Guardians rights?

tetsyb

Hi all

Newbie poster so bare with me please.

Ok so broke up with my ex 3 years ago have a 8 year old daughter that has had her life turned upside down since then (dad not around as much,moving house,new man in her life,new name) but we since went to mediation and sorted a mediation agreement and sorted guardianship for me.

Now my ex has decided to move my daughter out of her school of 4 years to a new one to suit her,which messes my access up and all of this without my knowledge or consent.

My question is can she do this?? can i do anything because i feel like im not regarded as a parent by her anymore and she does what she likes when she likes and if i question it im told "well bring me to court"....please im desperate for advice

pwurple

Poor child.

I'm afraid even with rights, if someone is outright disregarding them like that, all you can do is bring them to court.

Talk to your solicitor.

cbyrd

She can move the child out of school as all you have is an access agreement. Even going to court won't make any difference to what school she goes to.

What is the reason that she has moved her? That would have to be the first question asked, as if it was say a bullying issue or better school surely that would be in the childs interest and you could return to mediation to come up with a new schedule.

Court is not always the solution as more than likely they will refer you back to mediation anyway and you'll end up with a hefty solicitors bill.

tetsyb

She's moving the child to a closer school to her but directly effects my access which we got stamped by court after mediation but what my issue is that it's all done behind my back with my knowledge or input at a detrimental time for the child...no thought being made to her mental welfare at all and without my consent...and both schools I liaised with the principal and both advised against it...like am I wrong in being concerned at all??

cbyrd

Were you ever married?

tetsyb

No we were not married (I don't feel cuz I never made the mistake of marrying someone I wasn't right with I should be deprived of parental rights) but I am on the birth certificate and am a guardian and am highly involved in my daughters life..pay my way,active in her school going,active in her social up bringing...all matters of her life...and now just to be pushed aside without a thought is very hard to take

zeffabelli

I know no one ever does this but I would take the school to task.

It's weird that the passport office will require both parents signatures but s school won't.

Surely the institution (religiou/medical/education) has to him or the law also?

That is the jugular I'd go for.

tetsyb

zeffabelli wrote: »

Surely the institution (religiou/medical/education) has to him or the law also?

That is the jugular I'd go for.

Iv already confronted the school and said I shall be talking to my solicitor as they had been warned I wasn't consenting and am still not

It's a dire situation to which I seem to be pushed aside on even tho by law Iv done everything Iv been asked of financially,socially and parentally

Surely the law should see that,surely Iv got at least a leg to stand on?

zeffabelli

tetsyb wrote: »

Iv already confronted the school and said I shall be talking to my solicitor as they had been warned I wasn't consenting and am still not

It's a dire situation to which I seem to be pushed aside on even tho by law Iv done everything Iv been asked of financially,socially and parentally

Surely the law should see that,surely Iv got at least a leg to stand on?

I have no idea what Irish law requires from its educational institutions. I do know I have never been asked for a second signature on anything having to do with any school in this country.

So I don't know what is required of them....and are they breaking the law by not demanding it...

At a judicial level..is she breaking the law I genuinely have no idea. It will weigh with the custodian because the custodian has the day to day care and will also have to deal with the school and its community so it will lean towards what suits the custodial parent.

If you have health, safety, hazard arguments then you would have a good argument challenging it. You could argue its compromising your access schedule....but then they might just adjust the access schedule.

I genuinely do not know what the legislation is on this but I do know a school has not once ever asked me for a second signature.

tetsyb

All I can make of this is Iv gone through the the trouble of getting a access,maintenance and guardianship court documents and a mediation agreement signed by the parents and judge only to have the parts that are relevant to me ignored but if I stop maintenance...I'm liable for fine and/or prison...hardly seems like it's unprejudiced

I'm willing to fight but not if it means at the end of all this that it is all for nought...is joint custody a viable option?? Would it give me more footing as a dad??

zeffabelli

tetsyb wrote: »

All I can make of this is Iv gone through the the trouble of getting a access,maintenance and guardianship court documents and a mediation agreement signed by the parents and judge only to have the parts that are relevant to me ignored but if I stop maintenance...I'm liable for fine and/or prison...hardly seems like it's unprejudiced

I'm willing to fight but not if it means at the end of all this that it is all for nought...is joint custody a viable option?? Would it give me more footing as a dad??

I anticipate that if the mediation agreement is backed by the court it's up to her to ammend it, otherwise she would be breaking a court order.

And then yes you can take her to court for breaking the order. Not sure why change of schools is causing such hassle, is it geography?

If so far the response has been "take me to court," then take her to court....

tetsyb

She is expanding her family so the move is to make it easier for her...which is fair enough like...but without any negotiations and forward thought to the effect it has on my access and how it will effect my daughter and just digging her heels in...not exactly mature

zeffabelli

tetsyb wrote: »

She is expanding her family so the move is to make it easier for her...which is fair enough like...but without any negotiations and forward thought to the effect it has on my access and how it will effect my daughter and just digging her heels in...not exactly mature

You do have a leg to stand on in a court because she is breaking the agreement. Not sure what the details here are or how geography will change it... do you have longer to travel.... more expense?

What you can do is given the changes, put together your own schedule and maintance adjusments in lieu of the change and bring it to a court for endorsement.

?? Just a suggestion.

Moving is really stressful maybe she can't deal right now....hard to know the mindset..

fima

If both the schools principals advise against the move then the judge would take that into account if it came to court. My boyfriend was in a similar situation to yours. As a guardian of the children he was able to contact the school and say that he did not give consent for them to be moved so they could not be enrolled.

iguana

To play devil's advocate. If your ex is moving house due to having a new husband and expecting a new baby (which is what I assume having a "new name" and "expanding her family" means). And this house move is to another town/village/suburb, will remaining in her current school mean your daughter ends up with a longer commute most of the week? Will it mean living in an area with her mother where all the other children attend a different school? Will it mean the neighbourhood children will all be finished their homework and out playing as she finally gets in the door, limiting her opportunities for free play and to form friendships in her locality? Will the primary she is in be a feeder to the secondary school? She'll have 10 more years in school most likely, in a lot of ways those next 10 years matter more than the last 4 and most school principles aren't going to have any real objections to an 8 year old moving to the school nearer their new house. It's less than ideal if she is happily settled where she is but it's not usually bad in the long run, and probably better than being an outsider where she lives.

If her moving schools makes your access more difficult, I assume you sometimes collect your daughter from school or take her there in the mornings. But if this journey is so difficult for you that it totally messes up your access, is it right for you to expect your daughter to make this journey twice a day on all the days that she is with her mother?

You have my sympathy because it can't be easy having your limited access to your daughter being further limited. That's awful for you and very unfortunate for your daughter if you can't work around it. But is staying in her current school really and truly the best thing for her long term, day to day contentment in the future? I'm not saying that it isn't (as it happens I will not be sending my son to any of our local schools so I certainly don't think local schooling is the be all and end all of childhood happiness) and maybe your access agreement is such that you have her half the school days, making her commute the same regardless. But I think you may need to step back and really look at it from every angle because the difficulty this poses to you wouldn't be the only consideration for a judge and I don't believe that a judge will worry too much about the educational upheaval faced by an 8 year old, especially when compared with a house move made to accommodate a new baby, if that is what is happening.

tetsyb

The mother is not moving house...she is living in her residence the last 3 years and my daughter has been going to the same school for four years...she's is being moved because her mum can make the trip with two new babies in the mornings (tho she will still need to do that anyway no matter where the school is,so this makes no sense to me) but this is he option to make it easier...that's fine...but I have options too but mine are brushed aside and I'm left standing with not seeing my daughter as much...for example...I collect my daughter at 2.30 on my days from school,home,homework,food,playtime,bed...repeat for the rest of the school days...new aces...daughter is dropped to me (I can only imagine at 4) then Iv to drop her home by 7.30 repeat the rest of my school days...it might seem silly but a large chunk of time with her is now gone...I won't have time with her to do our routine as the vast majority will be taken up by travelling to bring her home....it's such a huge upheaval and it was the most stable thing in her life and I believe and both principals do too that it's not exactly ideal for the child...

zeffabelli

tetsyb wrote: »

The mother is not moving house...she is living in her residence the last 3 years and my daughter has been going to the same school for four years...she's is being moved because her mum can make the trip with two new babies in the mornings (tho she will still need to do that anyway no matter where the school is,so this makes no sense to me) but this is he option to make it easier...that's fine...but I have options too but mine are brushed aside and I'm left standing with not seeing my daughter as much...for example...I collect my daughter at 2.30 on my days from school,home,homework,food,playtime,bed...repeat for the rest of the school days...new aces...daughter is dropped to me (I can only imagine at 4) then Iv to drop her home by 7.30 repeat the rest of my school days...it might seem silly but a large chunk of time with her is now gone...I won't have time with her to do our routine as the vast majority will be taken up by travelling to bring her home....it's such a huge upheaval and it was the most stable thing in her life and I believe and both principals do too that it's not exactly ideal for the child...

It's unfortunate but this is the deal with split homes and that is it is a constant state of adaptation and why they are inherintly unstable for children. But I think we just have to accept this as part of the package of choosing separate lives.....

If one parent moves then it affects the entire system and the entire system has to adapt.

You could suggest an extra hour to accommodate for new travelling times?

You could suggest extended access on school holidays/summer vacations to make up for the missing time....

You could suggest doing pick up yourself from the school?

You're probably feeling resentful more about how they don't count you as an important variable in their decisions... on the periphery....

iguana

tetsyb wrote: »

The mother is not moving house...she is living in her residence the last 3 years and my daughter has been going to the same school for four years...she's is being moved because her mum can make the trip with two new babies in the mornings (tho she will still need to do that anyway no matter where the school is,so this makes no sense to me) but this is he option to make it easier...that's fine...but I have options too but mine are brushed aside and I'm left standing with not seeing my daughter as much...for example...I collect my daughter at 2.30 on my days from school,home,homework,food,playtime,bed...repeat for the rest of the school days...new aces...daughter is dropped to me (I can only imagine at 4) then Iv to drop her home by 7.30 repeat the rest of my school days...it might seem silly but a large chunk of time with her is now gone...I won't have time with her to do our routine as the vast majority will be taken up by travelling to bring her home....it's such a huge upheaval and it was the most stable thing in her life and I believe and both principals do too that it's not exactly ideal for the child...

If you ex is expecting twins then she must be full of trepidation at the demands of looking after two new babies while also making sure that your daughter still feels important and loved by her. Perhaps since her move she left your daughter in her school in part to accommodate your access even though it was more difficult for her. But now with two babies to look after she has to streamline everything or something big is going to give. Tbh, I don't think any court would order a mother of two new babies to keep her older child in the further away school, so I'm not sure it would be worth pursuing.

I think the best avenue for you to look at is, as Zefabelli suggested, getting more time at other days. Can you apply for extra weekend time? Extra time at holidays? Try put it to your ex that you will agree to your daughter changing schools but it will drastically lower your access hours, so you want to renegotiate the way your access is arranged to make up for that.

cbyrd

tetsyb wrote:

No we were not married (I don't feel cuz I never made the mistake of marrying someone I wasn't right with I should be deprived of parental rights) but I am on the birth certificate and am a guardian and am highly involved in my daughters life..pay my way,active in her school going,active in her social up bringing...all matters of her life...and now just to be pushed aside without a thought is very hard to take

Unfortunately under Irish law ( stupidly so) you don't have joint custody therefore, going back to court is your only option. She also doesn't need your consent to change school, even if you did have joint custody. It would only have been an access/maintenance agreement that you made and any change to this without your consent would be a breach of this agreement and you have every right to go back to court, but, you will more than likely be directed back to mediation again.
Good luck

tetsyb

Thank you all for the advice and comments...seems mediation is the way forward for me here so fingers crossed it can be sorted amicably

Muchõs appriciadad