Boyfriend left again

LegacyUser

Hi all. I recently got back with my boyfriend (long distance relationship) who broke up with me last August and decided he wanted to give it another go in October. I agreed but found it difficult at first to trust him again. He told me he'd never do that to me again and promised it wouldn't happen while he went away, the ignoring and not contacting me and just being angry in general. The way he left me the first time was he cut me off and ignored me while he was going away and kind of dragged me along thinking everything was ok. And low and behold, he's done it again. Just a few days ago. He was fine with me the whole month he had off but then he had to go away again for work and decided it was done. It was the exact same way he did it the last time. He's left me out of the blue and sent me a text saying it's over. When I replied he just sent the same message 5 times to anything I said. It was torture. I tried calling him but he wouldn't even answer any of my calls. I was so upset trying to get through to someone who wouldn't answer. I've been with him nearly a year. It took so much for me to take him back. I feel so betrayed that I at least deserved a call. After all he did I took him back and yet that doesn't mean a thing. He has always had an anger problem and would curse at me a lot on the phone and talk down to me over the smallest things that could've been sorted so easily and then hang up all the time which nearly drove me to madness. It was strange how nice he could be at times and then totally change with uncontrollable anger. He didn't care what came out of his mouth at me. He would turn his phone off as soon as he didn't want to talk about something, which was difficult to handle considering we live in different countries. Nothing was ever sorted without me desperately trying to get through. I began to feel scared of saying anything to him because I felt he'd go off the wall and hang up. The scary thing is I feel this might have affected me and made me lose my confidence.

Im ashamed and humiliated with this happening again and really don't know how to handle it. I can't eat much and have no energy. Sometimes I feel so sick with anxiety. I just don't know how to pull myself back up again. I just spent a year of my life with someone who hurt me a lot and doesn't even have the decency or respect to call me about it. It feels like I can't get over it because it wasn't finished in a decent way. There was just nothing. I'm also scared he will contact me when he's back from working away just like before.

Thanks for reading, just looking for advice if anyone's gone through this and how to get back up from this pain.

Magicmatilda

This is not about you, this is 100% about him and his own issues.

1. He is a D*^K. That is all you need to know. You need no further explaination, it is not because you did this or that or because you didn't do this or that, it is because he is an Ass*^e. End of. He is not a good person. You need to accept that. Anytime you find yourself questioning it, just remind yourself of this.

2. Now you need to block him in all ways possible, phones, Facebook etc..

3. Call your friends or family and lean on them, be honest, cry, shout, whatever.

4. Eat and Sleep, even if you don't want to. Also exercise (even just walks)

5. Accept your part, your self esteem was and is so low that you accepted this behaviour. If you valued yourself you would have told him to get lost long ago. This is the bit you can control. See a counsellor and try and figure out why this was acceptable to you? I am not saying that to be harsh but this is the part you can focus on changing to ensure this doesn't happen again.

6. If he contacts you delete the message before you even read it, just delete it. There is nothing he can say to change this. DO NOT RESPOND

I wish you all the best

intheclouds

He was basically manipulating you by cutting off contact if he wasnt happy with you. He was nice to you when it suited him and just left you hanging when it didnt.

Theres no easy way over a break up. Grit your teeth, block him on social media, block his number, absolutely do not respond if he ever contacts you again.

Forget needing a conversation for closure. The closure is that he dumped you nastily by text and refused to have a respectful conversation about it. You dont need anymore closure than that.

The best thing you can do is not contact him and do not respond if he contacts you. He doesnt deserve any of your attention, ever again.

racso1975

Ok well I would write a letter right outlining all the feelings of hurt shame and annoyance you have towards him. Do not hold back in anyway shape or form. Seal it and put it in a drawer.

You need to talk to a friend or family and let them know how you are feeling. I know it is a terrible trotted out line but time is a good healer especially if you have good friends to help. It will get better. A new hobby is a fantastic distraction for when you begin thinking about the relationship and it is also a great way to meet more people.

Finally if that sack of sh1t does ever decide to make contact with you take out the letter and read it. See how he made you feel and how low your confidence was and you'll know very quickly that you don't need or want him back ever.

Op I truly wish you the best of luck and it is a horrible time of year for this so please do take care.

HelgaWard

His behavior is not that of a stable, rounded mature human being. He must have absolutely no back bone to be able to do the same thing to you twice. Seriously, he is not someone you should have any respect for. I know you feel like crap now, but really he has done you a favor, how would he have treated you if ye ended up married? Not well, I imagine. You would have ended up living in the shadow of his moods and emotional abuse. It's a new year soon, set yourself a challenge or a new objective for 2016, focus on it and yourself, and never speak to that excuse for a human being again. Block his number, block him from all social media and move on with your life. He came back crawling once, he'll try to do it again, don't let him.

LegacyUser

Hi all. Thank you all for the kind responses. I've taken all the advice here on board and it really has helped reading the responses. My headspace is getting better with the realisation of how bad he was to me. I'm still suffering with a lack of appetite and some anxiety attacks. My body feels a bit like it has been in a car crash. I guess seeing him posting photos of him being away on the same day he cut me off just kind of broke me. That's the last thing I'd do breaking up with someone he also deleted all our photos together the same day. There was no time or respect given. Im constantly asking myself how I could've been with someone so cold and empty inside. I blocked him on everything after I saw this. He constantly told me he loved and respected me on the phone and it's just such a shock to know it was never real. I guess someone who has to say that to you all the time doesn't mean it. It began to feel a bit devalued to me every time he said it. I told him he didn't have to say that so much but he always did. I was supposed to be going over to see him at the end of this month which makes it very difficult to feel happy this time of year. Family and friends are happy he is out of my life even though Im in pain and are helping me. They told me all along to not get back with him but I fell for it. I just want to feel normal again.

racso1975

Distressed101 wrote: »

Hi all. Thank you all for the kind responses. I've taken all the advice here on board and it really has helped reading the responses. My headspace is getting better with the realisation of how bad he was to me. I'm still suffering with a lack of appetite and some anxiety attacks. My body feels a bit like it has been in a car crash. I guess seeing him posting photos of him being away on the same day he cut me off just kind of broke me. That's the last thing I'd do breaking up with someone he also deleted all our photos together the same day. There was no time or respect given. Im constantly asking myself how I could've been with someone so cold and empty inside. I blocked him on everything after I saw this. He constantly told me he loved and respected me on the phone and it's just such a shock to know it was never real. I guess someone who has to say that to you all the time doesn't mean it. It began to feel a bit devalued to me every time he said it. I told him he didn't have to say that so much but he always did. I was supposed to be going over to see him at the end of this month which makes it very difficult to feel happy this time of year. Family and friends are happy he is out of my life even though Im in pain and are helping me. They told me all along to not get back with him but I fell for it. I just want to feel normal again.

You will op and while early on it you are on the right road. My only other thing to say is give it time before another relationship and please dont let him discolour your view of men. We are not all bad.

Katgurl

Oh god you poor thing. He is a horrible man. I've nothing to add to the other posts really except that once you're over him (and you'll get there) you will be so relieved he's gone from your life. Realising someone you have a lot to has no regard for you is crushing but his behaviour is disgusting. He has to live with his horrible self forever but luckily you don't.

LegacyUser

Thank you for the responses. I guess it's just really hard to get the whole situation out of my head. I keep questioning it all. I never really trusted him after he left me and he knew this but said he was understanding and willing to work with me. I found out he was lying to me about a few things which really hurt the trust. Another thing happened that caused my lack of trust where I found out he was lying to me about texting another girl a few months ago while we were seeing each other. While he was away there I was asking about the people involved with the work and he mentioned a girl. I noticed her all over his page then all of the sudden and was asking him about her. That ticked him off and he hung up when I asked. He would blow up about anything I asked about his job most of the time. He then said it was done and now I'm left feeling like he's left me for her. He was never able to talk to me about things or make me feel better. But the worst part is he didn't want to.