Sexual Addiction?

Almond87

I'm a gay lad in my late 20s, recently moved to Dublin and I've just found myself at the stage where I'm dealing with a sort of a combination of sex addiction and sexual frustration I don't know how to cope with. Or that's what I think, I guess. I'm at that point where my heaviest concern is that instead of controlling my own thoughts, need and impulses, they are the ones controlling me and it doesn't feel right at all. I really need to do something to change it, but I'm a bit stuck.

A few things about my story, just to give you a better image. I'm coming from quite a conservative society (another European country), where being gay is not strongly tolerated (although things are getting a bit better but it's far to be any resemblance to the liberal societies such as Germany, Ireland, France, Spain etc.). Although I was aware of what I wanted but was too afraid or inhibited to try out the things I wanted to explore, I began my sexual life somewhere around 24 years old. Basically, there had been six - seven years of no sexual activity and it feels like I was deprived of this between 17 and 24. At least, that's how my mind works now - I'm always eager to go for opportunities and explore my fantasies and I suspect everything comes from the fact that there was that time when I had no sexual fulfillment so it's just a way of coping with it and trying to fill an emptiness that never gets really fulfilled. I always enjoy a good quality hookup, always feel strongly satisfied after the that, but after a couple of days I need it again, and then again. And I spend a lot of time on hookup and dating sites and when I see I get no answer or no hookup comes out following a chat or debate, I feel pretty frustrated.

I wouldn't call it obsession, thankfully I didn't get to the point where that's controlling every aspect of my life. Career and friends - and now Dublin craic have always come first and I'd like to believe it's gonna stay that way for good. But I really don't feel good thinking that this is still controlling me in some way and I'd really need some help on how could I do things better.

For those who may ask why don't I look for a long term relationship, I'd like to mention that's the thing I started with, both back in my home country and in Dublin. And the funny thing is that I feel we live in an era of the hookups where the romance is almost dead. And these are just not my words. And sadly, Ireland doesn't make easy for people to bound, no matter what the media says. So I came to the point where hookup-ing was the only way to fulfill my needs and it's still very challenging.

Sorry for the long post and thanks for reading this.

DareGod

It does not sound like you have a sexual "addiction" at all.

Sexual urges are the most natural thing in the world, after breathing, and it is completely normal to have them every day.

In recent times, it has become much easier to act on those urges, thanks to apps like Grindr. There is nothing wrong with that. There is nothing wrong with you.

Maybe the reason you feel it's wrong is because of the culture in which you grew up, and because of how you've been conditioned.

A lot of people (both gay and straight) feel lonely or shameful or guilty after sexual encounters. That is often because of the culture in which they grew up, and how they've been conditioned.

But as I said, sexual urges are the most natural thing in the world - there is nothing to feel ashamed about.

Enjoy yourself, and be safe.

Almond87

Hi there, Thanks a lot for your reply and very sorry to be so late with mine. For some reason, I never got a notification via email so I thought there was no reply to my post (just came across it now).

I think that was just a difficult period for me, a few weeks when I was struggling to understand whether there was something wrong in all of this. Doing much better now, not only that I accepted that it wasn't something necessarily wrong with it but also that I feel much less interested in doing this every 2-3 days and have some other priorities as well

Be cool!