Not Sure if I am gay or bi

LegacyUser

Hi

So I have recently decided that I have feelings towards men but I amn't sure what to class my self as. You see there is only really 1 guy I have feelings for but I wouldn't consider marrying a guy(I'm a guy) only really a girl but the thought of a cock makes me very aroused. I haven't tried anything yet and wondering what would I be classed as.

Annasopra

Does it really matter?

qweerty

I'm pretty much gay. Up until I first kissed a guy, the idea of dating one (let alone marrying one!) was entirely unappealing. In hindsight, I should have just accepted I had feelings for guys and not bothered with whether I was bi or gay.

Joeytheparrot

Joeytheparrot wrote: »

Does it really matter?

Indeed. does it? Just follow your life path OP and when you meet someone you want to share that path with - go with it. Which is more important? Knowing what to label your general sexuality? Or recognising the right person for you when you meet them?

I recommend the latter. I am the M in an MFF relationship and we are very very happy. And neither of the girls identify as "bi" at all. Not even a little bit. But they found each other and they went from there. And despite our relationship they STILL do not identify as "bi".

What I have learned is that all these little boxes we want to put ourselves in. "White" "Black" "Straight" "gay" "Bi" "male" "female" or whatever - sometimes they hold us back more than they should - when we should simply be looking at life with two very simply boxes. "Yes" and "No".

And whether you think you are gay - bi - straight - or whatever - when you lose the labels and just seek your own path - you will find it generally comes down to "yes" and "no" in terms of what the right thing for you is at any moment.

Do not let worrying about defining what sexuality you are - keep you from making the right choice about who you want to spend your life with. Take people as they come for who they are - and who you are - not what they have in their under wear

jobbridge4life

Deleted User wrote: »

Indeed. does it? Just follow your life path OP and when you meet someone you want to share that path with - go with it. Which is more important? Knowing what to label your general sexuality? Or recognising the right person for you when you meet them?

I recommend the latter. I am the M in an MFF relationship and we are very very happy. And neither of the girls identify as "bi" at all. Not even a little bit. But they found each other and they went from there. And despite our relationship they STILL do not identify as "bi".

What I have learned is that all these little boxes we want to put ourselves in. "White" "Black" "Straight" "gay" "Bi" "male" "female" or whatever - sometimes they hold us back more than they should - when we should simply be looking at life with two very simply boxes. "Yes" and "No".

And whether you think you are gay - bi - straight - or whatever - when you lose the labels and just seek your own path - you will find it generally comes down to "yes" and "no" in terms of what the right thing for you is at any moment.

Do not let worrying about defining what sexuality you are - keep you from making the right choice about who you want to spend your life with. Take people as they come for who they are - and who you are - not what they have in their under wear

To begin with I really admire your post and the sentiment. I respect your perspective but its not one I can fully agree with.

Labels matter. They matter primarily for external reasons and there are plenty of things about them that are negative for that reason but they also exist for us.

When I was realising who I was I didn't know what it was to be gay, the word didn't have a meaning to me personally. Then as I grew I realised this word gay that people used all the time as an insult meant people like me. I heard it used as an insult, to belittle people multiple times a day. When I discovered that there was this whole 'gay' world of people who felt the same way as I did sexually, who had fought for years and years to build up our freedoms and who lived their lives proudly and without the stain of enforced shame the word, the label was entirely transformed for me. It helped me work out who I was and where I fitted into this world (even if that fit would always be a little awkward).

We take labels too seriously IMHO, both those who use them to discriminate against and stigmatise others and those who reject them entirely. They are part of our human condition and can be a boon.

To the OP. If had to classify you I'd say you were bi-curious. So for what is worth welcome to this little LGBT+ club of the bigger family of the human race. At the same time be open, as should be clear from the above I am a proud gay man but if I was to meet a lady I thought was hot, apart from the initial shock I would be okay with it. Define yourself as you choose, if that means choosing to identify proudly as an LGBT+ individual good for you, if it means something else good for you! Just don't feel you have to hide who you are or indeed that you must be something in particular.

Have fun, be safe.