Your every-day idiocy

NiallBoo

We all do stupid things now and then that make us wonder if we might be too stupid to make it through the day.

For a start, I just tried to put my trousers on a bit too quickly and completely nutted myself with the belt buckle.

What are yours?

AnonoBoy

I once tried to make coffee with bisto gravy granules.

Tasden

Pulling the bed covers up to cover my shoulders and accidentally punching myself in the face.

Lying in bed using the phone and dropping it on my face.

Putting the sugar in the fridge instead of the milk.

Looking for my phone while holding it in my hand. Same with glasses while they're on my head.

Going upstairs, wandering around for a bit and going back down again, and only realising at the bottom of the stairs that I never did what I went up for.

Telling my daughter to get her pjs on when I wake her up for school in the morning.

The list is actually endless

MilesMorales1

AnonoBoy wrote: »

I was once tried to make coffee with bisto gravy granules.

Uncle Albert is that you?

I have locked myself out of my house on more than one occasion, also forgotten my wallet and not realised till I'm on a bus/about to pay for something. This morning I switched on the kettle without checking if there was any water in it.

Saipanne

I was drunk, taking a dump and smoking a fag. I went to tip the ash into the toilet, between my legs and burned my knob.

hairyslug

Tried to open a door once, it had swollen shut, gave it a proper yank, smacked myself in the face and broke a tooth

Fleawuss

Caught my tie in the office shredder once.

5rtytry56

Found my spare cash this morning.......lost it again in the house 30 minutes later. ........duh....... :-p''''''''''

MRnotlob606

The other day I was complaining that my Laptop charger was broken - that it wouldn't charge my laptop.My friend pointed out that the socket said "no power" underneath it on a white label.

4zn76tysfajdxp

AnonoBoy wrote: »

I was once tried to make coffee with bisto gravy granules.

I was at a party once and a lad made a mug of gravy for himself at the end of the night. Apparently he really likes gravy.

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy

When I'm paying for my diesel on monday morning & the cashier says "good morning" and I respond "thanks"

Berkieahern

Had all that cash hidden because i didnt have a bank account and once even bankrupt a country! Lols

Tasden

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy wrote: »

When I'm paying for my diesel on monday morning & the cashier says "good morning" and I respond "thanks"

It's like when the waitress says "enjoy your meal" and you go "you too". Never stops being embarrassing!

The Sidewards Man

Saipanne wrote: »

I was drunk, taking a dump and smoking a fag. I went to tip the ash into the toilet, between my legs and burned my knob.

That wouldn't be long killing off the horn.

chillin117

Having a piss mid sleep, Don't need the light cos I can see the outline of the bowl. Your Knob has a different game plan...Hit's your barefeet first, or the floor.....

Hammer89

NiallBoo wrote: »

We all do stupid things now and then that make us wonder if we might be too stupid to make it through the day.

For a start, I just tried to put my trousers on a bit too quickly and completely nutted myself with the belt buckle.

What are yours?

I get excited over plenty of non-sexual things but that's taking the piss.

smurfjed

Trying to boil the kettle after filling it from a water bottle that contain pure bootleg alcohol.

J Mysterio

Saipanne wrote: »

I was drunk, taking a dump and smoking a fag. I went to tip the ash into the toilet, between my legs and burned my knob.

LOL

LDN_Irish

AnonoBoy wrote: »

I was once tried to make coffee with bisto gravy granules.

Ha. My ma was once slagging the wife and me off for using the red bisto. Going on and on about how the Brown bisto is the only way to make it "from scratch" (!) So she's showing us how to make it in her amazing way that's been ordained by the man himself with her "brown bisto" and the whole bloody time is bragging about how amazing the gravy is gonna be. Turns out the brown bisto was cocoa.

The_Valeyard

Taking three or four attempts to get the key into the lock, while completely sober.

RayM

Walked into a room too quickly and the door rebounded off my foot and hit the side of my head. Happens far too often.

fathead82

Tried to open the door of my house with the unlock button on my car key when i came home half asleep after a night shift.
Stirred a pot of soup for 10 minutes before i realised that I forgot to turn on the gas ring.

Fleawuss

chillin117 wrote: »

Having a piss mid sleep, Don't need the light cos I can see the outline of the bowl. Your Knob has a different game plan...Hit's your barefeet first, or the floor.....

Poor eye and knob co ordination. Now what causes that. :rolleyes:

Turtyturd

Getting out of the lift on the wrong floor because the other people get out and I am not paying attention.

dulux99

Saying thanks to the atm

Saipanne

dulux99 wrote: »

Saying thanks to the atm

No. Come on.

doulikeit

1, sending my little boy to nursery with his brand new spiderman pjs, thought they were tracksuit type thing.
2, ignoring the petrol light in the car thinking I had a few miles left in the tank.
3, standing in aldi with a full trolley (weekly shop) looking at the cashier blankly, realizing I forgot my wallet on a busy friday evening.
4, drinking a bottle of whiskey in one sitting.
5,power hosing dog poop of the back street with open mouth.

I should probably be supervised

The Sidewards Man

doulikeit wrote: »

drinking a bottle of whiskey in one sitting.

That isn't idiocy, is this a regular occurrence?

dulux99

Saipanne wrote: »

No. Come on.

It's happened.

Ruu

Food has a hard time staying on my plate, happens a lot.

miezekatze

I've often tried to tag on the luas with my work badge in the morning, or tried to open the door in work with my leap card.

I once came home from work to find the milk in a glass cabinet instead of the fridge, my OH must have put it there in the morning, still half asleep.

doulikeit

The Sidewards Man wrote:

That isn't idiocy, is this a regular occurrence?

Just once, but never again my eyeballs were sore for a week

Peregrine

Putting jeans on backwards.

Trying to buy a bus ticket with all sorts of different cards but my Leap card.

Rarer ones:

Emptying a plate into the bin and then throwing the plate into the bin.

I made a bowl of coffee and a cup of cereal once.

LDN_Irish

Ruu wrote: »

Food has a hard time staying on my plate, happens a lot.

Yeah, me too. It all ends up in my mouth and then stomach. Big eejits, so we are.

captbarnacles

My car key has 2 buttons: one for locking and one for opening the boot. On my car the boot flies open when you unlock it.

I have opened the boot by accident way too many times while walking away from the car and trying to lock it.

Especially bad in busy car parks where there's lots of people to enjoy my idiocy.

NiallBoo

dulux99 wrote: »

Saying thanks to the atm

I sometimes say "thank you" to myself walking off the Luas.

KatW4

Went to the toilet in the middle of the light and never turned on the light. Walked out of the bathroom and walkes straight into a wall.

Another time, I decided to jump off the last few steps of the stairs not thinking about the low ceiling. Smacked my head on that too.

I do lots of stupid things. I'm sure I'll think of more.

CaSCaDe711

Watching a recent darts tournament that I recorded on the UPC box, sat through nearly all the ads before copping on I could FF them :rolleyes:

corner of hells

doulikeit wrote: »

1, sending my little boy to nursery with his brand new spiderman pjs, thought they were tracksuit type thing.
2, ignoring the petrol light in the car thinking I had a few miles left in the tank.
3, standing in aldi with a full trolley (weekly shop) looking at the cashier blankly, realizing I forgot my wallet on a busy friday evening.
4, drinking a bottle of whiskey in one sitting.
5,power hosing dog poop of the back street with open mouth.

I should probably be supervised

Any chance these all happened on the same day ?

My own favourite happened to a newly married cousin of mine .
Lying drunk in bed one night with his new wife he dozed to be woken by her shortly afterwards saying she thought there was a burglar in the house .

Him being a six foot four Garda with a black belt in a martial art hops out of bed and moves towards a silhouette in the bedroom.

He lets fly with kick and hits his own shadow on the wall breaking some bones in his feet .

There was no burglar in the house, just two drunks .

jester77

Going to the shop to pick up something I need, coming home with things I don't need (usually beer & snacks) and not what I went there for in the first place.

LivingDeadGirl

Using my phone in bed and then accidentally dropping it in my face, duh.

harry Bailey esq

Its not uncommon for me to say thanks to ATM machines.At my granda's funeral, an elderly lady,unknown to myself, says to me "peace be with you " to which i replied "pleased to meet you.

Poor Uncle Tom

Putting Flash Drive into slot on laptop only to find it won't go in, turn it around it still won't go in, turn it around again it goes in. I just hate those three sided flash drives, oh but how we guffaw when it happens.........

Dr.Robotnik

Locking the keys in the car..3 times in the last two months :-(

I get nervous talking to new people and nearly always answer their "how are you" with a mixture of 'fine' and 'grand'...'frand, thanks!'

Ruu

Dr.Robotnik wrote: »

Locking the keys in the car..3 times in the last two months :-(

I get nervous talking to new people and nearly always answer their "how are you" with a mixture of 'fine' and 'grand'...'frand, thanks!'

Ah yes, endless cycle of how are you, fine, how are you, fine, soo...:(

Mam of 4

Coffee in the freezer , noodles in the fridge , making mugs of hot water and sugar- neglecting to put the coffee in , going to the shop for one thing and coming back with a bag full of stuff bar the one thing I went for , the list is endless. I blame my busy head

Spanish Eyes

The day of the odd shoes. Noticed when sitting at a meeting in work. AAAAGH.

Wouldn't mind but they were different colours too. No one noticed but me. I was the last to leave the room I can tell ya. At least the socks matched.

Samsgirl

Put jam on my ham sandwich instead of relish.

Saipanne

Samsgirl wrote: »

Put jam on my ham sandwich instead of relish.

How was it?

joebloggs32

Samsgirl wrote: »

Put jam on my ham sandwich instead of relish.

In France that would be the well known jam on jambon sambo.

Dr.Robotnik

Ruu wrote: »

Ah yes, endless cycle of how are you, fine, how are you, fine, soo...:(

Yep! So akward!