friend/relative always cancelling plans??

Hannaho

Half-sibling - who I didn't grow up with but was in contact with in my early 20s and now again over the last 7 years - makes plans with me and then at short notice will cancel them at short notice for reasons such as a friend of hers is dying and needs someone to sort out her jewellery; she left me and my children wiaiting in town for her one day in the Gresham Hotel for an hour before sh phoned us and said she had to rush out and buy tiles as she was having her bathroom done next week; more recently she has friend who she says is not a close friend of hers has a granddaugher who was still-born and they are all going up to the house to be with this person two days after the death - which I found strange as having worked in maternity - most people just want their close family around at this time. After the incident when she said she couldn't meet me in as she was sorting out her dying friends jewellery I didn't phone her for a couple of months, and she was going on about not hearing from me for a long-time. I said I had been feeling a bit down - which I had, though didn't go on about the reasons - busy stressful job etc. and I don't like to concentrate on negatives. I'm never included in her family events - don't mind that so much as our families are kind of separate - but recently in Sept. her brother, my half-brother was over from Australia, - I haven't seen him since I was a child - and I was never included in any of his time here - they are all in their late 60s - I am in my 40s. When my half sister rang to cancel the last time, I didn't get the message as my phone was broken so rang her in the afternoon to see were we going out, and she said she cancelled in a.m. She offered to go out the following Thursday, but I said I wasn't sure as I was very busy coming put to Xmas but would get back to her. I was a bit cool on the phone. Not sure I want to make contact again. She's nice enough but a huge snob - everything is designer and nothing else will do - though she's not particularly wealthy - so my question is when do you stop making an effort with someone? I don't feel like even buying her an Xmas present this year - I always get her something nice, though I don't get anything in return, and I know she will turn up her nose at a e50 luncheon voucher. Any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated!

Tell me how

I don't think you need to analyse this too much.

She is rude and dismissive, you don't enjoy her company a whole lot.

That's not the basis for any sort of friendship.

Hemerodrome

Hannaho wrote: »

when do you stop making an effort with someone?

In the circumstances you describe, I'd have stopped long ago. She doesn't reciprocate the effort and doesn't respond well to your efforts, stop wasting your time. If you're not bothered about the relationship, let it go. She'll either cop on and start making the effort, orthat'll be the last you hear of her. Either way, job done.

Armchair Andy

I've a sister like that as well OP, always cancelling plans at the last minute often times leaving me in the lurch where I'd be after going out of my way to meet up. Stopped bothering a long time ago, don't feel like such a mug any more.
We get on grand when we do meet up at family doos but she respects me a lot more now as she got the message when she realized I wasn't up for her "games" any more.

Ursus Horribilis

Hannaho, I've seen several of your threads around boards and you seem to have a lot of troubles with people. I wonder would going to see a therapist help?

Gwynplaine

"Rush out and buy tiles"
I'd let her on, and spend the 50 euro on yourself. Life is too short.

racso1975

Gwynplaine wrote: »

"Rush out and buy tiles"
I'd let her on, and spend the 50 euro on yourself. Life is too short.

Yeah that part got to me. This is not a friendship so cut that one out.

These siblings are half siblings. Do you have any other siblings or is this the only family you have?

Merkin

I'm afraid I'm going to have to close this Hannaho. We've asked you not to start threads here and instead urge that you speak to a counsillor regarding issues that arise which cause you to get stressed. All the best.