from them.

I'm very aware that people only do this because there is some source of unhappiness in their own life or something lacking in their own character. Unfortunately, that awareness does nothing to break the vicious cycle of misery that seems to be never-ending.

I just find it very depressing, but if it doesn't affect others as badly, that's probably a very good thing.

dd972

Don't believe there's such a thing as thick or thin skinned people, I've always found if you're in a good mood something quite offensive or insulting won't bother you but if you're pissed off something much smaller can.

the_pen_turner

words can really hurt

im very thick skinned.
on building sites everyday really toughens you up.
most of it is banter and joking trying to get a rise. that's alright. well up to a point anyway

I remember one day on site we were all having the craic and winding each other up getting rises. all innocent enough and above the belt but still fairly cutting . everyone was great ,no problems . after work me and a few lads form the job were hanging out and one other friend. there was a small bit of craic and jest .

then the friend said something to me . he said it jokingly but was serious . he really cut deep and was totally out of line. he knew where the weakness was and went for it. unprovoked I might add.
I totally flipped and we had a big row . I still remember that evening and never forgave him

the thing is that what he said wasn't that bad. all day the lads were saying much worst but he wasn't joking . he did it to hurt
the day after the lads on site were shocked at my reaction to what was way less than what they had said that day .
I explained and we went back to slagging each other



I don't buy into the whole offence is taken not given . you can totally mean to offend someone .

Mesrine65

Words are weapons sharper than knives

The Devil Inside INXS

Squeeonline

"The truth told with bad intent, beats all the lies you can invent."

I think William Blake said that but I'm not sure and too lazy to google.

AnonoBoy

I'm a sensitive soul. I've been reduced to a sobbing wreck by five simple words in the past.

"We find the defendant guilty."

harry Bailey esq

Canadel wrote: »

Holly Carpenter's do.

Who?

bnt

I tend to judge people by what they say, so if someone says something hurtful to me, it's like they're flicking a switch in my brain. From that moment on, everything they ever say is subjected to extra scrutiny for anything hurtful or otherwise suspicious. It doesn't matter what the situation is or how much time has passed - they're forever on my s#!t list because of what they said, and can never be trusted again.