Living in the countryside

sillysu

Advice please!!!! I'm a city girl (not Dublin) and my partner is from the countryside and he wants to move back to his home place and build on a site he has there. We would be living beside his mother which is fine because she is very nice and not interfering at all. We would be just over an hour's drive to where I'm from, so that's not really an issue either because I can be up and down to my family easily. And the nearest urban area is a large town about 4 miles away. I love the idea of a bigger house with big garden. My main concern is for my 4 kids ranging in ages from 9 to 2. At the moment, they can pop down to their friends whenever they want (bar the 2 year old!) as do their friends call to our house. Where we'd be moving to, there's no real neighbours close by with kids, so we'd have to drop them off everywhere and organise playdates etc. A lot more hassle than at the moment especially during long summer holidays etc. and I'd be afraid they'd get bored because i can't be running them here and there all the time. And then as teenagers, would it be worse?? Any advice from people living in the countryside with kids these days??? Pros and cons?

RyanDrive

As a young person whose family made the same move don't do it. I'll never forgive my parents for it - I have no freedom whatsoever and everytime me or my siblings want to go somewhere there is a row. My older brother got seriously injured because he couldn't get a taxi from the village (they are not a reliable option whatsoever in country towns) and decided to try walk home in the pitch black. If you think they'll be bored now, think of when they're a teenager (are they going to like you having to drive their friends over anytime they want to see their friends). Miserable existence for you an your kids and I'd advise you strongly, based on personal experience not to do it.

LegacyUser

As the other poster said your kids especially your 9 year old are at an age where their friends can drop in and out to see them. If you move to the country you'll have to drive everywhere. Would you not rent in the area before moving just in case it doesn't work out? In terms of jobs will your move mean a long commute?

Paddy Cow

How far away are the nearest kids? I'm from the sticks and we used to cycle everywhere. Would you trust the 9 year old on the road? If it's only a mile or two, it's doable but if his/her friends were further then it wouldn't be feasible.

Kovu

There will of course be pros and cons to it, as mentioned above, would it be possible to have a trial in a rental house? I grew up in the countryside, there were no kids my age around me except my brother and a male cousin so we pallied around together. To this day I have a really great relationship with both, we made games up, went exploring, fishing, riding bikes for miles. The school was just over a mile away so we could cycle there if we wanted.
(Just on the topic of schools, country schools tend to have lower numbers, there were 10 in my class in primary school)
I was able to go horse riding and cause we lived on a farm, I was always running about the place and to this day myself and my brother are the only kids between all the cousins that never had any asthma or allergy issues, which I firmly believe is from being exposed to so many different things as kids.

RE the friends/playdates issue. We would just go home with friends from school, have dinner at their house and play for the evening, then be picked up later on by a parent or be dropped home and switch it around that way, there was also GAA and other things like after school clubs. We never had any problems with finding ways to get around.
Oh and I'm only mid 20's so this wasn't all that long ago!

LegacyUser

I think it's different if the kids only knew being in the countryside. I grew up in a standard housing estate until I was 5. Then we moved to the country. Hardly any kids around. I hate the area to this day!

For years, I remembered our old house, with my friends from neighbouring houses all around, the play school I went to. I had no siblings, so that probably made it worse. I just hated though. We were very near family, which was a plus in my parents eyes (before we moved) - except that what seemed like a great idea from living further away, turned out to be far from rosy when we moved house so near to them. My parents, and me as I got older, became my Dad's mothers slaves and were criticised about everything. One of her big leverage points was 'but sure didn't I let you build a house on our land'.

I always wished my parents hadn't moved, but that was 13 years of hating the area it for me - I've long moved out, and they love it the area and their house. So a hard one to call. People still say to me 'oh that's a lovely area, you must have loved growing up there' - no, I truly hated it.

I'm probably giving you a worst case view, but that's my experience of it. Having said that, my parents are very happy there now, and would never leave it.

Colser

It would be a big change at the start but Im sure they would settle in quite quickly.They are close in age so will be company for each other (when theyre not fighting:pac:)so its not like they would have no one to play with.

Im sure your house would be a big hit with their friends also and their parents could share the dropping and collecting.

Time flies and if youre eldest starts driving at 17 it will be a big help with the transporting.
It would definitely work but you would be spending a lot of time in the car for a few years but that would become second nature too.
If you are weighing up the pros and cons I wouldnt be worrying about the children tbh.They really are adaptable and no teenage strops yet so now would be the time to move.:)

sillysu

I agree renting first would be a good option, but there are no houses available around there to rent. I'm not sure how far away the nearest kids would be, I just know the immediate neighbours are elderly. I've seen trampolines and slides etc in gardens not too far away, so assume kids live there, but I just worry about the narrow roads, no path and passing cars if the kids were to walk/cycle to them. The school isn't too far away, it's walkable, so maybe cars are aware of kids in the area. (There's about 100 pupils in the school). Like I said, I'm a city girl, so I'm just used to paths and lights etc. Like Colser said, there are four of them, all boys, so they will have each other to play with. And I really would love a bigger garden, we're in a semi D at the moment with quite a small garden, so they don't play in it much. I think I'm swaying towards going to the countryside, but it's hard not to have doubts, like those mentioned in Ryandrive's post!

CaraMay

Have you found out watt facilities are in the nearby town? Swimming pool? Camps? Cinema? I think the fact that it's 4 boys is very different. You could give them great play facilities out the back eg tree house, climbing frame, football area as you will have the space to do it. You will end up driving but my friend who lives in town has 3 boys and she's always on the road. As they go to secondary school they'll be making new friends who live all over the place anyway.

That's the next thing. Is there a good secondary school nearby?

Anyway that's all the practical stuff. You'll be able to sell it to the kids eg their own rooms etc once you know what activities there are in the area.

You'll be leaving your friends as well. Are you ok with that?

sillysu

To be honest, with having four young kids, I don't meet up with my friends all that often, but whenever there is a night out or a lunch etc organised, I will be the first one there, it'll only be one hours drive for me and I can stay with my parents, so that side of things doesn't bother me at all.
As far as amenities in the nearby town, it has everything you would need including two secondary schools, for which i think a bus operates from where we'd be building to bring them into school, so that would be handy. I know what CaraMay is saying about having to drive certain places even when you live in a town, I do where i am now because not everything is on your doorstep.
The boys are actually excited about the prospect, but that could all change once we moved.
It's just one of those things that you have to make a decision on sooner rather than later. Once it's made, a weight will be lifted and we can move on with our planning, whatever it is. That's why I started this thread to get other people's objective opinions and experiences of living in the country with their kids, to help make the decision, so all advice is much appreciated, cheers!

CaraMay

All I'm saying is do your homework op so you don't get caught out. If the kids are on board then it sounds like a no brainer.

Shrap

sillysu wrote: »

I've seen trampolines and slides etc in gardens not too far away, so assume kids live there, but I just worry about the narrow roads, no path and passing cars if the kids were to walk/cycle to them. The school isn't too far away, it's walkable, so maybe cars are aware of kids in the area. (There's about 100 pupils in the school). Like I said, I'm a city girl, so I'm just used to paths and lights etc.

Go for it!

Yes, the kids will be bored from time to time. Kids are supposed to be and that's how they make their own fun and use their imagination. Fields, bales in barns to climb on (frowned upon by farmers, but they all do it), rivers, short-cuts across country to friends houses - it's a great way for a child to have freedom. As soon as they start school they'll meet kids in the village to drop them to and collect them later - you'll meet parents at the school gates - in fact, I met so many and settled so well just through my kids arranging things for themselves "Johnny invited me to his house Mum, can you talk to his mother?"

My two boys are now 14 and 17 and as soon as they hit secondary, that meant their friends were much more far flung. You will turn into a taxi service, but you get used to driving long distances for shopping, friends, etc. and because of less traffic you're actually on the road for shorter periods of time than in cities. My advice is have an open door policy with their friends. I have frequently had 4 teens as well as my own staying over and it's lovely how they all come to know me so well and see me as "another mother" - same goes for my boys with other families. At 17, they descend like a hoard of locusts on your cupboards in the holidays and then go off after a few days to raid the next family home. Great fun (but quite loud).

Obviously, it's not all fun and games and it can be a lot harder to find things to do for any shy kids if you have one. GAA is great*, but it's not for everyone and other than that you may struggle to find clubs, but even in my village there's badminton and hip-hop and CoderDojo in the next one over, but drama and karate is an hour's drive away. Still though, I'd recommend life in the country to anyone. You'll get used to the way you wave off your kids to walk up the road for the school bus or up to friend's houses. Play-dates are not arranged by the parents here (thankfully. I hate that aspect of city life) - they're arranged spontaneously by the kids!

And you'll get used to the proper dark, believe me. Wait till you see the stars on a clear night!

* BTW, as a GAA mum, you will be tied into a strict routine of training times and matches at weekends. Make sure your husband is on board for taking on a lot of the lifts or you'll have days where you'll never be out of the car.

sillysu

You're really selling it Sharp!!!! Thanks for all the advice. It makes me look more positively on the idea of moving. Regarding the noise levels in the house, I'm well used to that with 4 boys. I'll just have to make sure when we are designing the house, I'll have my own little relaxation room to escape from it!!!!! And also when it comes to GAA, their dad will be the main one involved in that as the boys would be playing for the club he played for as a kid, so he'll be chuffed with that!
Where we are at the moment is great for the kids to run into each others houses as they please, but there are a few undesirables living in the estate too, so we have to keep an eye on them.
If we do move, I won't be naive thinking it'll be perfect. I know there will be things i will miss about city life and there will be drawbacks to countryliving, but i think the pros outweigh the cons.

Shrap

sillysu wrote: »

You're really selling it Sharp!!!! Thanks for all the advice. It makes me look more positively on the idea of moving.

Good!

Regarding the noise levels in the house, I'm well used to that with 4 boys. I'll just have to make sure when we are designing the house, I'll have my own little relaxation room to escape from it!!!!!

Little? Are you mad?! Make sure it's the same size as your husband's inevitable shed/workshop.

And also when it comes to GAA, their dad will be the main one involved in that as the boys would be playing for the club he played for as a kid, so he'll be chuffed with that!

This is how I'd really sell the country to you - through your kids. Look at how your OH wants to move back! Even though both my boys don't play GAA anymore, the sense of place and community they have is so much greater than how I feel about "back home" in Dublin. What it gives kids to have shared experiences of a village/community is second to none, and just isn't there in cities unless you let your kids run with the pack (reasons why not to, you've described here below).

My eldest has recently moved out to college in a city and he's one of the most confident young fellas I've met, to my mind due to the independence he was able to have here roaming about in a half hour's drive each direction and not coming home for days! I fully expect him to embrace city life, but he'll always have that sense of community grounding him I hope.

Where we are at the moment is great for the kids to run into each others houses as they please, but there are a few undesirables living in the estate too, so we have to keep an eye on them.
If we do move, I won't be naive thinking it'll be perfect. I know there will be things i will miss about city life and there will be drawbacks to countryliving, but i think the pros outweigh the cons.

I missed city life for about two years after moving here. Kept popping back to the city for "things to do" (before I had kids). You will settle into the pace though, and eventually wonder how people ever manage to live under such stress and time-pressure in the city! I wouldn't move back for any money.

sillysu

Glad to hear you were a fellow city slicker too before you moved to the sticks!!!! And you adjusted just fine. From your original post, I would have sworn you were a born and bred country girl. That was what i was afraid of, that most people promoting the country would be always from there, so would be a bit biased, but you have seen both sides, so you get where I'm coming from.

Shrap

sillysu wrote: »

Glad to hear you were a fellow city slicker too before you moved to the sticks!!!! And you adjusted just fine. From your original post, I would have sworn you were a born and bred country girl. That was what i was afraid of, that most people promoting the country would be always from there, so would be a bit biased, but you have seen both sides, so you get where I'm coming from.

Oh I do, but just to be clear, I had no kids when I moved down here - they were both born and raised here so I had nothing to lose when leaving the city. Your kids are enthusiastic now, so they must already love the country and their Gran (who will be invaluable to you and a great plus for your kids!). I would say don't leave it too long to move if you're going to. Your 9yr old will seriously benefit from at least 2 years "fitting in" to the area through the local N.S., before getting to secondary. Plus, if GAA is going to be a thing, he'll have a harder time being a beginner in the skills, the older he gets....

Like others suggested, why not look in more detail into renting while you build? (sorry, I'm talking as if you've already made the decision!)

Yes though, I'm a country girl now! 20 years will do that to you.

caille

Great advice already given here, just to add, I kind of went through this a few years ago, my husband and I were considering buying out in the country and moving away from Dublin (neither of us from Dublin), but we decided to rent first. Best decision we ever made as during the year of renting, we realised that the move was not for us and we were able to move back to Dublin. If we had bought first, it would have been a nightmare to sort out.

Also, I grew up in the countryside and hand on heart, if my parents had to do it all over again, they would have moved to a town. I had the most isolated, miserable, backward kind of childhood and upbringing, no kids nearby, a hassle anytime I wanted to meet a friend in town or have someone over, I escaped to college and city living at 18 but with a lot of scars. Don't get me wrong, I have great parents and they were only doing what they thought would be good for all of us, my father loves the countryside, it was my mother who realised early on that town life would be better for us and back then, she couldn't persuade my father to move.

My overall advice is, rent first for a while and see how it goes, it is never wasted money if it prevents you from buying in a place that isn't right for you, best of luck with whatever you decide to do.

sillysu

Well, that puts another spin on country living. And i totally understand where you are coming from caille, because what you mention, are my fears. Do you think though living in the country nowadays is not as isolating as when you were a kid? Also, why did you and your husband even contemplate moving to country if your childhood was so miserable? Like i said b4, no houses available to rent in area, all owner occupied. Lots to think about, aaargh!

Shrap

caille wrote: »

I had the most isolated, miserable, backward kind of childhood and upbringing, no kids nearby, a hassle anytime I wanted to meet a friend in town or have someone over

sillysu wrote: »

because what you mention, are my fears. Do you think though living in the country nowadays is not as isolating as when you were a kid?

I suppose it would totally depend on how much hassle you'd feel it would be to be collecting kids from the other side of the parish frequently, and whether the input was there to get your kids involved in everything going. I see where caille is coming from - there are some kids in the locality here who are a few miles out and who's parents don't really do lifts, so they would be more isolated than those in the vicinity of the village. My feeling would be though that in a school of 100 kids (my kids went to a school with 48!), there'd be plenty of scope in a small area for your kids to be no more isolated than they would be in a city with arranged play dates, etc.

On my road, when my kids started primary school, there were older kids just finishing. When mine were leaving, there were 3 families there who's kids were just starting, so there were never any on our road for similarly aged company. However, there were two on the next road over, and me and those mothers would take it in turns to bring and get from school, deliver them forwards and back at the drop of a hat, etc., and my youngest now has a friend just moved in at the top of our road. With such a big rural primary school, and the input from you as parents, I don't see the isolation becoming a problem, personally.

Would it help to know more about whether there were other young families close by to your mother in law's land? Why not ask your husband to find out? Another option is to visit the school itself and talk over your concerns with the principal? She/he might be able to fill you in on the numbers and vicinity of other kids of an age with your own.

BnB

I was born and raised in the country and and now raising my own kids in the same area. We were living in an estate in town until the oldest was 4 and then we moved back home (which was always the plan)

In my honest opinion, the quality of life for kids growing up in infinitely better in a one off house in the country than in a Semi-D somewhere.

RE Lifts etc. Unless you live within walking distance in town from everything that you kids are going to go to (the school, GAA field, Rugby club, Ballet etc etc etc), then you are just as likely to be driving your kids around in town than out the country. The only difference is, you won't ever get caught in traffic for 30 mins when doing it out teh country.

RE Friends calling over, there are always other kids in the house here. It is only 2 minutes in the car to drop them to some friends house or visa versa. It all fits into the general coming and going of school training etc. One of your kids goes to X's house after school and some other kid comes to your's. All returned to their rightful owners at training that night etc etc. Also - if a kid says he's going to X's house, you know that was where he went, because you dropped him there...!!!!

As kids get older, yes Lifts out at night will be a bit of a pain - But again, it'll always be shared with other parents. And it's much harder for kids to get away with being completely stuttered or whatever if you or some other parent is collecting them...!!!!

All in all, it is just a much healthier way of life.

caille

Hi OP, sincere apologies, I really hope I didn't upset you, I reread my post and realise now how it might have come across. My father is a real country man and I ended up marrying a real country man as well :-() hence why we considered the move to the countryside. What happened was that commuting to Dublin was a nightmare from where we were renting and he really missed being near the shops, pubs and a gym more than myself, hence how we moved back.

Admittedly, my parents were those who moaned about having to give me lifts to meet friends etc, I being the way I was (shy, not demanding etc) didn't ask as much then whereas my brother insisted that he needed to meet his pals and it wasn't his choice to live where we lived (fair play to him now, looking back). Just all I know is, if you are hesitant about somewhere, renting first is great, I have since advisd a few friends on this, one of whom did as I did and was grateful afterwards (she ended up not buying in a certain area after renting there for a while and did buy a year later somewhere else, very happy).

Hope you get sorted, great advice in this thread and sorry if my own views rattled you.

sillysu

Not at all Caille, that is why i started this thread, to get opinions from both sides. It's good to go into this decision with my eyes wide open. Shrap, i might have a chat with the principal about where the children live. I thought i could find out residents of houses through the census or something, like the way they gave the details of those living in certain houses in the 1911 census. But i suppose that's confidential. I don't think I'll mind being a taxi service if it's shared out between lots of parents. At least I'll know where the kids are all the time. I find this thread so helpful as everyone is objective in their opinions. Thanks again and keep them coming!!

LegacyUser

I grew up in the countryside& loved it. Yes it could be isolating, but it fostered a huge love of reading (this would have been the 90's, pre-Internet though). And there were very few distractions as regards study, which meant good grades! If I fought with my parents, there were very few places to hide
There are a lot of local politics however, people know all your business....but then there's always support in a crisis too.
It can be cliquey & insular....you have to make sure your kids are immersed in life & people outside "the parish & the GAA".

sillysu

Yes Dfgbbb, another issue I would be slightly concerned about, but not as much as those concerning the kids, is the "cliqueyness" of rural areas and everyone knowing your business. Not that I live a scandalous lifestyle, but it would take a lot of getting used to compared to the anonymity of the city. But a bigger concern is, would I always be considered the "blow in"???
I would definitely be all about life outside the parish and as there is a big town just a few miles away, the kids can take part in lots of activities there. But, I am really coming round to the idea of moving there. I wouldn't see a major problem with being a taxi service if it's divided between myself and partner and other neighbours and the idea of a bigger house and garden are really selling it for me!

LegacyUser

Hi Op, I don't want to sway your decision again but IMHO I really think you might be better off living in a town. Where I grew up in the countryside was pure isolation.
I wasn't even near my local village where I went to primary school.
Just on a small quiet road with a couple of houses on each side.
There were no kids my age where I lived.

Now as a kid, it wasn't bad because I had my friends from school, my family were part of the community then, but then as I got closer to 6th class, it was obvious the cliquieness that began to show and I was a black sheep for a lot of it, since I wasn't living in the village and had no interest in GAA. Didn't help that I was an odd kid. (turns out I has very mild
Aspergers)

That is another dilemma if one of your kids begin to show learning problems or cannot mix socially, they will be very isolated and gossiped about a lot, from kids and adults. I have experienced it and witnessed it being done to other kids like me. And it is usually done by the GAA, church going, holier than thou village residents.

Don't even get me started on secondary school. I think my isolation mixed with Aspergers and puberty made me very depressed and quiet. I lost the "friends" from primary and could not fit in with anyone else for years. I had friendships that never lasted. I had to say no to potential friends who asked me to hang out after school around town, because my mam was collecting me once school was over and "not any later".

My mother used to moan about having to drive me out to drama group and when I wanted to meet up with friends during the 1st and 2nd year in school when things were OK.......
but now at 22 I never get to socialize since I rarely have anyone to hang out with anymore.
I think the lack of it on my part made me stand out even more than I should.
I think she regrets making it out to be such a hassle (because it really wasn't, all it would have took her was a few min drive) because when I do get the chance on a night out or a day trip, she practically pushes me out the door to drive me to where I need to go, and gives me money for taxi, food, etc.
I didn't want to treat her as my taxi, but I do think as parents in rural areas, you can either drive your kids to meet people, or have them stuck inside the house all day not meeting meeting anyone their own age.

I can see her these days all upset and annoyed when I am in my room all day or on the couch, because that is the thing OP. Imagination can only stretch so far for kids, and a an adult, majority of the time apart from a walk, I am stuck inside my house on my laptop or watching telly or just in my room all day. There is no motivation or stimulation for anything else. I use to cry at night during the summer holidays, knowing how people living near beaches or in cities get to experience festivals practically outside their house, while I was stuck in the middle of nowhere.

I think if you really want to move, try to move with walking distance outside a town (best of both worlds), or move into a small village at least where you know there are other families.

Hopefully ur kids wont have a depressing upbringing like I did, but I just wouldn't risk it if I had kids myself.

DoozerT6

I also grew up in the countryside, before Internet and Sky tv etc, and yes, I have to say I found it very boring at times. In fact, I've realised that because I was kind of isolated (outside of school) as a kid, that I almost isolate myself as an adult, if that makes sense. Because it was so normal to me to have nothing to do, nowhere to go, nobody calling to the house, etc, I didn't really seek those things out as I got older, as it just wasn't something I was used to. And unless you're within walking distance of things for older children or teenagers to do, until they can drive themselves, you will end up ferrying them all around to various activities or friends houses, so they won't get bored or feel isolated.

I know things are a bit different nowadays, but realistically, if you don't want your kids stuck on a computer or watching tv all day as a distraction, you'll end up driving them around a lot, as the option of them playing outside with the neighbours kids while ye parents take turns keeping an eye on them isn't an option for you. Also, as the older kids get too old to just 'go out and play' with the younger ones, unless they get on exceptionally well, there may be friction between them as the younger ones won't have anyone else around to play with, and the older ones will be irritated by their siblings requests to play with them.

Bottom line, it's grand for kids while they're young and can just use their imaginations to play games, etc. It's when they get older that the irritations will creep in.

dixiefly

countrygirl2015 wrote: »

Hi Op, I don't want to sway your decision again but IMHO I really think you might be better off living in a town. Where I grew up in the countryside was pure isolation.
I wasn't even near my local village where I went to primary school.
Just on a small quiet road with a couple of houses on each side.
There were no kids my age where I lived.

Now as a kid, it wasn't bad because I had my friends from school, my family were part of the community then, but then as I got closer to 6th class, it was obvious the cliquieness that began to show and I was a black sheep for a lot of it, since I wasn't living in the village and had no interest in GAA. Didn't help that I was an odd kid. (turns out I has very mild
Aspergers)

That is another dilemma if one of your kids begin to show learning problems or cannot mix socially, they will be very isolated and gossiped about a lot, from kids and adults. I have experienced it and witnessed it being done to other kids like me. And it is usually done by the GAA, church going, holier than thou village residents.

Don't even get me started on secondary school. I think my isolation mixed with Aspergers and puberty made me very depressed and quiet. I lost the "friends" from primary and could not fit in with anyone else for years. I had friendships that never lasted. I had to say no to potential friends who asked me to hang out after school around town, because my mam was collecting me once school was over and "not any later".

My mother used to moan about having to drive me out to drama group and when I wanted to meet up with friends during the 1st and 2nd year in school when things were OK.......
but now at 22 I never get to socialize since I rarely have anyone to hang out with anymore.
I think the lack of it on my part made me stand out even more than I should.
I think she regrets making it out to be such a hassle (because it really wasn't, all it would have took her was a few min drive) because when I do get the chance on a night out or a day trip, she practically pushes me out the door to drive me to where I need to go, and gives me money for taxi, food, etc.
I didn't want to treat her as my taxi, but I do think as parents in rural areas, you can either drive your kids to meet people, or have them stuck inside the house all day not meeting meeting anyone their own age.

I can see her these days all upset and annoyed when I am in my room all day or on the couch, because that is the thing OP. Imagination can only stretch so far for kids, and a an adult, majority of the time apart from a walk, I am stuck inside my house on my laptop or watching telly or just in my room all day. There is no motivation or stimulation for anything else. I use to cry at night during the summer holidays, knowing how people living near beaches or in cities get to experience festivals practically outside their house, while I was stuck in the middle of nowhere.

I think if you really want to move, try to move with walking distance outside a town (best of both worlds), or move into a small village at least where you know there are other families.

Hopefully ur kids wont have a depressing upbringing like I did, but I just wouldn't risk it if I had kids myself.

Hopefully you are now getting the opportunity to make up for those times and join the type of groups that wold mean you will make friends etc. You are still very young with the potential still to make many life long friends and have great experiences.

dixiefly

sillysu wrote: »

Yes Dfgbbb, another issue I would be slightly concerned about, but not as much as those concerning the kids, is the "cliqueyness" of rural areas and everyone knowing your business. Not that I live a scandalous lifestyle, but it would take a lot of getting used to compared to the anonymity of the city. But a bigger concern is, would I always be considered the "blow in"???
I would definitely be all about life outside the parish and as there is a big town just a few miles away, the kids can take part in lots of activities there. But, I am really coming round to the idea of moving there. I wouldn't see a major problem with being a taxi service if it's divided between myself and partner and other neighbours and the idea of a bigger house and garden are really selling it for me!

If your children are in a position to join some local clubs, especially sporting ones, then that will be a huge plus.

sillysu

There are so many conflicting views on living in the country, all of which I will take on board. Countrygirl2015 and DoozerT6, I'm sorry you had a tough childhood in the country and what you said will help me in not making the same mistakes with my kids if we do move to the country. I will ensure they are involved in plenty activities and with their friends and will accept the fact that I'm a taxi driver for the forseeable!!!
And if things go horribly wrong, we have the option of moving back as we are not selling our current house in the city. But I really don't see it going that far. From what I hear from friends of my partners who still live there with their kids, they seem to be happy there.
I do expect a lot of "I'm bored", but to be honest, I get that now anyway.
Those of you that live in the country now with kids, do you agree with the other posters or at least see where they are coming from and any advice on how to deal with those concerns?

Shrap

sillysu wrote: »

I do expect a lot of "I'm bored", but to be honest, I get that now anyway.
Those of you that live in the country now with kids, do you agree with the other posters or at least see where they are coming from and any advice on how to deal with those concerns?

I do see where they're coming from, absolutely. I had a very lonely childhood myself with quite restrictive parents who when I was a teen didn't let me out the door, and before that, weren't comfortable with me having friends over or with me going to their's. I was socially awkward (as was my mother and she didn't make friends easily), and although there were kids playing right outside my door (I grew up in Dublin), that cliquishness still prevented me from joining in or feeling welcome.

I'll be honest here and say that a child's parents have SO much to do with how sociable a child becomes, that it doesn't make much difference if you live in country or city. The difference comes down to how parents respond to their children's needs and the child's own make-up, and then some.

The city lights might look bright and fun from the outside, but if you're a kid with no bus-fare and no friends, they're as unwelcoming as a dark country road believe you me. Saying all that, sometimes children have their own difficulties (my youngest, for example) and friendships are few and far between but from my experience of city childhood, I can't see how it'd be any different for my son if he lived in a city. Friends don't just magically sprout out of the street there.....and quite often they'd be a more prohibitive 2 bus journeys away through bad areas, than a lift up to the nearest town.

Over to you as parents, is what I say. And bored? There IS no bored like the 14 yr old who isn't allowed go to the disco all her friends are going to.......city OR country.

LegacyUser

I hated the move to countryside wrote: »

I think it's different if the kids only knew being in the countryside. I grew up in a standard housing estate until I was 5. Then we moved to the country. Hardly any kids around. I hate the area to this day!

For years, I remembered our old house, with my friends from neighbouring houses all around, the play school I went to. I had no siblings, so that probably made it worse. I just hated though. We were very near family, which was a plus in my parents eyes (before we moved) - except that what seemed like a great idea from living further away, turned out to be far from rosy when we moved house so near to them. My parents, and me as I got older, became my Dad's mothers slaves and were criticised about everything. One of her big leverage points was 'but sure didn't I let you build a house on our land'.

I always wished my parents hadn't moved, but that was 13 years of hating the area it for me - I've long moved out, and they love it the area and their house. So a hard one to call. People still say to me 'oh that's a lovely area, you must have loved growing up there' - no, I truly hated it.

I'm probably giving you a worst case view, but that's my experience of it. Having said that, my parents are very happy there now, and would never leave it.

Maybe there's certain kids the move would suit, and others it wouldn't. I hated it. Really really hated it. Ok, I was v young when my parents moved, but I was already used to pre school a few doors up, and friends 2 or 3 doors down. Friends going from house to house all the time.

I always loved reading; my mother taught me to read before school. So in the absence of friends that I didn't have to have an arrangement to meet (and, more importantly, couldn't call in without being driven there), I retreated into books after we moved. I still love reading, but it was a bad thing for me. I went from lots of friends to isolation. Reading became my 'friend'. It took me till a couple of years after secondary school to really get myself going with people socially.

Maybe that's just me. But all this community / GAA stuff? Well it rings fairly hollow to me, unless your kids are male and very sporty.

Of course larger house and garden sounds great to you. Do you really think your kids care about that though? Do you not think that friends and interaction is more important to them?

I'd never say that my parents shouldn't have moved, because they love where they are now. Honestly though, I hated the move, missed so much stuff from the town we were in, felt so isolated, found it stifling and small-towns-ville growing up there, and couldn't wait to get the hell away from it.

iusedtoknow

we made the opposite move when I was growing up. I was born in the country and lived outside the town in a pretty rural area. We then moved to Cork when I was 9 when my father got a new position. I didn't know myself. Within days, I had friends in the harea that I made in school, the parents all had open doors for the kids to go play, and my mother had a lot of people around that would keep an eye on us if she needed to go out for messages just as she would for others. My parents were in country by circumstance (father's work) and would have preferred urban to have had us all at.

In short, think about your own lifestyle as well as your kids one in this situation. Will you be happy enough for yourself and your husband being constantly on call to give spins to the kids to make sure they have some socializing. What about yourself? Will you be losing friends in the move? My parents are now retired and travel a lot now, but still have friends from the area that they enjoy to go the cinema/theater with.

The country can be great if you're from there and used to it, but an awful lonely place when you're not.

sillysu

Shrap wrote: »

I'll be honest here and say that a child's parents have SO much to do with how sociable a child becomes, that it doesn't make much difference if you live in country or city. The difference comes down to how parents respond to their children's needs and the child's own make-up, and then some.

I totally agree that the personality of the child and the involvement of the parents decide on whether a child has a happy and eventful childhood, not whether you grow up in city or country. Yes, you may have easier access when living in the city, but like I said, the nearest large town takes about 7 mins to drive to, so that isn't a problem to go to clubs, cinema, swimming, discos etc. My main concern is the day to day playing. We can't organise playdates EVERYDAY, but maybe there are kids closer than I realise for the kids to walk/cycle to in time, I just know they are not next door.
And as regards teenagers, even those in the city spend most of their time in front of tv, laptop, phone these days.

sillysu

iusedtoknow wrote: »

What about yourself? Will you be losing friends in the move?

I won't be losing friends because a lot of them are scattered all over the place and we all meet up every now and then where i'm from and i intend to keep that up, be it for lunch or a night out, it's only an hour away and my parents are still there for me to stay with.

LegacyUser

dixiefly wrote: »

Hopefully you are now getting the opportunity to make up for those times and join the type of groups that wold mean you will make friends etc. You are still very young with the potential still to make many life long friends and have great experiences.

Thanks very much.

I try my best, I has some nights out during my college year, although they were rare. In 3rd year, and spoke to my therapist about I still haven't truly gotten anywhere with making friends, and she suggested to try and go out on the nightlife by myself.
I'll see how it goes and hopefully I won't look as more weirder than I already do, lol. Sure is better than being home every weekend.

That another point I wanted to make to the OP here. I am 22, but chances are will still be living at home with no decent paying job, thank to the recession aftermath. I don't drive so you can imagine how swell it is to have people still drive me around at my age #sarcasm
In short, I am more or less a failure-to-launch kid at this moment in time, unless something starts changing for me.
If you still want to move to countryside, make sure to prepare your kids for life, for driving, for jobs, especially in a rural area.
When I moved to a town for college, I honestly never realized how cut off I was from the real world until I lived there all the time. In the countryside, you miss out on so much.

If you can become part of the community in a positive way, that is great. I remember when we were as kids and it is a great feeling, feeling welcome and at home. When that all stopped, I never felt more outcasted and unwelcome sometimes.

I will say this though, rural living isn't the same as it used to be when I was younger. It was more bustling and lively and proper Irish, you could say. Now, most villages are more dead than usually since everyone goes to urban areas for shopping, drinking, etc. Went into my old village pub for the first time in years to decorate it for a relative wedding and they had it completely redone with this white paint to make it "modern", just looks lifeless and cold now, compared to what it was years ago.

lukegriffen

my brother raised 3 boys in a rural area, close to Dublin (they're now from 11 to 15) . It's 4 or 5 miles from the nearest town, the house is fab, but the boys have no friends nearby. They really only see other boys their age at school or at football The option of having friends within walking/cycling distance is hugely important. It develops street-wise skills and personal skills. There's quite a bit of fighting between the boys when they're at home at weekends or during the holidays, because basically there's no release/outlet - they're stuck there! (I know there would probably be fighting no matter where they live, but if they can go out and play with their own friends, at least it diffuses the tension)

If there's a small village nearby you can walk to , and a few other houses with kids, that would help. best of luck with whatever you decide

sillysu

countrygirl2015 wrote: »

If you still want to move to countryside, make sure to prepare your kids for life, for driving, for jobs, especially in a rural area.
When I moved to a town for college, I honestly never realized how cut off I was from the real world until I lived there all the time. In the countryside, you miss out on so much.

If you can become part of the community in a positive way, that is great. I remember when we were as kids and it is a great feeling, feeling welcome and at home. When that all stopped, I never felt more outcasted and unwelcome sometimes.

Noted re preparing the kids for life and as regards being cut off, I don't think they will be as I'll be bringing them into the large town for activities and they would be going to secondary school there, so should be somewhat street wise.

Can I ask why the community involvement ended? Is it more of a kids thing to do as opposed to teenage??

LegacyUser

sillysu wrote: »

Noted re preparing the kids for life and as regards being cut off, I don't think they will be as I'll be bringing them into the large town for activities and they would be going to secondary school there, so should be somewhat street wise.

Can I ask why the community involvement ended? Is it more of a kids thing to do as opposed to teenage??

Well that's good that you are willing to do that, because too many parents I find tend to not care about how the child social skills progress and grow, thinking any problems they have will sort themselves out, and then they panic when they realize their child at 18 has the social skills of a 5 year old. Not me, but others who are worse off than me.

I agree with what the other poster said, it could be more to do with how involved you are in making sure your child actually has a life growing up, rather than the location.

(Although there is no denying the fact that a town has so much benefits beyond belief, for someone like me you have no idea how great is to walk 2mins down to tesco for a shop, as opposed wait till the weekend when my mother has the time to drive me, and spending half the day getting ready, driving half hour to and back, as well as the good old moaning again )

With the community involvement it was just a lot easier when you were a kid, because there was more social activities aimed for kids, and that's was before you grow up and realize how nasty some rural people can be. Also there wasn't enough to do for teenage or young adults unless it was GAA, it is only now they are beginning to hold dance and gym classes, but I am away a lot of college, so be hard to know if I will come back once college is finished.