Wedding ring

PaiseanFaisean

Hi guys my husband has gone on a work trip abroad this weekend, I was invited too but couldn't go. It's very much a party city!

Pictures of him have been tagged on Facebook, he's not wearing his wedding ring in the pictures of him and his mates.

Should I be offended or hurt or am I being my usual jealous paranoid self?

Any opinions welcome. Our marriage has been going well by the way

Explosive_Cornflake

PaiseanFaisean wrote: »

Hi guys my husband has gone on a work trip abroad this weekend, I was invited too but couldn't go. It's very much a party city!

Pictures of him have been tagged on Facebook, he's not wearing his wedding ring in the pictures of him and his mates.

Should I be offended or hurt or am I being my usual jealous paranoid self?

Any opinions welcome. Our marriage has been going well by the way

Could be reasons. Chat to him early tomorrow though.

njs030

Have you considered asking him?

eviltwin

Could be something, could be nothing...hard to know.

Its interesting you called yourself jealous and paranoid...that's going to make you see things that possibly aren't there but if there is a reason why you feel jealous and paranoid maybe you have a reason to be concerned.

ainy

Are you sure its not just the pictures? when taken with the self facing camera everything looks like a mirror image so on the opposite side, so his right hand would look like his left if you get me.

Detached Retina

Is it warm where he's gone? It could be just as simple as his finger swelling up in the heat and uncomfortable to wear. That happens to me, can't wear rings when I'm in the heat.
I doubt it's anything to be worried about.

PaiseanFaisean

He texted me saying he took it off for soccer practice during the week and forgot to put it back on.. Valid excuse??

CaraMay

Does he normally wear it? Does he normally take it off for soccer? Sounds a bit suss if it's the first time and just happens to be this weekend.

PaiseanFaisean

He may takes it off for soccer, he would usually put it back on. Claims he took off on Wednesday night but can't figure out how he would forget to put it on between then and Thursday. Said in his text message he made a mistake and I should give him a break. Apparently I'm being melodramatic!

Dee01

every relationship is different. My husband doesn't wear his ring due to work. He used to put it on in the evening, but stopped after about three months. If it's something unusual & you have a suspicion then you need to talk to him, but the soccer thing would sound genuine to me.

zeffabelli

Choices.

1. Believe him.

2. Don't believe him.

Think about the consequences for each. Decide. Commit to choice. Move on.

bp

The soccer thing is definitely believable (I know a guy who lost his ring finger playing football as the ring got caught in something).

I often take my rings off to shower or cook dinner and forget to put them back on for a day or two.

It's more do you believe his excuse and think it's real or not

PaiseanFaisean

He texted during the night to say that I should know he's not like that and everyone else knows he's not like that. Still can't shake the uneasy feeling though

Penny Tration

PaiseanFaisean wrote: »

He texted during the night to say that I should know he's not like that and everyone else knows he's not like that. Still can't shake the uneasy feeling though

His answer seems pretty reasonable to me because (though I'm not married), I take my rings off for sport and also in hot countries because my hands swell from the heat.

You say you're still uneasy though, and referred to yourself as paranoid in your first post. Has he ever given you a reason to feel paranoid or insecure? Has he broken your trust or betrayed you?

If he has, then there could be more to the story.

However, if you are paranoid and know logically that you have never had reason to be, then you should leave him be and try to work out why you're paranoid.

bee06

Has he ever given you a reason to not trust him. If he hasn't I don't understand why your first reaction is that he's up to no good?

Also, if you were invited to go on this work trip but couldn't go does that mean other wives did go? He'd be pretty stupid to do anything under those circumstances.

MrMojoRising

He's clearly cheating on you. Unfortunately looks like your marriage is over.

Best of luck moving on OP

Penny Tration

MrMojoRising wrote: »

He's clearly cheating on you. Unfortunately looks like your marriage is over.

Best of luck moving on OP

Wow, that's a massive leap.

What makes you say he's clearly cheating and that her marriage is over?

helimachoptor

PaiseanFaisean wrote: »

He texted me saying he took it off for soccer practice during the week and forgot to put it back on.. Valid excuse??

I take mine off every Tuesday for football, some weeks it could be Friday or Saturday before I put it back on

PaiseanFaisean

Should I just let it go

Typer Monkey

PaiseanFaisean wrote: »

Should I just let it go

OP nobody here knows you, your husband or your relationship. Has he ever given you reason to distrust him? Are you generally jealous? I know I trust my husband. He takes his ring off to weight train but usually puts it back on. If he forgot I wouldn't automatically jump to the conclusion that he was looking to cheat on me.

Only you know the in depth details and wether he is likely to be cheating or not

strandroad

PaiseanFaisean wrote: »

Should I just let it go

Is it the only reason for concern? Then you should.
Or do you have any other reasons/events to consider?

PaiseanFaisean

No he's pretty much a stand up guy, what I can't understand is how it was off his finger for two whole days and he didn't notice!!

Penny Tration

PaiseanFaisean wrote: »

Should I just let it go

Well, like people have already asked - does he give you reasons to be paranoid? Or is it all in your head?

If he does give you reasons, then you may have a reason to be concerned.

If it's all in your head, then you need to work on that to prevent paranoia ruining your marriage.

PaiseanFaisean

No he doesn't give reasons to be paranoid to be honest

Penny Tration

PaiseanFaisean wrote: »

No he doesn't give reasons to be paranoid to be honest

Then you need to let it go. It's very easy to take a ring off and then forget about it.

Tbh though, if this has wound you up that much, and you describe yourself as paranoid, then you need to do something about that. It's not fair to your husband and it can be helped with a good therapist

baby and crumble

Op I take my ring off every single day to style my hair, most of theme it goes back on but sometimes I'm running out the door and forget. I went a few days without it once. You don't automatically notice. If he's never given you any reason to doubt then don't. And tbh I can't blame him getting a bit annoyed at accusations.

Colser

Id be feeling the exact same as you OP.Sometimes somethings just dont seem right maybe its just gut instinct but anytime Ive felt it Ive been right. I dont think that you believe him but Im guessing that theres a reason for not believing him maybe something at the back of your mind.
Youve said it to him now so hes on guard if he was was lying..Do you think you can genuinely let this go or will it be eating away at you?

PaiseanFaisean

It's just the not putting it on for two days thing that annoys me!

CaraMay

From what you've subsequently said about him giving you no reason to doubt him, then you are being totally ott! Don't ruin his break with your paranoia. You either trust him or not.

Penny Tration

PaiseanFaisean wrote: »

It's just the not putting it on for two days thing that annoys me!

He forgot. It's really not a big deal, unless you don't trust him. You don't seem to trust him very much, because why else would forgetting to put a ring back on be a big deal?

retro:electro

PaiseanFaisean wrote: »

It's just the not putting it on for two days thing that annoys me!

This is obviously getting at you for a reason and you should listen to your gut and what it's telling you. I too would find it hard to believe that he just forgot to put it back on for two days which coincidently included a trip away with the lads. So where is the ring now? Is it at your home or with him?

bonyn

He was probably afraid of losing it

retro:electro

bonyn wrote: »

He was probably afraid of losing it

But he didn't say that, he said he forgot to put it on after football.

PaiseanFaisean

I think it looks bad as were relative newlyweds and apparently all his workmates were giving him a tight slagging about it

LegacyUser

PaiseanFaisean wrote: »

I think it looks bad as were relative newlyweds and apparently all his workmates were giving him a tight slagging about it

OP, I have been engaged for over a year. I actually do forgot to wear my ring a bit. It just doesn't occur to me sometimes. There is a running joke with people at work that it is an on and off engagement and my OH jokingly refers to me as girlfriend/ fiancé depending on whether I am wearing the ring. What it means when I forget is that I am tired/ in a rush/ have my mind on other things.

Your husband took the ring off Thursday. I am guessing that he was busy thinking about Friday/ work/ weekend away/ travel arrangements/ etc. It doesn't look bad. It happens to everyone. We all forget stuff.

I really think that you need to calm down and accept that it happens, especially if he was thinking about the weekend (packing & travelling are plenty to think about). If you are usually paranoid then you need to accept that it is your problem and that you need to get some help.

Penny Tration

PaiseanFaisean wrote: »

I think it looks bad as were relative newlyweds and apparently all his workmates were giving him a tight slagging about it

You seem to be changing your mind about why it's annoying you. First paranoia, then just because he forgot, now because you're concerned what others will think.

Why do you care what other people think? If you trust your husband, this shouldn't even be an issue.

It just all reads as you not trusting him

whiskeyman

Ring or no ring, I think you have serious trust issues.

bee06

OP, I'm also a newlywed and my husband also has never given me a reason to not trust him. My thought if he forgot to wear his ring would be "oh, Mr Bee forgot his ring" not he forgot his ring so he must be looking to cheat. You've said that you are paranoid usually so I think you need to have a think about why this is rather than second guessing your husband.

The_Valeyard

Often forgot my ring after a shower, then headed into town for a night out. Easily happens. Doesn't mean im off cheating.



Easily a genuine mistake OP

OneOfThem

PaiseanFaisean wrote: »

am I being my usual jealous paranoid self?

That's certainly what it seems like from your posts in the thread. May want to get a handle on that. Only so long someone else will suffer it. Might only be a matter of time until the next time he takes it off is because the marriage is proving too much hassle to continue with for him.

tara73

PaiseanFaisean wrote: »

He texted during the night to say that I should know he's not like that and everyone else knows he's not like that. Still can't shake the uneasy feeling though

he is thinking of it in the night, means he's thinking of you and the issue you have with his ring not on. shows he cares about you and what you make of it.
you yourself said he doen't give you reason to not trust him.

With this in mind, I think this is definately on you OP, you have trust issues. work on them, eihter with a therapist or I' m, sure there are good books out there about it too. Or even read all the good replies here which mostly state that you overreacting and almost everybody forgets to put on rings for whatever reason, there are so many.
some poeple don't like wearing rings at all, could be he's one of them and is just glad he can puts it off (without you controlling him, sorry) for a few days.

I really hope you come to terms and don't go on putting your relationship at risk with this trust/paranoia issues.

detoxkid

If it was my husband I'd believe him because I trust him. So I guess it comes down to whether u trust your husband. I don't trust people easily and when I was single I had one too many encounters with married men looking for a good time who 'forgot' their wedding ring. But just based on a photograph I don't think I'd think the worst

Merkin

MrMojoRising wrote: »

He's clearly cheating on you. Unfortunately looks like your marriage is over.

Best of luck moving on OP

Totally unhelpful. Please read the charter before posting again.

dudara

@NewApproach - I've deleted your post as it was unhelpful and not of the standard expected in PI/RI. Please take the time to read the forum charter before posting again.

dudara

iguana

I don't necessarily think the OP is crazy. My dad used to play rugby and before training or matches he always took his ring off and left them on the mantelpiece at home and when he returned he'd put them straight back on. He made a habit of putting them straight back on because a few of his team mates would 'forget' theirs on a regular basis and it used to really bother him. He didn't particularly like hanging out with people who cheated, or tried to cheat, on the wives on a regular basis and he never wanted to be mistaken for one of them. That doesn't mean that the OP's husband is cheating but 'forgetting' to replace you ring after sports practice so you can appear single socially is definitely a thing that some married people do. I can understand why it would sit uneasily with the OP.

On the other hand if you are newly married it's very possible that he isn't so used to wearing the ring at all times that his hand feels strange without it. So it could be entirely innocent.

Jan Laco

What jumped off the page at me OP was how he got defensive in his response when you asked him.

Or is soccer a new hobby for him? Because if he unusually forgets to put his ring on after football the same week he is going to a "party city" with the lads is a bit suspicious.

Btw was it your opinion that it's a party city or were you pursuaded you wouldn't like it?

uck51js9zml2yt

The_Valeyard wrote: »

Often forgot my ring after a shower, then headed into town for a night out. Easily happens. Doesn't mean im off cheating.



Easily a genuine mistake OP

Same here. Often take my ring off having shower, leave it with my glasses.
After the shower I put on my glasses and often forget the ring.
I left it of going into hospital recently. I never thought of putting it on for a few days after I got home.

OP I think the problem lies with you rather than your husband.

PaiseanFaisean

I think all you guys might be right ... Paranoia getting the better of me

ElleEm

PaiseanFaisean wrote: »

I think all you guys might be right ... Paranoia getting the better of me

It is. Before you were married, before he had a ring, did you worry about his behaviour on a night out?

sReq | uTeK

Jesus , 5 pages about a man who forgot his ring. ... I don't even wear mine, but when I did I'd often forget it after taking it off before football. Doesn't mean I was down the red light district cheating.

If he had ever given you a reason in the past to doubt him, then yes, it would be worthy of a post but this is mental.

Id wager that if you don't sort or your trust issues you'll have bigger things to worry about down the line than a misplaced ring.

The_fever

Bloke here. I take my ring off every night in bed and in the shower. I automatically put it back on when I wake up or atter shower. I feel like I am missing something if I am not wearing it.therefore it would be near impossible for me to not be wearing it day to day. Married 23 months. Everyone is different I suppose