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Am I a bad person?

  • 27-10-2015 9:09am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Recently a very close family friend passed away from cancer. Whilst not a blood relative, I lived with this family friend for a few years - it's a long story, single parent family, sick parent, no family support - so I was incredibly close to this person. I viewed her as a second mother. While it wasn't an unexpected death, it still hit me hard. I'm going through a rough patch at the moment anyway, even taking away the fact that I'm grieving. So adding a bereavement onto it, I'm really not good. Seeing a counsellor, spoke to my GP, taking meds etc, doing what I can to keep afloat.

    Recently a very good friend of mine was diagnosed with cancer. We're a similar ago. She's going through chemo and it's hitting her hard. I would love to be able to drop everything and help her (she has been a rock to me in recent times in terms of listening if I've had a bad day & just being there), however every time I see her, I'm transported back to seeing the close family friend and all she suffered through. Their physical appearance is similar, the side effects of the chemo are similar. It's all too real and seeing her really hits me hard and makes me really, really miss my second mom.

    Am I a bad person for avoiding seeing her while I come to terms with my loss? Or should I man up and do the right thing?


Comments

  • #2
    Penny Tration
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,687 ✭✭✭✭Penny Tration


    You are absolutely NOT a bad person!

    Your friend is going through an awful time and I'm sure you feel terrible for them, but being a rock isn't something you're mentally able for. You're trying to stay afloat yourself and your loyalty has to be to your own health.

    That said, of course your friend needs love and support right now. You're not able to give it as much as you would were you not grieving, but that doesn't make you a bad person, it makes you human. you can't be superman. You can't fix everything and you have to look after yourself.

    What I would suggest you do is talk to your friend. explain you're struggling with grief and your mental health and have started treatment. explain that you love them dearly and WANT to help, but right now you're not in a fit state to give them everything they need. Tell them you love them and will always have their back but right now, you mentally aren't able to give 100% support, but that you're there if they need you.

    A good friend will understand.

    I'm sorry for your loss.


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