The ciggy

kettlehead

The ma and her current squeeze invited me along for Christmas. My sisters (Melbourne,Prague,London and Galway) couldn't get away(TM) and my bro,anyway that's enough of that.

Christmas is in her new fellas. No problem.

We ordered in a ****load of KFC, I was told we could pay in cash to tip. My ma seen my smokes when I opened my pockets to pay "you can't smoke around these people". X despises smoking. His kids - "He is with us because his Eastern European wife brought his son home with her for Christmas."

The mas asleep by her newbie, with my 25 John player; and his sons and daughters nearby.

I'm 27 years of age, waiting for me ma to walk out so I can get my smokes! Dreaming of a Prazky and twenty John player blue!

The Backwards Man

He isn't even half the man Vin Diesel is

Jesus Wept

i thought that was your sisters names at first

No offence OP, but is this your Ma?

Not trying to judge, but no one, and I mean NO ONE, wants to hear about their mother's "current squeeze".

warpdrive

Oh, okay.

DEFTLEFTHAND

What an intolerable situation, you'll have to try and reason with these people, you can't be expected not to smoke for the next 3 days or however long.

kettlehead

DEFTLEFTHAND wrote: »

What an intolerable situation, you'll have to try and reason with these people, you can't be expected not to smoke for the next 3 days or however long.

I've resigned myself to not smoking. If I flipped this on its head with you can't drink alcohol/fizzy drinks.

Then you may get it. I enjoy a cigarette.

kneemos

No idea what's happening,just glad it ain't happening to me.

PARlance

D Ma Ness of it all.

Firewalkwithme

What the fcuk are you talking about?

Sounds like a sh1t party and a sh1t family you've got. That's about all I could decipher from your ramblings.

kettlehead

DEFTLEFTHAND wrote: »

What an intolerable situation, you'll have to try and reason with these people, you can't be expected not to smoke for the next 3 days or however long.

You know what it's like to be with a lunatic ma.

kneemos

Yer man has a rake of childer and an east European wife and is asleep with your ma.

Shucks pa,Brandeen's waters just broke!

kettlehead

kneemos wrote: »

Yer man has a rake of childer and an east European wife and is asleep with your ma.

Shucks pa,Brandeen's waters just broke!

Nope. The Eastern European reference was made to myself btw.

Ave Sodalis

kettlehead wrote:

I'm 27 years of age, waiting for me ma to walk out so I can get my smokes! Dreaming of a Prazky and twenty John player blue!

Why don't you go to the shop, buy more and then smoke down the road a bit? Not sure what the problem is?

BenedrylPete

kettlehead wrote: »

The ma and her current squeeze invited me along for Christmas. My sisters (Melbourne,Prague,London and Galway) couldn't get away(TM) and my bro,anyway that's enough of that.

Christmas is in her new fellas. No problem.

We ordered in a ****load of KFC, I was told we could pay in cash to tip. My ma seen my smokes when I opened my pockets to pay "you can't smoke around these people". X despises smoking. His kids - "He is with us because his Eastern European wife brought his son home with her for Christmas."

The mas asleep by her newbie, with my 25 John player; and his sons and daughters nearby.

I'm 27 years of age, waiting for me ma to walk out so I can get my smokes! Dreaming of a Prazky and twenty John player blue!

Ting is dats what u think but the ma's fellas prob (TM) and you an the smokes and wife and.
Your are sisters when they eat ****ing load KFC then they'll yeah and Christmas for her kids.
Your bro can kfc the smokes if he pay in cash for Eastern European kids wife then the sister Prazky and learning the 25 John player to write legible ****in sentence.

And then the ma I wont have to Prazky read more kfc tortuous shyte on here.

BenedrylPete

BenedrylPete wrote: »

Ting is dats what u think but the ma's fellas prob (TM) and you an the smokes and wife and.
Your are sisters when they eat ****ing load KFC then they'll yeah and Christmas for her kids.
Your bro can kfc the smokes if he pay in cash for Eastern European kids wife then the sister Prazky and learning the 25 John player to write legible ****in sentence.

And then the ma I wont have to Prazky read more kfc tortuous shyte on here.

Go home Pete...you're drunk

kettlehead

Lovely juice this. Ma, can I talk to you.

The long and the short of it is that for every hour I remain off the smokes, the ma will put €10 to charity.

So now I've a reason to keep it going.

Buona Fortuna

Is it Mrs Brown's Boys?

kettlehead

Buona Fortuna wrote: »

Is it Mrs Brown's Boys?

Add an e and you're close. Christ!

What do you want for Christmas? A life.

Buona Fortuna

kettlehead wrote: »

Add an e and you're close. Christ!

What do you want for Christmas? A life.

Sorry I'm not a fan.

Collie D

And to think those idiots on Dragons Den turned down my idea of the phone with inbuilt breathalyser