This is my stop, please help

confused smu

I meet this girls 3 and half years ago, we are both in early 30's.she is from Poland but told me Ireland was her future. She has being living here for 8 years. Our relationship was great and we both loved each other but had our ups and downs like every relationship as well.

Just before the summer she got sick with this over active thyroid disease and turned in to a demon…. Her hair was falling out and she was tired a lot she hated her job in retail, her day consisted of going to work and coming home and going for a nap for 2 hours, awake for a few hours and in to bed early…. And constantly obsessed about her sickness which was hard for her. She eventually started ringing home to family a lot and her parents were suffering with health issued she became worried about their health and guilty for not being there for them….
soon after she would get depression for the fifth time in her life and she decided to go home to help herself for a month….she told me she loved me and that I was her future before she left and she didn't want to loose me. When she went to Poland she began taking tablets for depression again every day she was nice and lovely and loving but as the pills began to work she became less lovely…. She didn't text as much as she used to and after the month was up, she said she wasn't ready to come back yet but said about 2 more weeks and said this a few times eventually she said she doesn't think she would come back and she was happier there. She has being there 3 months now.

She says she still loves me and she is 99% sure she wants to be with me, it’s just that 1% is making her mind up and she says if you have that much of a doubt you shouldn't be with someone which is crazy for me because I believe 99% sure is pretty confident…..I said I’d move to Poland but she doesn't want me to be unhappy because I wouldn't be moving there Because I want to…She doesn't like Ireland because she can’t progress career wise here and believes she will be treated better in Poland with her qualifications, she has a master’s . She hates her job here, the pay is minimum wage and she doesn't think it will go anywhere higher… she has changed from being a loving caring person to not giving a crap about me the last few weeks but still says she loves me…I don’t get it.Is it the pills talking.

I don’t know how I'm feeling at the moment, hurt mainly broken….. Even betrayed…. And I still love her and want her. I don’t know what I should do
advice would be great please

strandroad

She seems to have a lot of issues to deal with on the physical and mental health as well as on the family front. She doesn't seem to want to live here, plenty of Poles have good careers so it's just something she made herself believe as an excuse.
She needs to solve this for herself and there is no point in pressuring her to make yet another important decision when it's all happening. You should take a step back - offer support but do not expect any progress until she sorts this out one way or the other.

Emme

OP, I feel sorry for you but I also feel sorry for your girlfriend. She is stuck between a rock and a hard place. Overactive thyroid is not nice and you are very good for standing by her.

All you can do now is wait and see what she wants to do.

confused smu

yes thank you both for your reply.

Its nice to see it from another person's view....

Ursus Horribilis

Not everyone will agree but I think anyone who gets involved with a person from a country such as Poland may be lining themselves up for a lot of heartache down the road. Especially if, as in this case, the call of home has become very strong indeed. Until now, this woman has been living in a country that's culturally and linguistically different to her own. She has a masters yet has ended up working in retail. Her family are back in Poland. I can't see her coming back to be honest. She might not want to be away from her family and familiar surroundings. If you move out there you are the one who's going to be making massive sacrifices. Maybe it would work out for you but I feel I should warn you that it doesn't always happen. I know someone whose marriage (with kids) broke up because neither of them could agree on what country to live in.

Exclamation Marc

Odus fell down wrote: »

Not everyone will agree but I think anyone who gets involved with a person from a country such as Poland may be lining themselves up for a lot of heartache down the road. Especially if, as in this case, the call of home has become very strong indeed. Until now, this woman has been living in a country that's culturally and linguistically different to her own. She has a masters yet has ended up working in retail. Her family are back in Poland. I can't see her coming back to be honest. She might not want to be away from her family and familiar surroundings. If you move out there you are the one who's going to be making massive sacrifices. Maybe it would work out for you but I feel I should warn you that it doesn't always happen. I know someone whose marriage (with kids) broke up because neither of them could agree on what country to live in.

I completely agree with this post, specifically on the basis of someone coming to Ireland with a significant qualification and finding themselves lost. I have an Irish friend who went abroad, married an Irish guy, worked there in a very technical and difficult job as a high up nurse on US territory in Europe. She came back home and now works in a lab where she's not allowed even touch equipment she used on a daily basis in her previous job as her qualification doesn't travel so she'd have to effectively re-start college here in Ireland. She's missing out on jobs to people vastly less experienced than her purely because her qualification isn't from Ireland.

The reason I mention it is because she is miserable on a daily basis and cannot settle within her job. As this is the majority of her day, she finds it extremely difficult to be motivated and hates where she works. Even as an Irish person, she pines for returning where she can work where she is qualified to. The only reason she is still here is that her family is here as well as her old friends and her young daughter is 3 so Ireland is where she wants to raise her.

As your other halfs family is in Poland and there is the only country that will recognise and reward her educational hard work, the only thing that ties her to Ireland is you. I wouldn't doubt for one minute that she loves you, I'm sure she does. But Ireland is so far from her parents who are unwell, the majority of her friends do not live here and this country will not provide a chance of rewarding employment.

It may be a horrible question to ask yourself OP, but can the relationship work? It seems that either she must return to Ireland (which will make her understandably miserable) or that you travel to Poland. Would you be happy and could you make a life work over there, bearing in mind a new job, new friends, new language etc.

I don't mean to put a downer on it, but you might need to ask serious questions of the relationship, purely whether you can both be happy together wherever it is that you live. Hope it works out for you OP.

confused smu

Thank you everyone for your views I suppose it was was inevitable really that she would decide to leave when her family were there and a chance of better career was there, its harder to except because she still loves me and it hard to let someone go when there is love there But on the other hand would either of us be really happy in the long term is the question I have to figure out... I guess its hard to know.

I appreciate the time people give on this forum to help people like me.
Thank you