House Guest Stealing Food

R.D. aka MR.D · 15-12-2015 7:08am #1

Ok, AH, what's your opinion?

So, I just waved off a house guest. He is a friend of my OH and I don't like him very much (he's a bit of a scab, never has money when it's time to pay the taxi, forgets his wallet blah blah blah).

Anyway, he stole some of our food. Now, I normally wouldn't be too cut up about it but it was special food because we are living in Asia and it's something you can't get here. He claims that he planned to replace it but doing so would cost about 70euro because it would have to come from Amazon US. There is no way that he wouldn't know that.

My OH is like 'whatever, no big deal' but I think it's really ****ty.

I purposely didn't say 'help yourself' or any of the stuff I would usually tell guests because he is such a scab. He drank my coffee but I don't mind about that, i'll buy more at the shop 5 mins down the road.

Anyway, what do you all think? Okay or not okay behaviour?

Or do you have any house guest stories that are worse? (it'll make me feel better)

Rachiee · 15-12-2015 7:20am

Did he eat it while staying in the house? Did he it the whole thing or just half the packet? Or did he stuff it in his bag when he was leaving.
Either way It's pretty poor form to be honest no matter where I stay ( unless it's my parents) I'd never just help myself to the contents of someone else's fridge.
If you guys are living in Asia and it's like an Irish product he really should have known better and if he saw it and was craving it like mad could have asked.
Honestly I wouldn't even take my housemates 20c noodles from Tesco without asking. But then that'd just how I was brought up maybe in his house that kind of stuff was never a big deal.
Seriously though what was it?

R.D. aka MR.D · 15-12-2015 7:27am

Rachiee wrote: »

Did he eat it while staying in the house? Did he it the whole thing or just half the packet? Or did he stuff it in his bag when he was leaving.

If you guys are living in Asia and it's like an Irish product he really should have known better and if he saw it and was craving it like mad could have asked.

Seriously though what was it?

It was American sweets that my OH's mum sent for Halloween that we were saving to eat on Xmas. ::o

He has been living in Asia too so if he was craving it I could understand but he was visiting here before leaving to go home back to NA. He will literally have anything he wants at his fingertips in 24hrs! :mad:

Hemerodrome · 15-12-2015 7:32am

I doubt he appreciated the significance of the sweets and they probably seemed to be free to eat if they were at hand rather than stashed away.

SeantheMan · 15-12-2015 7:32am

R.D. aka MR.D wrote: »

It was American sweets that my OH's mum sent for Halloween that we were saving to eat on Xmas. ::o

He has been living in Asia too so if he was craving it I could understand but he was visiting here before leaving to go home back to NA. He will literally have anything he wants at his fingertips in 24hrs! :mad:

Call him out on it, you have to tell him about it so it doesn't happen in future.
Especially if he's planning to return to Asia and continue living with you.

But....if he's going home for good...just bite you lip for the sake of your OH...and think of it as the price you paid to get rid of him for good.

Either way it's a crap thing to do on his part.

Rachiee · 15-12-2015 7:34am

Yeah if he's American and has been living there he really should have known how special they were. No matter how bad I wanted something I wouldnt just help myself !! And I have serious self control issues with food, And if I did I'd be so mortified I wouldn't mind paying the 70 Euro !! did he eat them all?

I hate Reeses but if they were Mike and Ikes I'd be devastated

wyndham · 15-12-2015 7:35am

Get over it. He's saved you some calories and tooth decay.

stoneill · 15-12-2015 7:35am

Ooohhh look at me, I'm in Asia and I have food.

Arbiter of Good Taste · 15-12-2015 7:37am

Hemerodrome wrote: »

I doubt he appreciated the significance of the sweets and they probably seemed to be free to eat if they were at hand rather than stashed away.

Irrelevant. You don't start raiding people's cupboards when staying with them. When I stay with people for more than a few days I tend to go out to the supermarket and at least make dinner for them one night. It's only good manners.

R.D. aka MR.D · 15-12-2015 7:47am

Hemerodrome wrote: »

I doubt he appreciated the significance of the sweets and they probably seemed to be free to eat if they were at hand rather than stashed away.

They were stashed away at the very back of a high cupboard. He literally had to be snooping in the presses (as my mammy says) to have even seen them.

jamesbere · 15-12-2015 7:47am

Shoot him and be done with it.

Hemerodrome · 15-12-2015 7:48am

Arbiter of Good Taste wrote: »

Irrelevant. You don't start raiding people's cupboards when staying with them. When I stay with people for more than a few days I tend to go out to the supermarket and at least make dinner for them one night. It's only good manners.

Not at all irrelevant and nobody raided the cupboard, he ate a few sweets.

Samaris · 15-12-2015 7:48am

Yeah, I'm with the "that's a fairly ignorant thing to do" group. Especially taking something 'special' and hard to get like that. I'd be pretty aggravated at him as well.

If it was a once in a way thing from a friend who might have been thoughtless once, sure, I wouldn't humiliate them or think on it again, but sounds like this guy has a bit of a pattern of this sort of thing.

postitnote · 15-12-2015 7:48am

Living in student halls a good number of years ago, there was one fella in our corridor who always helped himself to whatever was going in the fridge in the kitchen. He especially liked the fruit juices when he was stoned.

After getting together with the other students on our floor, it was decided that i'd get some apple juice, pour half of it out, piss in it and put it back in the fridge.

While it didn't stop him from stealing stuff in future, finding an almost empty carton of 'apple' juice in the morning was one of the most rewarding passive-aggressive things i've ever done.

Basically, piss over your food.

That'll learn em.

kneemos · 15-12-2015 7:52am

My only experience of American sweets is a Hersey Bar I bought in Dunnes many years ago.
It was a bitter and unpleasant experience.

Tarzana2 · 15-12-2015 7:54am

If your OH replaces the food, let it go and think twice about having him to stay again! Just come up with some excuse.

5rtytry56 · 15-12-2015 7:56am

Time to hand this houseguest a lump of coal as a Christmas Present? Wrap it up well in loadsvof glossy wrapping paper. His hands are already soiled in your own book.

:pac:

Arbiter of Good Taste · 15-12-2015 7:56am

Hemerodrome wrote: »

Not at all irrelevant and nobody raided the cupboard, he ate a few sweets.

Read the OP's latest post. The sweets were hidden away

stimpson · 15-12-2015 7:59am

Stash a kilo of heroin in his suitcase when he leaves for the airport. He won't bother you again.

Eugene Norman · 15-12-2015 8:25am

I feel guilty about the time I took some milk for tea at my sisters house now.

sonny.knowles · 15-12-2015 8:29am

postitnote wrote: »

Living in student halls a good number of years ago, there was one fella in our corridor who always helped himself to whatever was going in the fridge in the kitchen. He especially liked the fruit juices when he was stoned.

After getting together with the other students on our floor, it was decided that i'd get some apple juice, pour half of it out, piss in it and put it back in the fridge.

While it didn't stop him from stealing stuff in future, finding an almost empty carton of 'apple' juice in the morning was one of the most rewarding passive-aggressive things i've ever done.

Basically, piss over your food.

That'll learn em.

Did this once, but it was crunchy nut corn flakes that the flat mate was stealing.

Insect Overlord · 15-12-2015 8:36am

I know the feeling, OP. One of my housemates likes to help himself to food that doesn't belong to him.

I had half a plate of home-made chicken goujons robbed with the excuse that "they would go rotten if nobody ate them" (even though they'd only been cooked a few hours).

Then he took a big helping of home-made soup.

The worst was when (twice) he took the chicken from a bowl of pasta bake. Most normal people would at least take a portion of the pasta and vegetables, but this freak just picked out the chicken and then put the lid back on the bowl to hide it! :mad: TWICE!!! :mad:

Arbiter of Good Taste · 15-12-2015 8:45am

An File wrote: »

I know the feeling, OP. One of my housemates likes to help himself to food that doesn't belong to him.

I had half a plate of home-made chicken goujons robbed with the excuse that "they would go rotten if nobody ate them" (even though they'd only been cooked a few hours).

Then he took a big helping of home-made soup.

The worst was when (twice) he took the chicken from a bowl of pasta bake. Most normal people would at least take a portion of the pasta and vegetables, but this freak just picked out the chicken and then put the lid back on the bowl to hide it! :mad: TWICE!!! :mad:

Some people should not be allowed out in the community

recylingbin · 15-12-2015 8:48am

I'm worried about your hosting skills if the poor lad had to go scavenging for grub tbh op.

Hammer89 · 15-12-2015 8:55am

R.D. aka MR.D wrote: »

They were stashed away at the very back of a high cupboard. He literally had to be snooping in the presses (as my mammy says) to have even seen them.

Have you considered the possibility that your OH got a bit of a sweet tooth during the night and just blamed it on this unruly house guest, hence why she does not want you to confront him.

Had you went into the kitchen at 4am you would've seen something resembling Sister Assumpta during the Lent episode in Father Ted.

_Brian · 15-12-2015 8:55am

We ha a regular houseguest , a relation, and he treated our house like crap. He would eat like a pig, mess everywhere, take huge portions and leave little for the rest of us.

Now he's just not welcome, was explained to his mrs that he wasn't welcome any more.

Some people are just ignorant and will abuse hospitality offered to them. Your better without this guest.

Vic_08 · 15-12-2015 9:00am

An File wrote: »

I know the feeling, OP. One of my housemates likes to help himself to food that doesn't belong to him.

I had half a plate of home-made chicken goujons robbed with the excuse that "they would go rotten if nobody ate them" (even though they'd only been cooked a few hours).

Then he took a big helping of home-made soup.

The worst was when (twice) he took the chicken from a bowl of pasta bake. Most normal people would at least take a portion of the pasta and vegetables, but this freak just picked out the chicken and then put the lid back on the bowl to hide it! :mad: TWICE!!! :mad:

Some would say that treating constipation is the primary use for laxatives but they are wrong, it is to teach these sorts of people manners.

Eugene Norman · 15-12-2015 9:22am

Mi casa mi casa is the rule in Ireland.

Eugene Norman · 15-12-2015 9:28am

We'll be having house guests for Christmas and they're welcome to the (fully stocked) fridge. I mean I hope nobody eats the turkey (unlikely as they'd have to cook it first) on Christmas Eve but the stock of food beer and wine is available for all.

Stops me having to make sandwiches in fact. Make your own. Mi casa tu casa.

Arbiter of Good Taste · 15-12-2015 10:25am

recylingbin wrote: »

I'm worried about your hosting skills if the poor lad had to go scavenging for grub tbh op.

So you believe staying at someone's home FOR FREE entitles you to do what you want/take what you want?

Do you find you are generally not invited back?

melissak · 15-12-2015 10:30am

R.D. aka MR.D wrote: »

It was American sweets that my OH's mum sent for Halloween that we were saving to eat on Xmas. ::o

He has been living in Asia too so if he was craving it I could understand but he was visiting here before leaving to go home back to NA. He will literally have anything he wants at his fingertips in 24hrs! :mad:

That's just rude. When I read first post I thought it was regular food in which case it wouldn't bother me but if it was something specific you were saving up that was a novelty from home he is a tool. When I lived in Thailand a friend brought over a multiple of cheese and onion tayou a nd if someone ate them all without asking if would have flipped

SEPT 23 1989 · 15-12-2015 10:30am

Buy some special sweets and put them in their bag and call the asian police

that will learn them

melissak · 15-12-2015 10:34am

stimpson wrote: »

Stash a kilo of heroin in his suitcase when he leaves for the airport. He won't bother you again.

I would imagine that would be more expensive than replacing the sweets. Even in Asia.

thee glitz · 15-12-2015 10:38am

The oh should ask/hint that he sends on some more if he's now in NA.

esforum · 15-12-2015 10:40am

email him and hassle for the replacement or learn to ignore users. If hes a genuine person he will replace the item

R.D. aka MR.D · 15-12-2015 11:14am

Hammer89 wrote: »

Have you considered the possibility that your OH got a bit of a sweet tooth during the night and just blamed it on this unruly house guest, hence why she does not want you to confront him.

Had you went into the kitchen at 4am you would've seen something resembling Sister Assumpta during the Lent episode in Father Ted.

We weren't staying in the apartment at the time so it would be impossible.

R.D. aka MR.D · 15-12-2015 11:18am

recylingbin wrote: »

I'm worried about your hosting skills if the poor lad had to go scavenging for grub tbh op.

Any other guest and I wouldn't have hesitated to offer him anything I had. He ate us out of house and home last year when he stayed for a few weeks so I didn't want to go down that road again.

In fact, my OH told me that he (the guest) had absolutely no money and this whole sob story that yer man had told him the night before. So the next day, we got lunch and I felt so bad for him (despite knowing from past experiences that he's a scab) that I offered half my lunch and the whole nine yards.

Next day, he goes shopping with the OH and I get a text that he's buying sunglasses despite 'having no money'.

syklops · 15-12-2015 11:19am

kneemos wrote: »

My only experience of American sweets is a Hersey Bar I bought in Dunnes many years ago.
It was a bitter and unpleasant experience.

Yeah Dunnes Stores can be a unplesant experience sometimes.

osarusan · 15-12-2015 11:19am

R.D. aka MR.D wrote: »

Next day, he goes shopping with the OH and I get a text that he's buying sunglasses despite 'having no money'.

Maybe it was DAISO sunglasses.

R.D. aka MR.D · 15-12-2015 11:24am

osarusan wrote: »

Maybe it was DAISO sunglasses.

Nah, they were 1700 yen. They weren't Gucci but when you're claiming to be totally broke....

And plenty of money on beer and even claimed to have been mugged because he had 3000yen and now it was gone. My OH had to tell him 'That was 4 drinks ago, welcome to drinking in a bar in Japan.' Cans from the convenience store weren't good enough for him.

CruelCoin · 15-12-2015 11:33am

R.D. aka MR.D wrote: »

Anyway, what do you all think? Okay or not okay behaviour?

Perfectly fine. When i have guests i tell them exactly this: "I don't stand on ceremony. If you are hungry eat, if you are thirsty drink, fridge is there, toilet is over there"

"You're permitted to some coffee" flies in the face of hospitality 101 to be honest.

melissak · 15-12-2015 11:36am

CruelCoin wrote: »

Perfectly fine. When i have guests i tell them exactly this: "I don't stand on ceremony. If you are hungry eat, if you are thirsty drink, fridge is there, toilet is over there"

"You're permitted to some coffee" flies in the face of hospitality 101 to be honest.

I would usually agree with you but these were sweets from home they were saving for a special occasion that you can't get where op lives. Did you tell him they were special op?

R.D. aka MR.D · 15-12-2015 11:40am

CruelCoin wrote: »

Perfectly fine. When i have guests i tell them exactly this: "I don't stand on ceremony. If you are hungry eat, if you are thirsty drink, fridge is there, toilet is over there"

"You're permitted to some coffee" flies in the face of hospitality 101 to be honest.

It's an interesting perspective and I know you are right.

I'm starting to think that it's my fault for allowing him to stay again. The last time he stayed, as I mentioned, he ate us out of house and home and then asked for money to get the bus to the airport. It wasn't such a big deal then because we had more money.

My thoughts were that's it's only basic manners to not take something that is obviously expensive/hard to get when it's not been offered.

R.D. aka MR.D · 15-12-2015 11:42am

melissak wrote: »

Did you tell him they were special op?

No because it would be blatantly obvious to him or anyone. It wasn't hersheys or whatever that you can buy outside the US.

Also, they were literally at the very back of a high cupboard. I never thought for one second that he would be riffling though the cupboards!

Figbiscuithead · 15-12-2015 11:50am

R.D. aka MR.D wrote: »

They were stashed away at the very back of a high cupboard. He literally had to be snooping in the presses (as my mammy says) to have even seen them.

Sneaky behaviour and he knows it. I find it odd your fella doesn't have a problem with it, though?

stimpson · 15-12-2015 11:58am

CruelCoin wrote: »

Perfectly fine. When i have guests i tell them exactly this: "I don't stand on ceremony. If you are hungry eat, if you are thirsty drink, fridge is there, toilet is over there"

TBH, if you have a toilet in your kitchen then I'd be eating takeaway every night.

R.D. aka MR.D · 15-12-2015 12:01pm

Figbiscuithead wrote: »

Sneaky behaviour and he knows it. I find it odd your fella doesn't have a problem with it, though?

That's actually why I posted this in the first place.

He really thinks it's no big deal but to me it's the height of bad manners.

We often disagree on what constitutes basic manners. He thinks it's because I'm Irish. He says that I have 'weird' ideas like saying goodbye to people before you leave a party or the pub. There are a good few more examples but I can't think of them now off the top of my head.

So sometimes he has me doubting whether I'm overreacting. So I wanted to see if most other people think it's rude.

osarusan · 15-12-2015 12:04pm

So the guy looked through your cupboards and found these sweets which had certainly not been offered to him.

Did he eat them while there? Eat them with you/in front of you? Or actually take them with him? (and you only found out afterwards).

It's rude no matter what, but there is a bit of a difference between opening them in front of you and everybody eating them to him secretly sticking them in a bag and taking them with him.

Azalea · 15-12-2015 12:06pm

R.D. aka MR.D wrote: »

That's actually why I posted this in the first place.

He really thinks it's no big deal but to me it's the height of bad manners.

We often disagree on what constitutes basic manners. He thinks it's because I'm Irish. He says that I have 'weird' ideas like saying goodbye to people before you leave a party or the pub. There are a good few more examples but I can't think of them now off the top of my head.

So sometimes he has me doubting whether I'm overreacting. So I wanted to see if most other people think it's rude.

Of course they do - they would not like it if someone went rummaging in their cupboards. They're just making you out to be unreasonable, and making dubious comparisons, for the craic. I wouldn't do that in my best friends' or siblings' homes, let alone open something that's unopened and was sent as a present. And even though I know they're fine with me making tea or coffee, I'd still let them know beforehand.

R.D. aka MR.D · 15-12-2015 12:13pm

osarusan wrote: »

So the guy looked through your cupboards and found these sweets which had certainly not been offered to him.

Did he eat them while there? Eat them with you/in front of you? Or actually take them with him? (and you only found out afterwards).

He was alone in the apartment and ate them. My OH and I both work during the day and evening.

Figbiscuithead · 15-12-2015 12:18pm

R.D. aka MR.D wrote: »

That's actually why I posted this in the first place.

He really thinks it's no big deal but to me it's the height of bad manners.

We often disagree on what constitutes basic manners. He thinks it's because I'm Irish. He says that I have 'weird' ideas like saying goodbye to people before you leave a party or the pub. There are a good few more examples but I can't think of them now off the top of my head.

So sometimes he has me doubting whether I'm overreacting. So I wanted to see if most other people think it's rude.

I find Americans in general are big into manners despite their stereotype. That's my experience anyway. I think it's objectively rude behaviour, personally and I don't think this is just an Irish thing. Even if someone told me to treat their home as if it were my own (which you didn't), I still wouldn't take the piddle.

Out of curiosity, did he get you something to say thank you for having him? I'm guessing not...

House Guest Stealing Food

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