Guys - texting

LegacyUser

I went on a date with a guy. Lasted quite a few hours. We talked and at the end of it kissed. It was easy going and we laughed a lot.
He text when I got home and text for a week after. (I always let him text me first). He was asking to meet up and when we agreed a day, it turned out he was busy. (He had told me about the event but I took it he wasn't bothered meeting me).
I didn't reply to his last text. Then, stupidly a few nights later, I sent a drunk text to say I thought he was nice and enjoyed our date and wished him luck in the future.
A few nights ago he text - basically he was meeting someone else clearly for a date - but sent it to my number.
Guys, why would ye do this? Do ye not delete a girls number when ye don't speak? Is it a genuine case that he text me by mistake? Was he trying to tell me he has no interest - even though I wished him luck with his future, don't think I came across as wanting to meet again. I thought it was a bit childish of him.
I didn't reply and deleted the text, and his number.

Merkin

Am I missing something here? The guy couldn't make a date on the day you wanted (because he had prearranged to go to event) so you sever correspondence, ignore his text and then text him with a PFO while wishing him luck in his future? Surely it's incidental if his recent text was accidental or not as you can't possibly be interested given the way you've acted towards him? Am I genuinely missing something? Were you interested but perceived his inability to make the initial date as disinterest on his part?

wirelessdude01

So you ignored him, them sent him a drunk text and now wondering why he is ignoring you? People ehh

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy

Could be genuine, could have been a little bit of a petty dig. Doesn't really matter.

Your behaviour wasn't great tbh. Always letting him text first and ignoring him because he couldn't suit your schedule, then sending him an unsolicited "good luck with the future" text. I'd find that really condescending if I were him.

If he texts again just block his number, that's the handiest way of resolving things.

dissed doc

If you are not interested in spending another date with him, then why waste timewondering. Your number is probably stored under "Random Woman #5"

If you are interested then why ignore him trying to reschedule and drunkenly text him to PFO as said.

And, you probably deleted his contact to stop yourself from drunkenly texting him again. Maybe he keeps all the numbers of every date to protect from stalkers, who knows.

LegacyUser

Op here, you have me wrong. It 100% genuinely was not meant as a pfo text, I did like him but he was texting that we meet up and when he suggested the day and then couldn't, he didn't mention any other day so I took it he just wasn't interested. (I'm 30, it's been years since I was in the dating game). I thought I came across as interested but didn't want to be too interested as guys hate that - right?!
I sent him the good luck text and meant it as after no contact for a few days, I presumed that was it. I know it was stupid but a few cocktails later, it seemed like a good thing to do.
I had deleted his number as if someone doesn't want to be with me then why keep it? I presumed he did the same. I recognised his as I remember when I gave him my number we laughed how they were much the same numbers and I had not been out with anybody else in the past month.
I honestly thought he had no interest.

Merkin

I think it's ok not to appear too keen. But there's a fine line between that and being passive and appearing totally disinterested. When he couldn't do that day you could easily have suggested another day, it shouldn't have been all on him. Everyone needs a bit of encouragement and reciprocation! Sounds to me like he took it that you couldn't be arsed and your follow up text to him merely confirmed his suspicions.

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy

0 wrote: »

Op here, you have me wrong. It 100% genuinely was not meant as a pfo text, I did like him but he was texting that we meet up and when he suggested the day and then couldn't, he didn't mention any other day

You could have taken the initiative.

(I'm 30, it's been years since I was in the dating game). I thought I came across as interested but didn't want to be too interested as guys hate that - right?!

You've read too many Hello magazines when you were younger. Seriously though, if anything you came across too dis-interested. It's obviously better to start slowly, let things develop at their own pace but it's also nice to let the other person know that you are interested. In the very early stages of dating both people are trying to pick up hints, gauge reactions and second guess each other.

The whole "I won't text first unless he does" is just childish, it's far easier if everyone knows where they stand, and can make their own decisions.

You played that one too cool, maybe a little bit more warmth for the next fella

ford2600

Not much help to youOP , but I don't think I ever deleted a number! ☺

dissed doc

0 wrote: »

Op here, you have me wrong. It 100% genuinely was not meant as a pfo text, I did like him but he was texting that we meet up and when he suggested the day and then couldn't, he didn't mention any other day so I took it he just wasn't interested. (I'm 30, it's been years since I was in the dating game). I thought I came across as interested but didn't want to be too interested as guys hate that - right?!

The key *IMO* is just come across as yourself. It is pointless to try and anticipate the maybes in a sense of paranoia, if I say x, he will think y. That is pop psychology. If he was doing all the initiating as you said, and then when his suggestion couldn't work, he gets no response.

What is it that you were expecting? You initiate no text, no suggestion as to an alternative and then tell him to "have a nice life" so to speak. And if he was a decent guy, a nice guy, you just showed him the door for absolutely no reason at all.

There are two people involved here. If you initiate no contact and dont even suggest another date to meet, it is clear that you are not interested. You definitely achieved the goal of "not appearing interested", if that was what you wanted.

I honestly thought he had no interest.

He wanted to meet up, the day or time for some reason wasn't working, he initiated all the contact, and you ignore his text and then tell him have a nice life by "wishing him luck in the future", which is what exactly, a rejection comment after a job interview failure.

You decided basically that it was going to go no further, for what reason, who knows. As a man, if made a few texts or attempts to contact, and got no response, and told good luck in the future, that is a clear "**** off" by the woman. Fair enough that is life, but you could have told him at the end of 30 minutes on the first date that you are not interested, and not wasted his time or effort with flaky behaviour.

Be as interested as you personally feel comfortable with, and at this point, you being interested might be enough to make you uncomfortable. That is worth having a think about....

LegacyUser

I give up!!! I had been on dates with two other guys who I had no interest in and they kept texting me asking me to meet up. The guy I did like, I thought had no interest in me and when he stopped contacting me, I felt it confirmed I was right.
Men, I just don't understand ye!!
I think I might give the dating thing a miss for the moment! Thanks for the replies

Diamond Doll

0 wrote: »

I give up!!! I had been on dates with two other guys who I had no interest in and they kept texting me asking me to meet up. The guy I did like, I thought had no interest in me and when he stopped contacting me, I felt it confirmed I was right.
Men, I just don't understand ye!!
I think I might give the dating thing a miss for the moment! Thanks for the replies

You're making it a lot more complicated than it needs to be.

If guys who you're not interested in keep texting you, just tell them nicely that you're not interested in them, it's kinder to let them down gently than to wait for them to just get the message.

If you're interested in a guy, then text him first sometimes, and don't just stop replying mid-conversation.

If you're just honest and straight-forward, there's a lot less scope for confusion and miscommunications.

Penny Tration

You say you don't understand men, but how can they understand YOU either? Won't text unless they do, won't arrange a date, ignore them if they have to cancel, then send a passive aggressive text when drunk?

Sorry but this isn't the man's fault. You played games and this is the result.

Next time you like someone, be proactive. Ask them out, text first sometimes, suggest a date. Dont leave it all to them. The chase isn't half as enjoyable as a great relationship.

LegacyUser

The two who kept texting - I told them both I was just too busy and wasn't looking for anything. They still text to ask me out to different things and I said no thanks but gave no indication I would go out with them.
With the other guy, he text me, I always replied (just not to the last one) and was flirty/funny/honest. I always believed if a guy really wants to be with a girl he will keep trying - I never told him I didn't want to meet him. I think my gut was right that he wasn't interested. Just don't know why he continued to text if he wasn't interested.

bonyn

Not texting first, sending drunk texts, trying to keep him guessing.. turns out he's better at that game that you are.
We don't hear his side of the story so I'll direct my advice to you... you're 30... you're not a teenager. Put the phone down and stop texting silly boys.

LegacyUser

I think if he wanted to meet again he could have suggested it as he was the one asking and he knew I wanted to.
The thing that annoys me is how he text me a few nights ago (a text clearly for the person who he was meeting) when meeting someone else. I check who I'm texting and certainly don't text a guy I met when waiting for someone else. Perhaps it was a genuine mistake but if I havn't been texting someone for over a week, their number is too far down my list to text by mistake and if it someone I don't want to meet again, I delete their number. (I don't understand why some of ye don't do that!).

laserlad2010

I'd have to agree here.

OP why don't you put yourself in his shoes? You have a nice date, then can't make the next one but you had explained about the reason why - then he blanks you, and sends a rejection message a few days later.

In my fairly extensive dating experience I'd have run a mile from you after you blanked me - and luckily for this guy he did too. It would suggest to me that you're volatile and used to getting things your own way.

Men are actually quite easy to understand. We either like you, or we don't. Girls, on the other hand, overanalyze every syllable of every word, leading to situations like this.

Next time, be more understanding and engaging. Most guys want a women to meet them halfway - a chase is outdated and frustrating.

sozbox

why wouldn't you text first? It's not the 1950's. Huge sign of disinterest form your side with that carry on.

Penny Tration

0 wrote: »

The two who kept texting - I told them both I was just too busy and wasn't looking for anything. They still text to ask me out to different things and I said no thanks but gave no indication I would go out with them.
With the other guy, he text me, I always replied (just not to the last one) and was flirty/funny/honest. I always believed if a guy really wants to be with a girl he will keep trying - I never told him I didn't want to meet him. I think my gut was right that he wasn't interested. Just don't know why he continued to text if he wasn't interested.

And what about you? Should the woman make no effort just because she's a woman? Why should he keep trying when he's getting no effort in return?

We're not in the fifties. If you like someone, you make the effort, whatever your gender. You didn't do it and he moved on.

As for the text, there's every chance he doesn't text many people so your number wasn't far down the list. The new lady could have a similar name or similar number. Or he could be playing games too!

Either way I think you need to stop expecting the man to make all the effort just because he's a man. Relationships should be partnerships. How can it ever be a partnership if you expect the man to make all the effort before its even begun?

Diamond Doll

0 wrote: »

I think if he wanted to meet again he could have suggested it as he was the one asking and he knew I wanted to.
The thing that annoys me is how he text me a few nights ago (a text clearly for the person who he was meeting) when meeting someone else. I check who I'm texting and certainly don't text a guy I met when waiting for someone else. Perhaps it was a genuine mistake but if I havn't been texting someone for over a week, their number is too far down my list to text by mistake and if it someone I don't want to meet again, I delete their number. (I don't understand why some of ye don't do that!).

Well I'd never bother deleting someone's number in case they ended up texting me again - e.g. a drunk text, like in your case - and I'd want to know who it was.

Besides maybe he did delete your number, and that's what's caused the confusion, because having received your drunk text from an unknown number, he might have for some reason mixed you up with someone else he'd been messaging.

I think you're wasting far too much time and effort thinking about this! I don't think he was trying to make you jealous by accidentally-on-purpose sending you that message, sounds more like a genuine mistake. It sounds like you're not all that into him and he's not all that into you, so I'd say just leave it at that and move on.

mattP

0 wrote:

I went on a date with a guy. Lasted quite a few hours. We talked and at the end of it kissed. It was easy going and we laughed a lot. He text when I got home and text for a week after. (I always let him text me first). He was asking to meet up and when we agreed a day, it turned out he was busy. (He had told me about the event but I took it he wasn't bothered meeting me). I didn't reply to his last text. Then, stupidly a few nights later, I sent a drunk text to say I thought he was nice and enjoyed our date and wished him luck in the future. A few nights ago he text - basically he was meeting someone else clearly for a date - but sent it to my number. Guys, why would ye do this? Do ye not delete a girls number when ye don't speak? Is it a genuine case that he text me by mistake? Was he trying to tell me he has no interest - even though I wished him luck with his future, don't think I came across as wanting to meet again. I thought it was a bit childish of him. I didn't reply and deleted the text, and his number.

I think it might have been on purpose, you treated him badly, so why cant he do the same to you?
Move on.

bonyn

0 wrote: »

if I havn't been texting someone for over a week, their number is too far down my list to text by mistake and if it someone I don't want to meet again, I delete their number. (I don't understand why some of ye don't do that!).

Some people don't delete numbers because they want to know where the weird drunk texts at 3 in the morning come from.

LegacyUser

But that's the thing - I did like him. When HE suggested the next date and then HE had plans (which he knew about) and didn't suggest anything else - what else was I to think but he wasn't interested. If a guy is interested in a girl, he will be available. He wasn't interested.
It wasn't a 3am text, it was a 6pm text after a few glasses of wine text saying best wishes and I hope you meet the one you are looking for (as clearly it wasn't me!).
Anyway, I deleted his number after that text three nights ago and I won't ever be sending any more.

bonyn

0 wrote: »

It wasn't a 3am text, it was a 6pm text after a few glasses of wine text saying best wishes and I hope you meet the one you are looking for (as clearly it wasn't me!).

This really doesn't make it any better!

0 wrote: »

Anyway, I deleted his number after that text three nights ago and I won't ever be sending any more.

Great. So what have we learned?

ash23

Why didn't you suggest something when he said he couldn't make the second date? If he'd have turned down another couple of suggested dates then you'd know he definitely wasn't interested.

While I do agree it seems to work better when the woman doesn't come across as too keen, you've got to give something back so they know you're interested or they'll assume you aren't and not bother.

LegacyUser

I learned like in the past (before my last relationship of 5 years ended) that if guys are interested they will make it known so stick to what my gut instinct tells me - it has always been right!

I didn't suggest anything as he had been the one suggesting everything to that point and he knew I was happy to meet again but left it so I didn't push it. I saw it as he wasn't bothered.

Last night I was sitting in and thinking about it, today I am moving on!

sozbox

0 wrote: »

I learned like in the past (before my last relationship of 5 years ended) that if guys are interested they will make it known so stick to what my gut instinct tells me - it has always been right!

I didn't suggest anything as he had been the one suggesting everything to that point and he knew I was happy to meet again but left it so I didn't push it. I saw it as he wasn't bothered.

Last night I was sitting in and thinking about it, today I am moving on!

If I was always the one texting first I'd be half afraid to ask you out again for fear of rejection as I'd assume you weren't interested due to me always having to initiate the conversation.

bonyn

0 wrote: »

I learned like in the past (before my last relationship of 5 years ended) that if guys are interested they will make it known so stick to what my gut instinct tells me - it has always been right!

I didn't suggest anything as he had been the one suggesting everything to that point and he knew I was happy to meet again but left it so I didn't push it. I saw it as he wasn't bothered.

Last night I was sitting in and thinking about it, today I am moving on!

OK well no body is trying to change you or your personality. But do learn from your mistakes. Texting is a horrible form of communication. In fact, it downright destroys communication.
Try to wear your heart on your sleeve a bit more and don't play games or try to second-guess people's intentions.

Meauldsegosha

0 wrote: »

I learned like in the past (before my last relationship of 5 years ended) that if guys are interested they will make it known so stick to what my gut instinct tells me - it has always been right!

I didn't suggest anything as he had been the one suggesting everything to that point and he knew I was happy to meet again but left it so I didn't push it. I saw it as he wasn't bothered.

Last night I was sitting in and thinking about it, today I am moving on!

So what advice are you looking for? The consensus from posters is that he got fed up of you playing games but you don't want to hear that. So continue as you have been but don't complain when men stop contacting you because you make no effort. You have been out of the dating scene for a few years, things have changed.

LegacyUser

I was initially asking do guys delete girls numbers when they have no interest in the girl.
Clearly no. I regret the one drunken text I sent in about 12 years!
Ye say I was cold and uninterested, I think he had no real interest and was stringing me along until someone better came along - clearly she did a few days ago and he was able to meet her!
It's done now and in the past.
Thanks for the replies.

bee06

You seem to think men are completely different to women. We're all just people and no person wants to put themselves out there and get nothing back or get rejected and that applies to both men and women. No-one has said you have to text a guy every day or go over the top but don't leave him do all the work either.