What sexuality am I?

An Ciarraioch

This is probably very unusual, but am a male in my mid-thirties, and have never been in a relationship. The one major crush I had on a girl happened when I was 16, but nothing of the same intensity has happened since, which hasn't bothered me greatly either way. I do find both men and women physically attractive, and have no problem with the idea of a relationship, but wouldn't consider sex a priority, and have plenty of friends. So, even though pigeonholing my status may be counterproductive, am I straight, gay, bi or asexual?

IsMiseMyself

No one can really answer this for you. It's different for everyone. I don't know what the word for it is (labels and I don't mix), but I only find people properly attractive and will want sex with them if we're friends. One night stands do nothing for me. I can acknowledge when people are attractive (I have eyes!) but I only want to have sex with them if we've been friends for a while.

When I was quite young this confused me as I could acknowledge people were attractive but not want to actually do anything about it unless I actually got to know them.

porsche boy

You are what ever you want to be. Labels don't define you, but I can see why you want to feel like your not different or whatever.

To be totally honest I believe everyone is bisexual, both male & female. some acknowledge it, some deny it and some fear it and push themselves to be ultra hetro. (This is my opinion and will be denied vigorously by some people)

Best advice I can give you is love yourself first and foremost; love for others will follow.

markc2951

I think you need some good sex with women over the course of a few months..I'm talking 7 or 8 different female

pl4ichjgy17zwd

IsMiseMyself wrote: »

No one can really answer this for you. It's different for everyone. I don't know what the word for it is (labels and I don't mix), but I only find people properly attractive and will want sex with them if we're friends. One night stands do nothing for me. I can acknowledge when people are attractive (I have eyes!) but I only want to have sex with them if we've been friends for a while.

When I was quite young this confused me as I could acknowledge people were attractive but not want to actually do anything about it unless I actually got to know them.

Not to assume or ascribe a label for you, but I felt like this too and found reading up on demisexuality to be quite interesting. One can be gay/straight/bi/etc and still demi.

To the OP, unfortunately you're the only one who can answer that question, but I hope you find your truth without too much distress.

Rachiee

I know it's not what you want to hear but labels are for jars not humans
But some people really feel safer with a label and that's ok too but you need to recognise that it's self limiting.
One thing I found really interesting though was reading about the difference between sexuality and romance/love and that tastes can differ there too. Which makes sense because if you think about it in terms of someone who's A sexual they still fall for people and form loving relationships.
I would label myself as homosexual but bi-romantic leaning towards hetero-romantic but I'm holding out for a woman so I can have both sex and romance. but sex and sexuality can be complicated and There can be a difference between being attracted to someone and getting down to business but that doesn't negate the attraction.
You also need to remember that if you are not comfortable with an element of sex or sexuality that can impact on your ability to connect with someone emotionally ( if you don't feel safe around someone e.g they drive you wild with desire and you don't know what to do next, you won't feel happy/comfortable around them and it will be difficult to form a romantic relationship)
Look into pansexuality too, that could be a fit. ultimately it's only you who can decide what fits if anything; if nothing fits that's fine too.
Labels are good for googling and finding people with similar stories and experiences and so you feel less alone: but they can really hold you back.

lottpaul

Hi Ciarraioch,
lots of good advice from others and I'd only echo it. You probably already know what label sort of fits but sometimes you almost have to invent one just for yourself and that's fine too. Some people are 100% on one extreme and some 100% at the other but most fall somewhere in between.

Not many have commented on your age but from the fact that you mention it at all I guess it bothers you - a sense of time passing you by and friends and siblings settling into relationships, parenthood etc? While you seem to be exactly in the same place as you were 10 or 15 years ago? (btw I'd kill to be in my mid-thirties again so enjoy it while you can )

If someone here were to tell you, with absolute certainty, that you were e.g. definitely gay, what would you do next? I think that's the important part. Forget the label if you can, and move on to the next stage - meeting people with similar interests etc.

Either way, look after yourself and best of luck.

Rick_

markc2951 wrote: »

I think you need some good sex with women over the course of a few months..I'm talking 7 or 8 different female

Wait... what?!