Is there a difference between people who've left home vs. stayed?

Elessar

I was noticing recently there seems to be a distinct separation between people who've left home got their own place to those who haven't. I mean not just in the obvious sense, but their demeanour, their confidence and their ability to handle situations. Maybe I'm seeing things but I still live at home myself (30 yr old guy and neither won't be able to afford to move out for a few years and not really pushed about it either) and I've noticed friends and colleagues who have seem on a different wavelength in terms of how they converse with people, handle situations and all sorts of other stuff.

I'm thinking maybe I'm missing out on something as I have only seen this divide between me and my peers growing in size, and I'm thinking maybe it's not good for me.

Has anyone else noticed this? Those who've lived independently, does it really change you as a person (not just the obvious ways), do you feel better able to handle life because of it?

Sh1tbag OToole

People who left home for even a short while don't try silly stuff like pouring milk into the kettle to warm it up.

kfrp

Elessar wrote: »

I was noticing recently there seems to be a distinct separation between people who've left home got their own place to those who haven't. I mean not just in the obvious sense, but their demeanour, their confidence and their ability to handle situations. Maybe I'm seeing things but I still live at home myself (30 yr old guy and neither won't be able to afford to move out for a few years and not really pushed about it either) and I've noticed friends and colleagues who have seem on a different wavelength in terms of how they converse with people, handle situations and all sorts of other stuff.

I'm thinking maybe I'm missing out on something as I have only seen this divide between me and my peers growing in size, and I'm thinking maybe it's not good for me.

Has anyone else noticed this? Those who've lived independently, does it really change you as a person (not just the obvious ways), do you feel better able to handle life because of it?

You learn to deal with everything yourself rather than replying on others usually.

The Backwards Man

It's just different people. There's manys a person living on their own who couldn't cook, clean, or sew a button on a shirt to bless themselves. There's manys a one on their home house doing all that and more. I wouldn't pass much remarks on they way people talk, I'm long enough in the tooth to know that how someone says they live and how they actually live can be two very different things.

HalloweenJack

Living away from home makes you more responsible and better at solving problems, in a generalised, simplistic summary.

Once you stop relying on others and knowing that you have to do the thing, noone else will do it for you, you become more proactive and confidence probably comes from that.

The Backwards Man

Sh1tbag OToole wrote: »

People who left home for even a short while don't try silly stuff like pouring milk into the kettle to warm it up.

You'd think!

I had a house rented out to a woman and she used the gas rings for heating in the big snow a few years back. Fcuking brand new house and that's all the heat she had one in it. Best of it was her mother lived in another big house up the road but they wouldn't share because each needed 'their own space'. Me oul lad says to me to one day, ' should send the two of them to Biafra for a month, see how they get on with their own space' (he's a wee bit stuck in the past)

TG1

I would definitely see a difference in those in my circle who stayed at home and those who moved out, to the point where I'm losing touch with the one close friend who never moved out. I don't know if its connected but we really just have nothing in common anymore.

I think its a confidence and self-esteem thing, you just learn more about yourself and get more confidence in yourself when you're out on your own.

Mena

Forget leaving home, try moving continents and hemispheres at 26 to learn independence.

I don't notice any difference in my group of friends to be honest, you wouldn't tell the people who stayed at home and those who moved out.

The biggest difference is those who never moved or had to waste money on rent rank much higher in the numbers of people who have bought or built their own house.

Agricola

Mena wrote: »

Forget leaving home, try moving continents and hemispheres at 26 to learn independence.

Bit extreme. You could've just moved down the road tbf.

LeeLooLee

Mena wrote: »

Forget leaving home, try moving continents and hemispheres at 26 to learn independence.

Not that much of a big deal. I moved continent at 21, as do lots of people.

Hazel Old Lubricant

Hazel Old Lubricant wrote: »

I don't notice any difference in my group of friends to be honest, you wouldn't tell the people who stayed at home and those who moved out.

The biggest difference is those who never moved or had to waste money on rent rank much higher in the numbers of people who have bought or built their own house.

Putting a roof over your head isn't a waste of money. Not everyone can live with their parents, even if they wouldn't mind it.

Candie

Candie wrote: »

Putting a roof over your head isn't a waste of money. Not everyone can live with their parents, even if they wouldn't mind it.

I understand not everyone can live at home, I had to move out at 24 as my job was too far from home, I'd have much preferred stay living at home. Yes rent has to be paid by many people but I personally still see it as a waste, just a waste that not everyone is lucky enough to be able to avoid.

The J Stands for Jay

There's a definite difference in people who lived with their parents in their early twenties. Less of an independent spirit and less up for new experiences.

Paramite Pie

I don't know you're financial situation but there are people who moved out on the dole or part time jobs. Unless you're saving money for something very specific... But the fact that you're not all that pushed about moving out either isn't good. You may have lost your drive/ambition.

The Backwards Man wrote: »

It's just different people. There's manys a person living on their own who couldn't cook, clean, or sew a button on a shirt to bless themselves. There's manys a one on their home house doing all that and more.

Yes, I stayed home until I was 24 but I worked, did all my own cooking etc.. however I wish my parents weren't so easy going or at least encouraged me to move out earlier.

They would talk me out of it all the time! They literally worried about everything!

Mena

LeeLooLee wrote: »

Not that much of a big deal. I moved continent at 21, as do lots of people.

I didn't say it was a big deal, I said it (as well as moving hemispheres) would teach independence.

Also moving from Ireland to mainland Europe hardly counts 😄

Sam Kade

There's a big difference between people who were pampered at home and those that had to pull their weight at home from an early age.

ponzook

McGaggs wrote: »

There's a definite difference in people who lived with their parents in their early twenties. Leas of an independent spirit and less up for new experiences.

Is this your opinion or any facts to back it up? Know people who never moved out of home, were able to afford to go travelling and move to Australia for work? Your talking nonsense!

ponzook

Sam Kade wrote: »

There's a big difference between people who were pampered at home and those that had to pull their weight at home from an early age.

Examples or more opinion crap?

RayM

I lived with my mum until I was 30 (she died just after my 30th birthday), but I simply wouldn't have got away with being unable to cook, clean, etc. From an early age, if I didn't know how to do perform a basic domestic task, my mum's attitude was: "Ah, for God's sake... here, I'll show you, so you don't have to feckin' ask me again." For which I'm eternally grateful.

Paramite Pie

McGaggs wrote: »

There's a definite difference in people who lived with their parents in their early twenties. Leas of an independent spirit and less up for new experiences.

Maybe in general, maybe not. I stayed in my early 20s (til 24) but I still went off to Korea by myself. Knew nothing of the language or what to expect. I was a fussy eater growing up but i ate all kinds of things/creatures when travelling. I'd even go on holiday by myself although I'd prefer the company. I know a lot of people who'd never do that. I'd consider myself pretty independent.

I didn't have many friends growing up so I had no-one to move out with. I think that'd make it easier. I did manage to rack up 15 grand in savings though before I moved out so I benefited in some ways.

The Backwards Man

McGaggs wrote: »

There's a definite difference in people who lived with their parents in their early twenties. Leas of an independent spirit and less up for new experiences.

Very true, when I see the Facebook photos of all the young wans in their GAA jerseys, drinking vodka an red bull in the Irish pub in Bondi or Dorchester, Ma, I think to myself, fair play to yis for showing such independent spirit and opening yourselves to new experiences.

Sam Kade

ponzook wrote: »

Examples

Do you really need examples to figure it out?

Mister Vain

Sam Kade wrote: »

There's a big difference between people who were pampered at home and those that had to pull their weight at home from an early age.

This. I know a few people in their 30's that are still living at home and are definitely pampered but they're in the minority. You can live at home and still be confident and independent. I don't buy into all this moving out makes you a stronger person BS. Everyone is different.

LeeLooLee

Mena wrote: »

I didn't say it was a big deal, I said it (as well as moving hemispheres) would teach independence.

Also moving from Ireland to mainland Europe hardly counts ��

I didn't move from Ireland to mainland Europe. Well, I did for college at 18. Then I moved to the United States at 21, followed by Asia, Latin America and back to Europe.

ponzook

Sam Kade wrote: »

Do you really need examples to figure it out?

Yea I do, coming from someone who lived at home till I was 27, earning 45k while saving for a mortgage. And now a house owner and live by myself just fine with no taking the washing home to mammy or anything like that! :rolleyes:

Fox_In_Socks

Currently, I'm in the Waachalian star system, moon 4 of planet Sptyroor, metabolising liquid methane from the upper atmosphere. It took me a while to fit in here (been here more a little over 2 years) but in the difficult times, I just think of my friends back home in Longford and think of how independent and care free I am.

Eugene Norman

Mena wrote: »

I didn't say it was a big deal, I said it (as well as moving hemispheres) would teach independence.

Also moving from Ireland to mainland Europe hardly counts 😄

I'd bet moving to Germany is tougher than the US or Australia for most Irish people.

Mena

Eugene Norman wrote: »

I'd bet moving to Germany is tougher than the US or Australia for most Irish people.

Possibly due to language but the hour or two flight home does ease that.

The J Stands for Jay

ponzook wrote: »

Is this your opinion or any facts to back it up? Know people who never moved out of home, were able to afford to go travelling and move to Australia for work? Your talking nonsense!

People who live at home are usually male, had two parents growing up and have low self esteem (this is an Australian study, but it would back up my observations). They are also less likely to know the difference between "your" and "you're".

The J Stands for Jay

The Backwards Man wrote: »

Very true, when I see the Facebook photos of all the young wans in their GAA jerseys, drinking vodka an red bull in the Irish pub in Bondi or Dorchester, Ma, I think to myself, fair play to yis for showing such independent spirit and opening yourselves to new experiences.

Straight from the maternal bosom to the GAA bosom.

Badly Drunk Boy

The Backwards Man wrote: »

Me oul lad says to me to one day, ' should send the two of them to Biafra for a month, see how they get on with their own space' (he's a wee bit stuck in the past)

Does he ever mention the Baluba in The Congo? They were some boyos!

LeeLooLee

McGaggs wrote: »

Straight from the maternal bosom to the GAA bosom.

A perfect example of when 'travelling' isn't travelling at all. Flying thousands of miles round the world to hang out with your mates and other people from your home town, doing exactly what you did back home. I doubt there is much difference between people who go to Australia and do that and people who have stayed at home in Ireland.

R.D. aka MR.D

I don't believe that you can be totally independent living at home but I also believe plenty of people aren't independent when they aren't living at home.

For example, a lot of people my age (almost 30) still get money off their parents. So there is absolutely no fear that anything bad will happen if they mess up. Mammy and Daddy will help them out.

Lot's of people can live at home and do their cooking and washing but how big of a fear is it that mammy and daddy are going to kick them out on the street if they lose their job or whatever?

I moved out at 17. I definitely learned things that you can't when you live at home. Paying bills, being sick, being totally alone, living with strangers, scouring every inch of the place looking for 5c so you can afford something to eat and not finding it so going hungry and so on have all provided vastly different experiences than what you get living at home.

The J Stands for Jay

LeeLooLee wrote: »

A perfect example of when 'travelling' isn't travelling at all. Flying thousands of miles round the world to hang out with your mates and other people from your home town, doing exactly what you did back home. I doubt there is much difference between people who go to Australia and do that and people who have stayed at home in Ireland.

Just more tan, and less clean, ironed clothes.

The J Stands for Jay

R.D. aka MR.D wrote: »

a lot of people my age (almost 30) still get money off their parents.

Wow.

R.D. aka MR.D

R.D. aka MR.D wrote: »

I moved out at 17. I definitely learned things that you can't when you live at home. Paying bills, being sick, being totally alone, living with strangers, scouring every inch of the place looking for 5c so you can afford something to eat and not finding it so going hungry and so on have all provided vastly different experiences than what you get living at home.

You say this like its a good thing. Give me the fall back option of my parents every time, I have no interest in having a fear of something bad happening to me.

R.D. aka MR.D

Hazel Old Lubricant wrote: »

You say this like its a good thing. Give me the fall back option of my parents everytime.

Ah yeah, even now after a decade of living out of home, I still get a twinge of 'it would be great if I was at home and I could just......'

I think it is a good thing to have these experiences though. I find people that haven't had these kind of experiences hard to relate to. But I think that's the way life is, people tend to like people who are similar to them. I used to get annoyed by people like that, parents pay for flights home or are basically a bank for their kids whims. But then I realised that I was just jealous!!
But if the tap ever stops running for these people, they'll have a hard shock but things can only get better for me. In theory..... :pac:

Of course it's 100% better to have your parents to fall back on, but theres a big difference from having support and being financially propped up by them.

black_frosch

Mena wrote: »

Forget leaving home, try moving continents and hemispheres at 26 to learn independence.

Yeah, cool.

Tarzana2

ponzook wrote: »

Yea I do, coming from someone who lived at home till I was 27, earning 45k while saving for a mortgage.

Earning 45k and no rent. Sweet! No, no wait, I still wouldn't live with my folks if it were a possibility in my footloose and fancy-free twenties, once I was earning money. There's more to life than saving spondools.

freshpopcorn

I'm from rural enough area so apart from people going to live away for college(a lot drove/got the bus every day) people generally didn't really move out until the had there house built usually within a couple of minutes from there home place.
From friends do I notice a difference of those who did move out and does who didn't move out from home, not really because a lot of the people I knew were from farming background and we're used to doing work/diy/cooking/etc from an early enough age and they lived at home well into there twenties.
I do get somebody living at home(circumstances which outsiders wouldn't know.) once they do there best to do jobs/etc once they don't sit down playing X box the whole time. I wouldn't really care.

R.D. aka MR.D

R.D. aka MR.D wrote: »

Ah yeah, even now after a decade of living out of home, I still get a twinge of 'it would be great if I was at home and I could just......'

Yeah I get your point now, I know you played the hand you were dealt and fair play but I don't think people should aspire to have a harder life than they need.

Tarzana2 wrote: »

Earning 45k and no rent. Sweet! No, no wait, I still wouldn't live with my folks if it were a possibility in my footloose and fancy-free twenties, once I was earning money. There's more to life than saving spondools.

Different outlooks I suppose. I'd have lived at home until I was able to buy or build if I'd found a job close to home. Not even for the amount of savings (though it's a big part) but for the fact I like living at home and hated moving out. Having lived out of home it even reinforced it more, I'd much prefer living there.

freshpopcorn wrote: »

I'm from rural enough area so apart from people going to live away for college(a lot drove/got the bus every day) people generally didn't really move out until the had there house built usually within a couple of minutes from there home place.

Same as myself, the dream is to find work locally, live at home and build when you have the funds some of my friends have managed it but some of us have had to move to different parts of the country for work. People who moved have started to move back home now though to settle that they are hitting their 30's and planning the same myself as soon as the opportunity arises.

LeeLooLee

Staying at home means making massive sacrifices in terms of personal freedom though. I am envious of my friend who is now wealthy thanks to living with his parents all through his twenties but I don't envy his lack of privacy at all.

SafeSurfer

Maybe it's just the people I know but I notice a marked difference in people who left home in their late teens to go to college and those who attended college while living at home. It is possibly just my experience from the people I met but those who stayed at home seemed a little more conservative, immature and less inclined to try new things than those who left home at an early age. I moved out of home to go to college at 17 as did most of my friends from home. Finding your own way at that age, getting up for lectures, finding somewhere to live, paying rent, interacting with housemates etc certainly forces you to get your sh1t together in a hurry. Having said that I knew plenty of people who returned home from college almost every weekend with dirty washing and came back to college on Sunday evening with washed clothes and mammys dinners for the week.

Tarzana2

LeeLooLee wrote: »

Staying at home means making massive sacrifices in terms of personal freedom though. I am envious of my friend who is now wealthy thanks to living with his parents all through his twenties but I don't envy his lack of privacy at all.

Totally. No matter how laid back people say their parents are, it's just not the same as living away from home, it just isn't.

Tarzana2

Tarzana2 wrote: »

Totally. No matter how laid back people say their parents are, it's just not the same as living away from home, it just isn't.

Its pretty close to be honest and what small bit of freedom you might lack (which basically means you cant have loud sex) you more than make up for in other advantages like not having to deal with houseshares, having far more money etc.

I lived at home all through undergrad and it didn't change my college experience at all, aside from the fact I had much more money for spending on nights out and on life in general while people living up were eating beans to afford a few cheap cans I was having massive home cooked dinners and drinking in pubs and night clubs, buying a nice lunch everyday, driving and buying stuff I wanted.

Hazel Old Lubricant

Hazel Old Lubricant wrote: »

Its pretty close to be honest and what small bit of freedom you might lack (which basically means you cant have loud sex) you more than make up for in other advantages like not having to deal with houseshares, having far more money etc.

I lived at home all through undergrad and it didn't change my college experience at all, aside from the fact I had much more money for spending on nights out and on life in general while people living up were eating beans to afford a few cheap cans I was having massive home cooked dinners and drinking in pubs and night clubs, buying a nice lunch everyday, driving and buying stuff I wanted.

You living at home isn't all about you though. Your parents raised you, they took care of you throughout your childhood. Now it's time to let them stop worrying or having to do things for you by standing on your own two feet.

I had to move away to university when I just turned 17. I did my best never to worry or bother the family, if I was short of money I didn't consider my parents as a resource to fall back on - though I know they'd never think twice - I saw it as my job as an emerging adult to sort out my situation by myself as far as possible. They did their bit, it was my turn to do mine.

All the advantages of an adult child living at home being listed here are from the childs perspective. But you owe it to the parents that worked hard raising you to grow up and take the reins, and stand on your two feet so that they know their job is done, and done well.

Mister Vain

You can certainly save a lot of money by living at home. At lot of the things I did during my 20's wouldn't have been possible if I had of moved out at a young age. People often raise the issue of privacy but if you're living with house mates you're not exactly better off in that regard. You'd have privacy if you lived alone but not everyone can afford to get a place of their own and end up sharing out of necessity.

donegaLroad

Elessar wrote: »

I was noticing recently there seems to be a distinct separation between people who've left home got their own place to those who haven't. I mean not just in the obvious sense, but their demeanour, their confidence and their ability to handle situations. Maybe I'm seeing things but I still live at home myself (30 yr old guy and neither won't be able to afford to move out for a few years and not really pushed about it either) and I've noticed friends and colleagues who have seem on a different wavelength in terms of how they converse with people, handle situations and all sorts of other stuff.

I'm thinking maybe I'm missing out on something as I have only seen this divide between me and my peers growing in size, and I'm thinking maybe it's not good for me.

Has anyone else noticed this? Those who've lived independently, does it really change you as a person (not just the obvious ways), do you feel better able to handle life because of it?

they might be envious of you.. you dont have to worry about the upkeep of an expensive house like they do. You have more disposable income then they could wish for.. dont get fooled by the hype, if you are happy where you are stay where you are.

You could pick up a bargain holiday home somewhere along the coast and rent it out once the Wild Atlantic Way route properly takes off. I was at the WAW conference a couple of months ago and they have very big plans to make it a large tourist hub.

freshpopcorn

One thing I've noticed with people who'd be older than me now. Who did stay at home or moved out very close to there parents generally looked after there parents at home when they got older instead of putting them in a home.

freshpopcorn

freshpopcorn wrote: »

One thing I've noticed with people who'd be older than me now. Who did stay at home or moved out very close to there parents generally looked after there parents at home when they got older instead of putting them in a home.

They owe them that at least, and proximity is helpful.

That said, my parents will never be in a home, regardless of when either myself or my siblings moved out.