Should I say something to my friend?

LegacyUser

This is quite trivial compared to a few other people on here, but what have you.

I'm a 30 year old male who has autism, or is at least on the spectrum (don't want to give too much detail, because I'd like to remain anonymous as much as possible), which is something that I've kind of struggled with quite a lot throughout my life and still do.

There's a friend of mine, a guy I was in college with and immediately became good friends when we first met on the very first day, and I've now known him for almost a decade. He's got a lot going on in his life, with various things, hence my current dilemma.

Recently, when I was struggling with something, I told him about my condition. He told me that he would never have realized it at all and it's not noticeable in the slightest (I tend to keep it in as much as possible, even though it's difficult). Since then, I've noticed that he's become very distant with me.. not replying to messages, not really engaging in conversation when we do talk. Take, for example, tonight - we're supposed to be doing something with other people, but he hasn't replied to me when I've tried to engage in conversation with him.

I'm wondering if I should say something to him about it? Not so much about tonight, because I don't mind that, but about the fact that it feels like he's gone so distant since I told him and it makes me sad.

I completely understand that he has a lot going on and don't want to press anything, so I don't know if I should keep quiet and not intrude.

Oh the joys of life.

LegacyUser

Is there any chance you're focussing on slight changes in his behaviour which are driven by things in his life other than you and imagining the change is related to you? Any chance you assumed it would change and now you're more anxious to talk to him and that's making you try a little harder which is pushing him back slightly? We all do some version of that in different relationships at different times and it's an easy cycle to slip into.

You've been friends for almost 10 years, I doubt that you telling him this has changed anything. His response was probably indicative of that too, I think he meant he hadn't noticed and it changed nothing. If he's got a lot going on, then naturally he'll have a little less time to talk to you and if he's going to see you later, then he's probably thinking that's a good time to have a catch up.

I think if you relax and talk to him later the same as you always did, you'll be fine and you can put your worries to bed.

LegacyUser

I don't think you should say anything to him. I sort of understand, for a few reasons re myself & my family, why you want to. Or tbh almost feel compelled to. But I gather that he doesn't have the same issues as you, and if he's been friends with you this long, I'd imagine that he's let a lot of things slide.

I think give the guy a break, he seems to have a lot going on, and tbh you even bringing this up is going to sound ultra selfish. I don't think you mean it that way, but I think that's how it will be viewed.

Take it as a learning experience. You've overcome a lot to say things to him, but he has a lot going on in his own life too. Maybe he can only deal with one thing at a time, so isn't as different from you after all.