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Marriage Break up

  • 03-12-2015 10:47am
    #1
    DennyKeane
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1 ✭


    Hi, I am 40 year old male, married for 10 years, 3 kids, house, job, the works, but not in love with my wife.
    I really don’t want to get in to the conversation about why I am breaking up, but the simple fact is that I cant stay anymore.
    I want to still be actively involved with my kids and want if possible to keep the dealings with my wife amicable, but cant live with her.
    I don’t need a divorce or anything like that , as I am not heading off to be with someone else.
    I pay the mortgage on our home at the moment. She has a house from pre marriage and she pays the mortgage on that.
    I cant afford to move out. I cant afford even to rent a room. The end of the month is always rock bottom, but not in the red.
    I don’t mind that fact that we are skint, because we are afloat.
    I already give 500 quid a month for household stuff (food, etc). If I move out, will I have a commitment to pay the mortgage still and will I have to pay maintenance and then feed myself afterwards.
    Is there some organisation that I can talk to about these issues.
    Any help greatly appreciated.
    Denny


Comments

  • #2
    pgj2015
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,715 ✭✭✭pgj2015


    DennyKeane wrote: »
    Hi, I am 40 year old male, married for 10 years, 3 kids, house, job, the works, but not in love with my wife.
    I really don’t want to get in to the conversation about why I am breaking up, but the simple fact is that I cant stay anymore.
    I want to still be actively involved with my kids and want if possible to keep the dealings with my wife amicable, but cant live with her.
    I don’t need a divorce or anything like that , as I am not heading off to be with someone else.
    I pay the mortgage on our home at the moment. She has a house from pre marriage and she pays the mortgage on that.
    I cant afford to move out. I cant afford even to rent a room. The end of the month is always rock bottom, but not in the red.
    I don’t mind that fact that we are skint, because we are afloat.
    I already give 500 quid a month for household stuff (food, etc). If I move out, will I have a commitment to pay the mortgage still and will I have to pay maintenance and then feed myself afterwards.
    Is there some organisation that I can talk to about these issues.
    Any help greatly appreciated.
    Denny


    Hi op, no one on boards will be able to answer these questions for you, it all depends on what you earn, is your wife employed now, was she employed before you got married and had to give up work to look after the kids etc. The husband does not always have to pay for everything when a marriage fails, it depends who has the most income sometimes, sometimes it is the wife who has greater income and assets than the husband, and the wife may have to pay more maintenance than the husband or give one of her assets e.g a house to the husband.

    Your only real option here is to talk to a solicitor, they will tell you what your options are.


  • #3
    Ann84
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 303 ✭✭Ann84


    OP, sorry to hear your marriage is over.

    There is a huge amount to work through in separating under 3 main areas;
    1. Emotionally
    2. Financially
    3. Kids

    I would suggest that people can only speculate about how your particular situation will pan out as it depends on so many factors -one main one is how your wife takes the idea of separating and as you haven't mentioned her view on things (or she doesn't know yet) its very difficult to comment.

    If she is happy to separate, you could do 95% of it through mediation and work out an amicable arrangement for point 2. and 3. above and emotionally, you will both be in a strong position to work through the effects yourselves.

    If she does not want to separate, she could make it very difficult by fighting you every step of the way, using point 2. and 3. as weapons and bargaining tools to punish or elongate or stop you leaving.... It would all be done through solicitors and they will have an artillery of loopholes to maximize the money and parental rights/ access your wife gets.

    Route 2 is horrible but happens if you approach separating wrong (i.e. - i dont love you anymore i'm leaving, i'm having an affair goodbye, things have been awful for years - where have you been? etc.). These approaches force the decision onto her, she will be a victim, you will have been plotting this and going behind her back....

    I suggest if you work with your wife on separating from the get go, from the very first conversation on the topic so that she is part of this and it is a joint decision to dissolve the marriage it will be much easier, she may not be happy but if she understands your issues (and they are not all about blaming her) she may be more open to an amicable split.


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