Ah FFS - it's secret santa time again

waraf · 23-11-2015 4:30pm #1

Christ I hate the office secret santa sh!te. Help me out AH. What the f**k do I get a single woman in her mid thirties who is absolutely zero craic?

smash · 23-11-2015 4:30pm

waraf wrote: »

Christ I hate the office secret santa sh!te. Help me out AH. What the f**k do I get a single woman in her mid thirties who is absolutely zero craic?

a vibrator, clearly

gramar · 23-11-2015 4:31pm

waraf wrote: »

Christ I hate the office secret santa sh!te. Help me out AH. What the f**k do I get a single woman in her mid thirties who is absolutely zero craic?

Get her drunk....that'll bring the craic out in her.

robertobennini · 23-11-2015 4:32pm

waraf wrote: »

Christ I hate the office secret santa sh!te. Help me out AH. What the f**k do I get a single woman in her mid thirties who is absolutely zero craic?

Some crack.

waraf · 23-11-2015 4:33pm

gramar wrote: »

Get her drunk....that'll bring the craic out in her.

She doesn't drink. As the kids say these days (possibly): she's the anti-craic

Shermanator · 23-11-2015 4:34pm

whats the spend limit

Duggy747 · 23-11-2015 4:34pm

Get something offensive like Slim Fast and watch the shít hit the fan in the office :pac:

Galway K9 · 23-11-2015 4:35pm

Get her a pair of Maternity Pants.:cool:

c_man · 23-11-2015 4:36pm

waraf wrote: »

Christ I hate the office secret santa sh!te. Help me out AH. What the f**k do I get a single woman in her mid thirties who is absolutely zero craic?

A candle? I dunno why that immediately came to mind, but I'm sticking with it.

davo2001 · 23-11-2015 4:37pm

waraf wrote: »

Christ I hate the office secret santa sh!te. Help me out AH. What the f**k do I get a single woman in her mid thirties who is absolutely zero craic?

Get her a cat, she might as well face reality of being a spinster sooner or later.

ChippingSodbury · 23-11-2015 4:37pm

The Undateables DVD...

Walter Bishop · 23-11-2015 4:38pm

A set of spanners.

Lia_lia · 23-11-2015 4:40pm

Get her some crack...cocaine.

Conall Cernach · 23-11-2015 4:42pm

A letter from Santa that says "you were naughty".

The Backwards Man · 23-11-2015 4:42pm

Buy her a nice yoke of perfume and hold your wheesht. Or nothing at all or whatever like. No point in taking part if you're going to whine about it.

me_irl · 23-11-2015 4:43pm

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=edGOeTr2Ghg

Walter Bishop · 23-11-2015 4:44pm

Get her an empty box and tell her it's an Action Man deserter... (c) Alexei Sayle.

corner of hells · 23-11-2015 4:45pm

Goldfish , you freeze them or possibly try keep them alive in a jar wrapped up in Christmas wrapping paper.

Everyone loves goldfish and they don't last long.

waraf · 23-11-2015 5:18pm

c_man wrote: »

A candle? I dunno why that immediately came to mind, but I'm sticking with it.

You're a genius. She's into all that aromatherapy sh!te. That'll do nicely

waraf · 23-11-2015 5:20pm

The Backwards Man wrote: »

Buy her a nice yoke of perfume and hold your wheesht. Or nothing at all or whatever like. No point in taking part if you're going to whine about it.

But whining about it is a xmas tradition like whining about xmas stuff appearing in shops the day after Hallowe'en

everlast75 · 23-11-2015 5:22pm

The latest Adele album?

smash · 23-11-2015 5:23pm

everlast75 wrote: »

The latest Adele album?

Did you not read the description of her? No doubt she had this on pre-order for the last few months!

corner of hells · 23-11-2015 5:25pm

waraf wrote: »

You're a genius. She's into all that aromatherapy sh!te. That'll do nicely

Is that it ,you come in here looking for help and you settle for a poxy candle , heres all the good inhabitants of AH racking their brains , leaving their kids starve , abandoning their work worrying about your plight and you settle for a bleeding' candle.

Happy Christmas

Micky Dolenz · 23-11-2015 5:29pm

yeah, spice it up a bit. At least make it a penis shaped candle.

Rochester · 23-11-2015 5:30pm

Could you gift wrap yourself?

Deathwish4 · 23-11-2015 5:31pm

Maltesers.

Can never go wrong with Maltesers.

mikeym · 23-11-2015 5:33pm

Ann Summers gift voucher or Christmas Songs Album.

Ruu · 23-11-2015 5:35pm

A pair of socks or Lynx shower pack.

everlast75 · 23-11-2015 5:37pm

A subscription to Tinder?

23-11-2015 5:41pm

Micky Dolenz wrote: »

yeah, spice it up a bit. At least make it a penis shaped candle.

And if she lights it before she uses for other other purposes?

If she's as dry as he makes out that's gonna hurt.

jamesbere · 23-11-2015 5:47pm

Get her some turf, chicks love turf.

everlast75 · 23-11-2015 5:47pm

[Deleted User] wrote: »

And if she lights it before she uses for other other purposes?

If she's as dry as he makes out that's gonna hurt.

She'd get a waxing at the same time....

Menas · 23-11-2015 6:34pm

Bah Hum Bug.

Embrace it OP...not her fault that you dont want to be in the Secret Santa.

biko · 23-11-2015 6:47pm

Box of condoms and your phone number.

23-11-2015 6:55pm

biko wrote: »

Box of condoms and your phone number.

And make sure they're XXL and given with a wink.

Yes. Wink.

23-11-2015 6:57pm

corner of hells wrote: »

Everyone loves goldfish and they don't last long.

They last years when kept and treated properly instead of tiny prisons

CarolynSmith · 23-11-2015 6:59pm

Chocolate

Cee-Jay-Cee · 23-11-2015 7:00pm

smash wrote: »

a vibrator, clearly

What's the point, OP said she has no crack.

FortuneChip · 23-11-2015 7:02pm

Duggy747 wrote: »

Get something offensive like Slim Fast and watch the shít hit the fan in the office :pac:

I don't think that's how Slimfast works

corner of hells · 23-11-2015 7:57pm

bluewolf wrote: »

They last years when kept and treated properly instead of tiny prisons

Years when frozen.

_Kaiser_ · 23-11-2015 8:24pm

Thankfully I've never been dragged into that Secret Santa shyte.. I just clearly say I won't be getting involved. I've enough trouble buying presents for people I'd actually want to buy for, never mind for some randomer I barely know in the office.

Hammer89 · 23-11-2015 8:34pm

Plaster of paris of your willy should suffice. I did this before and she thought it was a golf tee.

Pawwed Rig · 23-11-2015 10:09pm

The whole idea of secret Santa is to embarrass the person just enough before it crosses the line into HR territory.

Candle is pish

darkpagandeath · 23-11-2015 10:12pm

Easily sorted stock gift.

http://www.amazon.com/Maybe-Touched-Your-Genitals-Sanitizer/dp/B004CPQBRA

waraf · 23-11-2015 10:17pm

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

The whole idea of secret Santa is to embarrass the person just enough before it crosses the line into HR territory.

Candle is pish

Yeah I'd love to get something like that but she definitely wouldn't find it funny and most of the other boring twats in the office would be up on their "offended" high horses. Its just not that sort of group unfortunately

fleet_admiral · 23-11-2015 10:24pm

A voucher for the clothes shop Evans

keeponhurling · 23-11-2015 11:01pm

Tenner in an envelope ?

fussyonion · 23-11-2015 11:53pm

Panty pads.

c_man · 23-11-2015 11:57pm

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

Candle is pish

The one I'll be buying you will have that scent, aye

wattlebird · 24-11-2015 12:03am

Anything from Lush - like a bathbomb or face-mask or body scrub.

dubscottie · 24-11-2015 12:16am

OP if your sticking with a candle, Down to Earth on Georges St (if your in Dublin) that sells some sort of ones that look like the they have been made from Fr Jacks earwax..

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v471/nefastvs/FatherTed/jack_earwax.jpg

You can see them in the window here..

https://www.google.ie/maps/@53.3430096,-6.2644111,3a,75y,238.26h,85.32t/data=!3m6!1e1!3m4!1sXC7m7cb7oDGYVP4IewM4xg!2e0!7i13312!8i6656

Ah FFS - it's secret santa time again

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