Bought and realise it was a mistake as don't like the area.

Zelda247

I foolishly bought a house in an area I have never lived and really now don't like at all. Originally from Dublin but lived in London for many years, my husband wanted to retire to Killorglin in Kerry but now living here after 1 year I am bored to tears... unfortunately could not afford Dublin but wished maybe we had bought someone commutable to Cork. Has anyone ever done anything similiar and moved?

Cuddlesworth

Have you talked to your husband? I'm assuming he loves it there since he wanted to move there.

Zelda247

No, I am afraid to as he likes it here.

athtrasna

OP I'm starting to think this post would be more suited to Personal Issues as it's more about your feelings and experience than being property related. Let me know if you would like it to be moved.

Mod

dollyk

built a bungalow many years ago, and hated it.
Its was too quiet for me, and just so not me.
he loved it though, as did the kids.
I moved out after ten years , he stayed.
But it had to be sold either way as he could not afford it.
Not a happy ending , but I really was so miserable.
Happy in my little semi, with lots of neighbours now.
Funny thing is I dont really mix, But just knowing there
are people around me is fine.
Talk to him, it can drive a huge wedge when one person is so unhappy.

Zelda247

Thank You Dolly for sharing that, were you in a rural area?

zl1whqvjs75cdy

Lived in kilorglin for 6 months a couple of years back. Stunning, but could see how it'd get a bit dull after a couple of months. Killarney is quite a bustling town, obviously not the size of cork but it is nice and busy. You could try going to there a couple of times a week. Glenbeigh and inch are close by too with fantastic beaches for walking. You could take up cycling if you've ever had any interest, not better place for it in the country.

These are short term measures to try and keep you sane but long term if you're not happy you will have to bring it up with your husband. No money or house is worth you being miserable. Best of luck.

hairyslug

I bought my house just as I met my now wife, it was in a crappy estate in a dead town. Fine for me, I worked in Dublin so that would be where I spent most of my time. 18 months later,wife moves down (she wasn't happy about it,she had lived in Dublin all her life).
I'm glad though that she told me early on that she didn't like it cause (while there was no realistic way we could move) I would hate to think she was unhappy and afraid to tell me about it.
Anyway, fast forward 7 years and we are finally in a position to move.

Say it to your husband, or you will start to resent it. But it may all depend on financial situation.
With me and my wife we both knew there was nothing we could do so made it kinda easier to bear with until the time was right

Mrs OBumble

Happens all the time.

Be grateful it's just a house in the wrong place, and not you having emigrated to the wrong country.

Talk to the oh and agree a compromise.

Letree

I spent too much on my house because i wanted to live in a detached house. I really should have bought a semi and have a much smaller mortgage. If i could turn back the clock i would. Because whatever i decide to do from here i have wasted money eg. solicitors fees, stamp duty and then selling fees if i have to sell.

wetlandsboy

OP, I think you should discuss this with your husband. I think that where we live is very important: it defines us in some ways and certainly influences our outlook on life. Some years ago, I purchased a house that was great on paper, but was totally not suitable for me. It really affected me and drove me into a depression. My advice:talk to your partner, tell him how you feel.

Zelda247

The problem is he 70 and is not very well physically and he wouldn't be able to face moving, on reflection I think I just need to find a way to cope and live here somehow. Thank you so much for all your thoughts and for sharing.

April 73

You've been there a year & you haven't settled. No doubt it's quiet compared to London & Dublin.
It sounds like you need to find some social outlets & company & that might help you to settle.
If your hubby isn't physically as fit as he was, you may not be getting out and about as much as you'd like.
Have you come across any local groups that you could join or voluntary organisations where you could donate some time? It's never easy to settle into a new area but especially so if you arrive later in life without small children to integrate you into the area.

It would still be worth talking to your husband. I'm sure he would prefer to know how you are feeling.

Letree

wetlandsboy wrote: »

OP, I think you should discuss this with your husband. I think that where we live is very important: it defines us in some ways and certainly influences our outlook on life. Some years ago, I purchased a house that was great on paper, but was totally not suitable for me. It really affected me and drove me into a depression. My advice:talk to your partner, tell him how you feel.

Did you sell up and move

wetlandsboy

Letree wrote: »

Did you sell up and move

Yes, I did. After 4 years I sold for the same price as I bought it for, so nominally I made a small loss. I'm renting for the moment, but I've never been happier. While the whole house buying experience was painful for me (particularly having made an error of judgement in my choice of location), I think it was a valuable learning experience in the long term.

Zelda247

April 73 wrote: »

You've been there a year & you haven't settled. No doubt it's quiet compared to London & Dublin.
It sounds like you need to find some social outlets & company & that might help you to settle.
If your hubby isn't physically as fit as he was, you may not be getting out and about as much as you'd like.
Have you come across any local groups that you could join or voluntary organisations where you could donate some time? It's never easy to settle into a new area but especially so if you arrive later in life without small children to integrate you into the area.

It would still be worth talking to your husband. I'm sure he would prefer to know how you are feeling.

Yes I have just started to do that, I need to get out more and make the most of it. In reality there is no chance of selling without losing money and the upheaval would be too much on my husband so I have to find a way of making it work for me.

dollyk

Hi Zelda, mine was not so rural, but not a lot of neighbours.
My ex was in his 60s when I moved out.
I did try to be happy for 10 years, mostly for the kids.
But it felt like I was just existing, and 10 years of pretending to be happy
wore me down.
We lost a fortune tbh, but I felt I had no choice.
My ex bought rural and he loves it, I bought in a small estate and love it here.
I know people might not understand , but I started to live again when I left.
We talked about it, and he just said that to give it time, but when my kids became adults, and were moving out, I knew I couldnt spend the rest
of my days lonely.
I wish you all the best, and maybe try go and join local clubs
I got involved in the local school, and helped out in the kids activity's, to keep busy.

dawn1000

Zelda247 wrote: »

The problem is he 70 and is not very well physically and he wouldn't be able to face moving, on reflection I think I just need to find a way to cope and live here somehow. Thank you so much for all your thoughts and for sharing.

Hi Zelda47, saw your post a few days ago and meant to reply. Like you I also lived in London and Dublin for many years. We moved to Killorglin about 15 years ago and sorry to say from the first moment we arrived we regretted our decision but stayed while the kids were growing up and goign to secondary school. Killorglin is beautiful, the town is very clean and colourful, there are lovely walks along the river bank and the mountain scenary is absolutely stunning particular when the first snow falls. It's relatively near to the bustling tourist town of Killarney and all that has to offer. That said I never felt happy there always felt like an outsider and just never fitted in. As soon as kids left we sold up and moved to Cork. We were delighted to make that move and as we are now both retired, we are happy and content to be closer to all amenities such as hospitals, shops and every thing a city has to offer..

Think this over very carefully, there are always options and don't feel like you are trapped there. If you are unhappy after spending 12 months in Killorglin it's unlikely you are ever going to settle in.

Zelda247

dawn1000 wrote: »

Hi Zelda47, saw your post a few days ago and meant to reply. Like you I also lived in London and Dublin for many years. We moved to Killorglin about 15 years ago and sorry to say from the first moment we arrived we regretted our decision but stayed while the kids were growing up and goign to secondary school. Killorglin is beautiful, the town is very clean and colourful, there are lovely walks along the river bank and the mountain scenary is absolutely stunning particular when the first snow falls. It's relatively near to the bustling tourist town of Killarney and all that has to offer. That said I never felt happy there always felt like an outsider and just never fitted in. As soon as kids left we sold up and moved to Cork. We were delighted to make that move and as we are now both retired, we are happy and content to be closer to all amenities such as hospitals, shops and every thing a city has to offer..

Think this over very carefully, there are always options and don't feel like you are trapped there. If you are unhappy after spending 12 months in Killorglin it's unlikely you are ever going to settle in.

Thanks so much for that...Where did you move to in Cork? please PM me if you would prefer

Rubberchikken

it is hard to feel comfortable and settled if you're unhappy.
have you tried to join any local groups. i imagine winter in Killorglin can be a bit bleak.

Zelda247

Yes I have joined a group and its nice but I still feel awful lonely.

dawn1000

Zelda247 wrote: »

Thanks so much for that...Where did you move to in Cork? please PM me if you would prefer

Not sure how to pm but when I figure it out I will do that :-)

Mrs OBumble

dawn1000 wrote: »

Not sure how to pm but when I figure it out I will do that :-)

Hover your mouse over the person's name on the left side of this screen.

left click, and you will see a menu.

Choose Send Private Message from it, and follow your nose.

athtrasna

Moved from Accommodation and property, this really is more of a personal issue.

Zelda247

Thanks.... where do I find it now?

dixiefly

I think that you should ask your husband to consider a move to Cork or even Killarney. I am sure that he would not like to know that you are so unhappy.

Do ye have grown up children? Would there be any way that you could use Killorgin as a base for parts of the year and go for extended periods to other places where there are other family members?

Zelda247

One of the problems would be that we would lose money (a lot probably) on the house IF it would sell, there are loads for sale on the estate some for over a year. No children so time away would be helpful indeed.

Emme

I don't want to sound harsh but there are thousands of people in this country in your position. I am one of them. I moved from a lovely rented apartment in Dublin to a house between Carlow and Athy because I couldn't afford to buy anywhere else. I hate it here even though I grew up nearby. Every day is worse than the previous one and nothing has gone well in my life since I moved down here. I have lost my health, my fitness, most of my friends and my savings have dwindled to nothing. I could not afford to rent out the house and the rent on my old apartment or anything like it would be out of my budget. I am on my own here. Basically I have to suck it up because I cannot move.

OP at least you have your husband and he is happy. It's easier for couples and families to integrate than for singles so try to make the most of it and focus on your husbands happiness. Small rural communities are cliquey and they don't accept newcomers.

The reality is that rural Ireland is not a nice place to live for a lot of people.

caille

Hi OP, my heart goes out to you and your post really struck a chord with me as my husband and I were almost in a very similar situation some years ago.

We are both from the country but work in Dublin and like it. My husband wanted to buy a house in a rural area but close to a town as well and for commuting to Dublin (this was during the housing madness going on so Dublin was very expensive to buy in). I did not want to do that. I told him and thank God, he compromised on renting for a year and see how we found it. Cue many people saying we were mad, throwing money away on rent, we should buy asap as house prices were rising, rising, blah blah blah.

What happened was that we found we were very unhappy where we were and really gave the area and town a good shot (stuck it 18 months). I can't tell you how miserable we were, even my husband, and we nearly broke up as well. We thought it would improve after a few months but it just got worse and worse(the commuting nearly killed us and we weren't even that far from Dublin). Yet we still felt we could make it work as after a year, we renewed our lease and kept sloughing away at it! Going into the second year though, we finally knew it was a choice between our relationship or move.

House prices had gone up a lot in that year and a half so you can imagine how bad the two of us felt, facing into moving having lost money on renting and trying to figure out whether to buy , where to buy or even rent again. However, we didn't think it at the time but we had learnt an awful lot from our experience of where we had been living and ended up buying in County Dublin but very close to the city. We also went for an estate which didn't have great houses for sale but has everything on our door step, great shops, bus stops, pubs, restaurants, lovely parks etc.

This was all nine years ago and now, in hindsight, I can tell you, regardless of the money we lost, the stress we went through and the torture it all was at the time, we have ended up in an area we love, with great neighbours (we have no kids and it took a good while but we are part of the community now), every kind of amenity we need and want within minutes walk of the house and we are in work in forty minutes, door to door, with a huge choice of buses and routes (that all came after we moved!).

What I am trying to say is...life is too short to be in an area you are unhappy in and that you can't commute comfortably from to enjoy things like cinema, plays etc. I know you are worried about losing money, your husband's health, all completely understandable. But I tell you this, you sound very like the way I was all those years ago. In the end, all that matters is both of your happiness and peace of mind, regardless of what money you will lose.

If I were you, what I would do is this - talk to your husband, really tell him how you are feeling and research moving and where you could move to, with the least pain possible, Make a list of what you need to have near you to be happy - do you want to live in an estate/near people, do you want to have shops/amenities within walking distance, do you want to be near public transport.

I have family in Kerry and I love Kilorgin and particularly Killarney, but I always felt that they would not be right for me to live there because I have been so long working in Dublin and am used to certain things there that I know I would not get down in Kerry. So I understand how you are feeling in that sense, as well.

Life is too short, I know you are worried about money and don't want to cause your husband stress, but I really wouldn't keep going hoping it will get better. For me, it didn't and I have absolutely no regrets now in how it all worked out for my husband and I, painful and all as it was.

Zelda247

Emme wrote: »

I don't want to sound harsh but there are thousands of people in this country in your position. I am one of them. I moved from a lovely rented apartment in Dublin to a house between Carlow and Athy because I couldn't afford to buy anywhere else. I hate it here even though I grew up nearby. Every day is worse than the previous one and nothing has gone well in my life since I moved down here. I have lost my health, my fitness, most of my friends and my savings have dwindled to nothing. I could not afford to rent out the house and the rent on my old apartment or anything like it would be out of my budget. I am on my own here. Basically I have to suck it up because I cannot move.

OP at least you have your husband and he is happy. It's easier for couples and families to integrate than for singles so try to make the most of it and focus on your husbands happiness. Small rural communities are cliquey and they don't accept newcomers.



The reality is that rural Ireland is not a nice place to live for a lot of people.

Thank you Emme you are of course right at least one of us is happy which is something. To be honest I don't think I would ever settle here and now I have finally told him how I feel its better as its painful trying to pretend to be happy when you are miserable and he said he realised that something was not right between us, at least its reassured him that the problem is not in our relationship but where we are living. I think given time he may decide that it would be better if we sold up here and moved elsewhere.

I am truly sorry to hear of your situation is there any way you can sell in Carlow?

Ryan Mac Sweeney

Hi there
I have read your post I am so sorry to hear that you are not settling into your new area. That happened me eight years ago when my family and I bought a council house in Ballyphehane in Cork where I am now living. When we first moved in the neighbours kept bullying us and my mother even got a few beatings from some neighbours. My mother tried for us to move back to Douglas where we lived before as we had lovely neighbours there and nothing bad ever happened while we lived there. Sadly that didnt and we are still here eight years later but at the estate has quietened down and a lot of the neighbours who fought with us have since passed away or had family beveraments so my advice would be for you to give the place a chance and at least you have Killarney near by which is a great town with lots of bars and restaurants and Glenbeigh is near and there are lots of beaches nearby. So give the place a chance and you might never know that before you know it you might love the area.

Zelda247

Ryan Mac Sweeney wrote: »

Hi there
I have read your post I am so sorry to hear that you are not settling into your new area. That happened me eight years ago when my family and I bought a council house in Ballyphehane in Cork where I am now living. When we first moved in the neighbours kept bullying us and my mother even got a few beatings from some neighbours. My mother tried for us to move back to Douglas where we lived before as we had lovely neighbours there and nothing bad ever happened while we lived there. Sadly that didnt and we are still here eight years later but at the estate has quietened down and a lot of the neighbours who fought with us have since passed away or had family beveraments so my advice would be for you to give the place a chance and at least you have Killarney near by which is a great town with lots of bars and restaurants and Glenbeigh is near and there are lots of beaches nearby. So give the place a chance and you might never know that before you know it you might love the area.

Sorry to hear your story Ryan but glad things have gotten a little better for you. A lot of council estates end up becoming quiet after time. Near where I grew up in Dublin the houses on the local council estate ended up more expensive than the private house as they were in a better location to the Dart.

Maybe if I went on antidepressants or something similiar it might help get me through it as I am crying a lot at the moment.

LegacyUser

Emme wrote: »

I don't want to sound harsh but there are thousands of people in this country in your position. I am one of them. I moved from a lovely rented apartment in Dublin to a house between Carlow and Athy because I couldn't afford to buy anywhere else. I hate it here even though I grew up nearby. Every day is worse than the previous one and nothing has gone well in my life since I mov
ed down here. I have lost my health, my fitness, most of my friends and my savings have dwindled to nothing. I could not afford to rent out the house and the rent on my old apartment or anything like it would be out of my budget. I am on my own here. Basically I have to suck it up because I cannot move.

OP at least you have your husband and he is happy. It's easier for couples and families to integrate than for singles so try to make the most of it and focus on your husbands happiness. Small rural communities are cliquey and they don't accept newcomers.

The reality is that rural Ireland is not a nice place to live for a lot of people.

Nothing is and we'll ever be worth being miserable.
Just because thousands are like you doesn't mean the op and others should be too. Just because her husband is happy doesn't mean it's ok for her to be unhappy.

Living in a rural area and being unhappy contributed to the break up of my marriage.I was so so miserable and unhappy. Horrible needy whiny neighbours and insecure gossips with nothing better to do all day but spread rumours.
I had a career and good friends elsewhere, only for that I'd have had a breakdown. God knows I came very very close.

My marriage ended and I left the area and the difference to my physical and mental health is huge. I went from being debt and mortgage free to having a substantial loan; but being happy is worth everything

I'd recommend that anyone unhappy take a long hard look at what can be done to change things.
This life is worth enjoying every moment, not wishing it away.

Zelda247

saved by my moving wrote: »

Nothing is and we'll ever be worth being miserable.
Just because thousands are like you doesn't mean the op and others should be too. Just because her husband is happy doesn't mean it's ok for her to be unhappy.

Living in a rural area and being unhappy contributed to the break up of my marriage.I was so so miserable and unhappy. Horrible needy whiny neighbours and insecure gossips with nothing better to do all day but spread rumours.
I had a career and good friends elsewhere, only for that I'd have had a breakdown. God knows I came very very close.

My marriage ended and I left the area and the difference to my physical and mental health is huge. I went from being debt and mortgage free to having a substantial loan; but being happy is worth everything




I'd recommend that anyone unhappy take a long hard look at what can be done to change things.
This life is worth enjoying every moment, not wishing it away.

You are right, I am almost at breaking point, have been to the doctor and he has given me AD's I really need them as can't stop crying all the time and getting very withdrawn.

I had a chat with my husband and he says its not worth it living here if I am so miserable so we are going to move, not exactly sure when or where yet but away from the Kerry and West Coast, thinking Cork city might be an idea or slightly outside or somewhere on the East Coast... Dublin is completely out of our budget but hopefully we will find somewhere....

Ursus Horribilis

I hope you find somewhere Zelda. I'm glad that your husband's prepared to move. I don't think any loving person would want their husband/wife to be so desperately miserable anyway. Maybe you could try renting in an area before moving permanently?