What should I do?

LegacyUser

Hi Folks!

I'm going to go anonymous for this one as a few people know me here!

I have a situation I want advice on.......it's regarding my friend. Let's call him "John" So here goes!

I'm in my very early 30's, my friend is in his 60's. He would be a very "young" 60 though! He is divorced and retired but does odd-jobs to keep him going. I have known him now five years. He would visit the town where I'm from now and again (he lives a two and a half hour journey away).

Anyway, we only became close in the last year. He was very good and kind to me when I was in distress and I'll forever be grateful to him for it. We would have been in contact by call or text once every 10 days maybe and meet up when he visited here which would have been every 2 maybe.

After we were in contact in August I didn't hear as much from him as previous until October until I reached him at Halloween....but he was having a drink and had company so we couldn't have a proper conversation.....I can't remember how we left it but I heard nothing from him again despite calling him a few times until early December which would be very unusual. When I called and got through to him he said he was "out" and would call me back but didn't - it did sound genuine though in fairness to him.

A mutual friend then of both of ours who lives in my hometown stopped me one day in early December (around the time I contacted him) and asked me has I heard from "John" lately. I said not much at all and he said he had heard nothing from him, he was angry and hurt as him and "John" would have been in contact daily...maybe even calling each other twice a day and "John" hasn't even contacted him to date to wish him a Happy Christmas. He told me he confronted "John" about it some weeks or month back over the phone but "John" said he was busy. The friend isn't accepting that though and it look's like that friendship may be over sadly.

I tried to call him a few times between early and late December but to no avail...anyway we messaged each other several messages on Christmas Day and he seemed fine. I got hold of him then two days go and I asked him was he OK etc to which he said he was but he said he was in the pub but wasnt drinking. He didnt try to force me to end the call, I took the initiative too as he was on a night out, he sounded fine and sounded OK, we talked for almost 10 minutes and he said he would call me the next day.......he didn't!


What should I do? I understand I must respect his wishes if he doesnt want to contact me anymore but he was very good to me in the past and I hope nothing is up with him.

It doesn't sound right in that it wasn't just me but his other friend here too who he appeared to "drop"...any thoughts/advice guys?

CaraMay

He clearly wants to back away gracefully from both friendships. Maybe he a new romantic interest and is absorbed by that. I wouldn't contact him again.

bee06

I'd be straight with him and say you feel he has pulled away from your friendship in the last few months and if he no longer wanted to continue the friendship you'd prefer he'd just let you know straight out.

power pants

Maybe he has something important going on his life that he doesnt feel or want to share with you two.

Some people, myself included have difference outlook on friendships. I have friends but if things in my life take over, I will be too busy to get a hold off etc

eviltwin

bee06 wrote: »

I'd be straight with him and say you feel he has pulled away from your friendship in the last few months and if he no longer wanted to continue the friendship you'd prefer he'd just let you know straight out.

I'd go with this. It sounds like he's moved on but doesn't want to be so blunt as to say it but I think you deserve to know. I would do exactly what Bee suggests. At least then you know where you stand.

I'm going to go against people here.
If you feel that this behaviour is out of character then I wouldn't just leave it.
Could he be depressed? Isolating oneself could be a symptom of this.

This situation happened with a friend of mine, became hard to get hold of, wasn't meeting up like usual. Some of our friends basically dropped her, they decided she couldn't be bothered.
I'm glad I did though, she was very very down & it did take some time to get her to confide in me, but she is well on her way to feeling better.
Point is, if you feel there could be something wrong then do something. Maybe call in to him unexpected?
You will be glad you tried, no matter what.

StanleyOllie

Im betting he has a new love interest too. Just text wishing him a happy new year and say you hope to see him in 2016. Leave it then for a while. Friendships in life can come and go. If you feel like contacting him during the year do. And just dont be expecting too much back. He may come back as the year goes on or not. Just be grateful he was there when you needed him.

LegacyUser

Me again folks!

Thank's for the advice people!

Firstly I just wanted to correct a mistake I made earlier in the post and say we would have met up every 2 months maybe. I said simply "2" but didn't say 2 what!

Anyway, so it's now around 17 day's since I posted. I didn't see the replied you guys sent until they were all posted.

At that stage I had contacted him on New Year's Eve to see what his plans were and it, to wish him a Happy 2016 and of course to try to talk to him. He answered to phone but said he was in the process of leaving in his car to the destination were he planned to take in the New Year, he sounded a bit breathless......I sort of wanted to end the call as soon as I could one he indicated he was busy again but strangely (bearing in mind he wasn't really contacting me) he kept me on and said he must contact his other friend who I mentioned......I wished him a Happy New Year and we ended the call.

In New Years Day then, I read the replies there and agreed with some of what was there.....I DO think there is a good chance there is a new love interest. But what another person said here about going to his house unexpectedly , I couldn't guarantee he would answer his phone if I called to say I was there, I don't know anyone else in that town either plus I don't know his address even though I was their before. It's a very large town.


So what I did then was I took the advice of the last poster and sent him a text message in New Year's Day night and wish him a Happy New Year and said I hoped to have good craic with him in 2016 - he replied thanking me and called me a "good friend". I was a bit humbled.

Anyway I haven't hear from him since which is usual given his current trend of contact. I seen his other friend last week and he said he still heard nothing from him.

I'm going to leave it now until maybe March or late February and if I have still heard nothing I will ask him straight out what happened.