Weak/pathetic for a male to seek mental health support?

LegacyUser

I'll try to keep this short.

I'm 26 now and in a very bad way. The past 2 years in particular have involved a lot of stuff that's lead to a lot of emotional pain, and I can't see a way out. I find myself screaming into pillows frequently and using a rubber band as a "safe" way to self-harm. Even typing this up is making me ****ing tear up.

Many people in my life view this kind of thing as a character flaw, and particularly since I'm male, having any kind of psychological struggle seems to render me as unworthy in every aspect of life. On the rare occasions that I bring this topic up, the standard response seems to be with just this intense anger and ridicule.

I'm thinking of seeing my GP, but I don't know how to even talk about this stuff to her...she's around my age...I don't understand why, but the fact that she's around my age makes it very intimidating to talk to her about this kind of thing.

I just feel so lost, trapped and extremely scared...I feel so pathetic for feeling this way. I really wish I could just curl up and ****ing cry.

Hemerodrome

It's far from weak or pathetic to seek help for these kind of things, in fact seeking help when you're afraid of doing so takes a lot of courage. You've taken a first step now, just keep moving forward with it. And you don't have to see your GP, though there's no reason you shouldn't, if you look at the stickied threads on this forum you'll find alternative ways to find the help you need. Best of luck.

baby and crumble

As someone who has been where you are, op, I can safely tell you that the strongest possible thing you can do right now is ask for the support you need. If you had a broken leg or cancer would you be weak in going to a doctor for treatment? No. This is the same thing. So many people suffer needlessly- myself included for so long- because of societal stigma.

I get so so angry when I hear of people like those surrounding you who play off mental health issues as if it's made up or no big deal. Poor mental health is just a detrimental to a person as heart problems or cancer yet nobody would suggest for a moment that going to the doctor for an illness is weak or pathetic. It's just sensible.

Please, seek help op. Look after your own health, whatever other people think. If your doctor is too big a step (but believe me she will have seen issues like yours and worse before, I gaurentee it) then try contacting the Samaritans. I found them very helpful. I did it by email, it seemed less scary.

intheclouds

Absolutely not!!

I only wish more people who were suffering emotional were both brave and smart enough to take the step of speaking to their GP! Theres nothing pathetic about it at all and anyone in your life who sees it that way is just plain wrong.

If you had a toothache youd see a dentist, if you had a broken arm youd see a doctor, if your mind is hurting you see a mental health professional - simples!

paperclip2

Clawing your way out of emotional pain, depression or mental health issues is one of the toughest things you will ever do.
You're not weak, you are courageous. Please don't let what others think stop you from taking care of yourself. As B&C said if the doctor is too big a step right now try the Samartians. A listening and supportive ear might help to get you to the doctor.

tcif

Emotional pain isn't a character flaw - it's a very human response to whatever is going on in your life and it's nothing to be ashamed of. Neither is admitting you need help and asking for it - in fact that takes strength, to reach out when you're hurting.

If there are people in your life that see this as a "character flaw" then that's their flaw, their lack of understanding and you shouldn't take that on board and please don't let it keep you from doing the right thing for you, which is reaching out for the help you need.

Rubberchikken

you're showing great strength in reaching out for help. go to your gp, if you're uncomfortable talking to her as you say she's a similar age to you, then ask to speak to another gp in the practice. don't put it off. take care

LegacyUser

Hopefully it helped to put that down in writing, a lot of what you say sums up the attitude of many which is a shame. Attitudes to mental health are still very backwards in this country (probably the same in all countries to be fair), things are going in the right direction but as a society we have a long way to go.

Don't let the fact that society is stuck in the dark ages prevent you from doing what's right by yourself. Your doctor is your best friend here, the best you'll get from boards is support and encouragement, but you're doctor will set you on the road towards a practical solution. It will be strange at first for you to talk to her but this is bread and butter stuff for a GP, they deal with mental health issues on a daily basis, men, women, young, old.

I wish you the best of luck, do what you need to do to look after yourself, that's the most important thing. As that old saying goes; your health is your wealth, particularly when it comes to mental health.

Teafor two12345

No it takes strength to ask for help and fix yourself.

Lux23

Far from it, I see it as a sign of strength to admit you may have a mental health issue and seek help. It's a long, hard road.

Here's the way I see it and I'm sure some will disagree but..

Actively recognizing that you're in distress and not willing to do anything about it, because of fear for how others will see it is the bigger sign of weakness. Doing something about it, because you see you need some extra help, and wanting to change, is strength.

Everybody needs help sometimes and there is absolutely nothing wrong with recognizing it.

LegacyUser

Hi OP
As many have said it is a sign of strength to seek support and help.
Some things we cannot fix ourselves.
Everybody needs help from time to time.

Mental health issues can incapacitate the strongest physical people overnight or out of the blue. Those issues can ground the most confident celebs! Issues can be sudden or build up over time. We are human and all have to have off time / deal with matters and rest. Recognition of this is a strength.

There is NO good reason to suffer and struggle in silence. It does you an eminence disservice.

The Doc is a very good first port of call and is there to help point you to the correct professionals to help you overcome whatever your issue is.
Your issue is holding you back, it is real, it is as effective causing pain as any physical issue, in fact it is probably more so in that its covered in stealth!!

I have gone through issues myself and sought help. I'm male and I'm glad I sought help. The only regret is not having the strength to seek help sooner
Good luck OP, You're already on the road to get better

zeffabelli

Deleted User wrote: »

Here's the way I see it and I'm sure some will disagree but..

Actively recognizing that you're in distress and not willing to do anything about it, because of fear for how others will see it is the bigger sign of weakness. Doing something about it, because you see you need some extra help, and wanting to change, is strength.

Everybody needs help sometimes and there is absolutely nothing wrong with recognizing it.

I half agree with you.

Honestly sometimes the fear is healthy, because a lot of people do not understand mental health issues, and that includes GPs. I think you are right to be cautious about whom you share this with, if only so yo don't get reductive, invalidating responses, like "maybe you just have a lot on your mind..." or "everyone gets sad frm time to time..." or "snap out of it."

JuliusCaesar

You could always give her a note saying how you feel and asking for a referral to the mental health services. Contrary to expectations, there is generally only a short wait to be assessed. And the HSE services are free of charge, you don't need medical insurance.

Roselm

My advice would be when you do speak to someone eg GP don't downplay how you feel which leaves them room to come back saying you're fine, there's nothing wrong. Don't accept that. Push for the services you know you need.

petes

Please talk to your gp or a gp if it makes you feel more comfortable. I had to reach out and I don't know where I got the strength from but currently go to counselling (did that myself) aa meetings (also myself) but I did speak to my gp also. Actually two different ones in the same surgery.

It was hard and still is but it's better. I have different issues but I'm trying to work through them and without support it would be nigh on impossible for me I think!!

Start by telling you gp your not feeling yourself, down etc. If they are any addition they should start asking you questions and you'll be surprised at what you say, well that's from personal experience. I am on meds also but I still need to talk to someone, an hour a week with my counsellor is great. Before I went I was like what will I talk abou for an hour, now it feels lime I'm only after sitting down and the hour is up

I am male and have bipolar. Spent a lot of my teens and twenties in turmoil and it wasn't until I was in my thirties I got proper help and treatment.
I sincerely regret not having sought proper help much earlier. Don't wait a moment longer. Write down all the symptoms and feelings you are experiencing then go to your GP with the list. It makes it easier as when sitting in front of your GP, it's likely you will forget a lot of what you wanted to say.
There are many advantages to having a younger GP but you can go see a different one of it makes you more comfortable.
Get seen now and get better sooner rather than later.

EoghanIRL

Health care professionals are trained to give advice in a non judgemental way.
They are there to help you not to judge you.

LegacyUser

Hi guys, OP here.
Just wanted to say thanks a million to everyone here, I really appreciate the feedback. I'm going to book an appointment with my GP for hopefully tomorrow, if not Monday.
Thanks again everyone.

Mark Tapley

Beck said it best... wrote: »

Hi guys, OP here.
Just wanted to say thanks a million to everyone here, I really appreciate the feedback. I'm going to book an appointment with my GP for hopefully tomorrow, if not Monday.
Thanks again everyone.

Well done OP. I think Beck wrote that song when he was at a low ebb but things turned out pretty good for him.

Teafor two12345

Well done! Op you should feel proud.

We can't ask how it went, but I hope it went OK.

Something to keep in mind if you see a specialist;

They aren't mind readers and can't fix your problems just by looking at you. You need to work with them. The only way for them to help you is if you help them.

LegacyUser

Thanks again guys, this'll be my last post but just letting you know that the GP was really understanding and referred me to a community mental health service, I should be contacted by them within the next two weeks.
Much to the disapproval of everyone in my life, I've decide to take time off work as well. The powers that be at work were cool enough about it anyway. I know this is what I need.
Thanks again everyone, I'm beginning to feel optimistic about my future for the first time in ages.
Also, touché Mark Tapley! Touché!

Most jobs are incredibly understanding about mental health issues, so its good that yours is one of these.

Well done for biting the bullet. Stay strong.