Feeling really down and begining to not cope

LegacyUser

I don't know where this starts. I'm starting to feel very down and not sure what more i can do to stop this or turn a corner where i feel better long term.

Im male mid 30's. I've gotten married in the past 6 months. I'll admit there was a huge come down after the event / honeymoon. I've done well in my job over the past couple years but i've recently been told that a promotion i've gotten isn't available anymore.

I've little to no drive in work. I hate it. Im coming in just to sit here and do anything BUT work which isn't me.
I tried everything i would normally do to negate these feelings. I've exercised, i've kept busy and i've started reading, meeting with friends etc. But these seem to only provide me with a temporary stop gap of "happiness". Things dont get me down when im in the gym or at home with my wife or with my friends or out for a run.

But this cloud comes over me in my head the rest of the time. Im here in work trying to just go under the radar and do as little as possible. I am close to tears when i think about work My attention span is minimum. I just don't know what to do now. I havent drank in two weeks (not that i was a heavy drinker by any stretch of the imagination) but i just didnt want to add a depressent to the mix.

I dont know why im writing this. Im just having a tough time and wanted to write it down.

via4

So sorry to hear your going through a rough patch. What jumps out to me is your unhappy in your job but this is not a bad thing. This job no longer stimulates you. Variety is the spice of life so I would suggest to look for something else and things may improve for you. Best of luck!

miamee

It does sound from your post that your working life is the source of you feeling down at the moment.
I had a friend in a similar position recently. He really values his job and loves working hard and striving to improve himself. But through some operational changes some of his responsibilities were moved elsewhere and he began to feel under appreciated and unchallenged. Just doing the bare minimum but his heart wasn't in it. He eventually decided to speak to his manager and be very open about how he felt and that he might be moving on if this was it for him. They have given him a temporary/probation promotion to see how he gets on and now he's back to his old self working really hard and enjoying it.

Would your manager be open to a chat like that?

I'm sure they'll be aware that giving and then retracting a promotion is going to have a negative effect on you. Ask them if they have an interim solution for you - or suggest one of your own. If they are not interested maybe it's time to look elsewhere.
Being happy at work is very important, we spend so much time there!

StanleyOllie

You seem to be going through a little speed bump in your life. Its sounds like you could be a bit depressed. Very few get by without this happening at some stage in their lives.
Go to your doctor and just have a chat. You might not need anything but there is never harm asking for help. Tell your wife. A problem shared is a problem halved. She will get it.... understand, wait and see. She could feel the same after all the excitement. The wedding had some focus for you.... maybe you need to readjust. Dont be hard on yourself.... happens the best of us. Maybe time for that new job as the other poster says. Just dont bottle it all up.

petes

When you meet with your friends etc. do you say any of this to them? If you are uncomfortable with this do as suggested above and have a chat with your gp. You are taking your mind of things rather than facing them. I've done it loads and I'm still doing it but I do talk about it so I'm not on my own. If you are feeling down everything starts to suffer, you lose interest. I'm only talking from personal experience.

Hope you feel better and as said above a problem shared...

LegacyUser

When you were told your promotion was not going to happen where you given a reason? I know that sometimes toward the end of a year the budget may not be there to give pay rises or promotions. Do you feel your employer is starting to take you for granted ie you always do the **** jobs, work late, take responsibility ect?
After telling you that you were not getting a promotion I can understand how you feel. Do you feel they offered you a promotion to keep you from looking around? Have you spoken to a recrutment agency or to other people working in your area as there could be other better jobs out there.

I was in a similar position to you a few years ago. I was asked to change to a differnt department. I did this at the time without looking for more money thinking long term this would be a good move for me. Within a few months the job changed. I had a high work load and was doing a lot of unpaid overtime. My supervisor was always picking on me. One day something happened and it made me realise that long term I had no future there. I started to look for another job. Now a few years later I am glad I left this job as the company made a lot of people redundant during the downturn.

I would do the following now: tell your wife or a close friend how you feel. If you don't feel comfortable telling them have a chat with your gp. Ask them to do a few blood tests and check that your not low in iron ect. If your run down you won't feel good. If you need anti depressants your doctor will prescibe them.
Your lucky that you have a wife, friends and interests outside work. In regards to work I would start to make some effort but I would not be doing any overtime. If you feel that your not going to get a promotion in the next 6 to 12 months I would look for another job.

I have a freind involved in training and who would have about 30 years work expereince in companies both here and the Uk. I was speaking to him about jobs and when should you change jobs. They maintain after a certain period of time people can and do sick of a job for any number of reasons. At this stage your better off looking for another job as you spend a lot of time in work. Also over time you grow out of a job and you need to move on, learn new skills ect.

LegacyUser

OP here.

Thanks for all your feedback and replies.

The job is getting me down. It's a career position that I've been in for 10+ years. I don't know anything else in my life and I don't want to leave / change as ive too much riding on my steady income.
That's the crux of it really.
I spoke to my wife the other day who said she had noticed a change but was giving me a wide berth as I was throwing myself into training etc.
She said she had felt the same after the wedding but it passed.

I've started taking pharmaton and trying to get to bed as early as possible and do bits of work here and there during the day. I've mixed up my routine like going for a walk at lunch for fresh air.

Hopefully this will all pass.