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Stress, 19 years old

  • 27-10-2015 3:29pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I'm 19 and in university and I'm worried about how stressed I am.

    I have had problems with depression in the past and feeling lonely etc. I was on anti depressants on and off for maybe 3 years but I didn't want to spend the rest of my life on them and my mood wasn't really changing or going anywhere. I decided to try counteract my problems by becoming involved in lots of things and keeping busy, which is what I've been doing for 2/3 years and is where I am now.

    I feel like I've taken on too much maybe but I don't know where to start or even how to "wind down" or something. I'm afraid to give anything up because it all looks so good on my CV and we're in the middle of interviewing for work placement. I'm trying to be well rounded and have a wide range of things on my CV - sport, part time job, Student Union Council, event manager for clubs, film club, languages, tutoring, volunteer stuff.

    I don't want to let anyone down. I always do well in everything I do because I'm a perfectionist and would never let people see me fail. Sometimes when I'm at training or even just at a meeting/in class/walking home from college I feel like I could collapse and I get dizzy. I'm very tired. I don't sleep well because I'm so worried about everything and I am always having to reply to emails - last night up until 2am and I was up at 6am to get to the library early to get work done to try meet deadlines. This is usual for weekdays. Sometimes I want to ask for an extension for an essay or something I have but I'm just so afraid of being seen as a "failure" (I wouldn't think this about anyone else, just myself).

    I spend weekends either at college or I go to a friends house back at home. There's not much time for relaxing then either because if I'm at college I have to go to the library to study and if I go to my friends house, different friends want to meet up and go out and I don't want to say "no" or let people down. A lot of my friends have family/home problems (we don't come from a great area and maybe this is part of the reason I take on so much - I want to look impressive on my CV so I can have a job and never move back there) and I feel like I need to be there for everyone. I can't go home myself and it would probably just be more stress if I did. I'm worried about my extended family. Everyone fights, a lot of them are sick and they are all very angry. I am already very worried about having to go home over Christmas and have searched for homeless shelters or something in the city where I might be able to volunteer on the day instead.

    Right now I have a rash on my arms and on my face - forehead, cheeks and chin. It always happens when I get very overworked. Its extremely hot and uncomfortable and tight, especially on my face. I am just so unwilling to give up my busy life (even with the side effects) because I am so afraid of letting the depression grab me again if I don't keeo busy - it's almost like I have a fear of depression. I feel like it's better that I don't have the energy to cry rather than crying every day.


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