Frustrating when things don't work out with a great person...

sebgritsby

I'm 33 and met a great woman (38) a couple weeks ago. We hit it off so well and everything was awesome for both of us. She really was a person that I could have seen a future with (though I acknowledge that's getting ahead of myself after only a couple weeks, but the compatibility was there without question).

The problem for me was revealed when I had mentioned wanting kids some day. Unfortunately due to some medical complications she had to have a hysterectomy, so there's no chance that we could have children together.

She's already got two young girls and it would have been so nice to join the family she already has, I'm just not willing to give up on the possibility of having my own kid some day, and I wasn't prepared to stick it out with her and see if things changed with me. It just puts both of us in a position where someone likely gets hurt, and I have no desire to be another guy that gets in her children's lives and then leaves. They don't deserve that.

We decided to go our separate ways.

Relationships ending always suck, but this one really stings because everything was great, it just wasn't meant to be.

pookie82

Two weeks? You've had absolutely no opportunity to get to know her, see her at her worst, see her at her best, have a fight, fall out, make up, deal with hard times, etc.

You don't know how compatible you would have been long term even with the kids issue aside so I wouldn't over think this as the one that got away or anything. It's good that this "dealbreaker" arose early so that you know it's not a runner.

LegacyUser

OP: Best thing is that you found this fact out as early as you did, but it is so heartbreaking to be that woman, the woman, who, is great except for not being able to further procreate. In reality, you had a crush on her.... You didnt know her long enough to even know whether you would have been good together in the long term. In my experience, many couples cant have their own children, and adopt etc....but these people actually love each other.
Perhaps you would be better suited to a younger lady with whom your chances of having children of your own , biologically, is increased.

sebgritsby

pookie82 wrote: »

Two weeks? You've had absolutely no opportunity to get to know her, see her at her worst, see her at her best, have a fight, fall out, make up, deal with hard times, etc.

You don't know how compatible you would have been long term even with the kids issue aside so I wouldn't over think this as the one that got away or anything. It's good that this "dealbreaker" arose early so that you know it's not a runner.

There was a connection and ease that I haven't felt in a long time so I was pretty excited to see where things might have gone. I'm definitely not thinking about this in terms of "the one that got away" though.

This is more like that moment of frustration where I'm tired of things not working out. I'm so ready to settle down and have a family, but I'm in med school for another two years, and then at least another couple for residency. I don't have time for typical relationships, and by the time I could even start to have a normal relationship with someone, I'm realizing that it might simply be too late.

I just don't like the idea that it's getting to the point where I need to realize having my own family just might not be in the cards. It's depressing.

my friend

sebgritsby wrote: »

There was a connection and ease that I haven't felt in a long time so I was pretty excited to see where things might have gone. I'm definitely not thinking about this in terms of "the one that got away" though.

This is more like that moment of frustration where I'm tired of things not working out. I'm so ready to settle down and have a family, but I'm in med school for another two years, and then at least another couple for residency. I don't have time for typical relationships, and by the time I could even start to have a normal relationship with someone, I'm realizing that it might simply be too late.

I just don't like the idea that it's getting to the point where I need to realize having my own family just might not be in the cards. It's depressing.

Relax, you're 33, time is still your friend.

beks101

It's not like you liked different types of music. This was about wanting/not wanting kids, which is a pretty big area of incompatibility. What happens after say a year when you've become completely ingrained in her family's life and yet that pining for your own brood is still there?

I think it's for the best that it ended. You'll see that when the dust is settled. It's obviously just your dating experience in general that is colouring this with a tinge of sadness for you.

Given your circumstances, how can you mix things up in your dating life? Online dating? Look to your hobbies to meet someone?

Ursus Horribilis

I also read this and think "whoa, where's the fire?" You barely knew her and already you were thinking of blended families! You sound a bit desperate and that's when bad choices can be made. Even if she hadn't had the medical issues there's no guarantee this would've worked our. She's 38 so by the time she had a child (assuming she could get pregnant) she would've been pushing 40 at the earliest. You're a medical student. You know all about the greater risks involved with older mothers. You also can't know how things would've worked out with her kids. Life's not like the Brady Bunch. She might not want to stick with someone who works the hours you did either. You'll never know this because this ended so soon.

You're still young enough to meet someone and have a family. You're a bloke so you're not under the same pressure as a woman of your age. Slow down and try not to idealise this woman.

Chemical Byrne

From what I've read risk of problems starts increase when a guy is over 35 too, although not to the same extent as with a woman.

Anyhow, 40 year old should be well able to get pregnant if she is fit and healthy and hasn't abused herself with drink/smoking/junk food over the preceding 20 years. Same goes for fertility of a guy really.

LegacyUser

This is exactly what the early days of a relationship are for, finding out if you are good together or not. If you have a total deal breaker early on, then you're not good together. It's a blessing really, married couples who suddenly hit this wall turn up from time to time, that must be an awful position to arrive at and in comparison you're very lucky.

njs030

Chemical Byrne wrote: »

From what I've read risk of problems starts increase when a guy is over 35 too, although not to the same extent as with a woman.

Anyhow, 40 year old should be well able to get pregnant if she is fit and healthy and hasn't abused herself with drink/smoking/junk food over the preceding 20 years. Same goes for fertility of a guy really.

Do you bother to read the op at all? He clearly said she had a medical issue and couldn't have more children!! Are you using this thread to pontificate about things that have no bearing on the op?!

Op you're right to call it a day if you wanted your own children and it's good it came up early on, there's plenty of time and you will meet someone eventually. Just try and relax about it, see friends as often as possible and keep your hobbies up.
Even as a qualified doctor you will still have time off and can make a relationship work so don't worry.

Chemical Byrne

I know. I'm just saying is all.