should she have gotten me something from holidays?

tomgaa

hey,

iv been dating a girl for 6 months, and i like to surprise a girl im with with flowers every now and again. We were only going out 1 month when it was her birthday so i got her something anyway. but she went on holiday in the past week and came home last night, but she didnt bring me back anything. now im not talking anything expensive or anything like that but just the gesture would have been nice! am i just being too much of a soft c**t here???

Tilly

Not everyone brings back presents from Holidays, maybe she's one of those people. I wouldnt get caught up about it.

finglashoop

tomgaa wrote: »

hey,

iv been dating a girl for 6 months, and i like to surprise a girl im with with flowers every now and again. We were only going out 1 month when it was her birthday so i got her something anyway. but she went on holiday in the past week and came home last night, but she didnt bring me back anything. now im not talking anything expensive or anything like that but just the gesture would have been nice! am i just being too much of a soft c**t here???

Yes. I would have to say you are.

MayoSalmon

I would expect a little gesture myself, but some people are just tight *****

michellie

Yes you are being a soft ****. Some people just don't do presents when they go on holidays.

I just don't get the whole " oh I'm leaving the country for a few days, I've saved up all year- must buy everyone a momento for all my family and friends" thing.

Rachiee

Getting people presents from holidays isn't something everyone does, it's something that's dying out as well as people travel more and the world gets more accessible. In my family about 10 years ago if you were away you brought a present back now it's only if you were somewhere outside of Europe for more than 10 days and even then it might just be chocolate. If she brought back a bag of presents for people from work and family you could maybe be upset. But maybe in her family and circle of friends people don't buy presents for eachother when theyre away so she wouldn't of even thought of buying something for you.

woodchuck

Tilly wrote: »

Not everyone brings back presents from Holidays, maybe she's one of those people. I wouldnt get caught up about it.

This.

Maybe a small gesture would've been nice, but you'd be surprised how quickly holiday presents spiral out of control. It starts off as a small present for one person and then ends up shopping for a dozen people (well if I buy something for x, I should really get something for y etc). Also aside from the extra expense (especially with Christmas coming up) and the hassle, she might have had limited luggage / carryon space to bring things back.

Also as Christmas is coming up, how do you know she didn't buy you a Christmas present while over there?

I really wouldn't get caught up about it though. It might be different if it was a birthday or Christmas or something (but even then nobody should expect a gift). But holiday presents? Let it go.

Ciaran_B

I've never brought anyone a present home from hols. and the last present I received was a stick of rock when I was a kid.

You're over-reacting here unless she got presents for everyone else in her life and not you?

zoobizoo

It's not the gift per se, I'm assuming OP but the fact that she didn't consider the "I'll get my boyfriend something to show that I've been thinking about him" scenario.

As in, you're not upset that you didn't get a t-shirt, you didn't even want a crappy t-shirt but you wanted her to show that she had been thinking of you when she was off without you....

finglashoop

zoobizoo wrote: »

It's not the gift per se, I'm assuming OP but the fact that she didn't consider the "I'll get my boyfriend something to show that I've been thinking about him" scenario.

As in, you're not upset that you didn't get a t-shirt, you didn't even want a crappy t-shirt but you wanted her to show that she had been thinking of you when she was off without you....

This is why she shouldn't.

Dont buy a crappy t shirt noone.wants just to buy something

woodchuck

finglashoop wrote: »

This is why she shouldn't.

Dont buy a crappy t shirt noone.wants just to buy something

Yeah there's no point buying a crappy souvenir just for the sake of it. It might be different if she stumbled across something small that she thought you'd like, but it sounds like that just didn't happen. Actively looking for something thoughtful is so much hassle, especially on a holiday when your time is limited.

tomgaa

Thanks guys for all the responses! Much appreciated, I actually only ever had one long term relationship, so I guess I'm basing everything off that as how "I think it should be" not everyone as you guys said buys gifts on holidays 😜

pookie82

I'm one of those people who despises having to take time out of a holiday to go shopping for someone at home. I'd always bring my parents a tiny momento of places I've been (we're talking fridge magnets or keyrings here) but they'd be picked up in the airport on the way home. Might stretch to a few Toblerones in Duty Free if I have spare currency to use up.

But I'd never take an afternoon out to specifically walk the shops and pick thoughtful presents. Honestly, that's just hassle, and more often than not it'll be tat anyways.

I have a bf, love him dearly, would always buy him bday/Christmas gifts, but holiday presents? No. He doesn't buy me any either.

So don't read into it. If she starts scrimping when it comes to special occasions, maybe worry then.

pgj2015

Has she ever bought you anything op? if not, and you are always buying her things then I would wouldn't be happy if I was you. I think she could of brought you back something, it doesn't take long to go buy something small for someone on holiday, there are usually gift shops everywhere.

woodchuck

pgj2015 wrote: »

Has she ever bought you anything op? if not, and you are always buying her things then I would wouldn't be happy if I was you. I think she could of brought you back something, it doesn't take long to go buy something small for someone on holiday, there are usually gift shops everywhere.

If the OP is always buying things for no particular reason/occasion, that's his decision and shouldn't expect something back. Or if you do expect something back and are constantly disappointed, then just stop buying things.

tomgaa

well that would be my thought. of course i have bought her gifts, flowers etc. but surely you buy those to make a person smile, show them you care and what they mean to you?..... if you buy a person gifts just to get something back then your putting pressure on the other person and also putting yourself in a bad mood if you dont get something!.... im not in a bad mood coz of this im just asking how what do other people in relationships and is it a big deal if someone doesnt get you anything

pgj2015

woodchuck wrote: »

If the OP is always buying things for no particular reason/occasion, that's his decision and shouldn't expect something back. Or if you do expect something back and are constantly disappointed, then just stop buying things.

if your boyfriend/girlfriend frequently buys you things and you rarely or never reciprocate, then you are taking advantage of the person and maybe do not care as much about them as they do about you.

woodchuck

tomgaa wrote: »

well that would be my thought. of course i have bought her gifts, flowers etc. but surely you buy those to make a person smile, show them you care and what they mean to you?..... if you buy a person gifts just to get something back then your putting pressure on the other person and also putting yourself in a bad mood if you dont get something!.... im not in a bad mood coz of this im just asking how what do other people in relationships and is it a big deal if someone doesnt get you anything

I definitely agree with the bit in bold. I've been put under that pressure before and it's not pleasant.

However buying gifts is only one way to show someone you care. It can also be expressed through in other ways (verbally, physically, providing emotional support etc). Assuming she shows she cares in other ways, I wouldn't get hung up on the material end of things.

woodchuck

pgj2015 wrote: »

if your boyfriend/girlfriend frequently buys you things and you rarely or never reciprocate, then you are taking advantage of the person and maybe do not care as much about them as they do about you.

I know we posted at the same time, but just to reiterate:

woodchuck wrote: »

Buying gifts is only one way to show someone you care. It can also be expressed through in other ways (verbally, physically, providing emotional support etc). Assuming she shows she cares in other ways, I wouldn't get hung up on the material end of things.

If someone is always buying their OH presents and feel taken advantage of because of it, then they should stop buying presents all the time. In fact, I think the other methods of expressing that you care are worth a lot more than material possessions.

tomgaa

i agree...... but obviously there or we should exchange Christmas gifts right? she's going back to estonia for xmas on the 14th so i should give her, her xmas presents before then?

kylith

tomgaa wrote: »

i agree...... but obviously there or we should exchange Christmas gifts right? she's going back to estonia for xmas on the 14th so i should give her, her xmas presents before then?

Ask her.

iusedtoknow

I travel 10 or 12 times a year without my wife, I'd be driven demented if I had to buy something thoughtful every time I came back home. It's the same when she goes back to Spain to see her family without me, I don't expect anything nor do I want anything.

In reality your gf didn't think about it, it's not the worst thing in the world, it could be cultural or it could jus be that she isn't a stick of rock buying type of person

Ursus Horribilis

She's Estonian. So why did she move to Ireland? Was it because there was nothing for her back home? My point is that if she grew up in an environment where money was tight, spending money on frivolous things may not be in her culture. Let's face it, most of what people bring back from holidays is tat anyway.

magneticimpulse

i know alot who go on 10 holidays a year - 3 long ones and several city breaks. Very rare to get given a holiday gift apart from my mother who would buy me a purse. Sure for christmas and birthdays but any other times of the year i couldnt imagine it the norm getting holiday gifts....not when people go away once a month or so on a city break.

December2012

I can see your point, it would've been nice to at least get a duty free toblerone! Just have a chat to her about Christmas presents.

Luke92

Went to Amsterdam for my first lads holiday when I was 18. Never got the missus a present but managed to bring back about 1oz. She was a bit pïssed. Not make a thread about it pïssed but just a little pïssed.

Like me your missus probably just forgot due to relaxing so much.

Or she could have gotten you an amazing Christmas present. Close to Christmas you know.

LegacyUser

When my boyfriend went back home to visit his family in Latvia I asked would he bring me back some Latvian sweets. Of course he came back without them and I was a tad upset, not about the sweets but the fact I had asked and he said he would. He was amazed at my reaction, and was genuinely sorry. He just didn't think it was a big deal to bring things home as presents. I felt pretty silly for getting so worked up over nothing! I think it may be a culture thing OP so don't get too offended over it?

silverbolt

Yeah i think your being a bit of a soft one here. She didnt get you anything, oh well no big deal. Might just not be something she does.

Put it from your mind OP

Ursus Horribilis

Has she ever bought you anything? What's she like with money in general?

arayess

personally I never buy presents if i'm away .
It's my time away.

Usually if I buy someone something, it is a last minute decision in the duty free, if I have time.

Don't get hung up on it and most certainly don't tell her you're feeling miffed. Six months is faaaarr too early for these shenanigans.