Facial Expression

xXLaneyXx

Hi Folks,

This may (or will to some) sound like a very meager problem but it's one that's really gotten to me over the years.

People always tell me to cheer up, or don't look so worried or cross. This seems to be because when my face is relaxed, I either look very stern or sad.

I'm a happy person, everything is good in all aspects in my life. I'm energetic, chatty and always up for a laugh but It really bugs when people comment on my expression.
My Bf's family do it constantly, my Bf himself often comments that I look cross and give of the wrong impression. They know what kind of person I am and that I'm rarely ever annoyed about anything so it really of gets on my nerves when I'm told "Cheer up there".. "Don't look so worried" when I'm completely fine, without a care in the world.

Does anyone else have this problem?
I've become so self conscious of it now and feel the need to have a put on a HUGE smiley face all the time. I only ever feel comfortable around my own family now because they have never made such comments and have many times said that I bring fun and a bit of "craic" wherever I go.

Comment please.. I'd love to hear your thoughts

ManOfMystery

I used to get it too. Some people have naturally happy/smiley looking faces, whilst others don't. Doesn't mean we're sad or morose - quite the opposite at times - but other people misread it as a sad expression.

I don't really have a solution for you other than to say I stopped caring what other people think. It's exhausting going round trying to smile all the time just so others don't think you're miserable inside.

intheclouds

Its called Resting Bitch Face and afflicts many of us.

I look mildly slack jawed and stupid when my face is at rest, with a hint of sadness.

Such is life.

xXLaneyXx

Thanks for the responses guys, good to know there are others out there.
This was all set of today when a picture of a photo came through on my phone from an event at the week end. Straight away I got asked why did I look cross??
I really felt like saying p*ss of and give me a break!! I wasn't even a posed photo, just caught of guard.

Some people just constantly comment on it and I feel like screaming at them at this stage :mad:

I wonder if you told youru bf and his family that it upsets you then they would stop commenting all the time.

My family and inlaws used to comment on my relaxed facial expression. One day I said that these comments were really peeing me off. Hasn't happened since

Then for people you meet once they see that you are a happy cheery person after the 1st few seconds they should be ok

ManOfMystery

Interesting and relevant read :

http://www.succeedsocially.com/lookangry

xXLaneyXx

Thanks Suresanders, I'm afraid of offending anyone by asking them to stop.

It's always said in a joking way but at the same time I don't think there's any need to comment on it.:(
There are various things I could comment about on people but I don't feel the need, especially If it would make someone feel self conscious as it does me. So this is why I don't understand why other fell like they can do it to me.

Maybe a quiet word with my BF about how it makes me feel might help and he could drop a hint or 2 to his family.

xXLaneyXx

ManOfMystery wrote: »

Interesting and relevant read :

http://www.succeedsocially.com/lookangry

Thankyou Manofmystery, that makes for good reading.
I do know that when I'm studying something or thinking that I can frown a little but that's just my concentration coming through. :rolleyes:

njs030

My sister has this problem too, she eventually got sick of people asking was she cross/sad/Moody etc and now replies "that's just my face" in a cheerful voice. People tend not to repeat it when she gives them nothing to go on!
Like you she's a very happy easy-going person, so it is just her face!

xXLaneyXx

notjustsweet wrote: »

My sister has this problem too, she eventually got sick of people asking was she cross/sad/Moody etc and now replies "that's just my face" in a cheerful voice. People tend not to repeat it when she gives them nothing to go on!
Like you she's a very happy easy-going person, so it is just her face!

Thanks notjustsweet, that's a nice comeback and not at all nasty or offending!
I always feel like I have to defend myself when people ask.
I'll maybe use this one

Pac1Man

I get this too sometimes. I have fairly deep-set eyes which can make me look stern and serious which is basically the complete opposite of how I usually feel!

Every so often I would get a 'Cheer up' comment.

'Fuk you, I'm fine!'. Although this response would probably just back up their misconceptions.

In a way it works out as a handy filter. I wouldn't dream of saying that to someone as you don't know what kind of day they are having, therefore I generally wouldn't associate with people who would say that.

Dial Hard

The "cheer up, it might never happen" comment is a really Irish thing and in my experience there's virtually never any malice or ill intent to it - it's almost just a turn of phrase at this stage and I genuinely don't think those who say it realise how often those of us with Resting Bitch Face hear it.

As suggested above, just smile and say "That's just my face" and leave it at that. They're really not trying to have a go at you.

Speak Now

intheclouds wrote: »

Its called Resting Bitch Face and afflicts many of us.

I look mildly slack jawed and stupid when my face is at rest, with a hint of sadness.

Such is life.

Yep resting bitch face!! Michelle Obama often has it and shes supposed to be lovely.

LegacyUser

Get it quite often too ever since I was a child. What has always ticked me off is it's just my face so I'm going to use your sister's comment next time it happens because it really is just my face. In addition, I get the 'you're so quiet' and of course it usually comes from people who can't stay quiet. I prefer quality over quantity ;-)

PhiloCypher

I've had this problem too to the point that after being told to cheer up one to many times I told the person my dog had died (he hadn't) he said really ??? I said no, but you can see how insensitive your smartarse(or words to that effect) comment could be if he had. He never did it again .

Dutchess

My sister had/has it too. She's very pretty and got chatted up a lot in the pubs and clubs but guys would often approach her with a "cheer up/Give us a smile/etc.". Maybe I am taking it too seriously, but I think it is a little bit rude. People are not exactly entitled to a certain mood and/or facial expression from other people. And as PhiloCypher posted, there could be a reason.

Shrap

Yeah, know the feeling. I have a permanent frown from being severely short-sighted and till I got contacts, was always squinting through my glasses! I can even look cross when I'm laughing, apparently (think Gordon Ramsey with boobs). I do "b1tch face resting" very well. Say the "that's just my face" thing. They'll cop onto it eventually

stop animal cruelty

get this all the time....anytime someone tells me "cheer up it might never happen"....l just tell them "it already has...." :pac:

JuliusCaesar

Yes, me too. I would just say that my face has a serious expression in repose.

Pawwed Rig

I look slightly annoyed when my face is resting. Anytime it is mentioned I just shrug and say that is what I look like.

xXLaneyXx

Thanks for all your replies everyone, its good to know I'm not alone.
Going to go away with the reply "that's just my face" response, hopefully that'll do the trick.;)

Contessa Raven

I get this all the time in work. I deal with customers face to face constantly and there's never a day when someone doesn't say it to me. I always look at them and then say "That's just my face. Thanks for drawing attention to it." And then smile. But then, I'm a bitch!

Daisy78

I get this all the time op. I was out at a fancy dress party a couple of weeks ago happily enjoying myself with my friend when this moron ambles up and asks to take a picture. We agreed. He took the picture and started to laugh ...He asked me why was I so sad and miserable in the photo, threw his arms around me and kept on at me asking. I would have slapped him if I could freed myself from his grip!! I really do think some guys get a weird thrill from upsetting girls on a night out but that just tells what simpletons you are dealing with! I wouldn't worry about as you can see it happens a lot so don't change your behaviour or mannerisms to appease some random idiot on the street, bar, etc.

ongarboy

I get it too as a guy. It did amaze me the amount of complete strangers that pass comment on it as if it's a socially acceptable comment to make to strangers. As I also have or mainly had a slight hang up about it, I used to get quite pissed off about it too, especially if I was actually in a good mood when they said it.

But, I've kind of learned that it is for the most part really just being said as an innocent, harmless, observational or even an ice breaker type of comment and the vast majority would not be saying it to rise or annoy you. When I had a hang up about it, I wouldn't have thought of it that way and assumed they were trying to annoy me. I've learned that attitude did not do me any favours.

Even that guy in the above post commenting on the photo, it's most likely he meant no malice even if his comment was a bit full on. I guess try and think of it the same way if you were someone that was always beaming from ear to ear and someone might say, "Wow, did you win the lotto" or "someone's in a good mood". Would you be pissed off with those comments? Possibly not.

Ave Sodalis

ongarboy wrote:

Even that guy in the above post commenting on the photo, it's most likely he meant no malice even if his comment was a bit full on. I guess try and think of it the same way if you were someone that was always beaming from ear to ear and someone might say, "Wow, did you win the lotto" or "someone's in a good mood". Would you be pissed off with those comments? Possibly not.

It depends on how it's said. I mean, most of the time if you were genuinely sad, someone going "cheer up a bit, it might never happen" or "jaysus you look miserable!" isn't going to help. It would be more like some going up to a really happy looking person and going "what are you so happy about, the world is crap" or "take that smile off your face".

I have the same problem OP and though there is generally no malice behind the comments, they're generally unhelpful whether or not you are actually sad/angry. If you look miserable, it's either the way your face is or it's because something has happened that you are genuinely upset. Neither of those situations warrant a comment telling you to cheer up. When I need to be polite, such as in work, a simple "ah no, I'm grand, it's just the way I look" works. In a nightclub or less formal setting, a glare and a "fudge off" are in order.