Too soon to be dating?

LegacyUser

It's been a tough year so far for me - one of my parents passed earlier in the year (we were quite close) and shortly afterward my relationship with my bf broke down. It was a difficult relationship and the writing had been on the wall for a long time - when the end came there was almost a relief to it and I am glad the relationship is over. I don't miss my ex or wonder what he's doing and our paths haven't and won't cross again.

I feel like I'm ready to date again and I've been dabbling online but whenever it comes to meeting them in person I close down...and I don't know why. I get this panicked feeling and find myself comparing them to my ex in a weird ways as if trying to find fault with them. He wasn't perfect and when I compare the new guys to him it's not that he comes out on top, it's that they're both selfish or mean etc. (always bad qualities).

Up to now I've always felt the best way to get over one guy was to get under another (sorry!) but the anxiety I have is stopping me from meeting anyone at all. It's been around 6 months now. I don't know if that's too soon, maybe it is, but I know that time isn't healing this at all. Help!

Confucius say

I would say by the sounds of things it's way too soon. I'm in a similar boat and it took a string of dates and seeing people on and off to finally accept I'm not ready or even bothered. It's almost a cliche but work on yourself and forget about dating for a while maybe. Try to excel at something or work on something artistic. Or resurrect some hobby that used to make you tick. Go away with friends. Try and get super fit. There's way more to life than hooking up and dating. Good luck!

mr_edge_to_you

Never too soon, obviously some will disagree. You can't put life on hold is my approach. I went straight from one relationship (that had long since run its course by the time it "ended") into a new one. That was 9 years ago and I married the new girl 4 years later. Two kids later and I couldn't be happier!

Exclamation Marc

I think the 6 month timeframe can be too soon in some cases and not in others.

It sounds to me like it would be too soon to start anything serious or to be looking for a relationship, but some casual dating and meeting some new people would certainly be of no harm, just don't rush into anything after you start dating.

You've had a crazy tough year, one that I and I'm sure a lot of other people couldn't even comprehend and the last thing you want to do is to fall for someone and for it to not end well. 6 months is not a huge amount of time to get over a long-term relationship and the added stress would naturally make it longer to get to a place where you can approach new relationships with a fresh mind.

Are you happy in yourself and with your life?