3 small school-going kids? Do you have a good morning routine?

sapper

Just wondering if anyone with 3 small school going kids has cracked the morning routine and can share their secrets? In our house this is how it normally goes

-Me (Dad) – up at 6.15 and out at 7am for the morning commute into Dublin to start work at 8am (ie. of no use to anyone)
-7yr old son normally gets up at 6.45 and wakes up the 8yr old girl. By 7.15 our 5yr old girl is also awake. We have no TV during week, so the 3 of them normally get stuck into some game/activity in their pyjamas
-Mum tries to stay in bed as long as possible – normally up at 7.30 to break up some fight/dispute that’s broken out or placate one of the 2 youngest who has gotten out of the wrong side of bed and is whinging about some wrong done to them.
-Kids typically knock about until 8.15am with occasional flare ups of violence/whinging.
-At this stage the clock is ticking and kids sometimes have not had breakfast, gotten dressed or brushed their teeth. As time gets shorter kids get less co-operative and more distracted. Cue threats/shouting/ultimatums/bribes to get the kids to get their bloody clothes on/shoes on/bags packed/teeth brushed/breakfast eaten. One of them invariably acts up and one task is invariably forgotten until Mum is barging the kids into the car at 8.50 for the school run – requiring more threats/shouting to get x done and get in the car before we are late for school

Mum getting very stressed every day – yearning for an au pair even though we don’t have room.

Has anyone out there with 3 small school going kids cracked it? Or is it just stress until they become teenagers and become even less co-operative?

nicol

Um, this may be the most obvious solution, but couldn't your wife start getting the kids ready a bit earlier than 8:15 to get things organised?? Trying to get 3 kids fed and dressed in 35 mins is always going to be stressful. If she started at 8:00 it would be far less stressful.

Just my two cents.

sapper

Well in fairness she is normally getting herself ready/fed while also sorting doing the kids lunches for school - which takes ages - 20 minutes at least. Also kids are old enough to get themselves dressed/teeth brushed/breakfast done - just dont have much interest in doing it most mornings

lazygal

Lunches the night before and all clothes laid out, socks and underwear and shoes.
Have a timetable pinned up the kids can see and let them know anyone who isn't ready will have to go as is. Friend of mine dropped a difficult three years old off in pajamas and wellies when she refused to get dressed and that never happened again!

mordeith

sapper wrote: »

Well in fairness she is normally getting herself ready/fed while also sorting doing the kids lunches for school - which takes ages - 20 minutes at least. Also kids are old enough to get themselves dressed/teeth brushed/breakfast done - just dont have much interest in doing it most mornings

I'm not being a dick but I don't get the logic here.If it takes 20 mins to get lunches ready then that should be factored into when your wife needs to get up.
My wife and I both work (my wife part time). On the days she works I make sure to be up early. I make the kids lunches so my wife can concentrate on getting breakfasts/dressing the kids (I have to leave for work earlier)

sapper

Yeah lunches night before is obvious answer - but once kids asleep and kitchen cleaned its hard to do another 20 mins work when theres only 1.5 hours of no kid time before bed...is that what everyone actually does?

sapper

mordeith wrote: »

I'm not being a dick but I don't get the logic here.If it takes 20 mins to get lunches ready then that should be factored into when your wife needs to get up.
My wife and I both work (my wife part time). On the days she works I make sure to be up early. I make the kids lunches so my wife can concentrate on getting breakfasts/dressing the kids (I have to leave for work earlier)

yeah think thats the only answer. Means Im up at 6 or just before

mordeith

sapper wrote: »

yeah think thats the only answer. Means Im up at 6 or just before

Or you both get up at your usual time. I'm not suggesting you need to be the sole solution here.

lazygal

sapper wrote: »

Yeah lunches night before is obvious answer - but once kids asleep and kitchen cleaned its hard to do another 20 mins work when theres only 1.5 hours of no kid time before bed...is that what everyone actually does?

I work weird hours and sometimes I'm home at midnight and up with the kids at 630am. When you've children to get out the door you do what's necessary. No way would I linger in bed if meant stress every morning.

RentDayBlues

I'm sorry but why can't your wife get up??? You're up and out of the house by 7, and the kids are up then but don't have to leave for almost another 2 hours??

I'm sorry but as much as I like a lie on, we have kids and we have to get up. A routine is the only way we get out of the house without arguments.

We get up between 7:15 and 7:30, everyone gets washed, dressed and ready as needed by 8. All downstairs then, the kids breakfast while I empty dishwasher and sort lunches. I then sort their hair (2 girls) and they get their shoes on and coats ready, this normally brings us to 8:30.

Only then do they get to play and it's only for 15 mins while I have breakfast, all out the door and in car.

This would not work if they are allowed to do what they want. They do have time upstairs to play depending on what time they wake but we stick to the routine.

I don't want to sound harsh but your wife needs to get up, does she have to get ready for work as well as get the kids sorted?

782378

Similar situation in my house, 4 kids under 8years old, It is a military precision operation every morning in our house


An au-pair introduced the following steps when staying in our house, even after she left, we continued the process


*Lunches made night before
*Uniforms / tracksuits coats and shoes laid out in landing night before
*Breakfast bowels/ cutlery and cereal boxes laid out on table night before
*Checklists on wall, kids tick to complete every morning before going to school, one kid responsible for checking list complete every day before leaving house,
( teeth brushed, beds made, lunches in bag etc) reward at end of week if all went to plan.

It is the only thing that works in our house

mordeith

sapper wrote: »

yeah think thats the only answer. Means Im up at 6 or just before

Or you both get up at your usual time. I'm not suggesting you need to be the sole solution here.

One eyed Jack

OP I only have one child myself, but from my experience of working with families who had chaotic home lives, one of the things I learned is that if the parents are stressed, it's going to be very hard to implement a routine that the children will want to buy into. One of the things I found useful to encourage children to want to do things for themselves is a rewards system - could simply be a treat at the weekend or at the end of the month for meeting certain targets, like getting themselves dressed in the morning, brushing their teeth, keeping their rooms tidy, doing their homework, etc, like a star chart.

It does sound like your children are left to their own devices in the morning and so they have no motivation to do anything for themselves, only when they're made do it. With the way things are at the moment, it's no wonder you're both stressed out - because there doesn't seem to be any organisation or structure to provide the children with guidance. I'd suggest that as a family you all need to sit down and organise a routine for yourselves and delegate tasks and responsibilities. Even something small like all of you having breakfast together in the morning, you could have lunches made and bags packed from the night before, so that all you have to do is get yourselves ready in the morning, showered, dressed, etc.

With our own one child even, we haven't completely cracked it, he can be very moody at times (he's 10), but he's so used to routine at this stage that he gets up himself, has his clothes laid out from the night before, heads in for a shower, helps his mother lay the table for breakfast, then we're both usually out the door for half eight to have him in school for quarter to nine.

All the threats, shouting, ultimatums and bribes are eventually going to become ineffective, and you're both only stressing yourselves out more as the children get used to it, and continue to play games in their pyjamas in the morning while you're preoccupied with getting yourself ready for work, and mum probably wants to stay in bed because she can't face the current routine in the mornings.

That's your morning routine, what is your evening routine like if you don't mind my asking?

How Strange

Our mornings were stressed for my husband as our eldest wouldn't get dressed so by 7.20 it was bedlam and inevitably ended in arguments. I recently did a parenting course and the guy said that mornings are always stressful but it's up to the parents to see how they can tweak habits to make things easier. Now I sit with my son before I leave at 7.05 and help him get dressed. I've suggested to my husband that both kids should be dressed by 6.50 so it gives us a deadline. This one change has made a huge difference to our mornings.
I think you and your wife need to see what small steps (most mentioned already) that will make mornings easier.

I think getting up at 7.30 to get 3 children out the door by 8.50 is cutting it very fine. Your wife could get up as you're leaving and then the kids can play games from 8.20-8.50, fully dressed, fed and ready for school.

sapper

Yeah - its really all about the night before. I get in late enough around 6.30-7 every day. We try and get the kids up to start bedtime at 8pm (we have an alarm) but even then don't get to sleep by 9. The 5 year old drags it out and needs/wants someone with her for an hour every night.

Star charts+rewards are the only thing that works but they need diligence, consistency and persistence - not impossible, but life tends to get in the way. Most nights someone has something on which pushes back bedtime. Also if someone doesn't get a star it can cause upset - my kids are used to always getting a star every day when theres a star chart, which kind of defeats the purpose.

The thing about the daily checklists and the supervising kid is mental though....

sapper

btw - thanks all we are having a family meeting over Xmas on this so really I'm just looking for those little tips, tricks, tweaks that other people use - this is really useful

Not sure Ill show the wife though:)

cyning

I hate mornings. Hate them. I've two kids that I just have to get to childminders so not as much as you: what I do is everything done the night before. Everything. Shoes at door with coats on hall table. Lunches made, bags packed, my bag packed, clothes laid out. Otherwise the mornings are just chaotic. My husband leaves at 530 so that's far too early for us so it's all up to me. Maybe work on bedtime to give ye more time in the evening? I sit with mine until they fall asleep but an hour (and I've done it!) stresses me past the point of stress meaning I wouldn't get anything done. It would mean more time to get things done on the evening while still having that wind down time.

mordeith

sapper wrote: »

btw - thanks all we are having a family meeting over Xmas on this so really I'm just looking for those little tips, tricks, tweaks that other people use - this is really useful

Not sure Ill show the wife though:)

Why ever not? Surely it benefits her as well?

Sligo1

Ok here's my 2 cents. Now we only have 2 kids (3 and 1.5) but they would be a lot more dependent than yours. So I would think your kids should at least be able to dress themselves and get their own breakfast etc which should take time off your wife has to do for them.

My husband is great in the mornings. I work part time so 3 out of 5 mornings I'm not there. Gone by 7am. Kids will usually wake when they hear me leave so between 7-7.15. Husband gets up. Gives them both cup of milk and plays with them until 7.50. Then they have their breakfast (toast and cereal 20 min max. He then runs upstairs to get dressed (5 min) and the younger one will go up with him. 10 min to get kids dressed. Another 5 for teeth brushing. Out the door at 8.40.

The 2 mornings I am off, he brings me up a cuppa at 7.30 and I go downstairs before or at 8 to give them breakfast and get them ready. He will go upstairs and take his time these mornings and I will have the one child ready for off when he comes down. I keep the younger one with me on my days off.

Both children are in bed for 7.30-8pm. We spend 30 mins clearing up after they are in bed. This includes getting their lunches ready the night before (this only takes 5-10min). And I get their bags packed. I have their clothes/uniform laid out every night before bed (2min). Me and himself are up the stairs for 8.30 ready to either shower the night before or jump into bed and spend 2 hours chillaxing and watching a movie in bed.

Does your wife go to work after dropping the kids? If she doesn't could she not get her breakfast and do her stuff etc after the kids are sorted and at school?

sapper

mordeith wrote: »

Why ever not? Surely it benefits her as well?

Because instead of my writing "she stays in bed until 7.30" she would say she is woken by me getting ready at 6.45, has to get out of bed at 7.05 to put on a clothes wash, get dressed, showered, put the kids clothes out etc...7.30 would be a massive lie in

LegacyUser

17month old and two full time working parents here.On the mornings dad does the routine, mum (me) is out the door at 6:45.I do her clothes, my clothes and lunches the night before every night.I'm up around six, and I pack her bag and leave her coat ready.He just has to get a bottle into her, get her dressed and bring her to the minder around 7:30. (She eats over there)
The mornings I do it, the latest I can be feeding her and up is 06:40.She's an early riser anyway.That gives me an hour to get us both dressed, me to eat, wash teeth, faces etc, pack bags and get into the car
Sorry, but you and your wife have to get into an organised routine.An au pair is just going to be one more person shouting and having to be organised in the morning.It won't solve the problem.

hairyslug

Have 3 kids ourselves and we have a way that works for us.

I get up 20 min before everyone else (6am) and get lunches ready, bags are packed and car is loaded.

Everyone gets up then, breakfast is on the table for the eldest (7), the other 2 have special needs so they get fed by us.
I am in the house till 7 so that gives me time to get my boy dressed, the 7 year old dresses herself, so all my wife has to do is dress the youngest and do the 2 girls hair (experience have proven that I am hopeless at this).

I'm out the door by 7 so the kids have a bit of time to mess about or if there are any delays we can save the time there

Sunny Dayz

Ok I think your wife actually needs to set a morning routine. The kids faff about for the best part of an hour before they have to start getting ready. I don't know any parent who could stop their child in the middle of a game or a tv program to then start getting ready for school. First of all your wife should get up out of the bed when you are leaving. Then everyone breakfast, get dressed, wash, teeth, hair etc. Then when the kids are all dressed and ready, if they have time, then they can play, watch tv etc.
Get their lunches prepared the night before. Yes it can eat into "our time", but I try to get my son's lunch made and uniform and bag(s) ready while he's upstairs getting washed & dressed for bed. Get bags packed, sports gear ready the night before, set out the breakfast table. All these little things save you time in the morning.
The be honest your wife has plenty of time in the morning (an hour and a half) to get the kids ready and out the door. My mum got the 3 of us up and out the door in 45 mins when we were young, with one bathroom and my dad also getting ready for work.

LegacyUser

op in general i find kids in the morning are barely thinking straight nevermind actually able to do what they're told, thats why "routines" work, its because they can do it on auto pilot so to speak. not having one that works for your family is what's killing you,


we have over lapping time between the two of us so maybe that makes a difference but our schedule is:

-7 am everybody get's up,
- 7:10 Husband makes lunches (its as easy for him to make his with theirs and its fresh everyday then rather than sitting in a fridge all night), while children eat breakfast (i'm usually in the shower (he showers at night))

- 7:20 i get children dressed, husband get's ready to leave for work
- 7:30 children still getting dressed, husband leaves for work

-7:40 i brush children's hair,
- 7:50 children brush teeth
- 8:00 coats, hats, scarf on and i check they have everything they need for the day.

now time wise these things vary (some mornings breakfast is over in 5 minutes and we move on to getting dressed, sometimes they play during breakfast making it longer so they have to rush getting dressed or leave 5-10 minutes later) but we always stick to the same routine and skip no steps so they can do it on auto pilot,

because we do the same thing everyday we usually always get out at the same time every morning and there is very little stress or messing or shouting.

mirrorwall14

You both need a routine would be my two cents. My parents always had us four kids dressed, fed and out the door in 45 minutes so it is possible but it takes work and routine to establish it. We made our own lunches by 4th class. Up until then mum and dad made the lunches the night before and they were in the fridge. Part of each of our bedtime routines was laying out our uniform on the chair (as soon as we were in school) including shoes and socks underneath it with our school bag packed and in the hall beside the front door. In the morning then as soon as we wake/were woken it was out on the uniform including shoes and socks and straight up to the kitchen for breakfast. Once breakfast was eaten, cleared up and teeth were brushed and if uniform was checked/approved and bag checked/approved with lunch it in by mum then we were allowed play until it was time to go while mum and dad got dressed (They showered at night), as did we until we were a lot older.

It was the opposite end routine to yours and meant that there was usually a good 20-25 minutes after everything was done that allowed for tantrums, missing shoe etc

Ruby31

night before:
Lunches made
Breakfast stuff laid out
Showers had
Clothes & shoes laid out

No way would I be doing any of the above in the morning.

I get up 20 minutes before everyone else to get myself dressed, teeth brushed, hair & make-up done.

Wake my older child who gets dressed, brushes teeth & hair before going downstairs for breakfast - she used to throw a right strop & head downstairs in her pj's & take forever to eat her breakfast so we had to put an end to that.

My husband gets the younger child dressed while I make the breakfast & we have about 20 mins to eat together before leaving.

Does your wife work?

My husband gets home from work earliest 7.30pm, so I do all the prepping for the following day.

I don't think delaying getting up in the morning benefits anyone as its only going to lead to more stress.

fro9etb8j5qsl2

In our house if we have to get up and out early, I don't let anyone go downstairs without being washed/dressed/ teeth and hair brushed. That includes me and my OH. It might seem small but it helps hugely. If we go down still in pajamas/unwashed then it results in a load of faffing about, someone will wander off to play and someone else will dawdle over breakfast and before you know it, it's time to go and nobody is ready.

dori_dormer

My mum had to get 3 of us out to go to school every mornign. We were never allowed play or watch TV before school. We all got up and went downstairs in our pjs before breakfast. Table was set the night before and lunches made the night before also. My mum even had a routine of who got he next slice of toast ( 3 kids and a 2 slice machine can mean war lol!)

We went down in our pjs as there was always spills or milk dribbles etc and it would ruin our uniforms although I can see the logic with others saying get dressed first.

Then everyone upstairs together to get dressed, hair teeth etc. then everyone down and out the door.

I think the problem is your wife not getting up with the kids and them playing and doing anything they like for the first while in the mornign. It's setting them up mentally to be easy going and do their on thing and it's hard to snap them out of it. If it was all business and routine I think it would be different. Trying to get a child to stop playing and focus is very hard work. Your wife is just ignoring and avoiding the issues by staying in bed.

Diamond Doll

sapper wrote: »

The thing about the daily checklists and the supervising kid is mental though....

I don't think it's mental at all, I was going to suggest something similar.

It's what works well for kids that age - all three of yours should be well able to organise themselves in the mornings. Make it competitive between them - get them interested in it - have it that they have to tick off tasks as they complete them each morning, then write in the time that they were actually finished and ready to go at, then at the end of each week have some little prize for the "winner" who was fastest most days. Once they're ready to go, they can play all they want to, so it'll act as an incentive.

It doesn't have to be a permanent routine of having a checklist, just until they get into the habit of getting themselves ready in a timely way in the mornings.

Also get them involved in chores. For example there's absolutely no reason children that age shouldn't be making their own lunches the night before (under adult supervision!), or at least the older two should be. Breakfast could be prepared and the table set the night before, cleaning up afterwards can wait until the evenings if your wife prefers the extra bit of time in the mornings.

You do need to crack down and be stricter in the mornings. Absolutely no playing or messing until everyone is dressed and fed and ready to go.

Diamond Doll

dori_dormer wrote: »

My mum had to get 3 of us out to go to school every mornign. We were never allowed play or watch TV before school. We all got up and went downstairs in our pjs before breakfast. Table was set the night before and lunches made the night before also. My mum even had a routine of who got he next slice of toast ( 3 kids and a 2 slice machine can mean war lol!)

At one stage, my parents would have been getting seven of us out! :eek: It would have been three of us to two different secondary schools, three to primary school, one to childminder, plus the two of them worked full-time too!

I seem to remember we only got up at 8am in the mornings, to be in school/work by 8.50, so it can be done! Routine and focus are definitely key though.

cbyrd

I have 5 to get out in the mornings. 2 secondary 1 primary and 1 montessori. The baby comes along for the spin.
My day starts at 7.15am when I call the 2 older ones and I go to the kitchen and start breakfast. I call the 2 younger ones where their uniforms are on the end of the bed and I take 5 mins to dress them and call the 2 older ones again on the way back to the kitchen.
I dress the baby and feed her and when the 2 older ones get to the kitchen I head for a quick shower and get ready for the gym. Lunches are made the night before and packed into the bags while the shoes and coats are put on. Into the car by 8.35am where I have 1 drop for 3 and drive to the montessori for 9am. I drop the baby with her dad while I go to the gym, pick her up at 10.30am. Head home and get dinner started before the first pick up at 12.
My day is hectic with 5. but being organised can help massively to cut the stress out of it.
Lunches made the night before
kids dressed before they get to the kitchen.
No tv
Putting uniforms/shoes/coats/bags in the same place every evening means there's no running around looking for stuff in the mornings.
My day finishes around 10.30pm when the last child goes to bed, but the baby still wakes during the night so it's tiring.
I don't expect to get a lie in until the weekend, and even then it sometimes doesn't happen.
Getting up a half hour earlier in the mornings would make a huge difference to your wife's routine. It would be less stressful than it is now and that in itself would help her massively.
I don't work outside the house anymore, it was actually less work when I did.

My kids are 16, 13, 5 , 4 and 1. I'm a single parent.

theLuggage

Same advice here - organisation is key.

Bags packed and lunches made night before. Clothes out night before. Everyone dressed, gone to toilet, teeth and hair brushed before going downstairs. Breakfast made, eaten. Everyone into coats, hats etc. and out the door.

It's not perfect, we tend to be a bit late for school most days but it's our first school going year so still trying to get a handle on it. We have a 3 month old, 3 yr old and 5 yr old. So dropping to montessori, school and baby in the car.

We are lucky that my husband can get the older two ready and brekkies made, including mine, while I feed baby and get ready myself. But when he is away I just get up half hr earlier to feed baby and sort myself out before I begin organising the older ones.

Routine is everything. Because we have a routine, our 3 yr old will now dress herself the minute she wakes up. Her clothes are easy for her to get and she knows where to find them.

kidneyfan

OP does your wife work outside the home?

LegacyUser

No playtime going on here...

3 kids Up at 7. Out at 8 (with time for a shower for both of us!).
No TV..
No Toys at the table.
Clothes out the night before.
Make lunches while I'm making their breakfasts.
Sometimes I literally throw the toast on to their plates like a frisbee.

I had a colleague who left the kids behind crying at the door while he drove off cos they were taking the mick with dilly/dallying. He'd been threatening for so long he had to follow through... he drove back in 1 minute though.

Ya tell the missus to get up when you do (unless she's on nights or something!). Otherwise it aint fair, or else you're getting some mega lie-ins the weekend.

pwurple

I think there would be hassle with letting the children play before getting dressed. No toys in bedrooms is the rule here. We keep bedrooms for sleeping. I do the morning thing in our house, as i leave later.

My 4 year old brushes her teeth, dresses herself, heads downstairs, and sets the table. I started this when I was on maternity leave, with a reward chart. No chart needed anymore.

Meanwhile I am dressing the baby.

I get downstairs usually as the table is set. Put brekkie out for the two of them. They eat while i do the lunches (i like a fresh sandwich!), and then we walk to school. We do have an au pair here too for the baby, but she takes over as I leave. Doesn't do the morning routine. To be honest, I think that would be a very long day for an au pair if they had a full day until you got home from work as well.