Would you sacrifice dreams or career for family or vice versa?

steddyeddy

I met a guy a few years ago at a conference. He was a brilliant scientist, loaded and quite famous in his own right. The only thing is he gave up a chance to have kids in order to further his career. In my career I have to switch labs every few years in order to remain employable and up to date on key skills. The downside in this industry is that if you meet someone you like you might have to move in a few years and the chances of you getting a job in the same place is slim. Saying that I'm happy to pursue my career. If I get married I get married but regardless I want to do what makes me happy.

Another thing I love is traveling. I have spent years abroad in several remote places that really had a big effect on me. Plenty of my friends who go married early and had kids never had that chance and might not for years. Saying that they're doing what makes them happy. Have you sacrificed family or friends for career or vice versa?

Did you regret your choice?

Sunnyisland

yes I did, with me my career work and business always came first, ahead of my wife Children and family, looking back in hindsight it wasent the best decision I ever made.

NachoBusiness

'Man turns his back on his family, well he just ain't no good..'

corner of hells

steddyeddy wrote: »

I met a guy a few years ago at a conference. He was a brilliant scientist, loaded and quite famous in his own right. The only thing is he gave up a chance to have kids in order to further his career. In my career I have to switch labs every few years in order to remain employable and up to date on key skills. The downside in this industry is that if you meet someone you like you might have to move in a few years and the chances of you getting a job in the same place is slim. Saying that I'm happy to pursue my career. If I get married I get married but regardless I want to do what makes me happy.

Another thing I love is traveling. I have spent years abroad in several remote places that really had a big effect on me. Plenty of my friends who go married early and had kids never had that chance and might not for years. Saying that they're doing what makes them happy. Have you sacrificed family or friends
for career or vice versa?

Was the scientists name Anthony ? If it was , he's a mate of mine.

libelula

No chance.
On my deathbed I'll never say "I wish I prioritised my career more".
It's just not for me

My job is based in one place, but with some periods abroad. I love working in unusual places and all the challenges. I can't imagine staying in one place and never moving, even growing up my parents jobs took us all different places, separately as well as together. It can make you a bit rootless, but it was never boring.

If I get married he'll have to accept travel and separations, but if he's worth marrying, he'll understand why. I won't marry someone who doesn't share my love of adventure. Every day is an adventure.

steddyeddy

corner of hells wrote: »

Was the scientists name Anthony ? If it was , he's a mate of mine.

No but I've met several scientists and academics like this.

Datallus

"Friends, Family, Religion; these are the three demons you must slay if you are to succeed in business."

NachoBusiness

Whenever I hear the following lines of the song N17, I think how awful it must be for some people to have lived, or be living, the reality of it..

Well the ould fella left me to Shannon was the last time I travelled that road
And as I turned left at Claregalway I could feel a lump in my throat

As I pictured the thousands of times that I travelled that well worn track
And I know that things would be different if I ever decide to go back....

Now as I tumble down highways or filthy overcrowded trains
There's no one to talk to in transit so I sit there and daydream in vain.

The Randy Riverbeast

Everything else before career. Working is just a means of funding my life outside of work.

Classic Rock Man

steddyeddy wrote: »

Would you sacrifice dreams or career for family or vice versa?

I dont have either.

Mr. Incognito

I have a great job that I work hard at, would drop it in a heartbeat for my family.

Witchie

I did. I gave up the chance of being pretty much anything I wanted so I could be a mammy and it was the best thing ever. I am 42 now with a 21 year old and an 18 year old and starting to focus on the things I put on hold again.

So yes I sacrificed some dreams but I got much more than I could ever have hoped or dreamed for in my sons. They are the best decision I ever made and genuinely fill me with joy every time I think of them, see them or talk to them.

That said, I am looking forward to the new chapter of my life where I get to follow my other dreams knowing that my dream of raising a lovely pair of young men has been accomplished.

Datallus

They do say to have your babies when you're young!

Witchie

Datallus wrote: »

They do say to have your babies when you're young!

I'm glad I did. It worked for me. I got to grow up with them and have adventures. We are a tight knit wee family. They are the sweetest boys. My birthday gone by they got me 2 pandora glass bead charms for my bracelet - one blue and one green - to represent their eye colours.

I missed out on the whole travelling to Oz with friends and bumming about in Asia as a young person because of my choices but next year when my baby goes to College I will be heading off on those types of adventures knowing I have 2 lovely men waiting for me to come home.

OneOfThem

NachoBusiness wrote: »

'Man turns his back on his family, well he just ain't no good..'

"Family, religion, friendship... These are the three demons you must slay if you are to success in business."

What else you got?

The Corinthian

Just a quick bucket of cold water on the notion of 'dreams' having to be sacrificed when you have children...

Many who give up their 'dreams' to have children will inevitably transfer them to their children and so effectively continue to pursue them by proxy.

Often you don't have to give up your 'dreams' but you do have to modify them to deal with the new reality. Many of those don't bother and blame having kids for not having done so.

Some were not going to realize their dreams with or without kids. Reality is not everyone grows up to be an astronaut and so having kids becomes a justification for why they didn't. Truth is, they were never going to be.

eviltwin

Family always comes first. I used to work in a great job, long hours but great rewards, missed out on a lot but thought it was for the greater good. It wasn't. Once the recession hit no one cared that I had gone above and beyond, I was out the door with every one else. I will never do that again. I'm working part time now, never going to make a fortune, never going to be a CEO but I have time with my kids, time for myself and that's priceless

I guess I could be said to be sacrificing my career for my life and family. I am a front line Software Developer - earning the higher end of the pay scale for that role - but the pay scale for that role is not high in general. I could become a solution architect - project manager - or consultant quite easily - tomorrow even - and nearly double my income. And that is just inside this company - I could do better again if I change company - and even better again if I changed country to being an economic migrant.

But it would mean a complete life style change in terms of pressure - stress - time commitments and more.

And I like my life right now - my relationship - my time with the kids - my pets - my hobbies - my DIY and so forth. I do not want to change that. So I am happy to leave my career where it is right now and not "upgrade" it - at the cost of those things I do hold dear. And if that means driving an older car rather than a new one - or flying second class instead of first - or using my phone to tell time rather than a high end rolex - then I am cool with that

The Corinthian

Deleted User wrote: »

I guess I could be said to be sacrificing my career for my life and family. I am a front line Software Developer - earning the higher end of the pay scale for that role - but the pay scale for that role is not high in general. I could become a solution architect - project manager - or consultant quite easily - tomorrow even - and nearly double my income. And that is just inside this company - I could do better again if I change company - and even better again if I changed country to being an economic migrant.

But is that sacrificing your dreams or sacrificing higher earnings? Doesn't sound like a dream...

zl1whqvjs75cdy

undecided

The Corinthian

The Corinthian wrote: »

But is that sacrificing your dreams or sacrificing higher earnings? Doesn't sound like a dream...

I did not mention dreams. I said career. The OPs question was "Would you sacrifice dreams or career". I was pointing out that I am indeed sacrificing any progress in my career - financial and in terms of promotion - in favour of the other things in my life. I did not bring "dreams" into it at all.

imitation

Depends on the career too, I could understand a doctor or a scientist who just works like crazy because there job makes them feel they make a difference. I have seen dudes work all hours in the sprocket factory in the hopes of more money, a promotion or worst of all just for a misguided notion of loyalty.

Shenshen

It's a bit of an odd question for me. I had never wanted to have a family - I moved countries to have some distance between me and the family I got born into.

I've got a husband now, and a career. Would I give up my hubby to further my career? Not a hope.
Would I give up my career for my husband? Again, rather unlikely.
I guess I'll just do the sensible thing and have a career that doesn't take over my private life, like most other normal people.

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1

I turned down many career opportunities over the years in favour of my family. I missed promotion, relocation, changes or advancement in career. But, you know, things worked out very well. The progression came anyway in the long run and I wouldn't have my current family home in a location I love or have my kids and grandkids close by had I taken some of the career moves when they were offered. I find things work out as they are meant to.

Datallus

How sad it is that one can relish the thought of having filthy lucre instead of heartwarming family and friendship!

When one bends the knee in idolising Mammon at the cost of his own soul? For shame!

steddyeddy

steddyeddy wrote: »

In my career I have to switch labs every few years in order to remain employable and up to date on key skills. The downside in this industry is that if you meet someone you like you might have to move in a few years and the chances of you getting a job in the same place is slim. Saying that I'm happy to pursue my career. If I get married I get married but regardless I want to do what makes me happy.

Another thing I love is traveling. I have spent years abroad in several remote places that really had a big effect on me. Plenty of my friends who go married early and had kids never had that chance and might not for years. Saying that they're doing what makes them happy. Have you sacrificed family or friends for career or vice versa?

Did you regret your choice?

I'm also a scientist and realistically the lab I work in is the only place in Ireland to work directly in my field and if I were to move somewhere else I would need to move abroad.

I've no interested whatsoever in moving abroad though, in fact I want to move back to my home area specifically so rather than move to stay working in my area I will tailor the area I work in in order to get a job where I want it. To be honest I'm happy enough to do this, I should still be able to get get good jobs once the initial hurdle of not having direct experience is overcome and I would plan to progress my career then in an area that gives me work where I want to be.

I love living in Ireland, love the way of life here, like being close to friends and family etc and would really hate to have to leave it all behind so the answer is yes to a certain degree I am willing to sacrifice career progression but at the same time I'm confident I will still do well and I'm perfectly happy with doing ok to well and be where I want that doing extremely well somewhere else.

Travelling is never something that really interested me, I have to be pestered to go away somewhere for a week (and even then I often try to get out of it) never mind longer trips.