Mental Illness- getting my life back

LegacyUser

I had a severe mental break down a few years ago. I was working in a good job (that I did'nt really like) when I had a serious break from reality. Before my illness I had a good circle of friends, was popular with the ladies and had good fun at week-ends. I was also very successful in college. It appeared everything was going for me. After I got sick I was severely depressed, hospitalized a few times, and put on powerful psychiatric medication.
This lasted for a few years. I am now beginning to come out of this mess. I am off all medication and beginning to feel like my old self again. I'm beginning to look for jobs again in the area I'm qualified in where there is good money (but I don't like the work).

However this illness has seriously messed up my life. I'm in my late twenties and living at home. The friends I used to hang around with don't ring me anymore or look for me to socialize with them. I'm worried they see me as an outcast and don't want to hang around with me anymore. I've missed so many nights out, events with them that they just don't consider me anymore. I'm embarrassed about what happened and some of them saw me when I was very ill/ psychotic.

Although I'm beginning to feel hope again and things are looking up, I'm still left on my own most of the time. My own siblings, while supportive have lost alot of respect for me. I'd like to meet a GF and I can imagine that happening, its still a bit far off. I need to get a job back and get totally back on my feet again.

What should I do? Should I make an effort with my friends, or should I do the job I dislike again and save so I can move abroad where I can start a fresh, and where this unfortunate incident is'nt going to haunt me forever. My mental health is quite good now and I don't see myself getting ill again. I just don't think people see you in the same way again when you've had a mental illness/been hospitalized.

LegacyUser

I'm sorry to hear what you've been through and glad to hear you took the steps to get back on track.
I dont know will people agreed with me here but your mental health is a hell of a lot more important than a job. I would suggest going to a career/guidance consellor to see if you can figure out what you are really passionate about.
I get extremely anxious in certain situations and if your issues are not dealt with they will follow you abroad. I wouldn't assume that when you move country you leave your mental illness at home. ..unfortunetly it doesn't work like that (speaking from personal experience)
On the Friends front, I would put in some effort with them. Most People who are not affected by mental illness do not understand it and therefore,do not know how to act around people with a mental illness or feel like they may "set" them off.

Hoped this helped somewhat. Take care

Meadhbus

Hrm. I'm sorry you're in this situation, it sucks. Something similar happened to me but my friends and family are absolutely amazing and stuck by me through everything.

How close were you with these friends? In my experience, good friendships can survive most things.

I'd start off by getting in touch with one or two of them and feel things out.

If things with these people don't work out, you may have to make new ones, for which you have to be meeting new people, so I'd say get involved in things you're interested in too.

Witchie

A family member of mine is just coming through pretty much exactly what you did. He is getting his life back together slowly but the loneliness of not having friends (he moved away from home and none of his friends in his new town want anything to do with him since he got sick - assholes) and the friends he does have at home, most are married and have small kids so aren't really able to socialise much.

He split with his fiancé which pretty much triggered his episode and she is one of the only people left giving him support in the town he lives in, even though we are trying to tell her to move on and let him go or he will never get over her. He has rang me many times in the depths of despair at it all and we are nowhere near out of the woods yet but last week he started taking steps in the right direction again.

He took a girl out on a date and had a lovely time, he has been back at college and passed a part of his training and has also put his name down to volunteer at an animal shelter. This might not seem like much to most people but these are massive things for someone who has recently been diagnosed as bipolar, had a major manic phase and suffers from anxiety and paranoia.

So what I am saying is, if my family member can do it, you can too. You have come such a long way and yes there will be days where you will slide back a bit but as long as you keep reminding yourself that you have been there before and got through it, you know you will again.

My advice would be to find something you really want to do with your life, not just a job for the money. Go retrain or volunteer in that area for a while and get yourself excited about things in your life again. With renewed purpose, you will soon find that you will meet people who will become friends, you might even meet a girl at that stage.

All we can do in life is keep trying. You have been through hell and survived so you have nothing else to fear.

Best of luck. x

Sound Bite

Congrats OP on getting things back on track.

Two things just struck me.....why would you go back to a job you hate just because the money is good. Consider something you will get more satisfaction from instead.

You also say you have lost the respect of your siblings. Is this true or just your perception?
Most family and friends are delighted to see a person overcome mental illness and don't judge them for it.

Just my thoughts.

Tell me how

Are you able to identify the reasons you disliked the job previously? Was it due to colleagues, pressure, location, hours... etc. If so, it might be possible to still work in that field but in a better environment.

Mental Health is paramount. I'd do whatever is conducive to maintaining as high a level as possible for yourself.

I'd mention a slight word of caution with respect to not seeing yourself get ill again. You probably didn't see it the first time. Forewarned is forearmed and recognizing the potential for it to come again might help identify a time when you start to slip and maybe take action earlier.

With respect to friends, that can be difficult as nobody knows what the effect of having a friend suffering such as you can have on others. Someone who may have their own issues might not be able to be too supportive and might need to pull away to protect their own health.

I've had similar experience to yourself and have lost friends I thought I was very close to. Some I actively pushed away over the course of a few years. I don't approach them now even though I miss them as I feel it would be somewhat selfish to rock up and say "Ok, I'm ready to be friends now". With more, I feel like I do with friends from school for example. It's like that friendship is from a different time and we've both moved on.

I've very few friends now which I don't like but I'm trying to change that as new opportunities arise as opposed to going back. Too much water under the bridge I'm afraid.

Considering trying to meet someone with respect to a relationship is something I'm really struggling with. Feels very selfish to effectively ask someone to make me feel better. I know it should be given and take but I struggle with building the confidence that I'm worth having as a boyfriend.

Well done and Good luck.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the advice and support so far- original poster here.
Yeah I think going to see a career guidance teacher is not a bad idea. Its just hard having to start from scratch again. My main aim is to get independent again and it would be hard to this without going back to what I am trained in. Also I am not sure how competent I would be in that area again having not done it for a number of years and not having received so good a training in the first place. Its worrying for me thinking about this.

I would just also like to say to people that it is possible to recover from a mental illness (in my experience). Scientifically its not that well understood and a lot of psychiatry is a mixture of guesswork and trial and error. The illness doesn't have to be for life. I am no longer suffering from any symptoms and feel comfortable in myself again- without any drugs. I was severely ill at some stages. I think one of the things that left me in despair was the fact that I was told I could have a life long illness- however in my experience this doesn't have to be true.

However my life has been severely disturbed by this incident. It really affects you as a person and your self-esteem. But at this stage can see some light at the end of the tunnel. I still have to fully make myself independent again. This is not going to be easy. There is definitely still a massive stigma around mental illness in Ireland and people are often labeled. That's why I think that moving abroad might help. As I have a qualification that travels. Maybe I am as well off doing something I don't enjoy for the sake of gaining some independence!

LegacyUser

Hey,

My best friend suffers from Bi-polar and has been for 20 years.

Has had many a breakdown, sectioned etc..

He is married, with kids, with a job that know his illness - he recently had another incident and got time off work. He has plenty of friends, house etc etc

As for your old friends, well, I've seen people react in different ways to mental illness. Some run for the hills. Some stay and help. Maturity helps - they were in their mid 20s so may not have been capable of dealing with it. It is hard to handle if you're not well equipped - it was a steep learning curve for me.

The age old advice of get a hobby and get new friends is apt here.

What is it about the work that you don't like? Is it stressful or just not satisfying?

Are you off your medication on your doctor's advice?