Can't stop thinking about work colleague

LegacyUser

Hey, going anon for this...

I have recently been working closely with a new girl in work who started over a year ago. It is only in the last few months that I have started to fall for her. I guess it's because we are talking a lot more and getting to know each other. Sometimes I get the feeling she is into me and other times I think she is just being really friendly. I can never tell 100%. She is beautiful in a non obvious kind of way and really interesting. I know she is single as she had mentioned it in passing.

Anyways, I don't know what to do about it. I can't stop thinking about her but I don't want to make a fool of myself by getting rejected and have to face her everyday, not to mention everybody in the office probably knowing about it... I am normally a level headed guy who has being saying to himself "don't sh*t where you eat" up to this point but i can't help it anymore.

What should I do about it. Has anyone else had previous experience in a similar circumstance?

HalloweenJack

Confused guy wrote: »

Anyways, I don't know what to do about it. I can't stop thinking about her but I don't want to make a fool of myself by getting rejected and have to face her everyday, not to mention everybody in the office probably knowing about it... I am normally a level headed guy who has being saying to himself "don't sh*t where you eat" up to this point but i can't help it anymore.

What should I do about it. Has anyone else had previous experience in a similar circumstance?

Think repeating this is the best you can do. I think if you get involved with someone at work and you go into it with the above mentality then it's going to hang around the entire relationship, something which could cause problems for yez further down the line.

Also, you might want to find out if your company has a "no staff relationships" policy.

howamidifferent

Life's too short for regrets OP. Ask her out. If she says no then just say "No bother"..

Aseth

You could always ask if she would fancy going for a coffee or a drink after work.

bluetomato

Confused guy wrote: »

Anyways, I don't know what to do about it. I can't stop thinking about her but I don't want to make a fool of myself by getting rejected and have to face her everyday, not to mention everybody in the office probably knowing about it..

You wouldn't be making a fool out of themselves by getting rejected, if you ask her out for a casual coffee or a drink and she says no then it's no big deal at all to anyone else, a bit gutting for you of course but you can just say no bother, just said i'd ask!!

If she refuses and you're still friendly it's not like she's going to think that you're pining over her all the time when you see her every day so I wouldn't worry about that.

and no one else in the office will think anything of it, honestly what would you think if you heard someone in your office asked someone else out for something casual and they said no? I bet you'd think nothing of it at all.

GavMan

HalloweenJack wrote: »

Also, you might want to find out if your company has a "no staff relationships" policy.

Unenforceable I'd imagine

magneticimpulse

It could work out. But if it didn't it would be extremely awkward seeing that person everyday! Or seeing them be with someone else.

Saipanne

There are around four women in work I currently "feel" that way about. I wouldn't go near any of them because you can't. You just can't.

dimko

Use diplomacy brah.
Grub her facebook details.
See what kind of person she is there.
If she asks "where all the good guys are?" in there, reply, you are one out there. Use wit and before breaking your head, if she has anyone or not - scout ahead. Check if facebook has some guy constantly replaying all her status updates. He is your biggest competition, but also most likely she is not living with this guy.

Do the research In digital age it can be easier then u'd imagine. Google her.

woodchuck

dimko wrote: »

Use diplomacy brah.
Grub her facebook details.
See what kind of person she is there.
If she asks "where all the good guys are?" in there, reply, you are one out there. Use wit and before breaking your head, if she has anyone or not - scout ahead. Check if facebook has some guy constantly replaying all her status updates. He is your biggest competition, but also most likely she is not living with this guy.

Do the research In digital age it can be easier then u'd imagine. Google her.

I hope you're kidding. That would come off as kind of creepy to me. They already know each other in real life and he knows she's single, so why would he need to go lurking on her Facebook?

Ask her out for something casual (coffee etc).

dimko

woodchuck wrote: »

I hope you're kidding. That would come off as kind of creepy to me. They already know each other in real life and he knows she's single, so why would he need to go lurking on her Facebook?

Ask her out for something casual (coffee etc).

Apart from 'that's creepy' - have you got anything else to say against my advise?
Have you been in his situation?
Have you ever been accused of sexual harassment at work?

Investigating into person and stalking is not the same, don't be childish. It's not a 'broken hard' issue. It's about him potentially getting harassment suite. Or at very least not being able to look into her eyes again, not everyone takes rejection easily. Once I get rejected by a girl, I cut all ties and avoid her like a plague, how is he gonna do that at work?

woodchuck

dimko wrote: »

Apart from 'that's creepy' - have you got anything else to say against my advise?
Have you been in his situation?
Have you ever been accused of sexual harassment at work?

Investigating into person and stalking is not the same, don't be childish. It's not a 'broken hard' issue. It's about him potentially getting harassment suite. Or at very least not being able to look into her eyes again, not everyone takes rejection easily. Once I get rejected by a girl, I cut all ties and avoid her like a plague, how is he gonna do that at work?

Well the fact that it's creepy means it's less likely to be successful. I never used the word stalking. But I don't see what there is to gain. Surely any feelings of rejection etc is the same whether you do it online or in person? I just think there's a higher chance of success if he does it in person. As I said, it can be done casually. E.g. If they're talking in work about a new movie that's out, he could suggest going to see it together. She might say no, but if they do see each other outside of work then it's much easier to get a read of the situation and figure the next best step.

dimko

woodchuck wrote: »

Well the fact that it's creepy means it's less likely to be successful. I never used the word stalking. But I don't see what there is to gain. Surely any feelings of rejection etc is the same whether you do it online or in person? I just think there's a higher chance of success if he does it in person. As I said, it can be done casually. E.g. If they're talking in work about a new movie that's out, he could suggest going to see it together. She might say no, but if they do see each other outside of work then it's much easier to get a read of the situation and figure the next best step.

I never said he must exclusively ask her out over facebook.
Just do a background check. She may be a flirter and an attention seeker. Check facebook to see anything abnormal. what's creepy about it? After all, you don't post anything too personal on face book, that you wouldn't want other to see, do you?(if yes, well, why are you posting it there again? For everyone not to see it?)

There are girls who are just flirting with everyone. They have bunch of boys posting them nice stuff in there. Guys should be paying attention to this kind of behavior before talking to them.

Taltos

mod note
dimko - welcome to PI/RI
Please take some time now to read our charter as well as other threads. We have a certain level of response type that posters are held to and being blunt if you continue posting in the manner above you are going to earn cards very fast here.

It only takes 5 minutes so please take that time now to read our charter

lelo100

I think you should ask her casually to go for coffee. If she jumps at this she's interested and if she tries to get out of it you know she's not interested. Better to make some sort of move and if she says no you can get her out of your head and move on. Also there is the chance she likes you too and is only waiting for an invite for coffee. I know I would be if I liked someone